Chapter 17 - Clara

I feel terrible.

The walk back to the forest mansion is the longest walk of my life, and the silence between us is weighing heavily on me. I keep glancing over at Alexei, but he looks furious. And I can't even blame him.

I did to him the exact same thing that I was so furious with him about—just leaving without saying anything. I know what it feels like, and I didn't even think when I got up early and went to walk around the forest a little.

I was in such a good mood—I slept so well.

I even thought he would be kind of proud of me for finding those berries and knowing what they were.

But instead of that, I got back to find him in a panic.

And I feel terrible about it.

When we arrive back home, Alexei holds the gate open for me but says nothing.

I walk inside with a heavy heart.

I think he is going to be mad at me forever.

Making my way upstairs, I decide to just give him some space, and perhaps when he is more open to it, I can try and talk to him and tell him that I am really sorry—I really didn't mean to upset him like that.

The shower is hot and feels amazing against my skin. Reluctantly I wash off the scent of the forest and Alexei. I hope that he can find a way to accept my apology.

Things have been going so well, and as stupid as it might be, as insane as it sounds—I kind of have to admit that I am starting to feel something for him.

It scares me.

I've been thinking about it for a few days already, but then last night—it was so amazing that it made me fall for him even more.

He is just so perfect, so caring and funny and spontaneous. He is full of life and surprises—the perfect man.

But now I've gone and ruined that.

I let the water run over my body, hoping that it will wash this tension away and clear my mind enough so that I can figure out the right thing to say to him.

Climbing out the shower, I feel fresh and clean, but nothing beats the way that ice-cold river water made me feel. I grin when I remember it, the moment I jumped in and it was so cold it stopped my lungs from working.

That really was an adventure.

I want more of that in my life.

My uncle has just been keeping me in this bubble, a controlled environment that has stopped me from experiencing so many different things. Beautiful things.

Like stargazing…

And falling in love…

Am I falling in love?

I push the thought aside because it's too big. It's too overwhelming.

Once I'm dressed, I dry my hair and pull it up onto the top of my head in a messy bun.

Okay.

I need to go and find Alexei. I need to at least try and say sorry.

After walking downstairs, I can't find him anywhere. The house is quiet.

I roam through the rooms one by one and end up in the kitchen without seeing any sign of him.

Then I notice the piece of paper on the kitchen counter.

"I've gone to the store. The one just down the road at the truck stop. I won't be long."

I sigh and crumple the paper in my hand with a heavy heart. At least he let me know he was going, but he clearly needed to get away from me for a bit.

Well, I can try talking to him tonight, or even tomorrow.

Heading up to the little library sunroom he has on the top floor, I browse through the shelf of books until I find something that catches my eye.

Beautiful Places to Visit in the World.

Alexei said he wanted to take me on more adventures.

I bite my lower lip.

I've messed that up now.

Besides, who am I kidding? I'm a toy to him. A game. I can't take this seriously. He isn't.

I curl up on the armchair and start browsing through the book.

It's like a portal into a dream world.

And before I realize it, I have actually fallen asleep, and my mind is filled with the most exotic places, Alexei by my side, showing me all of those amazing things.

"Clara." His voice drifts into my dream, and I feel myself smiling.

"Clara." Again, a little louder.

Then I feel his hand on my arm.

My dream fizzes away, the island paradise we were exploring becoming an instant blur, and I jump with fright when I see him leaning over the armchair, shaking me awake.

He smiles.

It's a warm, comforting smile.

"I checked in on you when I got back, but you were sleeping so peacefully, I didn't want to wake you."

I sit up, blinking away the groggy feeling and rubbing my eyes. The book falls off my lap, landing on the floor with a thud. "What were you reading?" Alexei asks as he bends down to pick it up. "Oh, this is a good one."

"How long ago did you get back?"

"A few hours. You've been fast asleep for ages."

"Really? I'm so sorry—I didn't mean to—"

"Don't be silly. You obviously needed the rest." He flicks through the pages of the book. "Did anything catch your eye?"

"Mm?"

"In the book. Did anything look interesting?"

I smile. He doesn't even seem angry anymore. "All of it. But um—especially Peru, the ruins—and maybe the temples in Cambodia."

"A girl who likes to explore the less refined places. The wild places."

"Yes," I nod, trying to read his face.

"Those are exactly the places I would choose to go as well."

He hands the book back to me. I take it, staring into his eyes.

Is he really not angry anymore?

"Come on, I've made us some dinner." He holds his hand out and I place mine in his. He pulls me to my feet, and for a moment, I am pressed against his chest, and he is looking down at me with that gorgeous face of his, his bright blue eyes pulling me in.

Then, unexpectedly, he leans down and kisses me.

My heart does a full summersault as our lips press together.

