18. Vail

Jordan made himself scarce after what happened between the three of us. We saw him for the dinner Irene prepared, even though I offered. She shooed me out of the kitchen and told me to rest. The kitchen was where I felt good though. Where I could channel the thoughts swirling around my head into something other than wondering what Jordan was thinking. I wasn't home. I didn't have a spare bathroom to tear apart and put back together. There was nothing for me to do here but rest.

Today, I wasn't sitting around any longer. I'd had enough of the silent treatment from Jordan. He could shove his attitude right up his ass. How he went from saying he couldn't deny me anything to barely acknowledging my and Hartley's existence was beyond me. Hartley could do what he wanted where Jordan was concerned. I was done.

Hartley and I exchanged numbers yesterday and sat up late talking about when we were younger. I told stories about his brother while he shared what it had been like for him in fashion. I was getting to know the adult Hartley, a man I was completely attracted to.

If Forest wanted to give me shit for liking his brother, he'd have to climb out of the bottom of the bottle he currently lived in. Forest had bigger problems than me, and I had too many of my own to fly across the country to save his ass.

I grabbed my bag and descended the stairs. Hartley was still in bed with his door closed when I walked past. Tahoe hid on the other side of the couch where he didn't think I saw his paws sticking out past the couch's leg. He and Latte became fast friends, causing more chaos than behaving. The dog walker Jordan paid was happy to take Tahoe as well. He got the exercise he needed when I didn't have it in me to do the walking.

Jordan's office door opened the moment my feet hit the first floor. I didn't look his way. There was nothing for me to say to him. It was pretty damn clear I wanted him.

"You're leaving?" he asked from behind me.

"Yeah, it's time for me to go."

"But…"

I turned. "But what? This is the most you've said to me since whatever that was that happened yesterday. I refuse to feel like I'm being used."

He stiffened. "I wouldn't use you."

"Then what would you call it? Because I thought we had a moment, then you had one with Hartley, which I was game for as well. In the blink of an eye, you bolted, and we've hardly seen you since. Unless you tell me what's going on in your head, I'll make my own conclusions."

"You're still recovering," he said between clenched teeth. He didn't like that he couldn't keep me here.

"I'm much better. I only have a lingering cough. The medicine did its job."

"Alton should see you before you go."

"I don't need your doctor to clear me. I'm a grown man who's been through far worse than the fucking flu." I faced the couch again. "Tahoe, let's go." I heard him whine, but he didn't move. When I rounded the couch, he faced away from me like I couldn't see him lying there. "We'll go for a ride." That got his ears up. I'd already ordered a car to pick me and Tahoe up.

"Reghan can drive you after you see Alton."

I balled my free hand into a fist. I wasn't a fighter, but I was pissed. "I'm quite capable of getting myself home."

"I could?—"

"No!" I didn't like to yell, although I would if the person I was speaking with wouldn't listen. Reghan sucked in a breath near the door.

"Don't yell at me in my home," Jordan bit out.

"Why? What are you going to do? Nothing could come close to what I've been through in the past."

"I wouldn't do that to you."

"Then why can't I fucking leave, Jordan?" It would be a miracle if I didn't wake Hartley.

Jordan stalked to me, getting in my face. If he were Gil, I'd shrink into myself. Deep down, I knew Jordan's words were true. He wouldn't hurt me. Fear wasn't what I felt when I was close to him. Not even now, as he seethed with barely controlled anger. "Because you're mine," he ground out.

I laughed. I couldn't help it. "Are you serious? I'm yours? How do you figure? I didn't feel that way after everything yesterday. I sure as fuck didn't feel that way this morning. If you can't get out of your own way long enough to treat me how I deserve, then you don't get to see me at all. I won't be controlled ever again. And do not call me yours in that tone. Gil used to, and I saw how well that ended."

With that, I turned on my heel, grabbed Tahoe's leash from where it hung near the elevator, and got us ready. I was damn sure not going to stand here and have Jordan think he could lay claim on me like he did. If he said it with lust, if he treated me like I mattered since yesterday, it would have been different. But I felt like nothing more than a toy he tossed aside because he'd had his fill.

"Vail?" I heard a soft voice ask. "Are you leaving?"

For Hartley, I'd wait a minute. Tahoe kept to my side as I looked at Hartley, where he stood at the top of the stairs. His hair was a mess, and his shirt was rucked up a bit. He was beautiful. "I am. You have my number. We'll see each other soon."

Jordan marched toward me. "If you're so determined to leave, I'll drive you myself."

"Sir, you don't need to do that," Reghan cut in.

"I know how to drive a fucking car. I have a fleet of them. Have one readied for me. One of the SUVs so Tahoe has room."

"Yes, sir." He lifted his phone and hastily typed a message.

"Hartley, I'll be back," Jordan said, softer than before. "Don't leave while I'm gone."

"I won't." His eyes begged me to stay. We had more to talk about, more to explore. But I couldn't stay with Jordan behaving the way he was.

