Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

Sweat trickled down Lilith’s spine, and she reached for her water bottle, only to find it empty.

How long had she been working in the garden?

Long enough to drink all her water. Standing, she stretched and observed what she’d achieved in Julian’s backyard. She needed to work out the front. That garden drastically needed some attention, but Julian didn’t want her working out the front while he wasn’t home.

He hadn’t issued the instruction in a controlling manner like she’d been used to at Hopeful Sunshine. Instead, when she’d brought up the subject of attending to it, Julian had explained that he would feel better if she waited until he was home to do that. As unlikely as it could be, he’d seen so many things in jobs where people were taken from the unlikeliest of places, including front yards. He wanted to keep her safe, and after he’d explained, she’d agreed to his request. Honestly, the idea of being out in the open in the front yard, no matter how much she wanted to fix it up, scared her a little. She was still finding her footing being out of the confines of the compound.

“You look like you need this.” Julian’s voice startled her, and she dropped her bottle. “Shit, sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You could’ve made a noise or something,” she grumbled, secretly glad to see him.

Over the past three weeks, their co-habitation had gone really well, surprising Lilith. Having never lived with a man before, she’d thought it would be awkward. Not that they were living together as if they were a couple. They were roommates. Or housemates.

“The garden looks good,” Julian said as he held out the glass of iced water. She took it and greedily drank it down.

“Thanks. I’m happy with how it’s coming along. It keeps me busy. I still have had no luck finding a job though.” After thinking about it for a couple of days, she’d decided that she would not try to find a job that she didn’t want, just to get money. She was going to find a job that she enjoyed, something that entailed working with plants or in a garden. Something outdoors.

It went against everything within her to take charity from people, especially from Julian, but this time, she accepted the help. Accept the financial assistance living with Julian was giving her.

She’d suggested that she’d fix up his garden as a way of paying for food and utilities. Julian had told her it wasn’t necessary, but she didn’t want to be seen as a sponge who sucked up everything that people offered. In the end, Julian had agreed, although he insisted on giving her some money to buy whatever she needed in terms of plants and fertilizers, things he would’ve had to pay for should he have employed a contractor to do the work.

“I’m sure something will come up. Don’t give up. Maybe you should start your own landscaping business. Go around the neighborhood to see if you can drum up some business.”

Lilith stared at him. “That would entail me leaving the house, by myself , something you’re not happy with me doing, remember? You don’t want me to work out front without you being there.”

Julian didn’t say a thing, just continued to look at her, and she wasn’t sure what was going on. Normally, he would have a quick comeback when she mentioned what he asked of her. It was becoming a running joke between them.

“Have dinner with me,” he blurted out.

“Huh? We have dinner together every night.”

She stood her ground as he closed the distance between them and brushed his thumb across her cheek gently. Her skin tingled from the touch, and she wanted more. “No, I mean, let’s go out. Have dinner in a restaurant.”

Was he asking her on a date? Or was he just asking her out to thank her for the work she was doing?

This was where she wished had some more life knowledge. Skills on reading between the lines of what was being said to her. She didn’t want to assume it was a date, but she really hoped it was.

“Okay.”

Julian smiled big. “Perfect. I’ll go make a reservation. Six thirty sound good to you?”

“Umm, sure.” She really needed to start wearing a watch or something so she knew what time it was.

“It’s four thirty now,” he said, as if he knew she wanted to know what time it was. “It will take us about half an hour to get to the place I’m thinking of going. Can you be ready by six, then?”

“Of course, why didn’t you just say to be ready by six instead of saying six thirty? A girl just needs the time she has to be ready by.” Lilith had no idea if that was true or not, as she’d not been on any dates.

Oh my God, I’m going on my first date!

Nerves and a smidgeon of excitement bubbled to life in her stomach. She didn’t know how to act on a date. Could she call Cass and ask her? Would her friend think it silly that she was asking for date advice when she didn’t even know if Julian thought of this as a date?

“Hey, what’s going through your mind?” he asked gently, and she realized her fingers were digging into his arms.

When had she reached out and grabbed him?

“What is this?” she whispered.

“Dinner?”

She nodded, unable to voice the true question she wanted to ask.

“It’s whatever you want it to be.”

