28. Grace

Chapter twenty-eight

Grace

I was sore and very very warm. I shifted, trying to get comfortable, but I was trapped underneath something. Blinking my eyes open, I caught sight of Jesse's mess of blond hair in front of me. Looking down to see what I was stuck under, I realized there was an arm thrown over my waist. Erik sighed in his sleep, shifting behind me, and the events of last night finally caught up to my tired brain. Oh my god, I'd had sex with Erik. My pussy throbbed at the memory, and I realized that not only had I lost my virginity last night, I'd done it in a roomful of sinfully hot men.

I closed my eyes, my body reminding me of every touch, every kiss… There were moments when I couldn't differentiate whose hands were where. It should feel strange, hell it was more than a little strange that Jesse had eaten me out in front of everyone, and then I'd—no, then we had fucked Erik together. Erik and Jesse, they were like one person, they had worked seamlessly to tear me apart, atom by atom, and then they'd somehow put me back together.

My head was spinning, and I carefully wriggled out from underneath Erik's arm, slipping off the bed slowly to not wake them up. I couldn't even remember coming upstairs last night. Jesse rolled, taking the space I'd vacated, curling into Erik's warmth. They were both naked as far as I could tell, and so was I. I didn't know what was stranger, the fact that I had been naked in bed with the both of them, or that it felt completely natural.

I slipped out of the room as quietly as possible, leaving them to sleep, and tiptoed down the hall, unsure of what I needed. Clothing would be a good start I guessed, and maybe a shower.

Anders's door was open, and a quick peek inside confirmed that he wasn't around. I crept over to his closet and rifled through it in the dim light. My fingers closed around a light blue shirt I'd never seen him wear, so I hoped he wouldn't miss it too much.

"I'm surprised you can walk this morning," a voice mused.

I yelped and spun around, clutching the shirt to my chest in a sad attempt at modesty. Anders was leaning against the doorframe to the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist. His skin glowed red, like the water had been turned up too hot, and his eyes blazed with heat that made my blood quicken. I hadn't heard the shower, so he must've already been finished when I came in. How long had he been watching me there? I felt nervous under his scrutiny, like I'd been caught doing something bad.

"I'm sorry, I was just…" I glanced down at the shirt, shivering under his gaze. He made me feel so exposed, like an open wound, all my nerve endings raw and vulnerable.

"Come here," he ordered, and I padded to him hesitantly, stopping just in front of him. I didn't know where to look. My eyes followed an errant drop of water as it rolled over his chest and across his taut abdomen, down to the towel fastened over his hips. I blushed and quickly looked back up, realizing I'd been ogling him for several minutes now.

He brushed my messy hair off my shoulder and tipped my chin up with his index finger, studying something on my neck. Probably a hickey, but from whom, I didn't know. "You're sore." It wasn't a question, but I nodded anyway.

His hand dropped from my chin, and he turned back into the bathroom, opening one of the cabinets and pulling out a bottle. "Take these," he told me sharply, dropping a couple of white pills in my hand.

I must have tensed because he sighed and turned the bottle over, showing me that they were just regular pain relief meds. I gathered my hair up in one hand and popped the pills onto my tongue, sticking my head under the tap in the sink to get some water to swallow them. With the back of my hand, I wiped my mouth as I stood up, catching Anders staring at me, his eyes calculating.

"I didn't mean to bother you," I offered quietly, sensing his annoyance. There was an undercurrent of something else as well, something that had been there last night, since the party even, and I couldn't tell what it was that seemed to be getting under his skin.

"Your being here… it's changing things," he announced, and I dropped my gaze, my face heating. So, I guessed, what happened last night wasn't a regular occurrence then. I wasn't sure if I should be happy or nervous about that, and about what it could mean for me.

"I'm sorry if I… if we… if what happened made you uncomfortable," I told him softly, and he stepped forward, close enough that I could feel the heat radiating off his skin. His presence was overwhelming, sucking the air out of the room until it felt like I could only breathe if he allowed it to happen.

"You think seeing Jesse and Erik fuck you into unconsciousness made me uncomfortable?" he asked sardonically, cocking an eyebrow at me. I clutched the shirt to my chest, still somehow naked, despite the awkward situation. I was being silly. Of course, that part wouldn't bother him—he liked to watch, it was the participating aspect he didn't enjoy… normally .

"I don't… I mean…" I stumbled on the words, caught in his penetrating gaze. I remembered what he'd told me, about how he didn't care about sex. But the incident at the party, and then last night…

"I think you're a weakness," Anders stated coolly, and I blinked back a sudden swell of tears that pushed behind my eyes. In one fell swoop, he voiced my biggest fear. I was a weakness here. What purpose did I serve? I wasn't a member of this team, I was simply an amusement, like a trinket. Or a distraction, which was worse, because then I was putting them all at a greater risk.

"Don't get it confused," he muttered, leaning in toward me, so close that I could count his eyelashes if I really wanted to. "I was speaking in terms of myself." I blinked, my lips parting as the questions started to form, but none took hold as I stared into the depths of his hazel eyes.

I was a weakness for him?

Anders stepped away from me and moved to the shower, reaching in to turn it on. "Get in," he ordered, and my poor brain couldn't keep up with so many conflicting behaviors. I set the shirt on the counter and kept my chin high as I strode past him naked into the shower. He leaned against the counter, apparently choosing to stay, and I tried my best to ignore the mercurial prick as I leaned into the warm spray, letting it pour over my face, washing away my tiredness and the unshed tears.

My eyes kept finding their way to him, despite my determination to ignore him, and I tried to focus on rinsing my hair, using some of the conditioner I'd borrowed before. Anders's hands were clenched on the counter on either side of him as he leaned back, his eyes never leaving me as I took some of his soap and washed myself, finding little sore spots on my hips, my thighs, and my breasts. I took extra care when I washed between my legs, feeling on display as I cleaned the remnants of last night's escapades off my skin. When the water finally began to cool, I turned it off and stepped out of the shower, feeling somewhat more relaxed now that I was clean. I stood naked and dripping onto the floor mat, looking for another towel, trying to ignore the heated look Anders was giving me.

"Here," he muttered, and pulled one out of the cabinet next to him, unfolding it and holding it open for me. I stepped into his arms, allowing him to wrap me up, and his eyes glinted with an emotion I couldn't identify. His jaw was clenched, the muscle jumping in his temple as I stared up at him, willing him to relax his guard for just a moment. I put out a tentative hand, knowing it was a bad idea, and cupped his jaw, feeling the heat radiating off his skin.

"Why do you hate it so much?" I asked softly, letting a bit of my light ebb out to surround us. His hand was up in a flash, gripping my wrist, tugging it away from his face.

"It lowers my guard, and that cannot happen," Anders snapped at me, bringing my wrist down and behind my back.

"What's so bad about relaxing once in a while?" I demanded, my mind flashing back to last night. "You don't need to be in control every second of the day." Heat flared in his eyes as they locked onto mine, holding my gaze far longer than I was used to. It made my insides molten, and all the while goosebumps prickled up across my skin.

"Do you want to know what could happen if I lost control?" he seethed, jerking me against him. I saw stars as my knees buckled, a wave of lightheadedness catching me off guard. Anders caught me before I hit the ground, and I closed my eyes, the world fading to black.