Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

CAULDER

I've never, literally never woken up with someone in the same bed pressed against me. It's not just a body pressed against me, either. Lo's practically on top of me.

My heart races for one wild minute, and I'm disoriented when I groggily open my eyes. I don't recognize my surroundings and the weight of the hot body tangled with mine is almost enough to make me lose my shit.

But Lo sighs in his sleep and for some reason, that's enough to trigger a 10x speed overview of what happened last night—the sex on TV, the kiss, the blowie, the freakout, the confessions, the arrangement. And here we are.

A smile touches my lips. I didn't tell him everything last night. Although, I'm guessing he probably can guess a lot of it. But the things I left out are kind of a big deal. I've never so much as touched another man.

Or woman. I never pretended to be straight to that extent. In reality, I don't actually try to appear straight. I present that way when forced to talk about relationships and hookups or whatever. Otherwise, I avoid the conversations and topics at all costs.

In reality, I don't trust myself. That's why I've never even allowed myself to go to a club under the anonymity of night and fool around. The idea that I could be found, caught, and outed against my will, was far too fucking terrifying.

Instead, I stay deep in the closet with my secret close to my heart and enjoy my hand and a few toys when the need becomes too much. I don't mind the closet. I've made myself a home here.

Up until now, I haven't been driven to temptation at all. That doesn't mean I haven't met or seen some stupidly attractive men over the years. It just means my resolve has been too strong to give in. My goal, my one track mind, is what has kept me so focused on my path and never deviating from it.

I turn my face into Lo's hair and breathe him in. He mostly smells like sweat and sex, but there's a hint of shampoo there. A tease at what Lo smells like normally. Is he more attractive because we've fooled around? After the third orgasm somewhere around four this morning, I fell into a hard sleep. Peaceful.

Nothing has ever felt so fucking good as his hand and mouth on me. On my dick. On my lips. On my nipples.

He ran his hands over my ass and along my crack a lot, but he never tried to go further than foreplay. Now I'm wondering whether it's because he doesn't want sex, or if he saw through more than what I volunteered last night and knows the truth. He literally blew a whole lot of firsts out of the water in a single night.

I'm not sure if I'm ready to have sex. It's not that I'm saving it for any special thing or person or occasion. It's more that… right now, I don't know what I'm missing. There's porn that tells you what's out there and there's toys and shit. But with another body touching me, sharing it with me, I think it will change everything and staying closeted will be a lot more difficult than it is right now.

For now, I have a system. I've made a comfortable life living in a way that no one suspects. You know, probably. I imagine if someone were to look closely, they'd see the holes in my stories. But why would they look? No one cares and I haven't given them a reason to.

Lo sighs in his sleep again, this time shifting. He'd been kind of draped over me, but facing the other way, now he's shifted so he can stretch up my body and press his face into my neck. I grin. There's something really cute about it.

Unsure if I'm allowed to touch him, I softly brush my fingers through the back of his hair. His arm that's draped over me curls and his hand lands on my stomach. He's definitely far more confident than I am. That hand moves up my torso and pauses at my nipple, softly squeezing it and twisting it.

Until last night, I had no idea my nipples were as sensitive as they are. Just this little touch has my body heating. Lo's lips curl against my skin and then he kisses my neck.

He shifts on my body again, bringing his leg between mine and pressing his thigh to my hard cock. Rubbing against me. Rocking into me. I groan.

And here I thought it might be awkward this morning. I stretch my head back, giving Lo more of my neck. I'm a whore for his touch. He can touch me anywhere he wants. I've never felt the electricity move through my skin quite like it does with him.

I mean, why would I? I've been the only one touching myself my entire life. This is going to get addicting.

"Want a morning fuck?" he murmurs.

I shiver and wonder if he means that literally. When I don't answer, Lo picks his head up and meets my eyes.

"Do you always bring condoms to games?" I ask.

He grins and damn, he's hot first thing in the morning. There's a wrinkle crease on his cheek and his hair is standing on end. The slight shadow on his chin is darker and fuller than last night, but still barely more than a hint.

"Yes. Traveling is usually the only time I hook up. Far from home where no one knows me."

"How do you ensure that they don't recognize you?"

"I do some admittedly lazy preliminary questioning before I decide whether I'll meet them. And they must host."

"You meet these guys online?"

Lo gives me an amused smile. "Yeah. Thrustr. How do you meet guys?"

There's the question I hate, though at least it's about guys this time instead of girls. I'm surprised by how much I appreciate the correct question.

"Clubs," I answer, as I always do.

"That has a bigger chance at being recognized than an anonymous guy online," he points out. "And yes, I always bring my own protection because it's not negotiable."

I nod. That's reassuring.

"But we don't have to fuck, Caulder."

"I…"

He smirks. There's a dimple when he smirks. I'd like to stick my tongue in it. Taste it. His smirk is stupidly sexy. Especially all morning rumpled like this.

"I meant fuck, as in ‘do you want to get off again' more than the literal meaning of the word," he explains. "I'm not going to push you into something you don't want to do."

Sighing, I shake my head. "I didn't say I don't want to. Just… maybe not yet."

He straddles my body and fuck, the way my dick immediately begins to pulse when he presses his to mine as he leans over me. His hands bear his weight on either side of my head as he looks down at me with that same sexy as fuck smirk. If he keeps looking at me like that, I think I will lose all ability to say no to anything.

With his eyes trained on mine, he deliberately rolls his hips, his cock grinding into mine. I groan, my hands reflexively going to his hips.

"Wanna fuck like this?" he asks and I nod. "Wrap your hand around our cocks, Caulder."

My cheeks heat. Hell, my entire body burns as I reach between us and grip our dicks. Lo leans back and drops some spit between our cocks.

