Chapter Thirty-Nine

A rna

" P aul, I really appreciate most of the things you've done for me. You've been a gem." I hugged him, smiling knowingly. "Again, this does NOT mean we are dating." I laughed as he sat down, a reciprocal grin on his face as he re-connected his headphones.

"I know. I have a date tonight. You and I can't be together."

"What?" I said, the pride clear in my tone. "You're finally going to meet your Huntress ?"

He nodded and I smiled as a warmth settled in my chest. Given some of the uncomfortable moments we had shared over the last couple of years, I was sad to leave.

"Won't be the same around here without you, Arna." He replied and I scoffed.

"Oh, please. You'll have a new roommate within the week." I headed for the door, turning for one last look at the place I spent most of my time trying to get away from, yet was now oddly going to miss.

"I don't just mean the flat, Arns." He said quietly, resuming his online game, obviously not wanting to prolong any form of emotional goodbye. We would keep in touch and while most of the time we lived together I avoided him out of fear he might overstep, I was happy to realise I would probably visit him when in Sydney.

"She is going to love you. Just don't assume you're getting married after one dinner. You're thoughtful and kind, Paul. Be yourself." I said, closing the door on that chapter and heading out to Dad, who was lifting the last of my suitcases into the car where Queeny and Marls were already buckled in waiting.

"Would you hurry, Bellsy, traffic might add time." Dad whined, his time anxieties clearly at play.

"Dad, I just checked online and there is literally no traffic. We will be there with three hours to spare and domestic travel only mandates one hour."

"An accident only takes a second, Bells, but adds an hour." He sighed as if I was a lost cause to understanding this while I sank into the backseat with Marlee.

"I thought you were picking me up." I grumbled, taking the coffee from her outstretched hand.

"And have us miss out on seeing you off?" Queeny said from the front. "I don't think so."

I rolled my eyes as Marlee snickered next to me before tapping her coffee cup against my own in silent solidarity.

"I'm moving to Melbourne , guys, not Antarctica. It's literally a one-hour flight and I will be in Sydney every four weeks, for the entire weekend, with no place to stay. You will all be seeing me. A lot."

"We're going to miss you, though." Marlee said, which was the catalyst for Queeny to begin blubbering about why I should not be moving interstate because of some " strapping young lad with a chiselled jawline and a twinkle in his eye ". Ha! I agree, Queeny, but this was one who ripped my heart out and spat on it like nobody's business.

"But, Nan, it's a job opportunity I can't pass up. This has nothing to do with Andrew."

"Oh, it's Andrew now?" Nan turned to roll her eyes at Marlee who giggled into her coffee before grimacing at me apologetically. I ignored them, instead looking out the window as we moved through the city streets with ease, despite the traffic Dad claimed would surely be here but was – surprise, surprise – not.

It was less than ten minutes later that we were pulling into the carpark at the airport, the car silent after Queeny finally recuperated from her mass of tears, and I was almost sad that there hadn't been traffic after all.

I was not one for goodbyes.

The lengthy, drawn-out farewells were only going to make me feel worse about something that was already wreaking havoc on my torn heart. I didn't want to leave Sydney. It was my home. A place where all my memories were born and those that I loved resided. My need for peace, however, overshadowed my nostalgia. I knew I would not be able to find it here, where every corner was coated with harsh reminders of what I very nearly had.

I hugged my family tightly at the check-in desk. The bittersweet taste of leaving coating my goodbyes as Dad gave me a tap on the arm and reminded me not to be a stranger.

"Love you, Bellsy."

Amidst the hustle and bustle of the departure lounge, we paused to smile at each other before I soon called somewhere else home. Nan pulled me in close and whispered some final words of love, encouragement and hope, weaving a tapestry of emotions that would linger long after our final goodbye. I swatted them both away with a tearful smile and looked towards Marlee. My best friend, sister from another mister, soulmate in so many ways. We reached for each other, our tears freely falling now with the weight of the impending separation heavy in our embrace.

