11. Rosie

11

Rosie

It's been three weeks since the night I spent with Alex and I still want him. I'm the one that ran away. The one that hurt him. I shouldn't be feeling so broken.

"Rosie, we are pop singers. You can't keep writing these I want to die type of ballads. We are more of the love is amazing type of band," Maggie says as she throws my latest song in the absolutely not pile.

"I know, but nothing positive is coming out. Every idea I have is depressing and about heartbreak. I can't help it."

"You could call Alex or text Alex back. He's been blowing up your phone for three weeks. The man hasn't given up hope." Phoebe scribbles something on a piece of paper and shows it to Maggie. I'm sure it's about me, but I don't really care. I don't care about much lately.

"I can't do that. I broke his heart."

"You broke your own heart, and I still don't understand why," Maggie says as she scribbles something back to Phoebe.

"We've been over this. I can't give him the happy housewife he wants. I can't stay in LA and be there with him."

"Did he ask for that?" Phoebe asks.

"Well, no, but if you had seen his house. It was a family home. He's a very successful businessman and has an image to keep."

"Most homes are family homes. It's just the way they are built. Alex is successful, but he also fell head over heels for the red-headed, vintage-wearing, popstar. I don't think you were doing some kind of bait and switch. He knew exactly who you were. From what I've heard, he was already completely into you before you met."

"What?" I ask, confused.

Phoebe looks at Maggie and gives her the universal throat-cut sign to stop talking. "Um, nothing. It's just…" she looks at Phoebe. "She deserves to know. Alex saw a picture of you when the rumor about us being booked for the party started to spread. He didn't know who we were and once he saw your picture he was hooked. Wanted to know all about you."

"I…I don't know if that makes it better or worse."

"I don't think it makes a difference," Phoebe says. "He fell in love with you, and you fell in love with him. If it hadn't been real, you both would have moved on by now, but you're both miserable and making everyone else miserable."

"I'm sorry," I whisper as tears form in my eyes. "I miss him."

Maggie wraps her arms around me, and I lay my head on her shoulder. "We know you do. I think you owe it to both of you to talk to him and find what you both want instead of jumping to conclusions."

"I can't now. I've hurt him worse, and he'll never be able to really forgive me. He might think he can, but I've just ruined everything." I get up and grab the keys to the car I leased while we are here. "I'm going to drive around for a bit. I'll meet your guys at the studio. We can at least record the songs we have, and I promise to put on my happy face."

They both try to stop me, but I have to get out of there. I know I've screwed up everything and I want to go back in time and stay in Alex's bed that morning. If only I could just go back and change everything.