Chapter 19

Seeing how I was half an hour from my parents’ place, I decided to visit. It’d been far too long since I’d seen them.

I pulled up at their home, a spacious four-bedroom property set in a pretty village on the outskirts of Chester. The restaurant they owned was situated in the city centre, close to the river.

Monday they opened late, so I knew they’d be home.

I knocked, not feeling completely comfortable just wandering in. This was no longer my home.

Surprised to see me, Mum threw her arms around me.

“I’m so happy to see you, Duke.” She took my hand and led me into the large kitchen where Dad stood, his hands in the sink. “Look who came to visit?”

She ushered me into a chair and stood at the bottom of the stairs.

“Isla, your brother is home,” she shouted.

I knew it had been a while, but why all the fuss?

“Leon, grab some glasses.” Mum opened the fridge, taking out a jug of juice and setting it on the table.

“I thought I’d stop in. I was visiting the Fletchers.”

“About fucking time,” Isla said, sauntering into the room, a towel wrapped around her head.

“Isla, how many times do I have to tell you? No swearing in the house, or anywhere else, come to that.” Dad hated it, even going so far as to have a swear jar on the bar in the pub.

Men and women alike would apologise and drop a few coins in the jar. Once full, he’d donate it to a local charity.

My parents were good people and definitely didn’t deserve how I’d treated them since leaving. On the drive over, I’d debated telling them anything about my life since leaving home, especially the part about Aunt Debbie’s husband. Even knowing my aunt and uncle had divorced, it still didn’t make it right.

“So, what’s the occasion?” Dad asked, taking a sip from his glass.

“Like I said, I met up with Simon Fletcher in France, and he suggested I visit Robbie. I thought it was time.”

“You met with Simon?” Mum looked shocked, her eyes wide. “That couldn’t have been easy for either one of you.”

“No, Mum, it wasn’t. We’d met a few times before that, actually. For some reason, he kept appearing wherever I was. Anyway, that’s not the sole reason for my visit.”

I picked up my glass, almost downing it in one, my mouth as dry as a sandy desert.

She topped up my glass, and I felt their scrutiny, waiting for me to continue.

I took a deep breath. Where to start?

“You know I ran away the night of Robbie’s accident?”

“We do, but I don’t know why. We would have helped you with whatever happened.” Mum dabbed at her eyes. Isla had said how much she’d struggled, but only now did I feel at peace with what had happened to me. Yes, I’d been selfish, and yes, I could have handled things better.

“I didn’t think there was a way out. Simon had threatened to call the police. I was young and thought I’d end up in prison. Right then, that night, I thought my only option was to run. I’m sorry I didn’t consider you or Dad, nor you Isla.”

By now, I had their full attention. Dad’s face showed no emotion; Mum’s showed it all. Isla looked resigned, already knowing some of what had happened.

“You know I went to stay with Aunt Debbie and that things didn’t work out.” God, this was harder than I thought. No wonder I didn’t want to talk about it.

I swallowed and turned away from them, not wanting to look any of them in the eye as I told them the truth of what had happened.

“Uncle Bill raped me.” It didn’t get any easier to say, and bile once again rose in my throat. I clenched my fists, trying hard to keep my nerve and carry on with the rest of my story.

“No,” Mum cried. “My poor baby.”

“That bastard,” Dad said, breaking his own rule.

“What the fuck?” Isla reached across the table and covered my hand with her own.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Mum asked, tears flowing freely now.

I shrugged, not knowing how to answer them.

“I tried to tell Aunt Debbie, but I don’t think she believed me. So, I thought no one else would. I’d already brought enough trouble to your door, so I left and went to ground.”

“Well, Debbie told us you were there and were having a hard time with what happened to Robbie. Your dad and I thought it would be better for you to stay with her for the summer, and we told her that. When we called, she’d say you were out with friends, and I took her at her word when she told me you missed us. I can’t believe she lied to us all this time.”

Tears spilled from her eyes, and she covered her face with her hands, her sobs filling the silence. Dad rubbed her back. His jaw clenched.

