Chapter 18

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

OWEN

Concentration wasn't easily found today. I wasted more time than I had to give staring into space and reliving the previous evening. In theory, I needed to conceptualize a new design for an expanded banquet area of Quill. It was the flagship restaurant, and Barrett always wanted to ensure it shined. Unfortunately, my thoughts were preoccupied with my first evening in my temporary new home.

After he bathed, diapered, and fed me, I spent the evening first playing with Elizabeth and building towers with my soft blocks. Bear had sat with me for a bit before he fixed dinner but still kept a close eye on me from the kitchen. When it was time to eat, I made a mess, and it was easier for him to hand-feed me.

I'd told myself for so long that I didn't need a Da, but now that I'd been around one, it was beyond me how I was supposed to return to being on my own. One night wasn't forever, and it hadn't proved much of anything. I was so preoccupied with my own thoughts that I didn't hear anyone coming into my office. I jumped a foot in the air when it broke through my concentration that my office had a second occupant sitting directly in front of me.

"Mr. Strega, you're like a ghost. I didn't even hear you come in."

My heart still raced, but I willed myself to even out my breathing. I needed a bell or something on the door.

"Owen, I'm sorry. I thought you'd hear me when I yelled your name, opened the door, and sat directly in front of you." He pursed his lips and took a critical look around my office. "It seems kinda early in the day to be drinking."

"Hydration is the key to life."

I rolled my eyes internally but schooled my expression to stay as neutral as possible. Well, as Owen-possible, anyway.

In all the years I'd known Barrett and, by extension, Mr. Strega, he'd never popped into my office. Ever. Owen's mom? Sure, she'd drop in on her way to see him, grab me, and we'd all end up at lunch together. It wasn't quite a guarantee I would regret this shindig, but it felt like it was headed in that direction.

"Anyway, sorry to startle you, but I wanted to speak to you without Barrett being around."

Oh, lord, this was headed to Hell-No-Ville quickly.

"Mr. Strega, do we have that type of relationship? It doesn't feel like it to me. Why don't we call Barrett down and ask his opinion?"

I started to reach for the phone, but something in his soul-deep sigh made me pause. "Are you all right? Physically, I mean?"

"That's what I want to talk about."

"Are you sick?"

"No, I'm fine. But my brother isn't."

Of course I knew the Stregas had family in Oregon. They lived on the beach and communed with nature. Barrett said he and his brother used to go down there all the time when he was a kid, and it was like a whole new world down there.

"I'm very sorry to hear that, but I'm not sure what that has to do with me."

"It just reminds me that time is short, and no one is getting any younger." He paused and fiddled with the hem of his golf shirt. He must have been headed to the greens when he popped in here. There weren't many days left before it would be too wet and cold to get out there. "I want my son to be happy."

"I want that for him too."

"He won't be happy with you in his life."

"Pardon me? I must have misunderstood what you said. It sounded like you said your son, my best friend, can't be happy with me around. Surely that's not what I heard because, if it is, I've gotta tell you I'm not super cool with you hanging out in my office."

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

"I know that sounds terrible, and I really don't mean it in a bad way."

"Yeah, it does, and there's no way to mean it in a good way."

Maybe Mr. Strega saw what kept me away from Barrett, but that didn't mean I wanted to hear it from him.

"That came out all wrong."

"I'm glad to hear it, but I'm very busy this mor?—"

"You were so zoned out when I got here. You didn't even know I came in. How busy can you be?"

Damn. The man could land a burn.

"Exactly the reason I need to get back to work. If that's all you came to say, you've said it, and I can get back to the job your son pays me to do."

"I can see I've offended you."

"Well, yeah, I'm feeling kinda salty about it."

"Do you know what he told me after he met you?" The sincerity in his voice stopped me from yet another demand for him to leave.

"He spent a solid twenty minutes cataloging everything about you. He knew down to your shoelaces what you were wearing and no detail he learned about your life went unshared."

"All right? That's a little creepy, but I'm not sure what that has to do with now."

With an aggrieved sigh and tone like he was speaking to a child, Mr. Strega added, "He isn't speaking to me."

"It's probably because you threatened to take his company and tried to guilt him into getting married. I'm not going to lie. It was a little weird." I was torn between tossing him out and letting him continue this strange conversation. Curiosity won. "Actually, it was a lotta bit weird."

"I just want what's best for him."

"He's an adult who can make his own decisions."