"I will miss you, bitch." I said, sniffling ungracefully in her ear as Marlee shook with her responding laugh.

"You're an animal. And fuck I'm going to miss you too." I sunk into her hug, cherishing the warmth of our friendship, love and all the memories before I tore myself away and wiped my tears.

"Okay. Enough of this hideous crap. It's an hour flight. I will call you when I land. Marls, make sure these two clowns get home, yeah?" I bent down and picked up my bag, waving and turning to walk towards my gate. I paused, stealing one last glance and saw the three of them hugging, Marlee and Dad with smiles, Queeny with tears which she angrily wiped as she gave me a shooing motion, telling me it was time to go.

I laughed through what was the threat of an emotional tirade before heading towards the boarding gate.

I snapped a photo of myself holding my boarding pass and sent it to the new group chat I created with Marlee and Queeny which was aptly titled, Bitches be Crazy . It would be weird not seeing them as often as I did now but I couldn't deny there was a little excitement in the unknown of a new city.

When my row was called to board, I stood and reached for my carry-on bag before taking one final look around. People were shuffling to their gates, tickets in one hand, coffees in the other, everyone with somewhere to go and someone to see. Airports were always full of the most unexpected things and I smiled softly at the thought that, for a brief moment in time, I was here and would become another passing soul.

I smiled as my phone buzzed, anticipating the smart arse reply from Nan but was surprised when Felicity's name appeared on the screen. I watched it ring for a few seconds, briefly contemplating letting it go to voicemail, before deciding to answer.

"Flick, hi." I did my best to appear jovial, feeling tanked after the teary family goodbye I did not anticipate.

"Arna, hey. I'm so glad I caught you. Your flight is this morning, right?" I paused, wondering how she knew that, before regrouping.

"It is. I'm actually at the boarding gate right now."

"Oh, sorry. I won't keep you. I just wanted to say I'm sorry again. For everything." She paused, taking a nervous breath. "Shit was weird for a while and I think we were pitted as enemies which is total bullshit because in another life, we would have been super good friends and maybe even worked together, but like actually worked together. I think you're awesome and ferocious and admirable. You deserve better and I hope you find that in the Melbourne office. Because it's better than what you got from Darren. You know –"

"Flick." I cut in before she rambled for an hour with apologies. "It's okay, really. Let's catch up when I'm in Sydney next or come and see me in Melbourne."

Her relief was apparent in her sigh. "Okay, okay. Hey, I'm sorry about you and Andy too. I really thought –"

"I'm so sorry," I said, interrupting her again. "But I really need to go. I have to board." There were only two more people left in front of me and I walked towards them ready to hang up before she tried to talk to me about him again.

"Oh. Oh, okay. Right. Yes. Board. I will –"

"Arna!" Someone shouting my name from behind reefed me from the phone conversation, the boarding gate and everything else around me. I froze, my body refusing to move let alone look back.

"Arna. Wait!" I glanced at my phone, noticing Felicity had ended the call but still, I didn't turn around.

I knew that voice. I knew who it was and if I ignored it and walked the final three metres in front of me, I would be on the plane and in approximately ninety minutes, landing in Melbourne with all of this behind me.

"Next, please." The flight attendant smiled in my direction, her outstretched arm awaiting the boarding pass which was gripped tightly in my hand. I looked from her to my ticket and back to her but my feet were glued to the spot. I opened my mouth to say something – anything, but all reasonable thought eviscerated because I could feel him behind me.

"Please don't leave." His soft plea was like electricity, simultaneously shocking me and lighting me from within.

I could hear his deep breaths, even picture the way his chest would be rising and falling, and I closed my eyes, taking a deep reassuring inhale which I instantly regretted. When I packed up my things, I was finally rid of the smell which plagued my dreams. Breathing him in now, after a week where even getting out of bed was tough, was like a soothing balm for my weary soul. It wrapped around me, cradling me in its embrace and made me weak at the knees.

"Arnabelle, please don't leave me." His whispered plea was like a bullet as my eyes shot open at the same time as my mouth gaped like a goldfish.