"Hold tight."

My grip tightens and I think I can feel my hand around my throat. He rolls his hips, shoving his dick further into my hand, rubbing it tightly against my cock. I groan, shivering as he pulls backward, bringing his dick the other way.

He spits again and I jerk a little when it hits my dick. Then he does it again, rolling his hips. He repeats this, always adding more spit until we're slick. When we're moving with little friction, Lo fucks into my hand harder. Quicker. My body moves with his, unable to stop myself.

"That's it," Lo praises. "Squeeze harder. Jerk us—fuck, yes, like that."

My free hand is gripping his arm, as if holding on. My eyes move between his face and our dicks, unsure what is hotter right now. The hot, aroused expression on his face, or the way our dicks look together. Maybe it's the tensing of his abdominal muscles, flexing as he moves. Or the way his sculpted biceps shift as he moves.

Lo leans down suddenly and takes my mouth in his. His kiss is hot. Devouring. It makes this whole thing hotter. I'm so close. So fucking close.

We rut against each other, groaning. His teeth sink into my lip and my balls draw up tight. I make some weird sound when his hand joins mine around our dicks. The first time his thumb brushes our slits, I lose my shit and come everywhere.

Since I've recently had three orgasms, it's not the fountain it was the first time. I probably could have punched a hole through the back of Lo's mouth with the force of it. But this one, though just as intense, is more like a dribble that leaks out.

It still gets everywhere because of the way we're thrusting together. Spattering over us. Painting my stomach and chest. Lo sucks on my lip as he comes. Feeling the way his cock pulses in my hand in time with his grunts makes me ache.

This is so hot. Feels so good. Another amazing orgasm.

Then he rolls off me and we lay on our backs, panting. I stare at the ceiling, my hand still on my cock, slowly, lazily stroking it.

"Best way to wake up," Lo murmurs.

I huff. That's a fucking understatement. Yes, definitely the best way to wake up for sure.

We both jump when his alarm goes off. It's not my alarm because I didn't set one. He laughs as he rolls off the bed and starts hunting through a pile of clothes until he finds it. I stare at his sexy naked ass bent over, and don't look away when he turns toward me.

He said we can look at each other. Specifically. So I'm going to look.

I take this moment to truly drink him in. He's mesmerizing. Not ridiculously sculpted, but there's definite definition everywhere. Thick, hairy thighs but a smoother torso. There's a hint of hair there, then more below his stomach and driving south where he's definitely manscaped.

Lo's arms are sexy. Strong. Thick. I'm not well versed in dick—obviously—but I think his is pretty perfect. It's just right as far as I'm concerned when it comes to thickness and length. He has a perfect head and perfectly proportioned balls. Everything about this man is sexy as fuck.

That ass, though. All hockey players have nice asses. It's just the nature of how we exercise. We need strong thighs, and the glutes are part of many of those workouts.

And Jesus, I could look at his face all day. Especially when that smirk is in place. Like it is now. I flush when I realize I've been caught.

"Like what you see?"

I sit up, but lean back since I'm full of cum. Although, the sheets need to be washed so I shouldn't care too much. "Yes," I admit as I examine the mess on me. If I were a braver man, I'd take a taste of our mixed loads. I'm not that man, though. Raising my eyes to his, I say, "You're hot."

Lo grins. "Come on. Let's get in the shower."

Sighing, I get to my feet and hurry to the bathroom before I leave a trail behind me. I step into the shower and flick on the water. A burst of icy water makes me step backward into the cold tile wall and I grunt.

He chuckles as he steps in with me, closing the glass door behind him. It's a good size shower, but he crowds against me, his hands running through our mess and down to wrap around my soft dick. The fucker gives a twitch, bravely trying to get hard again.

"I'm going to need a minute if you want to go again," I tease. "I'm not as young as I used to be."

Lo laughs, his mouth covering mine. "You're not even thirty, Haines."

"No, but I need more than ten minutes. Sorry to disappoint."

His smile is sweeter than sexy this time. He presses his mouth to mine in a slow, deep kiss, and then says, "You're the furthest thing from a disappointment, Caulder. The furthest fucking thing."

This time when my cheeks heat, it's not from embarrassment. It's because that's so damn sweet. It makes me feel… like I need to catch my breath. He stares into my eyes, his hands moving down my body to wrap around me and pull me from the wall. Pressing me firmly against him.

God, I feel like a sap the way this position makes me feel all warm and my chest tight. I've never been held by anyone. How could I be? I've never been touched at all.

Giving into the temptation, I rest my forehead to his and wrap my arms around him. Closing my eyes, I give him some of my weight.

Lo hums. "Definitely not a disappointment," he murmurs.

We don't move for quite some time. My hands move over his back when I press my face into his neck and shoulder. Just feeling him. Touching him. Learning his body.

He does the same, and I think a part of me melts into him. Molds to his body. This isn't sexual at all, which I'm not sure was part of the arrangement. But this feels almost better.

Fighting words, right? What's better than an orgasm?

I'll tell you what. Nice words. To feel like you're seen and wanted. Protected, with your secrets safe. To be held like the other person is just as enchanted with you as you are with them.

The orgasms are fantastic. I definitely want more. I have no doubt we're going to have a lot more. But moments like these right here, when offered, I'm going to soak them up while I can. Who knows when I'll have the opportunity for another. There are likely very few Los in the world. Few men who share my specific predicament.

I need to stock up on this feeling. On this glimpse into what I have to look forward to later. Much later. Down the road when I retire and finally allow myself to be myself. To be gay for the world to see. To meet a man and fall in love.

But for now, I'm going to enjoy as much of this as I possibly can. Everything Lo offers, I'm going to take.