4. Chapter 4

Chapter four

I didn't see Felix again for an entire month, despite actively hunting for glimpses of him. That didn't mean I didn't think about him though. Often, I'd catch myself spacing out at work as my thoughts spun away from numbers and back to Felix's tiny but solid form.

He'd felt so wonderful in my arms. Like we were two gears in a tractor's transmission, perfectly sized to fit. His skin wasn't hot and sticky—something that had bothered me about past lovers. Instead, it was cool and soft. And it hadn't been overwhelming in the least when we'd pressed together.

He was small enough that he didn't set off the threat radar I constantly had going in my head. And he'd smelled… lovely , honestly. Lemony and fresh, like the soap I favored in the kitchen sink.

The only other person I'd ever thought I liked the smell of was my dentist.

Which you can imagine, at the ripe age of thirty-eight, meant that there were quite a few awful smelling people I'd had the unfortunate experience of meeting .

It wasn't till my sister, Winnie, came over for her monthly visit that I let myself acknowledge how disappointed I was by the lack of Felix in my life. Before, I would've rejoiced. No Felix meant no awkward, stilted conversations. No random tears. It meant no socializing in general.

But it also meant no hugging. No murder. And no pointy little smiles.

No telescopes.

No crochet.

No cats—

I could admit…I was maybe a bit obsessed. It had grown on me. A seed at first, that had blossomed, and swelled—expanding far larger than I'd ever expected it could.

I still didn't like him.

I didn't like people.

But that didn't mean I didn't want to see him more.

"He never leaves his house?" Winnie asked, frowning at me. We'd bought a pizza. More accurately, she'd bought a pizza. She'd been over for two days now and had told me in no uncertain terms that if I tried to feed her plain chicken breast one more time she'd shove it so far up my asshole I'd start to cluck.

Therefore pizza.

"No," I sighed, crossing my ankles and shifting in my seat. "Not during the day."

"Not at all?"

"That's usually what never means, yes. "

"Asshole." Without even breathing, she continued. "Does he have that thing…you know…the…" she frowned while she thought, taking another bite of pizza and chewing with her mouth open as her brow remained knit. I stared at her aghast. "Shit, what's that called?"

"The word you're looking for is agoraphobia. Now please shut your mouth. Mother didn't raise you in the barn, did she?"

"I mean, kinda?"

We'd grown up on a farm till we were in our teens, so I supposed that was fair. Therefore a new tactic needed to be implemented.

"Are you a pig, Winnie?"

"Oink, oink." She threw the pizza at me, and I narrowly dodged having cheese grease ruin my cashmere sweater. I glared at her. Then I plucked the slice from where it had thud, squashed on the wall behind my shoulder.

As slowly, and pointedly as possible, I rose from my seat, and gracefully crossed the kitchen. With the pizza slice pinched between my pointer and thumb, I stepped on the lever that opened the garbage can lid, and deposited the offending piece of food in the trash where it now belonged.

Immediately, I decided to terrorize her right back.

"Are you done with this?" I asked, gesturing at the still-mostly-full pizza box.

"No." Winnie frowned at me, then made a horrified face as I made to grab the box so I could toss it in revenge. She slammed both hands onto it, gently tugging it away from me, her eyes wide. "Okay, okay . Fine. I'm sorry. I won't chuck shit at you again. Leave my pizza alone, you cold-hearted, chicken-breast-eating bastard."

I wasn't actually going to throw it away.

She knew that, I knew that.

We'd grown up where food was plentiful, but that didn't mean we hadn't struggled. Neither of us were the kind of people who were wasteful. But still, the threat was enough to cow her.

Ha.

Cow.

Because of the farm. And pigs.

"So. Boy toy." Winnie waved her new slice of pizza at me as I took my seat and sighed, head tipping back.

"Lord, give me patience."

"Is he agora-whatever?"

"No. He leaves his house." I frowned, thinking about Christmas Eve again and how alone he must've felt walking the quiet sidewalks of our little suburban neighborhood while parents filled their children's stockings indoors. Standing on the outside looking in. A voyeur. "Occasionally. At night," I added, cheeks a little flushed.

To be honest, I'd done a lot of research about this recently as I had wondered the same thing. Felix was wiggling around inside my head, and he wasn't even trying to. At least…I didn't think he was .

Maybe he was an evil mastermind after all.

An evil mastermind that crocheted.

How very formidable.

"Seeee and now you're smiling!" Winnie accused around another mouthful of pizza. I didn't scold her this time, too distracted by her very incorrect accusation to pay attention. I slapped a hand over my mouth, blushing bright red when she began to cackle. "Thinking about your little honey bee, huh?"

"He's not my anything."

"Isn't he?" Winnie blinked, arching a brow. She looked like me. Though she was a few years older, we shared the same tall, solid build. The same honey-gold hair. The same dark eyes. The same smattering of gray around our temples.

That was, however, where the similarities ended. Winnie and I could not be more different. She was loud where I was quiet. Brash where I was polite. She wore t-shirts she hacked the sleeves off of, and jorts in the summer. She liked pizza, hookup apps, and women with big breasts and colorful hair.

