Chapter 19

Grace

Not only was I an idiot for sleeping with Oli last night—I was a reckless one.

I forgot to take my pill. I'm so used to my days being predictable, boring, perfectly on schedule, that I never have the pack with me. It sits on my nightstand beside a bottle of water, and I have it every night just before bed at ten.

But by the time I got home last night, I'd completely forgotten about it. I didn't take it until I woke up this morning and realized. And worse—the first time I'd slept with Oli, I didn't even go home, and I'd forgotten to take it completely, ignoring that day's pill entirely until I'd gone to sleep on Saturday night and realized my mistake.

Reckless, stupid Grace.

Because guess what? My period is due tomorrow, and I'm not feeling the usual back pain and preemptive chocolate craving.

I'm sure it'll be fine. I'm overthinking things again. There's no use in panicking about something that hasn't even happened yet.

But just in case,

I swing by to pick up a pregnancy test discreetly at the local pharmacy with Lucas, before we head to Silver Spoon for breakfast. The purple-skinned waitress is happy to stay with him at the table while I run to the bathroom and quickly pee on the stick, before popping it into a ziplock bag I brought with me from home, and rushing back out so I don't leave Lucas on his own for too long.

But as I order our meals and get Lucas set up with his coloring book and pencils, there's a strange heaviness to my limbs and a hollow feeling in my stomach, and I delay looking at the results for longer than necessary.

I… I don't want to be pregnant.

Right?

I mean, not with Oli's unplanned child, surely. Not without being in a stable relationship with someone I can rely on to be a good father, a real father this time.

I wonder what Oli might be like as a dad. He seems steadfastly against relationships and has never once mentioned kids before, but he's—well, he's actually quite good with Lucas. And the more I think about it, the more that thought settles into my bones. He's actually quite good with Lucas.

My boy has never showed as much enthusiasm to see a man as he does Oli. Not even to Brad, who's been in his life since he was born. Lucas's blue eyes light up like it's Christmas every time Olistaire enters the room, and in turn Oli always gives him warm, affectionate attention, even if he doesn't go out of his way to do anything special for my son, other than make him feel included and wanted.

But then, wait. What am I thinking, Oli had gone out of his way for Lucas just last night, without once expecting anything in return. He bought my son a Switch and an Xbox for no good reason, other than because he was babysitting and wanted to make sure that Lucas was comfortable and having fun. He goes out of his way for Lucas plenty.

My heart flutters wildly in my chest, and I find my hand sliding across my abdomen as if I was already pregnant.

Oh, god. Oh, shit. I'm getting emotional at the thought of having Olistaire's kid.

I shut my eyes and reach blindly into my handbag for the test. What is wrong with me? Why do I keep reacting so strongly to Oli, despite my better judgment? It feels like there's a rope tied around my heart, yanking me in his direction with a force I'm finding harder and harder to resist.

"What's wrong, Mamma?"

I open my eyes and try to smooth my features into a smile, as Lucas stops coloring to send me a worried look.

"Nothing, baby. I've just got a bit of a headache."

I slide the clear ziplock into my lap, clutching it tight in my fist and taking a deep breath before looking down to see if it's one little line, or two.

"Coffee and two strawberry pancakes."

I start at the slightly southern twang of the purple-skinned waitress as she places down our order, and I look up quickly from the test, the results still seared into my sight.

My stomach sinks at the results, and I try again to force a happy, calm expression.

"Thanks, Darleen," I mutter half-heartedly as I eye her nametag. Despite my best efforts to be discreet, her yellow eyes immediately dart to the test I'm doing a terrible job of hiding in my lap.

"Oh, sugar," she says softly, before meeting my gaze again. "Is it good news?"

I stretch my lips into a smile, and nod. "Yes, it is."

She smiles back, but somehow still manages to look worried. "Well, that's good. You enjoy your meal now and let me know if you need anything else."

She leaves, and I look back down at the test.

Negative.

Why am I reacting like this? Why am I sad?

I take a deep breath. It is good news. I don't want Oli. I shouldn't have another baby under these circumstances. This is all just a hormonal reaction because I'm due for Aunt Flo to visit any minute now.

There's absolutely nothing for me to be sad about.