Oh, this was not happening. Me leaving him ?

The audacity of this mother fucker.

I swung around to face him, not fully prepared for the mess that stood before me, but livid enough to be driven on instinct. I'd seen him in a number of ways. Sweaty and exhausted after a long match, messy and ruffled after a particularly satiating night, happy and full after a dinner with his family. Angry, frustrated, even uncertain, but never had I seen him look so sad. Desperate almost. It shocked me speechless as I tilted my head and took him in for the first time in one hundred and sixty-eight hours. My hand tingled to reach for him, to press it to his chest and close my eyes, letting his warmth recharge me.

I missed him. Oh my god, did I miss him. But he left me . He left me with radio silence and no opportunity to explain.

"Arns, don't leave. Please don't go to Melbourne." His voice startled me from my reverie and I felt the anger return. Where did he get off? He didn't even give me a chance to explain. He ignored my emails, my messages, my calls and cut me out of his life like I meant nothing. And now. Now he was here asking me to stay.

"Are you act –" Exasperated, I ran my hands through my hair. "Andy, are you serious? Like what – in what – where – fuck you, Andy!"

His lip twitched as if he were going to smile which only added fuel to my fire.

"Oh, I'm sorry, am I amusing you?" I asked incensed. "Is this the part where I fall at your feet, Captain ?" I gritted with disdain.

"Passive aggression doesn't suit you." He said, his tiny smirk a sign of what appeared to be relief that I was talking to him.

"Oh, there is nothing passive about this, Andy! You hurt me. You fucking hurt me." I began to pace from side to side as the things I wanted to say for the last week rattled inside me fighting for airtime. "Your pig-headedness blinded you to what was in front of you and now, since I've decided to leave, you choose to come here. To the airport, Andy, what the hell? I'm about to board." I gestured to the departure gate where the attendant was watching us like it was the finals for Wimbledon.

"Andy, I can't." I sighed, all the fight and gusto suddenly gone, leaving behind a bone deep exhaustion. "I have nothing to say to you. Nothing to stay for anymore. I-I quit my job. Paul is getting a new roommate. What's done is done." I took a step backwards, my mind racing with uncertainty.

"I dare you to stay." He said and I froze. "Stay for me," he whispered, "Stay for us." His words grew in volume and when I turned to him his smirk was gone, replaced with a pure aching sorrow. I knew what it was, because it had met me every time I looked in the mirror for the last week. It was the look of heartbreak.

"Arna, please don't leave. I was wrong and I'm sorry. I cast you as one of the villains when you were always the saviour. Since the minute I met you, you've been on my side and I was too much of an idiot to see that. Until now." He closed the space between us, taking my hand in both of his before bringing it to rest against his chest and the warmth of his grip began to dissolve my anger.

"I know it's the thirteenth hour and I deserve nothing from you after my cowardice but I just need to tell you, when you go to Melbourne and – and make a new home without me, just know you are home for me." His voice broke on the last words and I felt the tears I was holding hostage fall down my face.

"When I'm with you I'm balanced in a way I have never been before, Arna. And I know it hasn't been easy being with me, and it probably won't be easy this year or next, but if you stay, we will be together and that makes everything better." He brought my hand down to rest between us but didn't realise it from his tight grip.

"I'm sorry, Arns. I fucked up and I'm truly so sorry. I will show you how sorry I am for the rest of my life if that's what it takes. Because I can't see a future without you.

"I want to hold your thigh while you read on the balcony and the cars are driving on the streets below. I want you to lay your head on me while you tell me about your dreams and I tell you about mine. I want you to read me all the articles you are editing and teach me new words I will never, ever use. I want you there after a shitty game because it's never quite as dark when you're around. I want to watch football with you and answer the same questions every game because you don't even want to understand the sport. I want to celebrate the highs and survive the lows with you because without you, I lack harmony, Arns. Without you I'm nothing. And I know my timing sucks and for that I'm sorry too, but it just took me a little while. I love you, Arna. All of you, and I'm asking for a chance. I'm asking you to take a chance on me and believe in me because in ten years things won't be like this. We won't be the new couple who everyone is desperate to photograph. In ten years, you will be my best friend and we will be doing best friend things, away from the eyes of the world."

