Chapter Eleven

S miling, I stare at my reflection in the mirror. My hair is damp around my shoulders, and my skin is already looking brighter thanks to the skincare Miya helped me pick out. Eating actual food is helping too. I'm in clothes that actually fit me. I feel good in my skin for the first time in a while.

Leaving the bathroom, I go out to the living room to join Kado. He's got his back to me while he messes with something on the table I can't see.

"Hey, what are you doing?"

He turns toward me and frowns.

"Are you okay?" I ask as I walk closer to him, stopping right in front of him.

He shakes his head, the line between his eyebrows more prominent than I've ever seen.

Without thinking, I reach up and rub the line away with my thumb. "If you don't stop frowning like that, you'll get wrinkles. Now tell me what's wrong."

He reaches out and tugs on the hem of my shirt. Kado looks at my shirt as if it's personally offended him.

"Do you not like my clothes?" I ask, trying to hide the hurt in my voice.

He shakes his head no.

I take a step back and cross my arms over my chest. "What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"

I felt so good when I tried this on in the store, and Miya said I looked great. Was she lying?

Kado visibly becomes agitated as he tries to figure out how to tell me what's wrong. Finally, he pulls on his shirt before pointing at me.

"You want me to wear your clothes?"

Relief fills his face as he nods.

"Kado, do you like seeing me wear your things?" I tease, the earlier hurt fading away.

He nods again, looking a little bashful at the admission.

I feel like I am beaming because of it. It's such an intimate thing, wearing a man's clothes. I didn't even consider doing it again because I thought he only let me wear them out of necessity. Knowing he not only enjoys it, but prefers me to wear them has me feeling like I'm on cloud nine.

I feel like I should be worried about this level of possessiveness he is showing, but I'm not. I've always wanted a man who would let me wear his clothes. I want that relationship where I steal his hoodies, and he never complains.

"I like wearing your clothes too, but I can't wear them all the time," I tell him.

He frowns then mouths, Why not?

I try to hide my smile as I clear my throat.

"Because you insisted on me going shopping and buying clothes for myself. I won't let your money go to waste like that. Besides, I like what I bought, and it makes me feel pretty. So how about sometimes I wear my clothes and sometimes I'll wear yours? That way, we're both happy."

Kado thinks about it for a moment and nods.

"Good."

He steps closer to me, touching my hair.

Then I hear it, almost a whisper.

"You are pretty."

I feel my cheeks heat as I realize what it cost him to tell me that. He wants me to know he thinks I look good. I want to yell at him for hurting himself, but at the same time, I want him to know I appreciate the impact behind those three words. It's not the words themselves, but the fact that he felt they were important enough to actually speak them, knowing what the consequence would be for himself.

"Thank you. You don't know how good that is to hear. Especially from you." I cringe when I realize what I said.

He doesn't respond, though, only stares at me, a soft smile on his face.

Changing the subject, I ask, "What were you messing with when I came in here?"

He grabs my hand, pulling me to sit at the table. Then he hands me a box.

"Is this for me?" I ask as I take it from his hands.

He nods, and I can't help but return his smile.

I meant it when I told him I love surprises. Little gifts or thoughtful actions are the way to show me that you care. I've never had anyone do it for me before, but Kado is nailing it.

"You didn't have to get me anything else. You've already spent too much on me," I tell him as I open the box.

I mean the words, but my excitement outweighs my guilt at the moment.

My breath catches when I see what's inside. There are several paperbacks, but what really gets my attention is the electronic box. Carefully, I grab it and turn it over to see if it's what I think it is. Sure enough, it is.

"You got me a Kindle and books?"

He nods before pointing toward the living room. My breath catches when I see he unpacked the bags of pillows and blankets I grabbed while shopping with Miya. He even placed the fake plant in the corner like I would have, but what really gets my attention is the furniture he brought in and the TV that is mounted to the wall that wasn't there before I went to bed last night.

He made this place look like a home.

I look back at him and try to push back tears. "Did you do all of this for me?"

He pulls out his phone.

Do you like it?

"I love it. Thank you."

I look around again and shake my head. He did this for me. Kado listened to everything I said and ran with it. He's trying to make me happy, and it's working.

"No one has ever done anything this thoughtful for me before," I say quietly.

He takes my hand and pulls me down to sit on the couch next to him, and he points between us and the TV.

"Do you want to watch something together?"

He nods as he reaches forward, grabs the remote, and hands it to me.

"What do you want to watch?" I ask as I turn it on.