Maybe he was never angry with me. Maybe he just got scared like I did when he left. Maybe it was panic or fear that made him come across so cold this morning.

He leads me out of the sunroom and downstairs. I lift my nose and breathe in.

"What is that? It smells amazing."

"I made something special for you."

Walking into the dining room, I am absolutely floored by the scene before me.

He has set up the most romantic dinner for us.

Candles are flickering across the table, throwing warm light in all directions. Soft music is drifting through the room and the table has been set up as though it was the most luxurious hotel.

He leads me to my seat, pulling out the chair for me and then sliding it in behind me.

Then, looking proud and excited, he lifts the lid of the big blue ceramic pot in the center of the table.

"Lamb shanks with mushroom and garlic sauce. Roast potatoes and—I made two different veggies because I wasn't sure which one you would prefer."

"You did all this while I was sleeping?" I ask in shock.

"I did. I really hope you like it—"

"This is amazing, Alexei. I can't believe you did all of this—for me." The words catch in my throat a little because I feel a lump forming there.

He spent hours in the kitchen while I was sleeping, just preparing this.

I am so blown away.

What does this mean?

Does this mean that he has feelings for me, too?

He takes my plate from in front of me and dishes up my dinner. Then he does the same for himself and sits down next to me, our legs brushing against each other under the table, that simple touch causing a fire to spark inside me.

"I'm sorry I got so upset this morning." He runs his hand over my thigh as he speaks. "When I woke up and you weren't there, well—let's just say that I know how you felt when I left you in the house alone."

"Alexei, I am the one who needs to say sorry. I got angry with you for leaving me and then I did the same thing to you. I didn't mean to—" I bite my lower lip.

He shakes his head. "Well, we can both just forget that happened and remember the stargazing?"

"Agreed," I grin.

"How's the lamb?"

"It's so soft it's just falling apart when I cut it. It's incredible."

I dip a piece of meat in mushroom sauce and pop it into my mouth. The lamb melts across my tongue.

Alexei is very cuddly though dinner, his hand always on my leg or brushing over my arm. He constantly reaches out to touch me, and I find myself leaning towards him each time.

He is chatting about his family, the holidays, how everyone gets so excited and the feast is so big they have leftovers for everyone to take home.

He makes his family sound so amazing. Like families in movies. A warm, loving environment where they are there for each other, but also tease each other and have a laugh.

I've always wanted to know what it feels like to have a family like that, and I find myself so lost in his stories, he makes me feel like I am there.

After dinner we clear the table together. Alexei packs the dishwasher while I put the leftovers from our dinner into Tupperware in the fridge.

When the kitchen is clean, he reaches over and pulls me close. "Are you ready for dessert, movies, and a little bit of a snuggle?"

I giggle. "I am definitely ready for that."

"Go through to the living room. I've already put the blanket out. You can start choosing the movie for us."

I am busy flicking through some options, wanting to settle on a romantic comedy but knowing that guys generally don't go for that kind of genre, when Alexei walks in with a tray.

He places it on the coffee table.

Red velvet cupcakes, popcorn, chocolates and hot chocolate with marshmallows melting in it.

"Alexei, I am going to need to start running around the inside of the house to work all of this off." I laugh loudly. "It all looks so good."

He chuckles as he climbs under the blanket next to me, stretching his feet out onto the coffee table next to the tray of movie snacks.

"I know some other really good cardio options to work this off." He grins.

I giggle and snuggle up against him.

Again, I feel this warning in the pit of my stomach, telling me to calm down, to stop falling for him, but it's impossible.

How can I not fall for him? He is perfect.

He does everything that a girl could ask for.

He wraps his arm around my back and pulls me close, then grabs the popcorn and sets it on my lap.

"What did you choose? What are we watching?"

"Oh, um…"

"A romantic comedy. That's perfect. I love those."

"Really?" I glance up at him, convinced he is teasing me.

"I am serious." He laughs, taking the remote from me and pressing play.

"I guess you are full of surprises." I laugh too and pick up a few pieces of popcorn.

All through the movie we stay snuggled against each other. He holds up a cupcake and I take a bite. Then he brushes his thumb across my lips to wipe away the icing before licking it off his thumb.

My heart flutters constantly, and while I enjoy the movie, I struggle to pay attention to it.

Near the end of the movie, I hear his deep breathing and feel his head drop onto my shoulder.

He's fallen asleep.

I grin and shift my body so that his head is resting on my chest. Running my fingers through his hair, I stare down at his face, peaceful and beautiful.

Whatever he has planned for me—whatever happens in the end—I will always be grateful for the experiences he has given me.

He's shown me a different side of life, one that is so far from everything I am used to.

I don't want it to end, but I have to be prepared for that day—the day I have to go back to my uncle.