Chapter Eight

Knight's pulse pounded loudly in his ears. Life with Royal turned out to be unbelievably peaceful. Maybe not tonight, but otherwise, all Knight's concerns about living together alone had gone out the window almost immediately. Knight went to work each day and came home to a clean house. Not that they were messy people, but they worked well and handled the big stuff together on the weekends. They cooked together each night or went out for dinner after their pottery class. Royal flourished a little more every day. Knight hadn't known so much happiness existed. Except there was one thing that never stopped nagging at the back of Knight's mind. Whatever job it was Royal did on the sly didn't stop. They never talked about it, which Knight knew was dumb. The problem was, he was dumb when it came to love. He was happy. Knight didn't want to ruin them. No one had loved him in a long time. He craved affection. Knight knew he gave off confident vibes. He knew everyone thought he was conceited. It was an act. People gravitated to confidence. But deep inside, Knight was a mess. He was alone in the world and no one he had dated ever loved him completely and without reserve. Royal did.

That meant Knight gave him the same, but that didn't mean he didn't want to know the truth. The last thing he wanted was for Cannon to be right. That wasn't true. The last thing he wanted was for Cannon to be right and show up at his door to arrest Royal. There was only so much humiliation a person could stand. Knight needed to know how much he needed to prepare for the worst. Still, he couldn't force himself to simply ask. There was nothing to stop Royal from simply lying. Knight was weak enough to believe. He had to see. That was why he currently wore all black with his gear at his hip, waist deep in the overgrown grass. Binoculars pressed to his face. Knight watched and waited. His over-active pulse wouldn't ease. He had a perfect view of Royal nearby. Royal had the high ground. On his stomach, hidden by the grass, Royal kept his eye on the scope of his rifle. Knight couldn't stop looking between Royal and the men unloading trucks at a nearby warehouse. The area was dead other than the men. He couldn't tell what they were unloading. There were huge crates that could be anything. Knight's heart was in his throat as he waited. He already knew what would happen before the first muted pop. One guy went down and then another. Knight gathered his things and snaked his way back to his truck that was hidden nearby while the pops still filled the air. He wouldn't wait to see if Royal dropped every single one. It didn't matter. He had to get home before Royal, and his mind was a mess.

Knight hyperventilated on the drive. His head spun, but he couldn't lift his foot from the gas. No matter what, he had to be back in their bed before Royal returned. Their bed. Royal had only lived with him for a few weeks, and already everything felt like theirs. He didn't know what to do. Knight didn't know how he felt. Deep down, he had known it was true. Cannon was a lot of things, but his persistence didn't seem fake, and he had always had Knight's back. Knight had wanted to tell himself Cannon was just jealous. But Royal had been raised and trained for one thing and Knight knew he wasn't fully deprogrammed. He saw it in Royal all the time, but Knight was fixing him.

God, he sounded so stupid. Knight couldn't stop trying to fix damaged men. Why was he this way? He rubbed his chest. His breaths sounded ragged in the empty truck. They were just so happy. The moment he was home, Knight leaped from the truck and ran inside. He stashed his gear back in the closet where it went and stripped out of his clothes. He inspected them for grass, then folded them. Knight put them back in the drawer so Royal wouldn't find them while doing laundry. He did a final check to make sure everything looked exactly like it had been before Royal left. Knight even made sure his shoes sat in the same spot. Then he jumped into the bed and did some deep breathing. He had to pull himself together before Royal got back.

No matter how hard Knight tried, he couldn't stop his mind from churning. A thousand scenarios played through his head. He could call Cannon and seek protection. Knight immediately cringed at the idea. That wasn't even a choice as far as he was concerned. He could confront Royal. Maybe if he just asked, then Royal would be honest. If they faced things head on, then maybe Knight would know what to do. Maybe they could figure it out together. Knight could help him get out. His throat swelled. He was weak. Even after seeing those men's heads explode, Knight wanted to help. What the fuck was wrong with him? The thing was, Knight wasn't like other people. He had done dark, deep ops and spent his nights in the brush waiting to do exactly what Royal had just done. How were they different?

Knight's breathing slowed. The pounding stopped in his ears. He didn't know that there was any difference at all. Had Knight been captured by the enemy, he would have been executed for his crimes or lived a life of torture, rotting away in the prison of a foreign country. Guilt and murder were in the eye of the beholder.

The bedroom door opened. Knight feigned sleep. He listened as Royal quietly undressed. His muscles tensed. Knight didn't know what he would do. Then Royal slipped beneath the covers and his body molded against Knight's back. Knight's muscles relaxed as Royal's lips brushed the side of his neck.

"You're awake."

Royal's whispered words sent Knight's mind scrambling. Did he know Knight had followed him? "I can't sleep when you're not here."

Royal gently rolled Knight into his arms. "I'm here now." His mouth covered Knight's. Knight didn't hesitate opening for him. He knew then he wouldn't stop loving Royal. It would hurt when this blew up or Knight ended up dead. Either way, his dumb ass wasn't going anywhere. He loved Royal. His heart couldn't let go.

Royal fucking hated getting texts in the middle of the night. It got harder all the time to leave their warm bed. Unfortunately, sketchy shit happened in the middle of the night and people were easier to drop under the cover of darkness. But Knight's loving hold always waited for him at the end of the night, and Royal cared. He would rather have this than anything. The taste of Knight meant everything. They were building a life together.

"You're shaking."

Knight's comment cut through his thoughts. He was shaking. Sometimes his thoughts scared him. "Sometimes I think about losing you, and it terrifies me. You feel far away tonight. I don't know why." Royal didn't know where the confession came from. Sometimes, from nowhere, he felt Knight pull away from him. It was probably in his head or his guilt making him feel that way. Either way, losing Knight wasn't an option. He wasn't sane on the best of days. If he lost Knight, he might do anything.

"I'm not going anywhere." Knight shifted, urging Royal closer until Royal straddled him. Then Knight wrapped his arms around Royal and held on tight. Royal closed his eyes and savored the moment. "I love you, baby. You're always safe with me."

Royal's eyes burned. Knight was the greatest person he knew. He always knew how to fix Royal when the darkness came for him. "I love you." The words came out in a whisper. Royal's throat didn't want to work.

"You don't have to be anything but happy here, okay? I didn't walk into this relationship blind, and I don't want to walk out. You're mine and I'm yours. They'll have to rip us apart."

Royal didn't know where this fierceness came from, but Royal needed it tonight. Sometimes he fell apart for no reason. Before Knight, he had been forced to lock down his emotions to cling to the wisps of his sanity. Now Knight kept him whole. He let Royal be weak and then made him strong again. In his eyes, they were perfect. He couldn't see himself anywhere else ever again. This was it for him.