Kado shrugs as he leans back into the couch, getting comfortable next to me.

I start to mindlessly scroll through the different apps he has loaded on the screen. Choosing one at random, I start scrolling, looking for something that catches my eye, but nothing stands out. The only thing I can think about is the one question that's rolling through my mind.

I set the remote in my lap and turn toward Kado. "Can I ask you something?"

He squeezes my hand, giving me the go-ahead.

"What is it you want from me, exactly? Why do you want to keep me here?"

I thought it was for nefarious reasons, but he has never once made a move on me. In fact, other than the hand holding and wanting to brush my hair, he hasn't even really touched me. Not really.

He tilts his head to the side as he studies me. With his free hand, he picks up his phone. It takes him a little longer than it normally does to type his message with his non-dominant hand.

Companionship. I like you.

My heart aches as I read the words.

He wants companionship. He doesn't want me for sexual pleasure or anything like that. He just wants someone to spend time with. Someone to come home to like his friends do.

"I can do that, and Kado? I like you too."

This time when he smiles, I feel my heart skip a beat. When he smiles, he looks so human and almost like he's mine.

That thought plays over and over in my head as I lean into his side, his hand still in mine, and start looking for something to watch. I know I should be careful, but I think it might already be too late.

I think I'm falling for him.

She fell asleep an hour ago. The movie she chose ended, but it automatically started playing another. I'm not even paying attention, though.

No, all I can focus on is the woman leaning against me. At some point, she wrapped my arm around her shoulder and snuggled into me. I wanted to preen when she did, but I forced myself to remain blank. I didn't want her to know how desperate I am for any form of affection from her.

Still, I relished in the heat from her body warming mine. I normally run warm anyway, but the warmth from her feels different. I like it.

I never enjoyed touch before. That all started to change with Miya. She was barely an adult when she came to work for The Currency. She was a tough nut, but she always seemed to have a soft side when it came to certain people. When Kenji assigned me to be her guard, I got to see it firsthand. Call it the nature of my work, but before her, I had never seen the kind of kindness she provided.

Cleo contributed to it as well. She was different than Miya. Where Miya has rough edges, Cleo is all soft. She is the homemaker and heart of the organization. When Kai would go off the deep end and live in the darkness, she pulled him back to the light, giving him that bit of humanity he needed to not become his father.

Watching the two of them made me start to want hugs and warm greetings. They made me start feeling lonely in the solace of my own home. I started to crave companionship. The laughter that would come from the couples in my vicinity.

I guess that's what really propelled me into looking at women differently.

Not that I was looking at every woman as if she might be a potential match, but I did start to think I might be able to find someone who could be a good partner for me.

Then I saw her.

Lucy.

She took my breath away. She was walking down the street with her cleaning uniform she always wore, bobbing her head to some music on the old-school headphones she was wearing. I watched as she stopped short of the house I was there to watch, removed her headphones, then straightened herself out. When she pasted a smile on her face, I frowned. I wanted to see a real smile. Not the fake shit she is putting on now.

Then I watched her walk up to that house and knew I had to keep my distance. I couldn't be connected to this man in any way.

Yet, I still watched her. I paid attention each and every time she came and went. I found myself putting off what I had to do so I could watch her longer. I didn't even know her, but I felt like I knew who she was. I felt like we could have a connection if only given half the chance.

Now here she is.

I look down at her. Absentmindedly, I begin to play with her hair. I always loved her hair. She often wore it up, but I always wanted to know if it felt as soft as it looked. It really is silky-soft. Especially now that she used whatever it is she bought with Miya.

I could spend forever like this.

I know I should pick her up and take her to bed then come back out here and sleep on the couch, but I can't bring myself to do it.

Plain and simple, I don't want to.

I like the feeling of her body pressed against mine. I want to bask in this feeling with her forever.

She groans, shifting in her sleep, making me freeze. I realize I was touching her hair again. Without her permission.

I cringe as I think about what her reaction might be if only she knew. Other than taking her hand when I lead her places or trying to communicate, I try not to touch her without permission. I want her to initiate it first, especially when she thought I wanted to do unspeakable things to her when she first moved in.

I won't have her view me that way. It would kill me.

"Why'd you stop?" her soft, sleepy voice mumbles.

I don't move. I have no idea what to do next.

Her eyes flutter open as she looks up at me.

"I liked you playing with my hair. It was calming," she admits.

That's enough to get my hand moving again.

"Mmm. That feels nice." Her eyes close again.

