Chapter 23

CHAPTER 23

CAULDER

The days fucking drag when there's something you're anxious about. My head and my chest are a fucking mess leading up to seeing Lo again. My gut is all twisted, which is making me more nervous because I don't want to have any awkward, embarrassing accidents once I'm alone with him again.

Secretly, I'm fucking relieved that Lo took sex away. It released a lot of stress I didn't realize I was holding on to.

But I'm still going out of my mind, wondering if maybe the chemistry between us will have changed since we were together last. Maybe we won't feel so intensely about each other. Maybe that instant attraction will have faded with the distance and the passing of time.

The fear of that sits heavy on my shoulders.

We talk every day. Every waking hour we're not with other people. We get sexy over video a lot, but I have not used the toy he sent me.

Yesterday, Lo told me that when we do have sex, I'll be topping him. I'm not sure where that came from, but I have to guess it's because he sees more in my fear than I put voice to. As soon as he said as much, everything in me relaxed a little more.

It seems ridiculous. I've had his fingers up my ass, and I definitely liked that. When I watch him fuck a toy in his ass, there's a part of me that aches to feel it, too. Last time was so fucking intense, I was so hot that I seriously contemplated getting out the toy and see what I could do with it. My body throbbed for it.

But fear stopped me.

I'm not even sure what about it frightens me. I've tried to figure it out, both on my own and talking to Lo. All I end up with is frustration because I'm not sure why I'm afraid to try it. I've even toyed with the idea of trying on my own. When I'm not on the phone with Lo.

Which rarely happens. We sleep with our electronics plugged in, so the video stays running all night. Then I can wake up and look at his sleeping face.

I've never longed for something as badly as I'm pining for this man. There's comfort in knowing he feels the same way. So then why is seeing him in person again making me feel sick to my stomach?

"You sure you're okay?" Three asks, knocking his shoulder into mine.

We're on the bus heading to the hotel. There's a few hours before we need to leave for the game, and I'm about ready to lose my fucking mind.

"Yep," I say.

"You look gray, man," Asael comments. "Meddy. Come over here and be Daddy Doctor."

I roll my eyes. "I'm fine."

Meddy is already in the seat in front of me. I sigh as he leans over and presses his lips to my forehead. Bianca has done this to me too. Apparently, it's more accurate than putting the back of your hand to someone's forehead, though not accurate like a thermometer.

"You feel fine," he tells me. "Need some ginger ale?"

"I appreciate your concern," I say, looking at the half a dozen faces around me, watching me. "But I'm fine. Feeling a little car sick."

It's a lie. I don't get car sick.

"Need throw up bag?" Sacha asks, holding up one of the vomit bags from the plane.

"Did you take that with you?" Three asks.

Sacha nods, shrugging. "He look sick. I'm prepared."

I let my head fall, hiding the smile. "You're all a bunch of mother hens. Thank you. Really. It's really cool that you're all looking out for me. I'll feel better once we get off this damn bus."

"Weather is hot," Sacha says. "No cool air on your skin to make feel better."

"But it's fresh air," I counter.

They don't stop fussing over me until we park. I have half the team watching me as I step off the bus. Including Coach.

"You good, Haines?" Coach asks. "Need the doctor?"

"No. I swear, I'm fine. I'm just going to lay down for a while."

More skeptical looks face me. Obviously, that was the wrong thing to say. I sigh. "I'm fine," I insist. "I get motion sick from time to time. That's all."

"You've been nauseous for a few days," Ethan says. "You pregnant, bro?"

Snickers surround us and I grin at Ethan. "If you're calling me fat, we're going to throw down right here. I work hard on my figure."

"Oh, no." Ethan laughs, holding up his hands. "You're sexy as fuck. I'm just putting all the symptoms together."

Creed sighs, physically turning Ethan toward the hotel. "Honestly, Wildman. What's wrong with you?"

"He's got your body shape," Ethan says. "Why wouldn't I think he's sexy?"

Creed shoves him. "Just stop."