The elevator opened and Jordan and I got in, along with Tahoe. The tension in the air was thick. It was of Jordan's own doing. He could have avoided this. Even I knew better. What the fuck was I thinking getting mixed up with him? It wasn't even his illegal dealings that turned me away. His attitude, the way he fled yesterday, that was unacceptable. Whoever I was with next had to respect me and treat me as an equal. I'd be damned if I'd be another plaything.

When we got to the garage, there were three Navigators lined up. Jordan stalked to the first one as a guard rushed over to open the driver's side door. If Hartley hadn't been in Jordan's home, I was certain Reghan would have gone with us.

Jordan bypassed the guard and went to the passenger side, where he opened the door for me and the back door for Tahoe. Jordan didn't move until we were both inside. It was then I remember Tahoe's bed and food. Fuck it. I'd buy him new. I wasn't going back up there.

Jordan climbed behind the wheel and put it in drive while I cancelled the car I ordered.

"Your seat belt," I reminded him.

He glared at me but tugged on the belt to put it on, his movements jerky, like he wanted to rip the belt from its casing. His foot lifted off the brake and he drove from the garage. I expected him to pick up the pace, given how angry he was, but he took the turns with care and didn't weave through the city traffic.

As we crossed into West Dremest, I asked, "Do you need me to tell you where I live?"

"I already know." He was calmer than before, at least with his words.

"Of course you do," I muttered.

"I'm not trying to upset you, Vail. Think what you will, but by me walking away from the two of you yesterday, I saved us all."

"How do you figure? When I saw you with Hartley, I imagined what could have been, only for it to go up in smoke when you ran. I get it was a lot, especially after what you've been through, but that's not my nor Hartley's fault. We aren't them."

"No, you're certainly not because if they would have spoken to me like you are, I would have kicked them the fuck out of my house."

"You didn't need to kick me out. I went without prompting."

The leather of the steering wheel creaked under his tight grip.

"You called me yours," I said, more softly this time. "Did you mean it, or was it in the heat of the moment?" Words could be said without thinking. I could easily dismiss them. Actions were another thing entirely. The way he touched me yesterday, the way it felt like I was more than for him to use. If only he hadn't ruined it by behaving as he did.

We all had shit to deal with, but that didn't excuse behavior when it negatively affected someone else. I didn't take my shitty abusive relationship out on Jordan. Yes, I knew how bad things could be. For a long time, I locked up when anyone came near me. The first kiss, the first time I hooked up after Gil, wasn't pleasant. With therapy and a lot of work, I'd gotten better.

"It was the truth," Jordan whispered. "I didn't intend to say it, but when I saw you about to leave, it came out. I don't want you to be mine, Vail, you or Hartley. The consequences are too great. That doesn't mean I don't consider you as such."

We stopped at a red light. He turned to face me. "Calling you mine wasn't meant in a way to make you do what I want, even though it came out that way." He tapped his temple. "In here, I know how it sounds. I don't want to control you. The fear I feel that something will happen to you is strong. I've had a man on your house since you brought me soup." I figured he would have done that, even though I didn't see anyone. Jordan hadn't gotten as far as he had by being obvious. "But in here…" He tapped his chest. "All I want to do is show you how I feel. When I can't say the words, I want to show them. In doing so, I'm letting you in. Once you're there, I won't be able to let you go, not without ripping my heart out in the process. I can't explain it. I want you and Hartley. It's not smart. It's not logical."

A horn blared, so Jordan looked forward and cursed. The light had changed. He hit the gas, taking us through West Dremest to where my home was. The SUV barely fit down the driveway with how close it was to my home and the one on the other side. The other two SUVs stayed at the curb. If Jordan had a man on my place, he'd know the coast was clear.

Tahoe started whimpering, so I exited the SUV and grabbed his leash. He sniffed the grass, the door, taking in all the scents of animals since he'd last been here. Reaching into my pocket, I withdrew my keys and unlocked the door, then disarmed the security system. The place smelled like lemons with a hint of bleach. It was cleaner than I'd ever seen it, thanks to Irene.

When I turned around, I expected Jordan to be behind me, but he stood in the driveway, his eyes on me, hands in his pockets. "You can come in unless you have somewhere to be."

Jordan entered and shut the door behind him. His eyes roved over my kitchen, taking it in, before they settled on me again. "I apologize for my behavior."

I sighed and unleashed Tahoe, dropping the leash and collar on the counter. "I wanted you to apologize last night or this morning. You lashed out instead. I can take your anger when it's warranted. This morning, it wasn't. While I understand you're dealing with shit right now and aren't sure how to handle whatever this is between us, I still have a life to live. I can't hole up in your home. I'm feeling better. It was time to leave."

"Had I apologized, would you have stayed?"

"For another day, yes. Maybe this was for the best." I didn't want to have my heart broken. It was a risk I'd take with Jordan.

"I'll do better." That was probably the first time Jordan had ever uttered those words to another person.

"Then I'll be here the next time you call or stop by."

He nodded, hesitated like he wanted to say more, then petted Tahoe on the head before leaving. I watched his back as he went, the tense way he held his shoulders, wondering what the fuck I was doing, but unable to change my mind about him.