Chapter 18 - Alexei

"Are you ready?" She pokes her head around the door, that bright smile on her face letting me know how excited she is. She's been talking about it nonstop since I mentioned the idea to her.

"Almost," I confirm, pulling my jacket on and wiggling my feet into my hiking boots.

She steps into the room and twirls with her arms held out. "Am I dressed right?"

She's wearing tight gym pants that hug her ass perfectly. Her long sleeve top is also tight, and I feel my cock stir at the sight of her.

I clear my throat.

Glancing at her feet, I note that her sneakers might be a little slippery on the forest floor, but it's all she has, so we'll make do.

"You are, you look like you were born to hike. And don't worry, it's going to be an easy walk. I won't make you rock climb again," I laugh.

"I rather enjoyed that little scuttle down the rocks near the waterfall."

"Alright. I'm ready." I stand up, stretching my back a little. "I'll grab the water bottles and the backpack and then we can head out."

She does a little a hop and wiggles her hips. "Yay."

I chuckle. I love her enthusiasm. She gets so excited about the little things. It makes me enjoy them more. Watching her is a pleasure.

She follows me, half-skipping, as I gather the water and throw the bottles into the backpack with the rest of our supplies, then sling it over my shoulder.

Leaving the house, we head out into the garden, towards the back gate. I reach out towards her and place my hand on her lower back as we walk.

It sends bolts of electricity through my entire body.

I seem to always want to be touching her. No matter what we're doing, it just feels right. I want to be connected to her.

When I first saw Clara, it was an instant obsession that seemed to come out of nowhere, and it slammed into me like a truck. I wanted to know everything about her. I wanted her. I couldn't stop thinking about her, day and night. Which is why I started following her everywhere.

But it was a primal feeling.

That feeling lasted for ages, even after I took her, and yes, it's still here. I still feel it, but there is something else now too.

The primal feeling didn't scare me at all. It was something I could understand. I know raw attraction.

This new feeling is not something I understand, and quite honestly, it makes me nervous.

I don't know if it is good to be so attached to someone, to the point where you feel you need them.

The thought of her not being around is like an ache in my body.

My heart pulls tight and feels heavy when I think about it.

She has become such a part of my life now—my daily routine, my plans and thoughts—

If I have to put it really bluntly, to embrace it fully, I will have to admit to myself that I have feelings for her.

But—

That would be terrible.

Because I know this entire situation cannot last forever.

The day will come when I have to let her go.

Out in the open air, with bright green foliage around us, I feel my mind relaxing.

Clara runs ahead along the path leading into the woods.

It's early, and there is still a light layer of dew on the ground and on all the leaves of the trees. The sun is catching it, creating a glare of light when viewed from the right angles.

Clara turns to look at me over her shoulder, her long hair spinning around her and catching the light as well; it looks like an angel's aura. She looks breathtakingly beautiful.

Just as I am thinking this, she slips and lands on her butt in the mud.

I can't help myself. I double over laughing, so loud and so hard I have to stop walking and clutch my stomach.

I want to go help her up, but the laughter is too intense.

I hear her laughing too and look over to find her on her hands and knees, her butt covered in mud, her knees soaked, her bright blue gym tights looking pretty dirty before we've even hit the hiking trail.

When I manage to calm the laughter, I walk over to offer her my hand to help her up and she slaps it away. "Rude." She laughs. "You should have just taken a photo and then you could have had that moment to remember forever."

When I offer my hand again she takes it and pulls herself to her feet. She leans over and brushes both muddy hands over my jacket with such a naughty grin on her face that we both crack up laughing again.

"Do you want to go home and change quickly?"

She shrugs. "I doubt that is the last time I'll wipe out on this hike. There really is no point."

I grab her waist and hug her close to me, pressing my lips against hers. Fuck. She is perfect. She is funny, crazy, silly and beautiful. Absolutely perfect.

I release her and she throws me one last grin before she starts along the path again.

We hike for two hours—and she only wipes out one more time—before we reach the viewpoint I've been telling her about for two days.

"Oh…my…word," she exclaims loudly as she stands near the edge of the very steep cliff, looking out across the expanse of trees below us.

"I told you." I step next to her and wrap my arm around her waist. She leans her head against me.

We are both a little out of breath from the climb up here.

"That walk was a challenge, but it was one hundred percent worth it."

"If we did that walk twice a week, we'd get a lot fitter, and it would become easier," I say without thinking.

She looks up at me, a sad smile on her face, spreading into her brown eyes. Then she looks away and shrugs. Brushing off that thought. The same one I was having.

I can't make comments like that when we both know this isn't a real relationship and there are no future plans to be made. No routine hikes to be had twice a week.

"Lunch time," I say enthusiastically to change the subject.

"Oh good, I'm starving. What are we having?"

"Lobster."

Her brows knot together in confusion.

"I'm kidding." I laugh.

"This hardly felt like the right time for lobster," she grins, shaking her head.

"We are having salami and cheese sandwiches, fruit and these cool little iced coffee milkshake things." I shake the bottle, because that's what it says I should do on the label.

We sit on a massive boulder. Clara has her legs crossed in front of her and a happy smile on her face as she thoughtfully stares out over the view and eats her sandwich.

I am watching her, also lost in thought, but feeling a heavy emptiness creeping in like a sinister reality that I want to keep denying even though it is becoming more and more challenging to do so.

I'm too attached, and I need to be more careful about what I say and even what I think .

My time with her is limited. A ticking clock that is quickly running down.

After lunch, we start the hike back down towards the house.

Clara is chatting and full of life. Nature suits her. She seems to brighten in the forest, coming out of her shell and appreciating everything around her.

