Chapter 3

Madden

I'm not used to walking into the house and having everyone stare. Well, not anymore, at least. I still remember when I first embraced life as a naturist and the adjustment period we had while they all got used to me swinging free, and I got used to them very obviously not looking.

Now, no one is making the attempt not to look.

"What, uh …" Seven hides his smile behind his big, tattooed hand. "What is all this?"

"Yeah," Xander adds. "Normally when we see your cock, it's not the cockadoodledoo type."

I laugh and nudge Penn. "There was an emergency, and this guy thought he'd teach me a lesson."

"I'm almost scared to ask what sort of lesson requires you dressed as poultry," émile murmurs.

Penn opens his mouth to reply, but I cut him off .

"I'd rather you all use your imaginations. It's more fun that way."

"You lost your clothes, didn't you?" Molly asks.

"Gotta ruin my fun, huh?"

"It was obvious."

Rush blinks up at me. "If you wanted to try something different, I could have made it for you."

"Thanks, but I think my chicken days are over." I strip out of the costume, and as grateful as I am that Penn rescued me, I'm happy to be free of how claustrophobic that felt.

Penn is the greatest bestie ever because he's always there for me, no matter what I've thrown at him during our friendship. I think that's one of the main reasons I've fallen ass over tit in love with him.

Sure, he's a gorgeous guy. Flawless brown skin, thick lashes, and full lips that hold the type of smile that makes my heart stop. He's also talented and has endless patience and never ever makes me feel the way my family does.

Like I'm crazy. Like a disappointment.

Mom and Dad are the country club types. They enjoyed bragging about my baseball talent, and they've never recovered from me leaving that life behind. Where I tried to make the most of things, all I get from them is snide comments and disgust at my "lifestyle" choices. And that's not a synonym for being gay. It's them telling me that being a nudist is unnatural and embarrassing for them to wrap their heads around.

Thankfully, I have my new family, and like Penn, these guys don't judge.

"Does this mean the chicken suit is up for grabs?" Xander wonders.

"Dude, what the fuck do you want with it?"

Seven lets out a long-suffering groan. "Tell me you don't want to jerk off in it? "

"Of course not." Xander scowls prettily. "I like the feathers."

"Have at it," I tell him.

He scoops it up and cuddles it in his lap.

I probably should have checked with Penn first, but when I glance over, he's already gone. As much as I want to hope he's ducked into the bathroom, the way my heart sinks at the empty space where he was standing before tells me he's definitely left.

Obviously, I distracted Penn from something today, and it's not like I can expect to take up his entire afternoon, but since he was here, I thought he might stay for dinner. Maybe I could have roped some of the guys into a board game or two. I'm pretty sure there's still a puzzle on the go in the dining room.

Not that it matters, because he has a life, and I need to stop taking up so much time from it.

"Did Penn leave?" Christian asks suddenly.

"Ah, yeah." Wish he'd at least said goodbye. "He had things to do." I'm assuming and not lying. At least that's what I tell myself because it's easier than facing the fact we've been hanging out less lately.

Rush gives me a sad smile. Out of all my brothers, he's the one who knows about the feelings I have for my best friend, and we've had way too many conversations about me needing to move on. Rush is literal with his thinking, but I'm more of a … an idealist. What's the best version of any situation? That's the one I'll be picturing.

With all the shitty things I've been through in life, I still choose to focus on the positive.

I'm not sure I'd get out of bed if I didn't.

I'm covered in dirt and sweat, clothes sticking to my skin and making me feel smothered by the material, but no way am I risking taking my clothes off again. Not after yesterday. I've just finished laying the final roll of turf when Penn rounds the house.

He lets out a long whistle. "This looks amazing."

"It will when we're done." I gratefully take the bottle of cold water he offers to me. "I'm going to start on the garden beds tomorrow."

Penn grins at me, making my stomach do that swimming thing. "You're really talented, you know?"

"Me? This is your design."

"Mine?" Penn shakes his head. "I only put it into a computer. You don't give yourself enough credit."

I shrug because maybe, maybe not. There's no way I'd be able to run this business without Penn, and I don't think I'd want to. I only wish we were busy enough for us to both work full-time at this and take an even split of the profits.