Laughter follows. Ethan glances at me over his shoulder, giving me a smirk. I smile in return. He's not actually serious about any of it. He was just lightening the mood. This is why Ethan Wilder is one of the best people I know.

Everyone's attention on me slips away and I gratefully grab my bag and head inside. It isn't long before I'm given a key to my room. It feels wasteful, since I have no intention of sleeping here tonight. Just thinking about it has my stomach flipping.

I make it upstairs and drop onto my bed, pulling out my phone to open the messaging app. Have we graduated in our relationship to phone numbers? Probably, but using the app has become a habit.

Caulder Haines

I'm here. In my room. Not to alarm you, but I'm fucking nervous. Can't decide if I want to see you right this second or wait until after the game.

Laurent Duval

I'm not going to tell you no if you say right now. I know a dark alley where we can climb into the back of my car with darkly tinted windows and hug the fuck out of each other until I need to sneak you back.

I groan, debating. Honestly, there's no debate.

Caulder Haines

Yes. Pick me up. I'm heading down now.

With room key in hand, I slip out of my room into an empty hall and head for the stairs. All the while, there are words in my head chanting I can't believe I'm doing this; I'm going to get caught. Over and over and over again. Someone will see me. It's less suspicious to meet out front and say we became friends after having been forced to share a room and we're catching up.

That's the plan for this evening. I don't think I can pull it off twice in one day, though.

I step out the side door and look around like a suspicious fuck. If anyone sees me, they're going to know I'm sneaking for some reason. Hell, I'm sure there's a camera pointing to this door and they're already thinking I'm being sus.

Caulder Haines

Side door. My phone says I'm facing east.

His little circle drops, telling me he read the message, but he doesn't respond. Which is good since he's driving. Thankfully, it isn't long before he pulls up and I try to casually walk to his car and get in.

Fuck, was he this hot last time we were together?

Lo grins. As soon as my door is closed, he's circling away from the front of the hotel to exit the parking lot through a back entrance. He drives down side streets until we're parked in an alley just as he said.

"I thought you were joking about the alley," I say.

He snorts, putting us in park and making sure the doors are locked. "Never joke about a good alley. Get in the back, Caulder Haines."

Laughing, I climb between the seats until I can fall into the back. Lo follows and then we're shuffling around until he's on my lap, straddling me. My cock is raging being this close, pressing uncomfortably against my pants where they're stretched tight.

Lo's hands are on the back of the seat, on either side of my head. His incredibly light eyes stare into mine. "It's unreal how much I've missed you," he says. I swallow the lump in my throat. He grips a fistful of my hair and yanks my head back.

I laugh, but then his mouth is on mine. It's hungry, but there's no urgency in his kiss. This isn't leading to sex but clearly getting reacquainted. He tastes the same, but better than I remember. Familiar, but just… heavenly.

Gripping him tightly, I bring him close. Wrapping around each other is awkward sitting in the back of the car, so we end up laying on the seat, tangled and twisted, but wrapped tightly. Our mouths come together in broken kisses as we try to get closer.

Eventually, we fall still and just breathe each other in.

"We're going to kick your ass today," Lo says.

I snort. "Hardly. Arizona needs to find their talent, Lo."

He huffs. "No, you're right. Just thought we'd get the smack talk out of the way."

"Save it for an audience. We both know we're going to skidmoss all over you."

Lo's barking laugh is loud. I grin. "Well we're going to ride your… sand. Or… get sand in your moss at any rate."

I laugh, burying my face into his neck. "Use that one later. I want to see my team look at you like you have three heads."

We continue to chuckle over the ridiculousness for a minute before silence surrounds us. Eventually, Lo says, "I'm going to be honest, I was a little afraid that things would be different this time."

I sag a little. "You have no idea how relieved I am to hear you admit that. I did too. It's been making me sick."

His fingers dig into my back. "Me too. I was getting ready to beg to see you before the game, just so I could rest at ease knowing."

"But finding out that it is different would have really thrown me off all night."

