Chapter 7

Seven

“ I t’s beautiful.” Tamara couldn’t believe this trip got better and better, each stop more stunning than the last.

“It is,” Ethan said, his hand resting lightly in the small of her back, her awareness of him distracting from the view.

They stood inside Udaipur’s Jag Niwas, the stunning Lake Palace that rose out of the blue waters of Lake Pichhola like an incredible apparition, looking out over the rippling, murmuring waves lapping the foreshore.

When Tamara had been planning this trip with her mother, she’d wanted to stay in this dream-like marble palace—now a grand heritage hotel—with its ornately carved columns, tinkling fountains, and clouds of chiffon drapes.

With Ethan by her side, she was glad she wasn’t staying here. The last thing she needed was to be in a romantic hotel with a man putting unwanted fanciful ideas in her head.

She turned away from the picture perfect view and gestured to the silver laden table behind them. “Are you ready to eat?”

He nodded and lowered his hand, and she clamped down on the surge of disappointment. “I sure am. My business is done. The chef signed the contract in front of me.”

He pulled out her chair in a characteristic chivalrous gesture she loved. If Richard had ever done it, he’d plonk his selfish ass in it before she could move.

“He’s one of India’s best, and considering my other choice, a chef in Delhi wouldn’t budge, it’s a coup getting this guy onboard. I can’t wait for him to start at Ambrosia .”

She sat and smiled her thanks. “If you can’t wait, neither can I. I’ll get to sample his chicken Makhani , crab curry, and sweet potato khee r for free, all in the name of work.”

He chuckled, sat opposite her, and flicked out his pristine white linen napkin before laying it in his lap. “It’s a hard life but somebody’s got to do it, right?”

“Right.”

He smiled and hope cradled her heart, warming it, melting the band of anguish circling it. This was one of the moments she’d grown to want yet fear, a poignant moment filled with closeness and intimacy. A moment that labelled her a fool for thinking she could test her flirting prowess on Ethan and come out unscathed—or worse, wanting more.

He broke the spell by picking up the menu, and scanning it. “Let me guess. You’ve already studied this in great depth and have your trusty notebook at the ready.”

She tossed her hair over her shoulder and shot him a snooty stare that lost some of its impact when her lips twitched. “My trusty notebook is safe in my bag.”

He raised an eyebrow and sent a pointed look at her favourite patent leather black handbag hanging off the back of her chair. “Not taking any notes today?”

“Not one.”

The corners of his mouth kicked up into the deliciously gorgeous smile that had launched her crazy new awareness in the first place. “Maybe you’re starting to enjoy my company after all?”

“Maybe.” She picked up a menu and ducked behind it to hide a blush.

“Want to know what I think?” He leaned forward and lowered her menu with his finger, his grin wide.

“You’re going to tell me anyway, so go ahead.”

“I think that notebook of yours is like Bankie.”

“Bankie?”

“The security blanket I had when I was a toddler. I couldn’t say blanket, so called it Bankie. A frayed, worn, faded blue thing that went everywhere I did.”

She imagined how utterly adorable he would’ve been as a wide-eyed two year old clinging to his blanket. He’d never spoken of his family but she assumed he had one tucked away somewhere; probably parents who doted on their wonderful son, and a proud sibling or two.

“Why do you think I need a security blanket?”

“Because of what’s happening between us.”

Her heart stilled. She didn’t want to have this conversation, not here, not now, not ever.

Damn it, until now she could’ve dismissed the awareness between them as a figment of her imagination.

Now he’d brought it up, and made it real. A tangible thing between them. Larger than life and more terrifying than anything she could’ve possibly imagined.

She could ignore it, try and bluff her way out of it. But this was Ethan. The guy who’d stood by her during the rigmarole after Richard’s funeral, the guy who’d given her a chance at getting her career back on track.

She owed him her thanks, if not the truth.

“What do you think is happening between us?” She asked, eyeballing him.

He paused, shifting his plate and cutlery around, before intertwining his fingers and laying his hands on the table and leaning forward.

“Honestly? I like you.” He lowered his voice and leaned forward, leaving her no option but to lean closer too. “I like that you’ve changed since we’ve arrived here.”

This, she could handle. She could fob him off with the real reason behind her change: her journey of self-discovery, her awakening to being her own person, her enjoyment of answering to no one but herself. All perfectly legitimate reasons to satisfy his curiosity and hide the real reason behind her change.

