29. Anders

Chapter twenty-nine

Anders

I was furious, my temper unchecked as I dropped Grace's limp form down onto my bed. She was like a splinter, burrowing its way under my skin, irritating me more and more every day. This tenacious little Kitten had so many idiots in this house who would happily fill her up. Why did she constantly find her way into my bedroom? She was so beautiful, and I hated it. I hated how my eyes were drawn to her whenever she was in the room. Pain throbbed behind my temple, and I massaged it with my fingers, leaving her on the bed while I grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a shirt, opting for the one she'd chosen for herself. I felt a little better once I was dressed, but then my eyes found her once more, and my hands burned with the need to touch her.

Running a hand through my hair, I paced in front of my bed, risking glances at her as rage coursed through my body. I needed to deal with this, I needed to protect myself. I walked to my dresser and pulled out a couple of bundles of rope. This would help, it would prevent her from touching me, that couldn't happen again. Not when I felt like this. I shifted Grace up on the bed and positioned her arms over her head. Focusing on the ropes, I did not dwell on how amazing her skin felt under my fingers. I made quick work of it, not bothering with any intricacies. Just a simple wrist bind, I then fastened to the headboard so she would stay put until I figured out what the hell I was doing.

I hated that I didn't know what was happening to me. She was forcing cracks in the perfect armor I had built around my life. My irritation with her was an itch under my skin that I couldn't get rid of. I needed more. I took another length of rope and tied a simple single leg futo tie, wrapping the rope around her shin and her thigh, pinning them together.

Grace started to squirm just as I finished the last knot, and I let her leg fall to the side. Her towel had slipped off onto the bed, her legs forced open in the awkward position. She was as exposed as she was making me feel, it was poetic, in a sense.

I sat back to admire my work, waiting impatiently as she shifted and discovered the extent of the bindings. Her eyes popped open, finding me immediately. "What the hell, Anders?" she snapped, her back arching as she tried to see what was trapping her arms. "Did you knock me out? Why did you tie me up?"

I didn't have a satisfactory answer for her. My behavior with her was erratic at best, not at all what it should be. Was this a punishment? Not really. If I wanted to punish her there were crueler things I could do. No, this was… for me? My eyes roved over her body, her skin prickling with goosebumps as she squirmed, trying to hide from me even though there was nowhere she could go, nothing to cover her up.

"Do you know how easily I could kill you?" I asked, cocking my head to the side. She stilled, her eyes widening, and I felt her heart begin to pound in her chest. Good, fear was the right emotion to have here. She needed to learn this.

"I can feel every drop of blood in your body. Every artery, vein, and capillary. I can control it more than you ever could yourself. It's nothing for me to stop your heart or send a clot to your brain. I could have you drowning in your own blood without a second thought." My fingers brushed lightly over her thigh, soothing the chill on her skin. Such a timid little thing, she trembled under my hand, tugging on the rope holding her wrists taut above her head.

"It has taken years to control it. Learning how to slow people down, to knock them out instead of rendering them brain dead. It has cost me more than you could imagine." The words kept flowing from my mouth unbidden. I was losing focus again. My hand was sliding up toward her hip, and she whimpered, biting her lip to hold the noise back. Blood was flooding into her core, I could feel her clit pulsing as it swelled.

"If I'm not paying attention, people will get hurt, do you understand?" I hissed, gripping her thigh until she arched into my hand. "If I lose control for even a moment I could-" She shifted under my palm, and I realized I was leaning over her, nearly on top of her. I hadn't even felt myself move.

I drew my hand back like she'd burned me, honestly, I would've preferred it if she had. This wasn't what I intended to do, but her damn charms pulled the raw fear right out of my body. Her chest heaved as she exhaled sharply, and I leapt off the bed, stumbling backward until I hit the dresser. I could see her arousal glistening between her thighs. Had I done this to her? Unintentionally? Forcing the blood downward like I'd done before? I didn't even know, I hadn't intended to—this is why I couldn't lose focus! Fuck!

Grace was panting softly, watching me as I raked my hand through my hair, groaning in frustration. "You won't hurt me," she murmured, and I choked out a laugh.

"You don't know me, Kitten," I snapped back, and she trembled, her lips twisting in annoyance. I smirked as she tipped her chin, gazing at me from under her eyelashes. I enjoyed watching her flex her newfound confidence.

"You won't, Anders," she repeated, her voice soft but firm. "Not unless you want to." My name on her lips had me reeling, my cock aching with need. I wanted to stroke myself and imagine it was her touching me.

I clenched my fist and brought it to my temple, tasting blood as my teeth chewed through my cheek. "Just, stop talking," I ordered. "Please." I was pathetic. Last night, I'd had too much to drink, and then it had happened. All I'd meant to do was torment Levy, using him as my conduit for a release I wouldn't give myself. The bastard had some liquid courage in him as well last night, and he'd caught me off guard. I'd been distracted by Grace, sensing the moment Erik had drawn blood from her, and Levy had gotten the upper hand. I still could feel his hands on me, his teeth on my neck as he touched me, taking what he wanted, making me…

Making me come undone.

My eyes shot open, and I realized my own hand had betrayed me, fisting my cock through my sweatpants. "Anders…" Grace murmured, and I swore, sagging into the dresser as I squeezed myself, trying to make it hurt. She was a damn siren, sent here to unravel me.

And fuck, I want to let her take me apart.

"Anders, just let go." Her voice floated toward me. I shook my head, gritting my teeth.

"You don't know what you're asking," I snapped , making the mistake of looking at her again. Grace arched her hips, wriggling as she tried to get free of the bindings. Her nipples were hard points, her breasts heaving as she twisted her shoulders.