I liked…none of those things.

The only short thing I owned was my temper.

"Is he allergic to the sun?" Winnie joked, only it made sense—and therefore made a poor joke.

"I…think so? It's odd. I really don't think I've seen him outside during daylight."

"Haven't you lived across from each other for like ten years?"

"Yes. "

"Huh." Winnie tapped her lip, head cocking to the side. "Maybe he's a vampire."

"Fuck off." I flipped her off and she cackled, clearly entertained.

"I want to meet him."

"No."

"If he pretty much never leaves the house that means he's home now, right?" She nodded to herself. "And the sun just went down—"

"Winnie, no ." I could see where this was going. I did not like it. I did not like it one bit.

My panic did not dissuade her—because she was obviously evil. She rose from her seat, pizza slice in hand, and headed toward the front door, my protests be damned.

Immediately, I skidded after her. Stupid fucking socks, making me slide—

"Winnie—" I tried a third time as I thunked into the wall. I was as uncoordinated as I'd been as a teen now that she was teasing. My pleas fell on deaf ears. It only took her two seconds to slide her flip-flops on. I—unfortunately—was forced to watch as she skidded out the front door while I attempted to tie my shoes.

Fuck, fuck.

Fuck loafers.

Christ .

"Winnie, no!" I yelled after her as the front door shut. Horrified, I finished tying my laces as quickly as possible, all the while cursing Italian leather. Then I shoved out the door after her, and sprinted across the street, my heart pounding.

She's going to humiliate me.

Oh fuck, oh fuck.

She's going to tell him about the smiling.

The smiling that totally did not happen—but also definitely did.

I caught up just in time—Winnie's fist raised to knock, her cheeks full of the remaining bites of pizza.

"Don't do this—" I grabbed her wrist, pleading with her. As per usual, she ignored me and did as she liked.

Using her free arm, she rapped on the door, eyes dancing with mischief as I released her with a panicked groan. It was dark out—which more than likely meant that Felix would answer.

Please don't answer.

Please don't answer.

Please answer.

Please answer.

Even my mind was a traitorous bitch.

The door swung open, and my heart did a horrifying little flip-flop as Felix came into view. He was dressed how he usually was, a lovely soft sweater, crisp trousers. A ridiculously large hat—that I wanted to throw into a fire—and his sunglasses.

Winnie frowned, then looked down, obviously surprised she had to crane her neck quite so far. She was a giant like I was—like all of us were.

"Hi." Her smile was practically feral. Unhinged.

Why, oh why, could I not have been born an only child?

It wasn't fair.

"Hello?" Felix tipped his chin back, that lovely jaw peeking out from beneath the shadows as he glanced at her, then me, then her again. He cocked his head to the side.

This could not get any worse.

"My name is Winnie Warden."

"Hi, Winnie," Felix looked shell-shocked. "I'm Felix."

"Hi, Felix. My brother would like to ask you out."

Oh. My god.

It got worse.

"No, I would not," I countered from just behind her, then floundered, because for the first time in my life I was actually aware of how awful that sounded. "Not that I wouldn't ever—I just—"

Oh Christ.

Where was a black hole when you needed one?

Smite me down, God?

Pretty please?

"You want to ask me out?" Felix's voice was quiet, surprised—like he'd never been asked out before. "But…" he glanced at me, then her, then me again—this was a pattern I was sure was going to continue to repeat. I liked it, maybe a little too much. It was like he was looking to me for guidance. "Why? "

I could understand his confusion. The last time I'd seen him he'd cried all over me. We'd cleaned up a murder together. If I'd been a normal person we probably would've never spoken again.

But I wasn't a normal person.

And I'd spent a month daydreaming about him—and maybe, probably—watching him through the peephole on my front door.

What had started as simple curiosity, wanting to know why he killed—and how—had morphed into something… deeper . Something I wasn't sure I was ready to acknowledge the depth of just yet.

"Because," I countered succinctly. I'm not sure when, but this had turned into a ship I was ready to go down with. Quick Marshall, say something sexy. "You have nice teeth."

"Because I have nice teeth?" Felix's brows shot up.

"And you are… interesting ," I added, flushed.

There, that was better.

"Oh." Felix looked pleased with himself as he peered at me through his lashes. The lovely pointy little teeth I'd just complimented flashed as he bit back a grin.

I was the youngest of four siblings—all sisters—no one had ever looked to me for guidance like that in all my life. I was the one that got picked on, made over, and forced to do the shittiest jobs. No one treated me like I was… important.

Like I was in charge.

"But I…" Felix was clearly not sold .

My chest puffed up, shoulders squared.

Winnie be damned, I would turn this around.

"But you?" I countered, arching a brow.

"I sleep during the day."

"I'll stay up late."

"You…will?" Felix looked at me, clearly surprised, though I wasn't sure why.

"We can stay in."

"We can?" Once again, Felix looked surprised.

Did I look like the kind of man that enjoyed socializing in the wild? I hoped not. A night in with Felix honestly sounded…nice. "And this would be a…?"

"A date," Winnie interjected from beside me, not even trying to contain her glee.