Her excitement fizzled out. She’d gone and got herself worked up over nothing. He didn’t see this as more than getting some food. As not having to cook for the night. He didn’t see this as something special.

“Oh, okay.” She summoned up a smile from deep down, but it felt false. “I better get ready.” Lilith dropped her hands and stepped around him. She’d taken two steps when her hand was grabbed, and Julian was standing right behind her. His chest to her back. His breath tickling the strands of her hair that had escaped her ponytail.

“It’s a date, Lil,” he whispered against her ear. “I want to take you out. I want to show you off.”

Everything around Lilith faded, the noise of the bugs in the garden, the birds flying overhead. The wind rustling through the trees. It was as if a glass tube had lowered from the sky and cocooned her and Julian.

He wanted to take her on a date. Show her off. This was all too much to comprehend, but it made her very happy.

They stood so close to each other. If she turned her head a little, his lips would brush against her cheek. If she turned fully, his lips would be on hers.

How she wished she had the courage to do that. Her one encounter with a man had been rushed, and the kisses hadn’t been enjoyable. But she wanted to kiss Julian. Without a doubt, his kiss would be much better than what she’d experienced in the past.

After everything she’d been through, life was meant for taking risks, and this was one risk she was going to take. Lilith turned until they were face to face, their noses almost touching. Her hands landed on Julian’s chest, the muscles jumping beneath her fingers. His heart thrumming steadily against her palm.

Her attention lingered on his mouth before traveling up to connect with his gaze. His blue eyes were dark and intense. The question was there in his eyes, and even as she read it, her mind conjured it up in his voice.

“Can I kiss you?”

It took a second for her to realize that it hadn’t been her imagination, but Julian was asking.

Whenever he wanted something from her, he always asked her, and she loved that about him. He wasn’t trying to take advantage, the way the men she’d grown up around had always done.

“Yes.”

What should she do? Make the move to close the gap between them? Or wait for Julian?

Julian solved the dilemma for her by leaning forward and gently brushing his lips against hers. A featherlight touch, but enough to have her nerve endings yearning for more. Like always, he knew exactly what she needed, and this time, when their lips met, the connection was longer. His arms rubbed over her shoulders before sliding down to rest on either side of her hips. She gripped the fabric of his shirt and shuffled forward so only the thinnest piece of paper could get between them.

Julian’s mouth slid over hers, encouraging her to open beneath his. She did, and he deepened the kiss. Her mind went blank as a swarm of sensations washed over her, enveloping her in a tingly blanket.

The previous kisses she’d shared in the past were gone and forgotten. For her, this was her first kiss. The one that she would always remember.

Julian broke the kiss but rested his cheek against her. A sweet gesture that meant almost as much to her as the kisses they’d shared.

“That was…” How did she tell him the kiss had been amazing? Mind blowing.

“I know,” he responded.

A small chuckled rippled through her. “You always seem to know what I’m thinking. How is that possible?”

“I don’t know.”

Lilith leaned back so she could look him directly at him. “I like it. I like you.”

A few weeks ago, she never would’ve imagined herself saying those words to him, but here they were, standing in his backyard, and she was revealing her feelings for him.

“I like you too.”

“I better go shower.”

“And I should go make that reservation.”

Yet neither one of them seemed ready to walk away from each other, as though the very thought of them not touching would be the end of them.

A second later, their arms were around each other, and they were kissing again. If possible, it was better than the first. Her mouth opened willingly, and as their tongues dueled, warmth pooled between her thighs. She clenched them together to stop herself from grinding against him to soothe the increasingly developing ache.

This time it was her that pulled away. “I think we need to stop,” she said breathlessly.

Immediately, he dropped his arms and put some space between them. He was breathing as hard as she was. “Yeah, because if we don’t, we’ll never leave.”

“Would that be a bad thing?” Suddenly the idea of going out to some place where they wouldn’t be alone didn’t appeal as much as it had a few minutes ago.

Julian laughed. “Trust me when I say I would love to skip dinner, but I want to take you out. I want to go on this date with you. I want this night to be special.”

How could she resist him when he said things like that? “Okay, I want this too.”

“Perfect. Now you go inside, and I’ll stay here for a few minutes and make the reservation.”

