21. Roman

The storm still rages after the power went out. I stand in the kitchen looking out the window into the darkened night.

I almost told Perry I loved him.

After cleaning ourselves again, he fell into a deep sleep. For the first time since moving into his house, I can't sleep. The restlessness I always fight is worse now. Before he drifted off, he mentioned the town will probably need help if the river rises too quickly and it shouldn't bother me this much.

He's a rescuer. It's what he does. But all I keep seeing is the police officer at our door telling my aunt they found my parents' bodies and I don't know if I can survive that a second time.

It's 3 A.M. and I know she'll rip me a new one, but Josie will understand.

I hit dial as I walk back to my room, thankful for the flashlight Perry keeps in his bedroom. Oddly enough, in the same drawer as the lube and condoms. That"s Perry, always prepared.

"Ro? Is everything okay?"

Relief washes over me as I close the bedroom door.

"Hey, Jos. I'm fine, but I'm sorry for waking you. I just need to talk to someone."

"I was awake anyway. This baby likes to kick their mama."

My heart squeezes. "Hopefully that's all the kicking they do."

"What happened?"

My sister was never one to beat around the bush. Just right to the point.

"Wait! Before that, was your launch party a success? I heard a girl at work mention your website is on fire."

"It was excellent. But to be honest, it was hard to focus on because…well, you remember I told you about Perry?"

"The guy who wears Crocs and plaid, pushes all your buttons, but is a good kisser and learned all your favourite foods? That guy?"

She says it with a chuckle, and I shake my head with a smile. Fucking sisters.

"Yeah, that one. He ah, showed up with a tuxedo he drove two hours in one direction to get especially for this event and he looked fucking killer, Jos. Like, swallow my tongue. And he just…I don't…he…"

"Take a breath, Roman."

I do and another one.

"Without giving me the dirty details, what's got you so shook up? Anytime you've talked about him, he seemed like he was a nice guy. And if I'm not mistaken, he seems into you."

"Yeah, he's into me. He brought me home tonight and I… we… Jos… I think I'm in love with him and I'm shit damn scared."

The silence lasts so long that I make sure we're still connected.

"Jos?"

"Still here. I'm just shocked." She laughs softly. "But why are you scared? Love isn't supposed to be like that."

"Lots of reasons, but mostly the thought of him not coming home one night. Like mom and dad."

"Mom and Dad were a freak accident. I know it's the source of your anxiety and why you keep people at a distance, but you need to let love in if it finds you. You'll be happier."

"There's a storm here right now. Severe rainfall and flood warning are in effect. Before he fell asleep, he mentioned he'd likely volunteer if the town needed help. He'd willingly go out in this to help people, Jos. That's what scares the fuck out of me. I just figured out I have big feelings and he might not come back home!"

Pacing the small room, I feel the tightness in my chest build and my sister knows exactly what I'm doing. She talks me through breathing and calms be back down before she continues.

"He sounds like a man with so much room in his heart to help people like that, Ro. Perry sounds amazing. Nothing you've told me makes me think he doesn't feel the same way as you do."

"I think he does, but he knows if he says it, I might run."

"Will you?"

"I've thought about it."

"But have you thought about the future and what it might be like to have someone like Perry share it with you? To always watch those dumb animal shows with you? To cheer you on with the business like Leaf does for Sasha?"

"Probably too much, to be honest. And they aren"t dumb shows."

My sister laughs and apologizes for mocking my favourite programs.

"Roman, there's never a guarantee in life or love. Does he make you happy?"

"Mostly, yeah."

She laughs. "Mostly. That's a ringing endorsement. Why are you calling me at 3 A.M., brother?"

"For advice, duh. What am I supposed to do?"

"Well, you could start by having an adult conversation and telling him you love him. Ask him what he wants if you were to have a relationship."

"You're always so fucking logical."

"That's why you call me, though."

"So I should tell him how I feel and we should take it a day at a time?"

"Pretty much."

"I'll try. Hey…thanks for listening like always. I love you and I can't wait to be an uncle."

"I can't wait to see you holding a baby. Good night, Ro. Let me know how it works out."

Ending the call, I creep back to the kitchen and a weather alert pops up on my phone.

Flooding imminent in Maple. Please seek higher ground immediately. Obey evacuation orders when given.

Oh god. Perry's going to go out in this.

