Chapter 50

Chapter

Fifty

ALYX

A knock on my door has me turning in surprise. I don’t usually have visitors before breakfast, so I have no idea who it could be this time of the morning. One of my maids goes to answer it, returning a moment later to tell me that it’s the king with a shy smile and sparkling eyes.

My stomach does a strange little flip, and I nod, gesturing for her to let him in. The rest of the royals will still be eating their morning meal in the hall, so I’m curious why Joha is here and not there. I’m dressed and requested breakfast in my own chambers this morning, still feeling a little delicate from yesterday.

My brother’s birthday is the one day I allow myself to remember my family and the life I should have had. While I do miss my parents, I cannot fully remember what they looked like, time making those memories fuzzy. My brother’s face, though, is vivid in my mind. He was my idol, protector, and best friend. I would give up everything I have, everything I have worked for if it meant I could have him back.

Pity and grief are emotions that have no place in the world I grew up in and would quickly get you killed—this is something all children in the Lowers learn early on—but no matter what I do and how I try to distract myself, my brother’s birthday always hits me hard. They say grief dulls over time, but they lie because his death still hangs over me like a ghost, haunting my every move.

Yesterday, I simply went out to the lake behind the palace and enjoyed the peace around me. Atticus would have loved it there.

Joha enters the room like a breath of fresh air, his presence lighting something up inside me. There is just something about him, as even my lady’s maids turn into giggly maidens when he’s around. Despite the nobility thinking he has no power, he has a presence that lifts the moods of the people around him.

“Good morning, Your Majesty,” I greet, dropping into a curtsy as I wait for my maids to leave the room.

He smiles at me—not just a shallow twitch of his lips, but a full smile that reaches his eyes, telling me he’s genuinely happy to see me. It’s a rare sight and so beautiful, it leaves me flustered for a moment. “Betrothed.” His voice is warm as he returns my greeting. “How are you feeling today?”

Aware that my maids are still milling around and leaving the building, I mind my words. “Well, Your Majesty. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

His eyes scan me, taking in my simple purple dress and gently curled tresses. He looks at me as though I’m wearing the most beautiful outfit he’s ever seen. Raising my brow, I wait for him to speak, smirking as I watch him shake himself out of his stupor.

He clears his throat. “I thought that we might take a stroll around the lake. The morning air might be good for us.”

That actually sounds like a wonderful idea. The last thing I want to do is sit through court and the nobles’ posturing when my heart is still aching from yesterday. I skipped out on my duties yesterday, though, so I cannot miss another day or rumours will start to flow.

“I would love to, Your Majesty, but what about court?—”

Cutting me off with a wave of his hand, he steps forward, closing the gap between us. “I cancelled court and all of my commitments for today. I thought that with everything going on recently, we could all use a break. Besides, I’m king, and if I cannot take some liberties, then what is the point?”

With the almost constant attempts on his life, I can understand the need to get away, even if it is the lake on palace grounds. We will have guards with us, not to mention I will be there so I can protect him against anyone who is stupid enough to attack him.

“In that case, a walk sounds perfect.”

Smiling at him, I take his proffered arm, and we leave the queen’s palace, picking up guards as we go. By the time we wander across the grounds, we are surrounded by them. Orion has doubled the guards’ presence around the king in the hopes it will turn away any would-be attackers. Joha hates it, but he understands it is necessary.

We’re silent as we walk, and I begin to wonder if he knows about yesterday, his behaviour so different from usual. He’s quiet and thoughtful, and when we reach the wild gardens behind the palace, my suspicions are confirmed. Somehow, he figured it out. He might have seen me out by the tree on the little island on the lake. I know Crux was out there somewhere last night, keeping an eye on me like he always does on that day every year. I suspect he knows that I’m aware of his presence, but neither of us have ever mentioned it. That is a part of my life I have only ever spoken about to him, and even then it was only once.

With Joha walking quietly beside me, I glance at him from the corner of my eye, his expression so much more relaxed now that we are away from the hustle and bustle of the palace. For once, I find myself wanting to talk about it.

“Yesterday was my brother’s birthday. He died in the fire with my parents when I was a girl.” I feel Joha startle beside me as I speak, surprise lining his features. I don’t acknowledge his shock, simply continuing with my explanation. I do it out of necessity, my voice tight. If I stop, I might not be able to speak about this again. It’s something that still has the ability to hurt me, even after all these years.

“I looked up to him, and he was my best friend. He was filled with so much joy and life, and when he was taken away, it was like the sun fell from the sky. Most of the year I’m fine, but on that one day every year, I like to spend time alone with my thoughts.” Sighing, I shake my head. “Everyone says grief fades with time, but if anything, I only miss him more. He was extraordinary and would have been an amazing lord. It saddens me that he isn’t in this world.”

A gentle squeeze on my arm has me turning to look at the king. His expression is solemn as he clears his throat. “Thank you for telling me.”

At this point, I am fairly certain he already knew about my brother, or at least some of what I was going through yesterday, but he doesn’t comment on it, and from the look in his eyes, I know he means what he said.

My lips quirk up in a small smile, and I dip my head in acknowledgement, having no more words to say thanks to the lump in the back of my throat. We continue on in companionable silence, enjoying the fresh air and gentle breeze blowing my hair from my face.

The sun suddenly breaks through the layer of clouds above us, and glorious warm rays shine down on us. Joha makes a quiet humming noise, and as I glance at him, I see his head tipped back and a gentle smile on his face. I smile as I watch him enjoy the sunshine.

I cannot help but notice just how handsome he is. Without the weight of court and constantly being watched in the palace, he looks younger. It makes me view him in a different light, all of our interactions replaying in my mind.

A memory slowly works its way into my thoughts. It’s old, from before my family was taken from me, and as such, parts of it are missing. I do not remember much from before then, the memories often too painful to recall. This one, however, flashes vividly in my mind as I look into Joha’s face—a young boy, only a little older than me, who had run away from home.

He was a prince, and we spoke. I don’t remember what we talked about, but I managed to convince him it was better to stay with his family and become the king he dreamed he could be.

“It’s you.” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them, my heart in my throat. “You’re the boy from my memories. You ran away . . . .”

Joha slows to a stop, pulling me around so we face each other. The guards position themselves around us, but I’m in such a state of shock that I hardly even register them being there.

Cupping my cheek with his hand, Joha stares into my eyes. “I remember.”

His words hit me like a ton of bricks, my chest constricting. This is real. The memory was not just a dream, but something that actually happened, and Joha remembers it.

“What? How?” I exclaim, not really sure what I’m trying to ask him, my mind a mess of mixed thoughts and feelings.

“The memory hit me the other night.” He smiles, and I see true happiness glimmering in his eyes. “You have been influencing my life for a long, long time now.”

I don’t know why my mind chose now to remember the time I stopped Joha from doing something stupid, since most of my other memories from that time are gone. However, I cannot quite believe how fate worked. My life was knocked off track with the fire, yet somehow, Joha and I were reunited despite the changes in our circumstances. The king and the assassin. We had no idea at the time, but now it feels like I was on the right path after all.

“The fates have brought us back together.” My voice is little more than a whisper.

Joha closes the distance between us and rests his forehead against mine. “It seems our paths were destined to cross.”

Having him this close does something to me, and in my mind’s eye, I can see how it could have been if the fire never happened. I would have grown up as a lady, met with the prince again in court, and then perhaps we would have begun courting.

It is a fanciful dream, but just for today, I’m going to allow myself to pretend there are no attempts on his life or assassins and we are just two people falling in love.