Lilith nodded and headed for her room, panic setting in at the thought of what she was going to wear. Her wardrobe wasn’t extensive, and she hadn’t had a chance to get anything more than what Cass and the other women had gotten her.

Not that she knew where Julian was taking her. Was it somewhere fancy or casual?

She opened her closet and looked at her small collection of clothes, flicking through the hangers. This was hopeless. She couldn’t decide because she needed to know where they were going.

Sighing, she went in search of Julian and found him still outside, the phone to his ear. He noticed her and held up his finger in the universal sign of wait a second .

“Great, thank you so much. Bye.” He pocketed his phone, and Lilith’s breath caught when she saw the sparkle of happiness in his eyes. Had she caused that, or was it from the phone call? “That was the restaurant. They couldn’t fit us in a six thirty but could at seven. So you have a little more time to get ready.”

“Enough time to go shopping?” she muttered, before smiling. “Great. Can you tell me, is this place casual or formal?”

Julian came up to her, his brow furrowed. “I wouldn’t say it’s formal, but also not casual . Why? Do you need to get something from the store?”

That was no help, but maybe one of the dresses would work. “No, it’s fine. Just working out what to wear.”

The last thing she wanted to do was embarrass Julian and herself by wearing something wrong. Suddenly, sweat beaded on her brow, and her heart rate picked up speed. Her breathing became shallow. The possibility that Julian could punish her for not wearing something appropriate loomed in front of her like a large boulder blocking her escape from a cave.

“Whoa, Lilith, breathe.” Julian’s hands lightly gripped her forearm, and the panic increased.

“Stop! Let me go!” Lilith moved her arms, and Julian released her and took a step back.

“You’re safe, Lilith. I will not hurt you.”

“I don’t believe you. You’ll take me to dinner, and then, when it’s clear that I’m embarrassing you, you’ll discipline me when we get home!”

Part of her brain said she was overreacting, but the other part, the one that had been beaten down for years, had taken control and wasn’t letting go.

“No, I would never hurt you. Lil, it’s me, Julian. It’s not Staunton. Or Ralph. Or your parents. I would sooner cut off my hand than raise it to you.” A light brush stroked her hand, and she timed her breathing to the motion.

Eventually, everything within her slowed. Her heart rate. Her breathing. The panic that consumed her seeped away. The haze that covered her vision lifted, and she took in her surroundings. She was in Julian’s backyard. The yard where she’d been putting her stamp on it. The man himself stood in front of her, his blue eyes filled with concern.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, dropping her head so she wouldn’t have to look at him.

“Lil, look at me, please.” The request was said gently, with no malice or threat. Taking a deep breath, she lifted her head. “There she is,” he murmured, the corners of his mouth lifting in a sweet smile. “You good?”

“I think so. I got overwhelmed, and well, you saw.”

“I did. If going out is too much for you, we can order in.”

It would be so easy to grab that lifeline he just presented her, but if she was going to live her life to the fullest, then she needed to do things that made her uncomfortable. Rationally, she knew Julian wouldn’t punish her because of what she wore. But the words thrown at her practically her whole life wouldn’t disappear just because she changed the course of her life. “No. I want to go out.”

“Are you sure?”

She loved he was always checking with her, making sure she was happy with her decisions and that it was her choice and he wasn’t forcing his will on to her. “Positive. I need to do this.”

“I get it. And seriously, whatever you wear will be fine. They won’t kick you out unless you rock up in a bikini and flip-flops. Then they might.”

Lilith laughed at the ridiculousness of that ever happening. Even she knew that wearing a bikini to a restaurant wasn’t the done thing, unless it was a beach bar or at a resort where everyone was in their bathing suit. “I think it’s safe to say that, even with me living most of my life in cults, I’m aware a bikini is not restaurant attire. I mean, I did work in a couple for a while.”

“Good to know. Will you be okay getting ready?”

Lilith took a few seconds to take stock of what was happening with her body. The panic from not long ago was being replaced with fissures of happiness and excitement at the prospect of having dinner with Julian. The change in her feelings surprised her, but she was getting used to the way Julian could make her feel better with a quick smile and some light touches. “Yes, I will be.” She closed the gap between them and pressed her lips against his in a quick kiss. “Thank you for helping me through that.”

“Always, Lil. I’ll always help you. No matter what you need.”