When I enter his bedroom, he's already sitting up and squinting at his phone.

"Hey. Where did you disappear to?"

He pats the spot next to him on the bed and I eagerly squirm up to him and curl into his side.

"I couldn't sleep."

"Oh? Anything I can do to help?"

He kisses the top of my head and hugs me close.

"How come you're awake?"

"Oh. The fire department called me and asked if I was available to help. Sounds like they might need to do some evacuations, so I'm on standby."

"Standby to go out and rescue people from the water."

Damn the tremble in my voice that gives me away.

"Yeah, babe." He kisses me again to soften the blow. "If they call me, I'll do whatever they need to help. You know this."

His phone rings, and my heart drops as he listens and nods.

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

He tosses the phone on the nightstand and forces my chin up to look at him.

"I want nothing more than to spend this day holding you and having so much sex my dick chafes. But it's in my blood, Roman. I help people. I'm trained for it and this town needs me. People need help."

His lips take mine and I feel the regret there. He really wishes he could stay and I get it.

"Would I be of help?"

He startles and searches my face.

"You want to come help? For real?"

"I mean, I'm nervous, but if it means that much to you, then yeah…for real. What can I do?"

This time he kisses me hard, and the pride in his gaze is unmissable.

"Get dressed and come with me. Even if you're making coffee for the workers, there will be something you can do."

Nodding, I leave his arms to head to my room.

He yells out after me.

"Make sure you have your boots and coat I bought you! Yellow looks good on you! Thank me later, gorgeous!"

I don't know why, but remembering the day he took me out to get the horribly coloured gear I need to live here makes my heart beat faster.

And it actually makes me smile.

My heart is in my throat as Perry"s truck nears the fire station in town. The station is on elevated ground and in no danger, but the river that runs along the far side of town is already creeping over the banks and towards businesses.

The rain hasn't let up either and the wipers on Perry's truck struggle to keep up. He reaches a hand over the middle console, palm up, and I grasp it like I'm someone adrift he may rescue today.

"Would it ease your mind to know that every time I've assisted with this kind of evacuation, no one has died?"

"It should. But right now I'm scared and a little in awe that you do this kind of thing without a second thought."

He says nothing, but he squeezes my hand and I keep staring out the window.

When he finally brings the truck to a stop, it's ironically at the same place we were last night. The art gallery.

"This is the volunteer command centre and a place where displaced people will stay temporarily. I bet you won't even recognize the place from last night."

"Um, okay. Do I just go in?"

"I'll introduce you and then I'm off to the station to go where they need me." He leans over to kiss me in the truck cab. The rain still pours down in sheets. "I'll come back to pick you up. Don't even try to leave here without me."

We exit the truck and dash into the art gallery. He's right. I don't recognize the place. Tables filled with bottled water and small food boxes line the hallway. At the end is a giant coffee machine with paper cups, sugar, and creamers. People walk with purpose, phones pressed to their ears or clipboards in front of them.

An older man approaches us. Grey flecks his hair and mustache and smiling blue eyes behind a pair of black frames.

"Mr. Attwater! Nice to see you again. Although I wish it was under better circumstances."

Perry greets the man with a hug, and I don't miss the fondness in Perry's eyes for the man.

"I wish it was under other circumstances, Leo. But I bring another set of hands to help." He grasps my hand with a tug. "This is Roman. Roman, meet Leo."

Leo bypasses my hand and hugs me so hard I think he cracked a rib.

"Roman! Thank you so much for volunteering. I'll give you a tour and a job. Then I'll feed you lunch, too."

"Oh, ah, that sounds great. Just tell me where you need me."

Before I can follow Leo, Perry grabs me and pulls me back. His large palm cups my cheek and he places a soft kiss on my lips.

"Thank you for doing this. Listen to Leo, and I promise I'll be back for you."

"Please be careful." I kiss him again, this time lingering a little longer. "I'll wait for you."

Wordlessly, he turns and leaves and I watch his neon yellow back exit. I should have told him. What if that was my only chance to say I love him and I missed it?

"He's a good man."

Leo's voice startles me back to the present, and he lays a comforting hand on my shoulder. "He's good at what he does. I won't tell you not to worry because if we could all turn that off on a whim, it would make life easy, wouldn't it?"

"It sure would. He promised he'd be back, so I'm holding him to it."

"I would too. How long have you been dating? I didn't know Perry was seeing anyone."

