Chapter 9

LORENZO

I was slated to receive the keys to my new house in twenty-four hours.

It was about time.

I was over hotel living, restaurant food and bland carpeting.

I was also restless as hell, needing relief. The night before I relocated, I was climbing walls, going out of my mind, anxious about the move, and obsessing about Mia again.

Earlier in the week, I commissioned our global security firm to investigate her and discovered that she had moved from the Blue Mountains to Sydney.

They'd emailed her Mia's most recent address, and I stared at it for so long on my phone screen that it burned in my memory, all the while considering the option of showing up unannounced.

I rejected it because, fuck, it skewed the thin line of stalking.

Not. My. Style.

However, I found myself wondering, what if I just caught a glance at her from my car? That wouldn't be stalking, would it?

On a whim and in a grim, unshakeable mood, I called Mauri.

‘I need to go for a drive,' I snarled, aware I was dancing with my dark side on the edge of a dangerous bluff.

‘Boss?'

I grasped onto his hesitation.

It was nine p.m., after all.

‘I know it's late, but I'm getting chaotic in this hotel room. Have some pity on me, brother.'

My voice edged with a restlessness that appeared to mirror the turmoil in my thoughts.

He paused for a beat, gauging my unruly disposition and the hint of stubborn steel lacing my words. ‘Alright, padrone. I'll be right with you.'

He was in the room across mine and was at my door in minutes.

‘Let's go,' I growled the second he knocked, yanking open the door and striding out before common sense changed my mind.

Mauri nodded, his expression unreadable in the lamp-lit hallway of the hotel.

We made our way to the underground parking lot, where we prowled towards a sleek black SUV Mauri had procured soon after our arrival.

‘Where to?' Mauri murmured as he slid behind the wheel.

In the front passenger seat, I inclined and punched the address into the car's navigation system.

From the driver's spot, Mauri's eyes searched mine for an explanation.

I shrugged.

He swung his eyes to the map and stared at it for a beat, and I leaned back, unwilling to meet his gaze. My jaw clenched, lost in a ‘fuck it' mood, without a care for what might happen next.

I was one-woman-obsessed, needing to scratch this incessant, all-encompassing itch or be swamped by the longing crawling over me with unceasing urgency.

Mauri jerked his chin, knowing well enough when to shut up, and pulled out onto the darkened avenues of Sydney.

We drove through the streets, the engine's hum and the blur of passing lights a backdrop to my turbulent thoughts.

Mauri glanced at me on occasion as if waiting to see whether I'd divulge my motives for this impromptu late-night drive.

I ignored him and kept my gaze fixed ahead, the image of Mia's face burning bright in my mind like a beacon.

We slowed at the edges of the Inner West, where the urban sprawl gave way to quieter lane ways lined with residential homes.

We arrived at the address in minutes, a nondescript four-in-one apartment block nestled in a quiet row.

‘Pull up here,' I told Mauri. He stopped under a leafy large tree a hundred metres from Mia's home.

I didn't want to get any closer or not want to draw attention to our presence.

Silence fell in the car, and I realised I had no idea what to do next.

There was no way I'd go to her door this late, knock, and announce myself.

That was a whole other level of crazy.

I circled back to my earlier idea of waiting until I caught a glimpse of her.

Studying the facade from a safe distance, my hands clenched into fists, fixating on the probable image of Mia's life behind the closed blinds.

Not quite knowing my play, I lingered, my fingers stroking her envelope in my pocket as if willing it to provide some answers.

My mind raced, searching for an out, when Mauri shifted beside me.

‘Are we waiting for someone?' he murmured.

I sucked my teeth and shook my head.

The heat of his side eye washed over me. ‘Should I turn the car around and leave?'

I tagged the concern in his tone but was too lost in my thoughts to respond.

‘No,' I growled.

I didn't know what I'd expected to see or find, but I needed to look closer.

‘Wait here,' I ordered him again, more firm this time.

I exited the SUV and prowled towards the building, my muscles tight and locked as if prepping for battle.

I walked up to a gateway leading to her supposed abode and stared at it.

But there was nothing.

No sign of her, no indication of life.

A wave of disappointment washed over me, leaving me hollow.

Seconds later, voices sounded, coming down the walkway.

Reality and reason hit.

What the fuck was I thinking?

I strode back to the car and into the front seat, sliding in and slamming the door shut.

I was about to ask Mauri to roll when I glanced outside and saw two figures walking hand in hand.

One was a younger man in his late twenties, a lean, lanky, dark-haired guy.

He was accompanied by a woman, her distinct auburn hair in waves down her back, her lilac eyes shining in the light of a street lamp.

Mia.

Emotion surged through me. My heart pounded in my chest as they got closer. My mind raced, trying to come up with a plan.

‘Isn't that -?' Mauri rasped, his voice tapering off.

I wasn't tuned into him at all.

My eyes were locked on the pair chatting at the small gate leading to the apartment entry.

Out of the blue, the man pulled Mia close, bent his head, and kissed her.

My breath caught in my throat as I observed their exchange, an agonising burn erupting from my chest.

In my next breath, a gut punch of pain left me winded and weak. My hand shook as I reached into my pocket, grasping the envelope.

I shut my eyes to block the image as another formed in my mind: Mia, in the other man's arms, thighs wrapped around his waist, moaning, eyes closed, surrendered to his touch.

A sick nausea twisted in my belly, a wild tide of rage and jealousy rising.

The glimpse of Mia with a lover, so close, so intimate, was a brutal awakening.

