Chapter 18

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Kim

Leo thrusts into me like a man who's been starved. We haven't had sex in a while, but there have been plenty of orgasms, and I'm honestly taken aback by his need until the head of his cock hits the spot deep inside that sends my back arching, my body chasing more of what he gives.

It's fast and it's hard and it feels so good that I don't even realize I'm begging out loud for him to give me more, to give it to me harder, until he's spitting in my ear. "I will always give you what you need."

He's just making sexy talk. I know that.

But the promise still sets off some super button in my girl brain and with my arms tight about his neck, I start begging louder. "I know. That's it. Just like that. Oh God…"

"You like it when I fuck you hard, don't you, baby?"

"Yeah," the word comes out in a broken gasp, my body so on fire, I can barely make my throat work.

I absolutely break apart, screaming out my finish until my eyes are rolling back in my head and stars blur my vision.

It's like nothing I've felt before and I can barely breathe as he cums too, his body shuddering out his orgasm.

I'm limp underneath him, completely spent. And as amazing as that was, I don't think I can handle a third round.

My eyes close and I swear, I'm falling asleep seconds after.

"And they say guys conk out after sex." He's laughing in my ear as he lifts me up and pulls the covers back, sliding me into place in the bed.

I smile even as he gets up and goes back to the bathroom, bringing out a wet cloth and wiping me down.

I have to giggle a little because I just got out of the bath and I'm already a mess again. But it's the best kind of mess. Done, he cleans himself up too and then climbs into the bed next to me.

"Tomorrow, we've got to discuss birth control if we're going to be doing this on the regular."

Birth control! The word rockets through me and my eyes fly open. Why has this not occurred to me before right this second?

We haven't used birth control. I was militant with my last relationship, so I have no idea why protection has slipped my mind. I've let Leo cum in me multiple times without a thought to the potential consequences.

At least not this type. It's just that things with Leo got so hot and I got so caught up…

Mentally, I start counting back. When was the last time I had my period? As a dancer, I'm less regular than a lot of girls but…

I sit up, clutching the covers to my chest.

"What's wrong?" Leo asks, his brow scrunched as I stare at him.

"We…we didn't use anything that first time at Mason and Charlotte's wedding." I can hear the tremble in my voice. I've been off the past few weeks. Hungry, tired, nauseous with vertigo. I start to sweat, my head swimming.

He cocks a brow with a half smile. "It was a little last minute and pretty fucking fast," but then his smile dies as his gaze sweeps over me. "Kim. Are you okay?"

I shake my head. "Leo. We didn't use anything six weeks ago. I…"

Some understanding dawns in his eyes as his brow turns down into an angry slash. "You can't be serious."

I'm shaking as I clutch the covers. "I don't know. I mean I don't always get my period but…"

"Fuck," he yells out and he's out of the bed, standing naked in front of me with his hands on his hips. "Do not do that girl thing where you decide it would be fun to fuck with me?—"

My mouth opens and closes, words failing me, because when have I ever done that? And where is this coming from? It hurts that he'd even accuse me of girl drama.

He's pacing now, his movements jerky and agitated as he runs his hands through his hair. His features are taut and there is this storm in his eyes that makes me curl into myself. For the first time since I met Leo, I'm scared.

Maybe not of him, but of how this is going to go down. "Leo." I sound weak. I'm not the same woman who told him he couldn't boss me around this morning. I feel it…this could be the end of everything. With him. But with my life too. I'm wilting.

"I should know better than to let some random chick convince me to fuck her at a wedding of all places."

Those words trigger something inside me. I seduced him? I know where this is going.… I'm just that girl who is promiscuous enough to lead some good boy astray. That puts some fight back in me and I cling to it. "You convinced me!" I cry out. I surge up on my knees, letting the blanket fall away.

"This is so typical." He says it loud. Not yelling but close. "How the hell could you let this happen? I can't fucking believe I trusted?—"

"What?" I cut him off because those words are like a punch to the gut. "Don't you dare accuse me of being some money-grubbing whore or some trashy—" But I can't go on. Because I just realized...

It's happening. The very thing that happened to my mother.

The thing I've been fighting to avoid. I wasn't going to be some single mom. She gave up her dreams for me, but I was going to live those dreams for both of us.

My knees give out as I collapse back onto the bed. I cover my face with my hands, burying my head in the pillow because I am, in fact, the trashy slut who let some guy knock her up on a one-night stand. I hate myself so much in this moment as I curl into a ball and let out a feral cry.

I've done the one thing I've promised myself I wouldn't do. All those dates I didn't go on in high school and college. My one boyfriend, the guy I thought would be safe.

I've thrown it all away, and all because one guy convinced me to really let loose.

What is my mom going to say? How am I going to live with myself? I need to get out of here. I scrub my hands over my face. "Where's my bag?"

"What?" Leo asks and he doesn't sound angry anymore. The word is cautious. Maybe even afraid as he touches my shoulder.

"I've got to go. Where is my bag?"

"You can't leave now. It's the middle of the night."

"I'm not your problem. This is not your problem," I say as I shrink away, tears sliding down my face. "My bag. Is it in the bathroom? The car?" I surge up. I've got to find it, get some real clothes, and leave.

I can't do this. I can't.

But I must have moved too fast because my head swims and then my stomach rolls.

Instead of searching, I surge out of the bed and toward the bathroom.

I only just make it when the contents of my stomach heave up my throat and into the toilet.

I don't even have it in me to fight when Leo's arm comes around me to support my weight, his other hand gathering up my hair to keep it clean.

I vomit until I'm empty in every way. I don't even feel tired. I swear, I feel nothing.

We're both naked. I have no idea how long I'm suspended over the toilet before he lifts me into his arms. He carries me back to the bed and I don't even protest as he lays me back.

I know I should leave but I don't think I can. I'm devoid of energy, of fight, as I lay exactly where he leaves me. He comes back and pulls me back up, pressing a glass to my lips.

I drink automatically but as a bit of water spills down my chin, that's when I realize that it's also coating my cheeks. How long have I been crying?

Leo's sets down the glass and then his large hand swipes over my face. "Kim." His voice is soft. Gentle.

But I don't respond. My eyes squeeze shut. "You can say it."

"Say what?"

"That you never want to see me again. That you think I'm some?—"

"Do not say those things about yourself." His voice is back to having a hard edge and it actually makes me feel better, like things are less strange. But they aren't right… they'll never be right again. My whole life is changing because I couldn't keep my legs closed.

My lips press shut as I close my eyes. "You were going to say them before. I could hear it in your voice."

"I wasn't going to call you any names and besides, we both know I'm an ass. I got scared, that's all."

"I'm scared too." The words shiver through me.

"Look. We don't know anything. Let's get some sleep and then we can figure this out in the morning."

I nod because it makes sense and because there is nothing else to do.

Leo climbs in the bed and holds me close, but it doesn't feel the same.

I'm pretty sure whatever delusional bubble I've been living in just burst.

Still, he tries. "I promised you that I would always keep you safe, Kim. And that's what I intend to do."