"Oh, we're not dating. He's a…friend."

Leo raises a single bushy eyebrow and I smile a crooked smile.

"You're right. That sounded lame, and I'm still used to denying it. But it's still new."

"That I can believe. It's hard the first time you admit you care about someone."

Leo leads me into the gallery where our event was just last night, and I can't believe what I'm seeing. Rows of cots have been set up and there's a stack of blankets and pillows nearby.

"A part of our town is an island. There aren't a lot of houses on it, but there are a few elderly couples there that I know of and one younger family that I'm sure will need to stay here for a few days. Perry will make sure they get here."

"Does he know them?"

Leo smiles. "He knows one of the children. He taught him how to swim when he helped at the school."

Is there anything he doesn't do? How do I not know this?

"What did he do at the school? Are you a teacher?"

"I was. I'm retired now. But I had Perry come to my kindergarten class and teach them about water safety. When he learned a lot of the kids had no experience around water, he gave them swimming lessons. It was up at his brother's lodge in the lake, mind you, but it was important to him. Do you know his brother as well?"

"I do. Sasha is my best friend. I've only been here since February so we could launch our business."

Leo grins as he spreads a blanket on a cot.

"You're kidding! Sasha is a good friend of my son Caleb. He and my husband run the coffee shop, Ragged Chutes. I've heard all about you, but didn't put the pieces together." He hands me a stack of blankets. "Could you finish setting all these up and add a pillow to each one? I'm going to check on the kitchen and I'll be back in a bit."

It seems like something so minuscule compared to what Perry must be doing. He's risking his life to get families to safety. I don't even know how they'd do that. Meanwhile, I'm spreading blankets on cots for people who will arrive wet and cold.

And he taught kids to swim? He volunteered at the school? I feel like such an asshole for being so rude to him. No wonder he thought I was a spoiled city kid when we first met. My idea of volunteering was writing a check for a cause until I met Perry.

He volunteers himself, his time, and his knowledge to help others.

My sister was right. Perry's heart is bigger than I imagined. And there's a lot more to him I don't know.

As promised, Leo kept me busy. After making the cots up, he led me to the kitchen, where I helped make sandwiches for lunch and prepared a hot supper.

Several families arrived on their own. They loaded their prized possessions into their vehicles and drove here before being forced from their homes.

But one particular family drew my attention. A young couple with four small children under the age of ten. Despite being in a shelter, they still seemed happy. One of the little boys clutched a puppy to his chest and gushed about how his friend carried him through the water.

"Hi. I'm Roman. What's your puppy's name?"

"Mortimer. We call him Morty for short, though. Wanna pet him?"

"Of course I do. What's your name?"

I let the puppy lick my hand and watch its tiny tail wag. Mortimer squirms and jumps into my arms.

"Oh, he likes you! I'm Ethan. Our basement is full of water and the firemen came to get us out. I got to ride in a big rubber boat and my friend Perry carried me because I'm so short."

My heart hitches at the mention of Perry's name and Ethan babbles on like we're old friends.

"It's so cool! He has a special suit. He brought it to school once when I was in kindergarten to show us. I think I want to be like him when I grow up."

"And what would that be? A person with a cool suit?"

Ethan smiles a gap-toothed grin. "No silly. An emergency person. Like a superhero, but you're real."

Ethan switches gears, telling me about the puppy and his parents smile apologetically at his motor mouth tendencies. I wave them off and listen raptly. He tells me about Morty's fear of pooping alone, how he only likes sandwiches with peanut butter on one side of the bread and jam on the other, not both on the same slice of bread. Oh, and he's relieved he has his favourite yellow boots.

For a kid displaced from his home for an undetermined amount of time, his positive outlook is commendable. And I could learn a thing or two from this chatty six-year-old.

As the hours tick by and the night grows closer, a gnawing in my chest grows. Perry never gave me a timeline. He just told me to wait here for him.

The longer he's out there in danger, the more agitated I become.

A murmur among the volunteers sends my pulse racing.

"I heard the building caved, and a rescuer is still inside."

Leo is in the group and notices me approaching.

"Is that true? What happened?"

Leo speaks in a hushed tone so only I can hear.

"We don't know if anything happened yet. I'm waiting to hear from the command post." He grips my shoulders and forces me to make eye contact. "Don't panic."

Too late.