I think she will fall back asleep, but she surprises me when she starts talking.

"I always wondered what it would feel like. To be affectionate like this with another person. I dated a bit when I was younger, but I realized real quick that you can only depend on yourself. None of those men ever wanted anything other than some quick fun."

I try to remain calm as I think about other men touching her. I don't like that at all. I want to find each and every one of them and end their lives.

Her eyes open again as she looks up at me.

"That bothers you."

Reluctantly, I nod.

She moves, sitting up to face me. I frown, hating that she moved away from me.

"Why?"

I shrug, not wanting to answer. She doesn't let me get away with it. She pulls my phone from my pocket, handing it to me.

"Tell me."

She doesn't seem upset, so I give her the most honest answer I can.

I don't like the thought of other men touching you.

She hums as she considers that. Then she flutters her eyelashes at me.

"Since we are admitting secrets, I don't like the thought of women touching you either. When you hugged Miya, it made me jealous."

I swallow hard, not knowing how to take that. I want to celebrate, but she looks conflicted about the feelings. I don't want her to feel like she needs to do or be anything but herself.

I want to say something, but I don't know what to say.

Thankfully, she starts speaking again. "It's okay. I'm not sure how to feel about it either. I'm still working through it. You'll be patient with me, right?"

I nod several times, making sure she knows that I will wait forever if she needs me to.

She looks down, running her fingers up and down my forearm. Then she stops and gasps. "Is this a scar? Where did you get this?"

The concern in her tone has my heart beating faster. Does she hate the idea of me getting hurt? Has she started to care about me? I point to the door, not wanting to remove my hand from hers to attempt to type a response.

"Work?" When I nod, she continues, "Will you tell me what you do?"

I shake my head no.

"Why not?"

Regretfully, I pull my hand from hers and type my response.

I'm scared you will be frightened of me. I never want you to feel that way about me.

"Never. Please? I really want to know."

Sighing, I nod.

I do whatever Kai needs from me. Sometimes it's a guard. Other times, it's more specialized.

She nods as she reads it. "Miya mentioned you used to guard her. Kai, is that Harukai?"

I want to laugh at the way she almost stumbles over his name. I nod in affirmation to her question.

"Do you kill people?" she asks.

I hesitate before giving her an answer. I'm worried she will run screaming, but instead, she doesn't seem surprised.

"I assumed as much considering how we met," she says when she sees me staring. "Is that the specialty you have? Are you good at killing people?"

I shrug before typing out a more detailed response.

It is one of my specialties, but I'm also very good at getting around without being detected. It helps when we need information but don't want to cause a scene. Other times, I'm more like a private investigator. I'm watching, but not acting.

She reads the words before mulling them over. I'm sweating bullets, wondering what she is thinking about.

Is she worried I will kill her?

Is she disgusted because I have blood on my hands?

Does she hate me?

I'm so lost in my thoughts that it startles me when she starts to giggle.

I tap her head, making her look up at me. She's still laughing, though.

"You have to admit it's funny. If anyone were to actually know you, they would never guess you kill people for a living. I mean, seriously. You bought me a brush and enough hair clips to last a lifetime. You go out of your way to do nice things for me and listen when I talk. You're supposed to be this badass ninja assassin, and you totally aren't. At least not with me. Well, I suppose that first night you were pretty sneaky and you did kill my former client, but other than that, you have been a big teddy bear. You have to see the irony in that."

I smile at her, letting out a small puff of air as I laugh without a sound. I guess it is funny, but only for her. Even around my friends, I never let my guard down like this. I'm only ever like this here in my home. Now with her too.

Only with you.

I type to her. Her face softens as her laughter dies down.

Do you hate me for what I do? I type out, hesitating before turning the phone toward her.

Her hand touches her lips.

"Oh, Kado. No. I don't. Maybe I'm broken, but I know that man had it coming to him. He wasn't a good person. I have a feeling the other people you hurt are also bad people. No, I don't hate you at all. I think you do a service for this world, one that costs you a great deal."

My heart grows at her words. I can tell she is sincere. She's not just telling me this because she is afraid of me.

She reaches out, holding my hand before bringing it to her lips. She kisses it softly before setting both her hand and my own in her lap.

"I know I was angry at first for you making me come here, but I see why now. I still might not like it, but I understand. I've forgiven you for it. You want companionship? You have it. I'm here with you, Kado. Good, bad, and ugly, I will be here," she promises.

I remove my hand, typing out one message.

Me too.