Chapter 14

14

Kiren

M y heart beat fast, humming against my chest walls. I wasn’t cold, but it seemed cold if I didn’t have my daddy right by my side. I didn’t want him to leave. Not even to grab my clean jammies.

I allowed myself to sink into little space because I knew I now had a daddy who would catch me if I ever fell too far. It felt good to let go.

The things around me, though solid and real, receded to shapes with color and texture. Old worlds faded. My new world consisted of being the perfect boy for my daddy and nothing else. He would feed my needs with care.

It was difficult to reconcile being greedy in my desires, allowing myself to force another to care for me. To do everything for me.

When I was injured, there was no choice. I didn’t want that sort of care. I was forced into it. But now I wanted this. A perfect alternative to pain and losing a part myself. This was pleasure and gaining back an innocent time of wholeness.

Max loved me. I had learned of it all week long. He showed me in every move he made, every expression, every word.

I held back many parts of myself to watch, to make sure. But I knew now. The little Secret Santa gifts. The Dirty Shirley. The meals. How wonderful he was about meeting my parents. The way he hugged me so gently knowing something was wrong with my back, but never pressuring me about it. He loved me. He was my daddy.

Max undid my shirt and, while supporting my shoulders, helped me out of it. When he had me all naked except for my undershirt, he lifted me up. I put my arms around his neck and wrapped my legs around his waist. His palms cupped my naked ass as we walked into the bathroom.

He put me down next to the tub and turned on the faucet, testing the temperature of the water against the back of his hand.

“Your shirt will get wet, but we can use the dryer to dry it since you probably can’t get into a clean one by yourself at the stage you’re in.”

“Yes, Daddy.”

Max added bubbles to the water. I knelt, squealing in delight. I put my hands over the tub edge and ran my fingers over the bubbles that immediately began to pile up on the surface of the water.

“Look, Daddy!”

“Yes, they’re beautiful.”

Max felt the water temperature again, adjusted it, and said, “Just another minute and you can get in.”

I realized as I was leaning over the edge, my ass was sticking up. My cock was hard. It was difficult to be around my daddy and not feel those feelings no matter what age I presented.

Finally, it was time to get into the water. Max helped me stand and step over the rim, holding my hands to I didn’t slip.

Slowly, I sat, the warm water enveloping me.

Of course, the hem and back of my undershirt got wet. The wetness expanded and it stuck to my skin. I tried to ignore it.

Max threw in bath toys that floated. They were a great distraction. Plastic boats and whales. Tiny yellow ducks. I picked them up and started tossing them about in the bubbles. I made the boats zoom through the waves I created whenever my hands moved through the water. It was wonderful. Like a fairy tale come true.

Max let me play, but also used a cloth to wash my legs and arms and face. He used a plastic bucket to rinse my hair, then shampooed it. How could everything about a simple bath feel so good?

My undershirt became soaked through. It was probably transparent now. Max would see discolorations on my back, if not more.

If he did, he said nothing.

I kept playing. I was innocent. Young. Things like that—like scars—weren’t my concern. They should be Daddy’s concern. I shouldn’t have to give them a second thought. But of course, I was thinking about them.

I started banging the boats and ducks into the water, making big splashes.

“Gentle, now,” Max reminded me.

“Wham! Bam! Wham!” I yelled.

“Baby, you’re splashing suds everywhere.”

I dropped my toys and made fists, hitting the water. “Wham! I don’t care. Bam!”

Max grabbed my wrists. “Hey, hey. What’s going on? Is the water getting colder? Did I get soap in your eyes?”

“Daddy.” The word came out a whine.

“Tell me.” He ran his hand up and down my wet arm.

My hair dripped water onto my face and neck and down inside my shirt.

“Can’t you see, Daddy?”

“What?”

“My shirt is all wet. Can’t you see through it?”

Max leaned back, cloth in hand, looking at me.

“See through what?”

“My shirt, Daddy. Duh.”

“Yes, it’s soaking wet. I told you it would be.”

“Can you see through it?”

Max smiled. “A little.”

My eyes filled to the brim with sudden tears. “Do you see it?”

“No, baby. I don’t see anything.”

“It’s sticking to me. It feels awful.”

“But you want your undershirt on, baby, right?”

I stopped making waves and splashes and thought about that question. I’d already answered it in my thoughts mere seconds ago. Things like scars shouldn’t be my concern. They were for Daddy to worry about.

“If you take my shirt, Daddy, will you still like me?”

Max leaned down, running his hands over my wet hair. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“I’m not pwetty. Daddies want pwetty boys.”

He put his finger under my chin and tipped my head back until I met his eyes. “I want you.”

“I sad.” I tried to tilt my head away from him.

Max held my chin firmly now. “Because?”

“I got hurt. Now my body is ugly.”

“Ugly is in the eye of the beholder.”

I frowned, shaking my head. There were degrees of ugly. This was high. My back was a mess.

“I’m sorry you got hurt.”

I ran my hands through the water and bubbles, causing ripples in the clear spots. “It happens.”