A slap of reality that shattered the fantasy I had clung to for so long.

I turned my face away, gazing with wooden coldness to the other side of the street, unable to stomach the sight.

‘Boss?' Mauri rasped.

‘Get me the hell out of here.'

MIA

Tony's kiss came as an utter surprise.

One second, we were laughing about some famous comedian's joke; the next, he was crushing his mouth on mine.

I was so surprised I didn't know how to react.

His lips were warm and soft, and his heavy cologne enveloped me.

For a moment, I was suspended in time, and then Tony pulled away, his eyes glistening with desire.

‘You okay?' he muttered.

I took a deep breath, trying to gather my thoughts.

‘Yeah, I'm fine,' I whispered.

But I knew I wasn't. I was shaken, caught unawares.

We stood for a few more moments, our bodies close, mine locked in shock mode.

Tony stared at me with longing, waiting for my response.

‘I need you to know that while you're a great guy, I don't see you that way,' I uttered at last.

At that moment, I thought I picked up on the purr of an engine starting.

I squinted into the shadowed road and spotted a car pull out a few hundred metres away, make a U-turn and disappear.

For some strange reason, I fixated on the receding red tail lights, swamped with a sense of bereftness so profound that I could scarcely breathe; I almost teared up.

‘You alright?' Tony asked, concern etched on his face.

I took a deep breath and nodded, trying to regain my composure.

‘Yeah, I'm fine,' I said again, my voice a whisper. ‘Just a little overwhelmed, I guess.'

Tony's hand clasped mine, offering comfort and support.

‘It's okay,' he muttered. ‘I get it.'

I saw that he did not and gave him a sad smile. ‘I think we're best off as friends.'

His face blanched. ‘Scusa, if I offended you.'

‘Oh no, it's not you, it's -.'

I had no words to describe what I was experiencing.

But it was like I'd lost something precious that had nothing to do with the man before me.

‘You OK to get to your door?' Tony asked.

‘I'm fine, thank you,' I murmured. ‘I appreciate you walking me home.'

I pulled away from him with a slight wave and eased past him through the gate to my front door.

Fumbling for my keys, I found them with a measure of relief, turned the lock, and slipped inside.

I closed the door behind me, shutting myself from the world outside.

The darkness of my apartment wrapped me in its familiar embrace. I leaned against the wall, lost in a whirlwind of conflicting emotions, memories of another man entirely entwined with the lingering sensation of Tony's kiss on my lips.

Wishing it'd been someone else altogether who'd touched me with such passion.

I huffed, the sound echoing and cutting through the soft hum of the refrigerator.

Moving to the living room, I sank onto the couch, exhausted.

I reached for my phone, desperate for a distraction. As I scrolled through my messages, a notification caught my eye - my calendar reminder for my new gig the next day.

I sighed. At least work was something I could rely on not to be fraught with emotion.

LORENZO

All the way back to the city, I suppressed the tempest roiling in me, threatening to blow.

Mauri was wise enough not to say a word.

When he pulled into the hotel parking lot, I jumped out, silent, brooding, face stony.

I strode beside him, jaw clenched in silence, to the elevators and our floor.

At my door, I turned and gave him a chin raise. ‘Grazie.'

The gratitude was laden, for he'd respected my privacy and not questioned my ludicrousness.

I yanked open the door to my room with the devil on my back.

Inside, I sagged against a wall, trying to catch my breath in short, ragged gasps as waves of feeling ripped through me.

The world spun around me as I closed my eyes, attempting to shut out the images that haunted me.

No matter what I tried, the image of Mia's kiss with another man repeated in a series of relentless flashes.

Each pulse seared my mind, taunting me with what I had lost even before I'd had it.

With a growl, I paced the room, the walls closing in, the weight of despair pressing down on my chest.

I gritted my teeth, refusing to give in to weakness.

But deep down, I was broken.

Somehow, she'd represented some false expectation: that moving to this new city and the possibility of her in my world would redeem me from my past life.

The bare truth I was unwilling to face was that Mia was a mirage of atonement. The reality of her entwined in the arms of another man was a freakin' wake-up call to the foolishness of my unfounded crush, to my over-reliance on her as a talisman for hope.

It sent a spike through me, smashing the fanciful notions I'd built up in my head like glass beneath a hammer blow.

How had I been so blind and foolish to believe she held the key to my deliverance and renewal? That she was the lucky omen to my desired future?

I grabbed the nearest object, a vase on the bedside table, and hurled it across the room with a primal roar of frustration.

Its shattering reverberated through the air, echoing my brokenness back to me in a cacophony of chaos.

As I stood over the fragmented pieces, a sense of clarity washed over me.

The facade of redemption had disintegrated just like the ceramic shards at my feet.

I was raw and exposed, stripped of the illusions I had clung to with such desperation.

With a bitter laugh that resounded off the walls, I realised I was the only person capable of saving me and rewriting my future. No amount of false hope would fill the void within me.

I didn't need her, nor her note, to remain anchored in the world.

I tore the rose gold envelope from my pocket, stared at it with disdain and crumpled it up.

Flinging it, I followed its arc as it landed in my luggage and rolled into a dark corner.

I'd no more need of it.

I slumped to the carpet, reached for a pillow from my bed and tucked it under my head.

Twisting my body, I lay on the floor, one knee up, eyes bleak and fixed on the stars and clear night skies outside the vast windows.

Through the darkness, I searched for a glimmer of hope.

After staring at the pulsing celestial bodies for a long, torturous age, I closed my eyes and let despondency leak out of me.