"You're in control Anders," she murmured, her eyes locking with mine. "I want to watch. Please, do it for me." Her begging broke something in me. I heard the crack echo through my brain as I shoved my sweatpants down my hips, my hand wrapping around my cock and pumping it once as I leaned into the dresser.

"You are my hell," I groaned, staring at the arousal glistening between her thighs. I stroked my thumb over the tip, smearing pre-cum over it as I swore under my breath. Grace was watching me, her eyes hooded as she sucked her bottom lip between her teeth. She was doing this on purpose. I stroked myself, my hips jerking against my own fist, wishing it was her lips circling my cock instead.

I didn't remember moving, but one moment I was pressed against the dresser, and the next, my knees landed on the bed as I crawled to her. Her free leg shifted to make room for me, and I tried to focus my mind on the knots pinning her in place. She looked so perfect, tied up for me. I knelt in front of her, gripping my cock as I studied her, wondering what it would be like to sink into her pussy. "You're going to be the death of me, Kitten," I muttered, stroking myself as I loomed over her prone form.

Grace was staring at me, her eyes on my cock as I thrust into my fist. Her hips bucked off the bed as she whimpered, and I didn't know if it was my fault, or this was her, her swollen clit pulsing in time to my thrusts. "Anders," she moaned softly, and I pumped my hand faster, watching her squirm, looking for a friction she wouldn't find, not pinned this way. The anguish on her face mirrored the pain in my chest as I felt everything tighten in my core.

It was too much, and still not enough.

I dropped forward, my hand pressing into the bed at her side, closing the distance between us. "Is this what you wanted, Kitten?" I bit out, feeling the pressure building as my grip tightened. Everything was so loud, I could feel the blood rushing through her heart as it raced in her chest, the heat spreading lower as her arousal grew. She must be in agony right now, every nerve-ending craving release.

"Yes!" She arched her hips, her arms tugging fruitlessly against the bindings on her wrists. "Please, Anders!" There was my name again, rolling off her tongue and tearing through my carefully constructed walls. I came with a moan, ropes of cum spilling out across her pussy. Suddenly, the world went quiet. The post-orgasm haze made me unsteady, and all I could do was shake as I hovered over Grace, staring at the mess I made on her. Her eyes were half-lidded as she watched me, a tentative smile on her lips. What was I supposed to do now? She was still wound up, I could feel it as sharply as if the pain were my own. I should take care of her, touch her, make her feel good…

My fingers traced through the sticky mess, gathering it up as best I could. Carefully, I brought my fingers lower and stuffed my cum inside of her, some primal part of me satisfied at the action. Grace moaned, and fuck did she feel good clenching around my fingers. She was so pliant for me, so exquisite as she squirmed against my fingers.

The haze was starting to lift, replaced by stark reality. I withdrew my fingers, eliciting a strangled cry from Grace. Thoughts began to flood my brain, questions that I didn't have the answers to. Was she on birth control? Were we being safe? Why did I just do that? What if I had hurt her? How could I keep this from happening again? Did I want it to happen again?

God, what had I done?

I stumbled back until my feet hit the floor and pulled my pants back up to my hips. I had to leave, I had to get away from this woman who made me lose my sanity. My elbow hit the bathroom door, and I fumbled to get it open, practically falling through it in my haste to get out. I barrelled through into Levy's room, not bothering to knock. I saw his laptop hovering above the bed, and a moment later he flickered into view, a look of concern on his face.

"What's wrong?" he asked, and I tried to settle myself, smoothing my hair down while I looked anywhere but the bed.

"Grace needs you, she's in my room," I replied shortly, and moved to the door, leaving before he could ask any questions. He'd sort Grace out, I was sure. They could commiserate over what a monster I was and share their communal pain.

Pain I caused.

I was down the stairs and out the back door before I could even register where my feet were taking me. The grass in the backyard was damp, the dew not yet burned away by the sun. I hated being in bare feet, and my physical discomfort added to the emotional strain I was under. I rubbed my hands up and down my arms, trying to breathe, focusing on each inhale and exhale.

Don't think about it, don't think about it.

I could feel my heartbeat everywhere, my body shook with it. I could still hear Grace if I thought too hard, her heart rate picking up as another approached. Levy always listened, he was good. Until last night, at least…

Don't think about it.

I could feel everything, it was too loud, too much weight on my soul, too many options for collateral damage if I fucked up again. I pressed the heel of my palm against my temple, trying to stop the sounds. Shut it back down, lock it away.

When that didn't work, I slammed my palm into the side of my head, again and again. The pain helped ground me, let me focus on something other than the unbearable sensations accosting me.

"Anders?" Erik's voice cut like a knife from across the yard, his blood pounding in my ears. I turned to block him out, hugging my arms around my chest and squeezing as tightly as I could to keep everything from spilling out.

"Listen to my voice, can you hear me?" he asked, getting close.

"Not now, King," I bit out, and dropped to the ground, tucking my legs into my chest. I wanted to be small, infinitesimal, then maybe it wouldn't hurt so bad.

His heartbeat receded, and I thought for once he'd listened to me. I screwed my eyes shut and pressed my forehead into my knees, groaning in frustration when he returned, coming closer this time.

"I said-" I started to snap, but he set something on my head, stopping my words. His headphones, I recognized them immediately. They were expensive, over the ear and noise canceling. I swallowed my rage as the worst techno-metal band in history started filtering into my ears, drowning out the sounds of the heartbeats, including my own. I curled up tighter, tucking my chin into my chest, letting the chaos inside my ribcage recede until all I could think about was the music.