"But he's not making good ones. When I was his age, I was married, settled down, and had my kids."

"You're also divorced now because you were schlepping someone else. Barrett is entitled to have what he wants. If he doesn't want what you want, that's okay too."

"If you weren't around him constantly, he could maybe find some happiness with someone…settle down and have a few kids."

"You don't think your son is happy with his life and successful company, and that's my fault? I gotta say he seems pretty damn okay."

This was getting ridiculous. I knew Barrett would support me for kicking his dad out of my office, but this was a car wreck I couldn't, maybe wouldn't, look away from. However, I wasn't touching the heteronormative bullshit. "A person doesn't need marriage or kids to be settled. "

"My point still stands." His earnest tone had him leaning forward in his chair like he was attempting to get me to grasp the full weight of his words. "If you weren't here to distract him with what he can't have, then he could settle down with someone who wants him."

My response was a shocked silence, and it took me a minute to recover the ability to speak.

"What did you say?" I stuttered.

Barrett's dad looked chagrined but determined. I guessed he'd come this far, so he might as well finish driving off the cliff. "He's been in love with you since you two met. No man or woman will ever measure up. If you don't love him like that, you need to give him space to get on with his life. So long as you're in it, he won't."

Barrett's dad sat back in the chair, and we stared at each other—me in stunned silence and him in, I don't know, embarrassed resoluteness? Something close to that anyway.

"That's quite a take."

"I'm not trying to be cruel. I know how close you two are, but are you happy? It seems like you treat him halfway to committed too. Don't think I haven't noticed the cold shoulder whenever he starts dating someone new."

"I don't think I know what you're talking about."

Mr. Strega hefted himself out of the chair and headed to the door. He turned around after he opened it. "Fall in love with my kid or let him go. You both need to get on with your lives if it's not going to be with each other."

"Thanks for meeting me for lunch."

I'd chosen The Diner because all shitty conversations should be had over greasy burgers. And with lawyers who had handled more divorces than anyone I knew. "Here's your money."

"Okay, you, that's mostly a joke, right? And I'm not a therapist. I help people get rid of people they no longer want in their lives. I don't help keep them together," Levi said as he pushed my five back to me. "Price has gone up. Lunch is on you, and I want a shake."

"Deal." I glanced around the restaurant to ensure no one was paying attention to us, but I kept my voice low anyway. "So anything I say you can't repeat, right? Because you're my lawyer."

"Yes, with a few exceptions that I don't think will apply here."

"Okay, I just need advice from someone who's seen more jacked-up relationships than anyone I know. If you've seen them fall apart, you'll know how to keep them together. And you can't say anything about it to anyone. So yeah, you're perfect. "

"I don't know if I agree with your logic completely, but go on."

"Barrett's dad came to see me today and told me I should take myself out of Barrett's life because I'm preventing him from getting on with his life." Laying it out on the table seemed the easiest way to go.

Levi choked on his iced tea. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Yeah, you heard me."

I laid out the entire conversation, and Levi just let me talk. Everyone once in a while, he asked some clarifying questions about the lodge, the agreed-upon month, and how moving into Barrett's house really came about. When I'd finished my entire tale, he sat back in the booth and picked at his fries.

"I think there are a couple of things going on here. First, the question of your decade-long pining. That's not great. Second is being ashamed of your kink."

"I'm not ashamed of it."

"You sure 'bout that?" Levi asked with an arched brow. "Because I see a man who's refused to play with anyone even though he has incredibly supportive friends who are absolutely trustworthy and would never take advantage of him or allow anyone to encroach on his space."

"People can prefer their privacy."

"Or people can be hiding because they are ashamed. A lot of divorces involve kink. When shame enters the chat, usual caveats about safe and sane applying, it's the beginning of the end. Barrett's dad might be on to something even if he went about it in an ass-backward way."

I sat with Levi's words. He returned to his lunch and allowed me to mull them over.

"What should I do?"

My food was mostly cold, but I still picked at it. Cold burgers were still good burgers.

"Everything else aside, do you love him?"

"Yeah."

I knew the answer to that question without any hesitation.

"Then be all in. Let him see you so he can make a fair assessment of what it's like to be with you. You know you love each other as best friends, and the sex is good?"

"On a scale of zero to ten, I'd put him somewhere beyond I'd have sex with him in a public restroom. "

"Unhygienic, but fair. Climb that man like a tree."

"Don't get any ideas." I wagged my finger at him. "He's taken."