Max moved back, leaning his elbows on the tub’s rim. “Yes, unfortunately.”

I sat still for a few seconds, not moving. My decision was made. I held up my arms to Max. “Can you please take the shirt off, Daddy?”

Max said nothing. He put his hands in the water, running them gently over my stomach, then took the hem and lifted it. The cotton came up off my chest and he popped it over my head. The rest fell away from my arms and back. Max wrung it out and set it aside.

“Shall we continue?”

“Look, Daddy.” I bent over and leaned forward, face an inch from the bubbles.

Max was silent.

I turned my head. “Aren’t you shocked?” My baby voice had faded.

“No. Yes.” He took a deep breath. “I’m shocked in the way that I can see you must’ve been hurt very badly. It hurts me deeply that you went through so much, but it also makes me proud.”

My head jerked up. “Proud?”

“You must be very brave.”

I grabbed a duck in each hand, pulling them underwater and then letting them go so they popped back up to the surface. I did it over and over.

“You’re a very brave boy to have gone through so much hurt.”

I didn’t know how to respond. He must see how awful the scars were. Stomach-turning. But he didn’t say anything like that.

“Let’s continue now, shall we?”

I looked at him. His face was calm, eyes soft. He hadn’t recoiled, even though I knew some of my scars were huge and raised and an ugly purple and brown. Others were smaller, red, purple, the skin around them mottled in dark pink swirls and shapes that creeped to my sides and my lower back.

Max continued to wash me as if nothing fazed him. He put conditioner in my hair and rinsed it under the faucet.

I closed my eyes and let the warmth of the water and the compassion of Max flow over me.

“All right. Time to get out.”

He helped me stand and put a big towel around me, holding it closed in front as he helped me from the tub. I stood before him with my arms crossed and head down.

When he dried me, he was gentle, dabbing the towel all over me, including my back. “Feeling okay?” he asked.

“Yes, Daddy.”

He grabbed a fresh towel and put it on my head, soaking up the water in my hair. My other towel fell to the floor. I was naked now. He could see everything.

He twisted the towel on my head to keep it in place, then steered me to the door. “Bedroom.”

I went where he wanted me to go, his warmth and steadiness close and comforting behind me. He walked me to the side of the bed. He let me go, then went to a drawer of his dresser and brought items over, lining them up. I saw there were all sorts of things. A disposable diaper. A tube of cream. A plastic bottle of powder. A pacifier.

“Well? What do you think?”

“I want all of it, please.”

“Lie down. Make sure you’re comfortable.”

I lay down in front of him, on my back. The towel on my head fell away to the pillow. My front was exposed, my cock soft against my balls.

Max ran his hands over my chest, petting me. I realized my breaths had gone quick and shallow.

He sat and petted my shoulders and arms. “You’re safe here with me. Never forget that.”

My muscles had bunched up. My hands were fists. As he stroked me, I relaxed. My arm came up and I began to suck my thumb. Max brought the pacifier to my mouth. I removed my thumb and took it between my lips and sucked.

“Good boy,” he said. “We’re going to put your diapers on now. And then you’ll feel even more secure and safe. I promise.”

Max’s words fell over me, gentle as feathers. I nodded.

I’d had a catheter at the hospital for months, but never diapers. No one had ever put them on me before. I wanted it.

“Now, bend your knees for Daddy, please.”

I bent them and opened my thighs.

Max got the tube of cream and squeezed some onto his fingers. He spread it all over my crotch, under my cock and on my balls. His fingers slid to the lower parts of my ass cheeks.

“It should feel very soothing,” he said. “Next time maybe we’ll shave you and it will feel even better.”

I couldn’t hold back a small smile under the base of the pacifier.

Next came the powder. He sprinkled it all over, gently rubbing it in. I watched as he unfolded the diaper.

“Now, lift your hips just a bit for me.”

I obeyed and he slid the diaper under my ass. He brought the rest of it between my thighs and over my cock, which was beginning to nicely tingle. He pulled the sides over and pressed them to the Velcro patch. It was done so fast I almost forgot to blink.

“There. All done, baby. Feel good?”

I nodded, sucking happily now. He’d seen my back; he wasn’t disgusted. I could relax.

Max helped me under the soft bedcovers. I curled onto my side facing away from him. It was as if I was testing him, forcing him to take a second look.

He petted my shoulder. “Brave boy,” he said.

Something wiggled in front of my face. It was Brobear. I’d dropped him on the way to the bathroom. Max had him in his hand and was teasing me with him. I opened my arms and Max let me hug him to my chest.

I moaned around my pacifier.

Max pulled the covers to my shoulders, patting them down around me, tucking me in.

“Now, everything is fine and safe. I’m going to go downstairs and grab the clean clothes. That includes your jammies if you want them for later. I’ll only be gone ten seconds.”

I moaned happily and closed my eyes.

Max didn’t lie. He came back fast. I heard him come over to look at me, but I kept my eyes closed. Then, he tromped into the bathroom, and I heard him cleaning up. I heard him pee and flush.

