Chapter 19

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Leo

Kim falls asleep but I'm crawling out of my skin. So when I know she's deep asleep, I climb from the bed and head out to the living room.

I grab my briefs on the way out, pulling them on. I don't turn on a light. Instead, I move to the windows and stare out at the Las Vegas skyline.

This fucking place. It's so easy to fall into sin here. Look at my parents. My mother died in a car crash in one of her alcoholic stupors.

And my father…

I move into the kitchen, opening the cupboard above the refrigerator and pull out a quarter bottle of Jack.

I mostly cleared out the apartment of liquor when I quit, but I saved this one bottle as a bail out.

I pull off the top and wave the bottle under my nose, the smell hitting me as I close my eyes.

If ever there was a time for a man to drink, it might be now.

I've got this whole plan. Get revenge on Toni. Use my worthless life to make theirs better.

Why did Kim have to get pregnant now?

But I don't bring the bottle to my lips.

Because I've got some fucking choices in front of me. If Kim is pregnant, there is no question in my mind whether or not the baby is mine.

I know who Kim is. And despite the fact that the sex is panty-melting hot, this is not a regular thing for her.

There hasn't been anyone else.

I shouldn't have accused her of seducing me at the wedding, it was all me. And I should have warned her, I detonate the lives of the people around me. It's what I do. It's why I'm better off going to jail.

That's what pushes me to bring the bottle to my nose again.

"What are you doing?"

I look up to see Kim in the hall wearing nothing but my discarded T-shirt.

Damn, she looks so good like that. Long legs, mussed hair.

"My mom was an alcoholic," I tell her. I set the bottle down on the counter. "I think I was too. I drank all the time, and it fueled my anger, my impulsivity. I got the worst of both my parents. All my siblings would tell you it's true."

She comes out of the hall and around the island. I don't even question pulling her into my arms, her soft scent wrapping around me as I fold her into my embrace.

"If you want me to assure you that you won't make your parents' mistakes, I'm probably the wrong person to ask. I just found out, I'm likely making my mom's biggest mistake of her life, so yeah…"

Right. All at once it hits me that Kim has the same hang-up I do. Fear of becoming her parent. It's why she's so sensitive about the topic of promiscuity. Probably why she was locked down so tight before she met me.

She'd never get pregnant on purpose, and I am an ass for even suggesting it, but we knew that already. I settle her closer, brushing a kiss on the top of her head. "We both have some choices to make."

"We do."

I slide a hand down her spine, closing my eyes. Mason is dad material. Hell, even Roman would make a good dad…but me?

I'm the guy who ruins everything. I'd ruin a kid. No question.

Still holding Kim, I reach for the cap and stuff it back on the bottle. I can't control what I did that night at Mason's wedding, the choices I made that impacted Kim, but I can control this.

I feel calmer just choosing to close the bottle. My arm around Kim, I kiss her forehead. "Want to go back to bed?"

"I could use a toothbrush," she says.

I dumped her bag right next to the elevator and so I leave her side to grab it now. Handing it to her, I run a hand through my hair. "Don't try to leave tonight, ok?"

She takes the bag, grimacing. "I don't…"

"Kim." I touch her cheek. "Your safest here, not out in Vegas in the middle of the night."

She gives a tentative nod and we both go back to the bedroom as she heads into the bathroom to brush her teeth. I sit on the edge of the bed and I'm not feeling so crazy anymore. Tonight, I'll be calm so Kim can be calm. She needs her sleep.

She comes back out and I peel back the covers for her to climb into the bed. She does and I immediately settle her into my side, pulling her close.

"Are you sure you want to snuggle tonight?" she asks, and I can feel her worry, the tension in her limbs.

"I'm sure."

She looks up at me but silence settles between us. I'm not sure what else to say. Instead, I stroke a hand down her back, but I can feel that she isn't relaxing into sleep.

Kissing her again, I swallow down a tightness in my throat. "I'm sorry for what I said."

She looks at me then, her eyes wide. "Leo."

"No. I shouldn't have said it. My temper is a bitch sometimes."

She settles her head on my chest her body relaxing. I lay there for a long time. I know I'm not sleeping much tonight, my brain is going a million miles a minute, but I want Kim to get some rest.

I hold still as she slips into sleep. As her breathing grows deep and even, I make some promises to do better.

My plans are going to have to change, even the ones involving the Carcettis. They have to go down, but I'm not sure I can go down with them. Maybe it's time I stop trying to be a vigilante and get some help from my family.

I finally drift off, my dreams full of my father, the choices he made, and how they've wreaked havoc on me and my brothers.

I've been so angry at him, and that anger has exploded out of me over all facets of my life.

But now…I could be the father. How am I going to do it differently? Not participate? Leave my kid so that I don't damage him? Or her…

I look at Kim as she sleeps on my chest. She bears scars too and they are from a man who never wanted to be a father.

She views herself as less, worthless. I hold her tighter. I'm no shrink but I can see how your father bailing on you might make you feel that way.

I shake my head. I don't even know if Kim is pregnant. It's too soon to think all this shit. Then again, I can't seem to not think it. My brain won't turn off.

What if she is pregnant? What man do I want to be?

Somehow, that thought calms me. Because I know I'm not going to be a selfish prick. I'm going to be a man who steps up.

The past few months have been about learning to do it right. I thought that meant falling on the sword, but maybe there is another way.

So yeah…

That is the thought that finally allows me to fall asleep.

My alarm goes off a few hours later and I jerk awake with the vague feeling that something is wrong.

Kim is already awake, staring at me with troubled eyes and everything comes crashing back. "I'm guessing morning sex is out?"

She actually smiles at that and then I give a small laugh too. Cause I'm pretty sure right now my job is to ease some of the tension.

"You get any sleep?" she asks, nipping at her lip.

"A little? You?"

"A bit." I kiss the top of her head before I pick up my phone. I fire off a text to Roman that I need his doctor and he instantly responds?

In house or in office?

In house means that it's off the books and discreet. A service we've had to use more than once.

In office. I message back. Appointment for Kim.

She injured?

I draw in a breath. I knew this question was coming. But I also know enough to know that Kim will need real medical care.

Missed her period.

Shit.

Yeah. There is nothing else to say. Not yet. And I'm not hiding or lying. I've done too much of that.

I get up from the bed, stretching. Kim's still laying down but she's staring up at me with these eyes like she's just waiting for something terrible to happen. So I lean in and kiss her, morning breath and all. "Let's take a shower."

"Together?"

"Fuck yeah." I know we're not having sex. "You think I'd miss an opportunity to touch you, princess?"

She nips at her lip. "Look. We both know I might be pregnant. You don't have to pretend that you still want me."

I know what her deal is, what makes her hurt, which is why I sit down and hold her face in mine. "Kim. Look down at my cock. I still want you."

I see her face flush at the same time she relaxes, her shoulders slumping. I know telling her that I still want to fuck her brains out isn't much, but apparently, it's enough.

My phone lights up, Roman sending another message. He's booked an appointment for nine in the morning with a partner group of doctors that does prenatal care.

They have on-site ultrasound machines.

Sometimes I wonder where Roman and Mason came from. Luke and I are knock-head kind of guys, we get that from our fathers.

Except lately, I see why being someone like Mason is an asset. I pull Kim from the bed, lacing our fingers together as we walk toward the bathroom.

I'm starting to come up with a plan but I'm going to wait, hold off and get all the information first, and then I'm going to act.