"And given us a chance to win," he teases. "Nope. This is still the best outcome. I want to live inside your body just as badly today as I did last month."

I laugh. "That's creepy."

"You're right. I want you to live inside me. I'll keep you warm and safe and coming."

"Jesus," I mutter, hiding my laughter in his throat.

"Playing with an erection in my cup is going to suck," Lo says, sighing.

"You need an orgasm, Lo?"

"Badly, but I'm not willing to let you go. I'm so desperate for your arms around me, this is what we're going to do for the next ninety minutes. My dick can wait for tonight."

I sigh.

We do just that. We remain wrapped around each other in such a tight hold that by the time his phone alarm fills the car through Bluetooth and we're practically deaf, my muscles ache from keeping them so tense for so long. But I couldn't get close enough, or feel him deeply enough.

He's right. I want to live inside him where I don't have to ever stop feeling his heartbeat.

Lo drops me off at the door he picked me up at. There's an hour before I need to get on the bus for the arena, giving me time to get into my suit and grab something to eat.

I feel better now. Horny, but better. My chest feels warm, and my mind is at ease. We're still just as hungry for each other as we'd been. I knew I was worried, but I hadn't realized just how terrified I was that it would be different until I was in his arms again.

"You look better," Ethan says as he sits in the chair beside me. "Good rest?"

The way he's looking at me makes me think that he suspects there's something else going on than I was just car sick.

"Yes, much better. Needed the rest."

Yep, that smile says there's something else that I'm missing.

Creed and Jakub join us a minute later, setting large glasses of water on the table so we can get hydrated before the game.

"Where were you?" Creed asks.

"When?"

"Like an hour ago?" he says. "I stopped by to check on you and you weren't there."

I meet Ethan's eyes and now I understand the way he's looking at me. My heart begins racing as panic creeps in.

"He was outside getting air," Ethan answers for me, turning his attention to Creed. "Just asked him."

"Ah. You check out the little park? Is it nice?"

Ethan gives me a single nod, subtle. Barely there. So I nod. "Yep. It's nice."

Lying is easy when I'm prepared for it. But the kinds of lies I usually give are definitely more thought out. I'm prepared for them. They're well practiced with just enough detail to fit in with the person I've built myself into.

When I have to come up with something on the spot that's a surprise—which rarely happens, thankfully—I'm like a deer in the headlights.

"Cool. Glad you're feeling better. You look much better," Creed says.

I nod and concentrate on my water.

I receive lots of comments that I'm looking better as we get on the bus and then as we're changing in the locker room at the Arizona arena. Fuck's sake. I had no idea I'd been looking that shitty.

We get on the ice, and I can't stop myself from immediately seeking out Lo. He's already grinning in my direction. Keeping my head down, I focus on warming up all the way until we're ready for puck drop.

"Is it time for banter?" Lo asks as we settle into place. I look toward him as do several other players. "We're going to get sand in your moss so it's all gritty."

"What the fuck is this?" Sacha asks.

"Trash talk," Ethan says, laughing.

"Not very good trash talk," Lo's teammate comments. "Seriously, Lo."

"It was better than we were going to ride their sand, no? Should we ride their moss?"

"We're going to skidmoss all over you," Ethan taunts, triumphantly.

"See? Oh! We're going to ride all over your moss and leave sand skids," Lo says, trying to sneer.

"This is shit," Sacha groans. "Who teach you this?"

Both teams are chuckling. Even the ref is looking at Lo with amusement.

"What is a skidmoss?" one of Lo's teammates asks.

"We're about to show you," Jakub says. "Pay attention, sand boys."

The puck drops and it's like magic watching the trio take immediate possession. I remain where I am, hovering close to our zone. The puck gets tossed my way and I sling it back to Jakub. He just happens to have a decent shot with no one but the goalie in his way.

He sinks it.

"That is a skidmoss," Jakub says as he skates by. "Let me know if you need some lessons."

Ethan cackles as he circles back to the center.