I let myself float. It was as if the bed was a cloud upon a cloud.

Max came back into the room. He smelled like his bottled soap which was labeled: Woods-are-Calling. It was beautiful.

He turned off the overhead light but left the lamp on. As he pulled back the covers, my back became exposed again.

“Do you have special creams, baby? I can get them.”

I could only nod once.

I heard his bare footsteps on the floor. He went to the closet and was back fast.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I found this in your backpack.”

I turned my head, half opening my eyes.

“Yours?”

I nodded.

“Would you like me to put it on you?”

I spit out the pacifier, coming up in age to reply. “It keeps the skin from cracking. Softens the edges.”

“So it doesn’t pull, right?” he asked.

“Right.”

“I’ll be gentle.”

“I don’t have much feeling on the scars themselves,” I told him. “I only wince if they are pulling at healed skin.”

“Like if someone hugs too hard?”

“Sometimes.”

“I hear you.” The bed dipped as he sat.

My senses went on alert. I heard every sound: the cap unscrewing, the squirt of the cream. Then his hands were on me. He touched me everywhere on my back, never shying away, making sure he got cream between the worst of the bigger scars. I could feel that, cool and soothing.

I couldn’t believe he was touching my ugly back, my scars.

My pacifier still clutched in my hand, I said, “I got burned at a party when I was in college.”

“Poor baby.”

“They had made a bonfire outside. But they hadn’t properly cleared the area. There were rocks inside the hottest part, and they exploded. One hit me on the back. I fell too close to the flames and caught my shirt on fire. I know you’re supposed to roll when you’re on fire. Every kid knows that. But I panicked and ran. A couple of guys tackled me but not before it burned me pretty bad all over my back and sides. I was in the hospital off and on for about a year.”

Max leaned down and kissed my temple. “I’m glad you’re telling me, baby. I’m so sorry that happened. That you had to go through all that.”

“It was a bad time. But I’m so glad I’m here with you, Daddy.”

“Burns hurt the worst. I can’t imagine what you went through, baby.” Max leaned down and kissed my temple.

My eyes filled. Not from self-pity, but because of Max and his love. It was pouring all over me like a sweet summer breeze.

My voice twisted in my throat, but I forced myself to continue. “I never went back to school. My parents took care of me for two years and when I was ready, they bought me my condo and got me the job. I needed all of that. I’ve had a dozen surgeries since the accident.”

Max kissed my head again. “Baby, that’s awful.”

“I go in for two more surgeries next year. You should know that. They gradually smooth away the lumps and bumps and make it so it doesn’t tug my skin as much when I sit and stand.”

I hadn’t realized he had trouble with those things. “Do you have a lot of pain?”

Kiren glanced away, then back at my face. “Yes, when it tugs hard. But I can’t really feel the surface. I get a burning sensation, but the doctors say that’s body trauma memory. It’s also called somatic memory. I’m going to be a handful, I guess.”

“Not to me. You’re beautiful to me, baby. And I’m here for you.”

“You don’t have to say that. We haven’t committed to anything.”

I heard Max put the cap on the tube and set it on the nightstand. He crawled under the covers and took me into his arms, front to back, pressing up against the scars as if they weren’t even there.

“I want you in my life, Kiren.”

We were talking big boy stuff now. Really big.

“We’ve just begun a relationship,” I said.

“I know. It’s weird, but I feel like I’ve known you longer. Wanted you forever. It’s probably just me being a needy daddy.”

“If you’re needy, what does that make me?” I asked.

“The cherry on top,” Max said, laughing.

“I’m confessing to you that I come with problems. I’m not an easy boy to manage.”

“This is from my heart, baby. I love boys who are needy. I love giving and caring. I want to pamper and spoil. It’s what and who I am. This is my choice. You don’t have to feel guilt or like you’re not good enough. You’re the boy. I’m the daddy. You let me worry about the hard things. That’s what I like.”

“Being in charge?”

“Yes. But not to control you. To give you what you want, too. And I know you want this. You want the little life. You want a daddy, a real one through and through. I can be that for you.”

“I know you can. I see it. I feel it all over. In the bath tonight, especially.”

“Let yourself have it,” he said softly. “Let go and I’ll be there for you in the ways you need and desire.”

“Daddy?” I turned in his arms so I could see him in the pale shadows of the lamplight. “Are we falling in love?”

“I am, baby. I am.”

I blinked hard. “Me, too.” I gulped. “But how is that possible? Have we been together long enough?”

“Baby, when it’s meant to be, both parties know. They just know.”

“Like magic?”

“Yes. Just like magic.” He leaned in and kissed me on the lips his hands going slowly down my back, over every ridge, wrinkle and valley. I only felt his fingers on my good skin, but the pressure was everywhere, the touch sinking in deep and healing. His hands came to rest on my ass, over the diaper.

I squirmed closer to him as he broke the kiss. “Then it’s not too soon to say I love you?”

“For me? No. I love you, Kiren. There’s no question.”

“I love you, Daddy.”