She shrugged, feigning nonchalance. “India’s in my blood. Maybe I recognise it on some subconscious level?”

He shook his head. “I think there’s more to it.”

“Like?”

“Like you opening your mind. Like you contemplating maybe there could be a spark between us.”

“I’m not contemplating anything of the sort.”

Her quick rebuttal sounded like the big fat lie it was.

His warm, sexy smile made her feel a woman and then some. “Come on, Tam. Admit it. You’re as attracted to me as I am to you.”

She pushed her chair away from the table and stood. “I’m going for a walk.”

He let her go but she knew it wouldn’t be for long. While he’d been surprisingly relaxed and laidback this trip, she’d seen his underlying streak of steel that had taken him to the top of the restaurant game around the world. He’d made every rich list the year before, had women clambering after him. So what the heck was he doing, interested in a boring, sad-case widow like her?

She walked towards the lake, head down, sandals flapping against the ancient stone path, eager to be anywhere other than sitting opposite the man she was attracted to, in a palace restaurant in one of the most romantic settings on earth.

“Hey, wait up.”

His shout had her wanting to pick up the pace and flee. Futile, really, because she’d be stuck on the train with him for another few nights regardless if she outran him now.

Slowing her steps, she reached the edge of the lake and stared into the endless depths, searching for some clue to her problem; the problem of opening her heart to trust again, only to find the guy she liked had the power to break it.

She knew when Ethan reached her, could sense his body heat behind her and she turned slowly, no closer to answering him now than she had been a few moments earlier.

He reached for her but lowered his hands when she frowned.

“I’m not pushing you, Tam. I’m not asking for anything. I just thought you might feel whatever’s happening between us too.”

“Nothing’s happening.”

A sudden breeze snatched her defiant whisper, making a mockery of her feeble protestation.

“If that’s what you want to believe…” he shrugged and turned away, staring over the lake to the island in the middle. It housed an entertainment complex where they’d have afternoon tea later, giving her time to concoct more excuses, more repudiation.

Like time would help.

She could protest all she liked but it wouldn’t change the fact that everything had shifted between them and she didn’t have a clue what to do about it.

How could she make him understand what a big deal this was for her? How she couldn’t afford to change the status quo between them beyond a bit of light-hearted flirting?

It came to her as she glanced at his profile: rugged, handsome, strong. She needed his strength, needed someone in her corner. She’d never felt so alone this last year—the last few years if she were completely honest—yet the only times she felt remotely safe lately were during her weekly visits to the restaurant.

Time spent with Ethan.

She laid a hand on his arm, dropped it when he turned towards her.

“You want to know what I believe? I believe you’re a good guy. You make me laugh when you tell those horrible corny jokes, you make me smile with your outrageous flirting. But most of all, you’ve made me believe I can have a fresh start.”

Some nebulous emotion bordering on guilt shifted in his eyes before he blinked. “You think I’m a good guy? Far from it.” He glanced away and rubbed the back of his neck, the first time this trip she’d seen him anything other than relaxed. “I think you’re amazing, Tam, and I’m attracted to you, but don’t go thinking I’m some prince, because I’m not.”

“I gave up expecting a prince to rescue me a long time ago,” she said, annoyed she’d let slip another indication Richard had been anything other than the guy Ethan thought him to be.

He searched her face—for answers, for the truth?

“You want me to drop this?” His brow furrowed. “Pretend it doesn’t exist?”

That’s exactly what she wanted, but in that one tiny moment the faintest hope in her heart there could ever be anything more between them snuffed out like a candle in the breeze.

“Yes,” she said on a sigh, wishing there could be another way, knowing there wasn’t.

She’d lost her mother, her husband, and her identity over the last few years, and she’d be damned if she lost the chance to make a new start.

Falling for Ethan would be beyond foolish, destined to shatter what little of her trust remained, and she couldn’t put herself through something like that again.

A new hardness turned his eyes to steely blue as he nodded. “Fine, have it your way. But know this. Pretending something doesn’t exist won’t make it disappear.”

He reached out and squeezed her arm gently, before heading back towards the palace, leaving her heart heaving and her soul reaching out an imaginary hand to him, before falling uselessly to her side.