"Well, just as well since he's not my type." Levi raised his hands in the universal symbol of surrender .

"What is your type?" I asked in an innocent voice. "You've given me enough shit that I should get a crumb."

"The type I don't have the time or energy to worry about getting."

"That is annoyingly cryptic."

"You'll survive not knowing the details of how much I enjoy a bratty boy."

Jakob

Owen, you're still coming, right? fingers crossed

Rory

No bailing on us! fist shaking

Anders

I'm looking forward to it.

Owen

I don't bail innocent angel emoji

Jakob

Rory and I promised to stay big, so you have to come.

Owen

I was thinking about that.

Jakob

???

Owen

Would you want to turn it into a playdate?

Rory

OMG yes!!!!!!! fireworks emoji

Jakob

happy dance emoji

Anders

We love hanging out with you. If you want a playdate, that's cool. But if you don't, also cool.

Owen

I want one, but yeah, I don't know if I will be able to keep up with you guys. I get really quiet in my little space.

Anders

I'm not a little, but I know there's no right way to be one. We like you, big or little.

Jakob

That statement feels like something more, but not over text.

We'd love a playdate.

Rory

Ditto, ditto, ditto x infinity

Jakob

Plus one

Anders

That's not a thing.

Owen

We can let it be a thing.

"You're sure about this? Everyone will just be happy to see you. They aren't going to care if you're little or big." Barrett's big hand rubbed soothing circles on my back.

The playroom was the best way to start and end the day. After my conversation with Levi, I'd taken his advice and allowed myself to be all in on this little experiment. I almost hated to admit to myself how damned well it was going.

The other day, I woke up grumpy and out of sorts. Barrett made me a bottle, led me by the hand to the playroom, pulled me onto his lap, and shoved the bottle in my mouth. Well, maybe not shoved shoved, but close enough.

Since then, we'd spent time every morning and most evenings in the big playroom off the kitchen in the super comfy, oversized rocking recliners I'd moved heaven and earth to find when I decorated his place a few years ago. Elizabeth always jumped onto my lap and made it perfect.

We were due at Jakob and Reed's within the hour, and I was nervous. Anders and Rory were newish friends, but they'd never been anything but kind and understanding. I'd known Jakob, Reed, and Gabe for years.

I knew my nerves didn't make sense, but fear rarely did. Bear was surprised when I told him I'd suggested making tonight a playdate. I'd told him I'd spoken with Levi, but he didn't press for details, and I offered none. Given his annoyance with his dad, I didn't think telling him about his visit was worth it.

"It's good. I'm nervous, but I think I've made it so scary that the fear of doing it is stronger than the fear of actually doing it." I paused when I saw Bear's confusion and thought about what I'd said. "Yeah, I don't know what I just said either."

"Don't worry about it. I understood enough. Do you want to change here or over there?" Barrett's soothing voice was just the balm I needed.

"Change here, I think." With a self-deprecating laugh, I added, "There's less chance of me changing my mind."

"You can always change your mind. Always."

"All right, Bear, it's not that serious."

With a growl, he gnawed on my neck, which became kisses. When he traced along my neck, there was no stopping the moan. His mouth migrated to my jawline, where he feathered kisses that sent shivers through me. When his teeth gently pulled on my earlobe, another wave shook my body. "What are you doin' there?"

"Kissing you," he murmured against my heated skin before he drew back and added, "Do you want me to stop?"

"No, I like it. This in-between big and little space is nice." I gasped in a breath when he sucked along my collarbone. "I've never had it."

I tried to keep thoughts in my head, but they kept floating out like balloons on a current. After a while, I didn't even bother to try. As much as I loved the feel of his mouth on my skin, I wanted to taste him too.

Bear's mind-reading skills had improved. When he captured my mouth, want exploded inside me. His tongue plunged into my mouth, and I gladly received him. His exploration sent tingles down my spine, and suddenly, whatever nerves I felt about tonight vanished.

Nothing that brought me to a place where I felt this good had any potential for bad. Bear was my Da. He'd said he'd take care of me, and he always had. We'd been angry with each other and disagreed, but he'd never done anything to lessen my trust in him.

What exactly was I scared would happen?

"Bear, it's okay with you if we're a little late, right?" I asked, even as I moved off his lap. His only response was a wicked grin. "I'll take that as a yes."