“If he wasn’t already dead, I’d kill him myself.”

“What do you mean? Dead? Isla said they’d divorced.”

“They did,” Isla continued. “Bill died a couple of months ago. I’m sure you knew he was an alcoholic.”

I’d guessed but hadn’t known for sure.

“Where did you go when you left? By the time Debbie told us you’d gone, saying she didn’t know where, it was too late. We reported you missing to the police, but you were seventeen by then. They kept telling us you’d turn up. We even hired a private detective, and I can’t tell you the amount of scammers that came to our door telling us they had information.”

I didn’t know any of this. Isla had said nothing. I’d been so preoccupied with staying away, I never thought of the consequences of my disappearance. Now here we were, fifteen years later, all of us learning something new.

I’d avoided them and avoided this conversation for so many years, preferring to live in the dark.

I debated whether to tell them about my life on the street, but honestly, I thought knowing I’d been raped was enough for them right now. Maybe at another time when emotions weren’t as raw, I could tell them, or maybe never. Some things are better left in the past.

“I’m sorry I disappeared, Mum. I guess I wasn’t thinking straight, thinking I’d be a constant burden to you and Dad. I couldn’t have that, and I am sorry I hurt you so much.”

“We know, son, but we didn’t want to hurt you and chase you away again, so we’ve taken anything you’ve been willing to offer these past few years. I just wish you’d told us about Bill sooner.”

Where had it all gone wrong? How had we not discussed any of this all these years?

I’d wrongly assumed they hadn’t really cared. Little did I know they’d searched high and low for me. I should have known they would have looked, but then, I didn’t want to be found. There was the difference. I’d hidden myself away.

“We even got psychics involved to see if you were still alive.” Mum sniffled, wiping her nose on a tissue.

“Fuck, Mum.” I was such a dick.

“Language, Duke.”

“Sorry, Dad.” I reached into my pocket, placing a pound coin on the table. “For the jar.”

Tension in the room had settled, but I knew there’d be many more discussions. As much as I’d told my parents all they could handle today, I felt I owed it to Isla to tell her the rest of my story.

“Mum, Dad. I love you dearly. I can’t believe we let it get out of hand and are only now getting things out into the open. Telling you… I was ashamed I let it happen. I ran when I should have come home. I just thought I wasn’t worth the effort anymore.”

“Oh, Duke,” Mum said, hugging me. “I’m sorry you felt that way or that you thought there was no other way out. You’ll always be my little boy.”

“Kelly, it’s time we left. The restaurant opens soon.” Dad tapped his watch, showing the time.

“Of course. We will talk about this more, but I have to go get ready.” She kissed my forehead, bringing me in for another bone-crushing hug before letting me go and disappearing upstairs.

Dad, not one to mince his words, had something to say.

“You broke your mother’s heart when you disappeared. You do that again, son, and you’ll have me to contend with. I know your reasons, but anything happens like that again. You come to us first, you hear me?”

“Yes, sir. I understand.” With that, he was gone, following Mum to get ready for work.

That left me and Isla.

She eyed me with distrust.

“So, what didn’t you tell them?”

“Something I knew they wouldn’t be able to handle. I’m of two minds if I should tell you. I don’t want you to think any less of me. They would for sure, and I’ve already disappointed them enough. Running away like that, hardly keeping in touch. I should have done better.”

“You had a lot to contend with. You were young and naive. Not saying I’d have done the same, but you weren’t to know how anyone would react to the news of Robbie and of Uncle Bill. He always did give me the fucking creeps.”

“It was horrible, Isla, but there was nothing I could do. It haunts me still now.” I shuddered remembering again those sweaty hands that spread me wide, the puny cock that almost tore me in two.

“Hey, you made it, though, and look at you now.”

“It was touch and go at times.” I debated telling her what had happened after I left Aunt Debbie’s, in the end deciding she should know.

“I’ll always listen and never judge, Duke.” Had she sensed my reluctance to talk?