"A date?" Felix looked to me for confirmation again. He sucked in a breath, chewing on his lip, those lovely—oh so lovely—pointy teeth flashing. "I don't know."

My heart thudded unsteadily, I reached out, grabbed Winnie, and shoved her out of the way so that I was the one primarily in the doorway.

"Why not?" I asked. It was a valid question.

I'd never asked someone on a date before. I'd never wanted to. My palms were sweaty and I realized with a sickening lurch, just how badly I wanted Felix to say yes.

"Why not?" Felix had clearly not been expecting the question.

"Yes. "

"I…" Felix frowned, his dark eyes searching mine. Today they were nearly black. It was odd. I could've sworn the last time I'd seen them they'd been a far lighter color. He seemed at war with himself. His gaze flicked to my throat again. He swallowed. It felt like a century had passed before he finally nodded, conceding, "Okay."

I blinked, surprised he'd folded so quickly.

Flattered though.

Apparently whatever hang-ups Felix had did not compare to his desire to date me.

"Next week?" Felix offered, chewing on his lip. He wouldn't stop staring at me through his lashes. It was distracting. And god, that fucking lip. He was going to tear it up again if he kept that up. I made a mental note to buy him some chapstick.

"Why not tomorrow?" I was free. There was no need to wait.

"I…uh…have plans that I need to…um. Yes ." Felix was clearly lying, but I had no idea why. Either way, I'd gotten a date so I wasn't about to question it. Felix's nostrils flared, and his gaze snapped to my throat. He licked his lips, forcing his eyes back up, though he didn't look like he wanted to.

"Friday? Next week," I countered.

"Friday." Felix agreed, sucking in a fortifying breath. A happy little smile spread across his face. " Friday ," he repeated, more excited this time. "Nine?"

It was a late starting time, but I wasn't all that surprised. I hadn't been lying when I told Winnie that I'd never seen him go out during the daylight. Nor had I been lying when I told him I didn't mind staying up late. "Nine is great."

"Swell!" Felix beamed up at me, his smile positively sunny. For a man that was allergic to daylight, he sure looked like the sun. My cheeks hurt, and I was suddenly quite certain I was smiling too.

"I won't end up like your last date, will I?" I joked quietly, under my breath.

Felix's eyes widened, a startled laugh escaping him.

It'd been a gamble, bringing it up.

But I figured…sharing a secret like this only gave me a better chance with him. We had something no one else did. A pact of silence. I licked my lips, suddenly desperate to smell the lemony shampoo he used or feel his fluffy hair against my lips. The damn hat was in the way though. I was lucky enough that he'd tipped the sunglasses far enough I could see his gaze.

"No hat," I plucked the brim.

"No hat?" Felix snorted out a laugh. "You really hate them."

"I really do."

"Okay," he agreed. "No hat."

"Friday. Nine. I'll come over." I figured he'd be more comfortable in his own space, though I did eventually want to invite him over to my place. Mine was quite a bit less chaotic. I had no cats. No telescope either.

"Okay," Felix beamed at me, flashing me his teeth again. God fucking dammit.

"Goodnight, Finley. "

"Goodnight, Marshall."

When I turned around, Winnie was grinning at me, her hands on her sturdy hips. She looked far too pleased with herself. But I was in too good of a mood to do anything other than roll my eyes at her and knock our shoulders together as we headed back across the street.

"Seeeeee?" Winnie said as we reentered my modest home. It wasn't nearly as tall or as foreboding as Felix's was. White paneling, a picket fence, a perfectly manicured lawn. We could not have been more opposite if we tried. "And this is why you should always listen to me."

"Whatever," I rolled my eyes. Leaning down, I carefully untied my loafers one by one, before kicking them off. Winnie's flip-flops hit the wall by my head, and I twisted to glare at her. Only, my glare was lost as she wandered back toward the kitchen, a spring in her step.

"I demand details," she called around the wall as I rolled my eyes. "A play by play."

"I'm not telling you shit."

" Marsha ," Winnie gasped, head popping around the wall. She was closer than I'd realized. Her meaty fingers gripped the frame. "You can't deprive me of my fun."

"You'll find I can, Winston ."

"But you wouldn't."

"I would."

Winnie frowned, seeming to process this. After deciding I wasn't bluffing at all, her smile softened, and her eyes grew warm. We often fought, our claws out like kittens in a roost. But she truly was my favorite person. She was the only person I was comfortable enough with to drop my guard.

"I'm happy for you, MarMar." The use of my favorite childhood nickname made me flush, and I shook my head, embarrassed but pleased.

"Nothing's even happened," I countered.

"Yeah, Marshall." Winnie's eyes were soft, gentle. "But it could ."

It could.

I hadn't…well…

I hadn't thought of that.

It's true, I lived life with the reins twisted so tightly there was no room for error. But that also meant I never strayed from the path I set. There were no new sights, no new wonders. My world had become a bleak, unexciting place. This was…a new trail, a new terrain, new beginnings.

I might see something wonderful, if I stepped off the path.

Felix could be something wonderful.

His name did mean luck, after all.