I wiped the tears from my face, my boarding pass now crumpled in my hand as my mind raced with possibilities, excuses, the need for self-preservation, but mostly, relieving the never-ending ache.

"Excuse me, Miss, I'm sorry to interrupt but if you're boarding, it needs to be now." Shit. There was too much happening and no time to think, let alone make an impulsive decision which could change everything.

"Ummm, I - I." I closed my eyes, my chin dropping to my chest.

"Miss, this is the last chance before we –"

I held my hand up to the lady who was trying her best to simply do her job while I was standing in the middle of a circus.

Sighing, I looked up at her. "Go without me, please. I'll take a later flight." She shook her head before nodding sympathetically and I turned back to Andy, removing my hand from his.

Stepping forward, I kept my words low despite there only being a couple of other people in our vicinity.

"Andy, what the actual fuck? I'm confused. I'm exhausted. And I'm – I'm sad." My throat thickened on the final words. I was so, so sad.

"You didn't leave." He marvelled.

I shrugged. "You know I can't back down from a dare . But you broke my heart, Andy. You broke me. " I swallowed the lump lodged in my throat, internally threatening to punch myself if I let the emotions overwhelm me. "I w-would never have written those things about you. It was Darren. He intercepted my emails and then –"

Andy stepped towards me, brushing a piece of hair behind my ear, his eyes searching mine. "Arna, I know. Flick told me everything that I was too pig-headed to see."

"Shhhh." I held my hand up to his mouth to silence him. "It's my turn." Andy smiled softly against my fingers and I felt my lips twitch before squashing the almost grin and forcing my frown back. He was not allowed to make me smile yet.

"Dickhead Darren intercepted my emails and modified my article. Andy, I'd never write that. But you should have known that. When those photos came out of you with that woman – I believed you. Straight away. But you didn't even give me an opportunity to explain. I know you've had your trust broken before. But I am not them. You can't keep living in the past because it will destroy you and it will destroy me." Accentuating my frustration with a poke in the chest, my voice broke a little and I dug my nails into my palm to mentally regroup.

"I quit my job. I told my boss to deep throat a cactus and I quit. He made me look like a tangential misandrist and it's the opposite, Andy. I was falling in love with you. I mean, I am in love with you, I guess. And then you went and fucked it all up, didn't you? You told me you always tell your teammates to trust each other above all else, and then to leave it all on the field. But you didn't. Y-y-you –"

Righteous exasperation blanketed my lungs and I breathed rapidly, the emotion heavy as I worked to fill myself with much needed oxygen. Seeing him here in front of me, after days of desolation and desperation, the negative energy and anger finally dissipated. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't hold this animosity any longer. Taking one final deep breath, I shrugged in pure abandon.

"I'm tired, Andy. So tired. Can we go somewhere where I can breathe and think without the fear of someone seeing us?"

Andy took that as acceptance and stepped forward, his eyes glistening with emotion, before slamming his lips to mine while wiping my still falling tears. He broke the kiss, framing my face with his hands and kissing my cheeks before taking my mouth again.

"My little wordsmith, I love you. I'm a jerk, a coward and a total dick. I'm sorry I didn't trust you like you deserved. Like you earned. And especially, I'm sorry for making you feel anything less than you are. Because even though I'm not an avid reader, you are love in every single language and that's something that will remain no matter how many edits you do, Ms. Frost."

Rolling my eyes I let out a long breath, tilting my chin a little to look right at him.

"That quite possibly might be the lamest declaration of love I've ever heard and when I don't feel so bleh, I might – probably – most definitely – will call Marlee and tell her you said that so we can laugh at you, Mr. Gloss. " I raised my chin but gripped on to his arms despite my insult. He kissed me softly and I sank into his embrace feeling a relaxation settle in my chest for the first time in what felt like forever.