“I was a prostitute. I sold sex for money. For years, not just a few months, Isla. I sold myself to men and women alike. I could have returned home, but shame and guilt at what I’d done ate me from the inside. I deserved nothing better.”

“Oh, my God, Duke. You had nothing to be ashamed of. None of anything that happened to you was your fault. Not Robbie, not Uncle Bill…nothing. Do you understand me?”

I took a deep breath, raising my eyes to the ceiling, and shook my head.

“I know that now, but seventeen-year-old Duke thought it was the only way out.”

“But look at you now. You’ve come so far, and now you’ve snagged your own personal porn star. Way to go, bro.”

We both laughed, and I’m glad we did. I felt better for having told her, but before I could make her promise not to tell, she spoke again.

“Mum and Dad can never know what happened. You know this,” she said, now serious.

“I do. It would break their hearts.” I was surprised she’d taken it so well, to be honest.

“I’ll never tell. Your secrets are safe with me. Now, tell me all about Simon Fletcher aka Simon Stroker.”

“Oh, no. It’s far too new to jinx it, but shouldn’t you be getting ready too?”

She checked her watch and jumped up from her seat.

“Shit and fuck. I’d best go.”

“You’d best put some fucking money in the jar too. You talk to your mama with that mouth?”

“You kiss Simon Stroker with that one?”

“Touché. I’m going to head out. Tell Mum and Dad I’ll be in touch.”

“You betcha, and don’t leave it so long next time.”

“Thanks Isla, for being there, but one question. Why didn’t you tell me what Mum and Dad did to find me? I thought they’d washed their hands off me.”

“I could see you were already torturing yourself about what you’d done. You didn’t need to hurt any more. Maybe I should have told you, but I was afraid you would go deeper underground if you knew. It was my decision, and I’d do it all over again.”

With that, she ran upstairs, leaving me alone in the kitchen.

We’d all made mistakes, but hopefully, we could put them behind us and move on.

I drove home feeling lighter than I had in a long time. Getting it off my chest, finally admitting what had happened to me, went some way to easing the shame I felt.

Yes, it’d been hard for us all, but it was time to mend our relationship.

I called Simon, hoping to see him later.

“Duke. Where are you?”

“I just left Mum and Dad’s. Where are you?”

“On my way back to Liverpool. What are you doing later?”

“You?”

“Ha, excellent answer. Would you like dinner first?”

“I’d love dinner first. I know this Indian restaurant if you fancy it?” I told him where it was and agreed to meet him at seven. We didn’t need to book. I knew the front-of-house manager.

We arrived at the restaurant and hada fabulous meal—lots of food, a few bottles of beer and I felt more relaxed than I had in a long time.

“How were your parents?”

“Upset. Sad. Feeling like they failed.”

“What the hell did you say?”

“I told them about being raped, explained why I hadn’t returned home. I found out they hired a PI to find me and a psychic. If I’d have only known.”

“But you didn’t and you can’t change the past. Isn’t that what you told me before? Look to the future, Duke, not at the past. We can’t change it, but we can do something about what happens next.”

Amazed at his words, I reached across the table and took his hand. “That was what I needed to hear. So many times I’ve wondered how things would have gone if I’d have just gone home. I don’t even know now why I didn’t, but I can’t change it.”

“Nope, you can’t. You’ve done all you can for now. Time to rebuild. Now let’s go home. Your place, I think. It’s closer.”

It had been a busy day for us both. Simon’s bombshell that he wasn’t going to be supporting his family as much, my confession to my parents. It’d been a lot to contend with, and when we got home, we lay in bed, holding each other tight.

“Can we just do this tonight? I know I said we could do more.” I kissed his shoulder, content just being here.

“I’m pretty exhausted actually. It’s been a long day for us both,” he said, snuggling into my side.

“Thanks. It’s not all about sex, is it?”

“Sometimes it’s about finding comfort in the people around us. That’s all. Now, go to sleep, Duke.”

I stayed awake for a while longer, hearing his soft, regular breaths in my ear, wondering what the future had in store for us.

Little did I know tomorrow would be a turning point.