I dragged him through the house. There was a quick detour to tell Elizabeth she needed to stay downstairs, which had her doing an about-face and heading to the catio instead of upstairs with us. Once we arrived, I went straight to the bathroom with Barrett in tow. Without giving him a chance to say a word, I pulled his T-shirt off and began working the button and zipper of his pants the second we passed the threshold.

"Hold on a sec, babe."

Barrett pulled away from me long enough to get the water started before he returned and retook possession of my mouth. He smiled against my lips and said, "You're wearing too many clothes."

With one more firm kiss, he whipped my T-shirt off and pushed down my shorts. In a blink, I was naked, but he wasn't, and that was a tragedy.

"Let me return the favor, Bear." I shimmied his jeans off. "Commando! Bear, what is going on here?"

I tsked-tsked and then traced the prominent vein that snaked his length. His hissed breath was music to my years. Levi's advice had been spot on. Once I decided to jump into the deep end, I only wanted to continue until I reached the bottom. Every day, I felt a little bolder. A little more adventurous. A week ago, I would have never dragged him upstairs for what I hoped was a quickie in the shower before dinner.

"What's going on is I have a sexy man who needs to get his ass in the shower."

He gently pushed me toward the stall, following right behind me. He flipped me around and crowded me against the tiled wall. He put his hands under my arms and lifted me against the wall.

I was at eye level with him, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. The coolness of the tiles was a welcome contrast to the burning heat of his skin. Bear angled back a little and wrapped his hand around my cock. There was no need to keep my moans quiet. His thumb played over my slit and found that nub of nerve endings under the head. A drop of precum beaded on the crown, and he swiped it to ease the friction.

My legs tightened while he continued to torture me. I wasn't a slouch in the dick department, but I looked tiny in Bear's giant hand. Even if it was my dick, I loved how he made me feel small.

"Babe, your cock was made for me. I need to see you come," Barrett panted.

What had been a few beads of precum turned to a steady stream. His rhythmic strokes brought me closer and closer. When he added some kind of twist over my cockhead, my eyes rolled back in my head.

Bear sped up his strokes and my hips canted as best they could while still being propped against the shower wall. My groans echoed in the acoustics of the shower. It didn't take long before I spilled over his fist, panting in an attempt to catch my breath.

"It's my turn," I said, wiggling to get down once I'd gotten oxygen back in my lungs.

Bear let me down slowly in case I wobbled, which I did. Once down, I dropped to my knees and pushed him until he backed up against the tiled seat. His skin was wet and slippery, and I took my time tracing over his muscles and the lines of his tattoos.

His calf muscles were tight and hard. The muscles in his thighs jumped reflexively when I palmed over them. When I trailed over his stomach muscles, they twitched under my hands. When I found his nipples, I tweaked and pinched them. The sounds he made were somewhere between a groan and a laugh.

"Babe, you're killing me."

"I don't feel like I've had time to properly explore you."

Bear fisted his hands on the bench but made no move to hurry me up. I loved that he never rushed me.

I replaced my fingers with my mouth on the descent. I pulled the nubs of his nipples, one then the other, into my mouth to suckle and bite them. Bear's groan morphed into feverish whimpers.

I traced every groove and dip of his abs with my tongue. He widened his legs so I could nuzzle his nested balls and roll them gently between my fingers. I captured the head of his cock in my mouth. My tongue swirled over it to capture the salty taste of his precum.

I slowly worked my way down his shaft until I'd swallowed his length. He kept still while I adjusted to the intrusion, and then I began to suckle. I bobbed up and down until the rhythm I'd established made him babble curses and praise.

When his rambling turned to straight curses and his balls drew up tight, I knew it was just a matter of time before I'd get to drink down the salty cum I'd come to love. Each bob of my head had his hips moving forward as he sought his own release.

"Babe, I'm gonna come," Bear rasped.

I redoubled my efforts to claim it. My cheeks hollowed with each pass as precum and spit mixed, then dribbled from my mouth as Bear surged. When the first briny drops hit my tongue, I swallowed as he pulsed in my mouth. I tried to catch it all, but some leaked despite my best efforts.

When he was spent, Bear withdrew from my mouth, then captured the leaked jizz and fed it to me from his fingers. His eyes never left my own as I licked and sucked his fingers clean.

When there was no more, Bear leaned back against the shower wall and threaded his fingers through my hair. He gently massaged my scalp, and I rested my head against his upper thigh with my nose nestled in his curls. He smelled of soap and home.