We're getting there though. I have to keep reminding myself of that.

"Want any help?" he finally asks.

I eye his dress pants, about to turn him down, when I change my mind. If he's offering, it means a chance to spend time with him, and that's not something I'm going to pass up in a hurry.

"Yeah, grab the hose from around the side. We need to give this grass a good drink so it'll hold."

Penn disappears for a moment, then comes back, sleeves rolled up and showing off his slutty forearms, and hoses the grass down. I stand there drooling like a muppet.

"So …" I don't mean to ask, but it's itching at my brain. "Where did you go yesterday?"

"Go?"

"Yeah. After you dropped me off, you disappeared."

His dark eyebrows pull tight and relax again. "Just home. I got you where you needed to go, so … "

"You could have hung out, you know."

"Eh. Thought it was better to leave you to your brothers ."

There's tone there, but I don't know why. "Would have preferred you and my brothers," I answer honestly.

"You were busy with them. I had to go. It's fine."

Doesn't feel fine to me. For the first time in our friendship, I'm unsure how to act around Penn. I want things to be the same as they've always been. I want to be able to touch him like always, to play around and be up in his space, and be the best friends we've always been.

My feelings have everything twisted though, and lately, it feels like maybe he knows about them. Maybe they're making him uncomfortable or resentful, or …

I'm overthinking, and it's smack full of the negativity I do my best to keep out. I have to work harder when it comes to Penn though, and I don't feel like that's the perfect indication of our relationship.

I want to ask to hang out tonight, but if he does know about my feelings and is uncomfortable, that'll only make him uncomfortabler. Urg , why can't things go back to how easy they were before I got all up in my head over every little thing?

"What are you doing later?" Penn asks.

The question perks me up. "Nothing. Did you want to hang out?"

His lips twitch. "Yeah, if you're free. It's been a while."

"We hung out yesterday."

Penn snorts. "Rescuing you naked doesn't exactly fall into the hanging out category."

"You've done it enough times that it probably should."

"True." His dark eyes light up. "So … order in and a movie?"

"You know the way to my heart," I tease-not-really. Movies always lead to me snuggled up beside him, but with how things are slightly off lately, can I still count on that to happen ?

Overthinking. Overthinking.

Why are feelings so stupidly complicated?

I suppose they wouldn't be if I didn't go and fall for a straight man.

"Great. I've been holding off watching the new Ghostbusters movie since I know you love the?—"

"Oooh, that's a good one. So ridiculous."

Penn turns his attention from the grass to me and his dark, sweet eyes study me. "You've seen it already?"

"Yep. Bertha boys took me out for my birthday."

"Oh. Right."

"I'm sure I told you."

"Yeah, probably." He switches off the hose. "Either way, I'm sure we'll find something. I just really wanted to spend time?—"

My ringtone goes off, blasting through the backyard. "Give me a second." I jog over to silence it, but Seven's name is on the screen.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Are you free?" His voice is tense, and it immediately puts me on alert.

"Of course, what do you need?"

Seven huffs. "Molly and I are at the airport picking up his dad, but Rush called, and Xander's having an attack. I fudging knew I should have brought him with us. I knew it."

"Hey, it's fine. I'm fifteen minutes away. I'll grab the truck and head over now."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I was almost done for the day anyway." Even if I wasn't, it wouldn't matter. Xander struggles with panic attacks, brought on by his medical anxiety. Fifteen minutes is a long time to expect him to wait before I can pick him up, but Rush doesn't drive, and Molly is normally the one there when Xander needs someone .

Like anyone in the house, I'll do anything for Xander, so I don't hesitate as I shove shit in my bag and throw it over my shoulder.

"I've gotta get Z to Derek. I'll text you when I'm done, okay?" I throw back to Penn.

"Umm … okay?"

I sling an arm around Penn's neck and kiss his head before leaving. Rushing off isn't something I want to be doing when we have alone time, but at least I can go knowing I'll get to see him later, and he's the one who suggested it.

I've got the work truck with me today, so I jump in and hightail it home, counting down the minutes until I can shower and head over to Penn's place.