She keeps stopping to touch the trees, the moss, the long grasses, running her fingertips over everything as though she is trying to imprint it all into her memory.

She collects a few little rocks, and a few little sticks.

"What are you going to do with those?" I ask, stepping up alongside her.

"I have no idea—it just feels like I'm finding these awesome treasures everywhere. I can't help picking them up because I want to hold them." She laughs.

I slip my fingers through hers, holding her hand as we walk.

It feels like the most natural thing in the world.

I never was good at listening to the warnings in my head.

We only live once, after all. I may as well make the most of every moment I have with her.

Arriving back at the house, we are both full of energy and feeling incredible.

"Guess what we are doing for dinner tonight?" I say, standing in the kitchen, unpacking the backpack.

"Lobster?" she laughs.

"Nice one. But no—we are making a bonfire in the garden. I've been wanting to have one here since I got the place. Tonight is the perfect night for it."

"Can we make smores?" She jumps up a little.

"Of course."

"Okay, but I should shower and change, I have half the forest stuck in my hair. "

"And on your pants." I smack her butt as she walks past, and she sticks her tongue out at me.

While she is showering, I start marinating some meat and carry it outside to the fire pit to cook later over the hot coals.

By the time I am building the bonfire, she comes outside looking cozy in her sweatpants and a big jacket with fluff around the edge of the hood.

"Hey, you can't light it without me," she declares, hurrying over to my side.

"I wouldn't dream of it. Come help me build it."

She grabs a handful of logs and starts stacking them up. I find myself watching her again. She just faces everything head on. If I suggest something, she's always keen to try it. She doesn't seem to be afraid of anything.

I can't help admiring her spirit.

Getting to know the real her has been eye-opening.

She throws a twig at me. It hits me in the chest and drags my mind back into the moment.

"Stop daydreaming. We have a bonfire to build."

I pick up the twig and throw it back at her, but she ducks out of the way.

It's odd to think, but we've become really close friends as well.

We get on better than anyone else I've ever met.

She is just perfect—

Shit. There I go again. Daydreaming about something that can never be.

Clara picks up the lighter on the edge of the fire pit and turns to grin at me. "Is it time?" She asks, holding the lighter up and flicking it to life, the tiny flame dancing in the night air.

"It's time."

Before she lights it, I pour a little flammable liquid over the logs, then hand her a long stick, because there is no way in hell I am letting her light the fire up close.

She sets the end of the stick on fire and pushes it into the log pile, which bursts into flames, sending a wall of heat washing over us.

I pull her behind me, but she peeks out, grinning.

"I might like fire too."

"You little pyromaniac stargazer. You are turning feral on me." I laugh.

"I'm starting to believe that being feral isn't that bad. A wild child at heart. I guess I have been trapped indoors too long and now it is all coming out at once."

"It does look good on you—this wildness."

I brush my hand across her cheek, tucking a stray curl behind her ear.

Dammit. My heart doesn't seem to belong to me anymore.

I've already pulled the patio sofa out into the garden near the bonfire, so we curl up together on that and watch the flames lick the sky above us.

It is a magnificent sight. The fire spreads heat through the air, warming right into our bones as we lay tangled together.

"Stargazing and fires go really well together," she says dreamily, leaning against me with her head tilted upwards.

I have my arm wrapped around the front of her, and I brush my fingers up and down over her stomach. "Clara?"

"Mm?"

"I won't be locking the doors anymore. I just wanted to let you know that."

I've thought about this for such a long time. I've considered all the things that could go wrong, but I have to take this step.

"You—won't lock me inside anymore?" She shifts her body so that she can turn and look at me. Her big brown eyes are filled with curiosity and confusion. Her brow is slightly knotted, and the corners of her lips are pursed.

"I thought you would be happy about this?" I ask, feeling confused myself.

"I am," she replies slowly. "I just—I guess I want to know why."

"Because I trust you," I say simply.

There are so many other reasons behind my decision, but this is the easiest, most straightforward answer I can give her.

I can't tell her that I want to test her. I want to know if she will run or stay. I can't tell her that I am desperate for her to want to stay.

"Trust." She nods, then turns to rest her head on my chest again and look up at the sky.

"Trust," I whisper softly, then kiss the top of her head.

The fire burns for an hour before it's low enough for us to get close enough to make s'mores.

I've already pulled some hot coals to the other side of the fire pit to cook our dinner on, and while that is filling the air with delightful smells, Clara is very busy making a sticky mess of crackers and marshmallows.

She looks like a little kid, laughing, getting her hands full of sugar and loving every second of it.

After her second s'more she looks over at me and frowns deeply.

"How are your hands so clean?" she asks, staring at hers in horror.

"Um—I don't know how to answer that," I say with amusement.

"But it's so messy. And your hands are clean, but you've already made three."

She holds up her hands in front of my face and laughs. "I really am turning feral. Maybe I should build a cottage in the woods and become a forest fairy."

Her imagination is amusing and beautiful.

"Maybe you should learn a little more about the forest before you do that."

"You can teach me everything I need to know." She grins at me, and in that moment, I can pretend that we are going to be together forever. That this isn't just some weird thing that is going to end soon.

I smile, and let the delusion settle over me.

***

Later that night, after the fire shrinks and the air gets colder, we head inside with stomachs full of delicious food and smiles spread across our cheeks.

Lying in bed, I hold Clara close against me. She is fast asleep. I am just listening to her breathing, which is soft and slow.

I do trust her. I want to believe that she won't try and escape again.

I want to believe that maybe—just maybe—I am not the only one who has developed feelings.

I close my eyes, taking a long, deep breath, then I slip away into dreamland holding the most beautiful girl in the entire world.