CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

-:- MACKENZIE -:-

Saying goodbye to Flynn, Kayla and the kids was just as hard as the last time they left. I don’t suppose it will ever get any easier though. It has been wonderful spending time with them and so much has happened in those couple of days. BigDog took to the kids and followed them everywhere, he played so gently with them, too. For a dog his size, he can be remarkably careful.

I’m seeing Bitty, Sybil and Amelia shortly for another cooking class. They have been fighting over what I should be learning, and who should be teaching me. I had to step in the other day before things got out of hand. In the end, I decided that as Amelia was the first to offer, she should be the teacher. Bitty offered her kitchen so she could decide what we would cook, and Sybil could be the adjudicator. She gets to decide if everything is going as it should, and is the first taster. I’m not sure that’s such a good thing with my cooking at times.

I have an appointment at the local DMV to start the process of getting my trike license. I took a tremendous risk when I rode it yesterday, but I was just so excited, and it was far easier to ride than I expected. I was surprised Jig let me get away with it, too. I never once felt that I was on a trike, it was so stable and the riding position was great. Seeing BigDog in the mirror with his tongue hanging out and his ears flapping in the wind was so funny. He wasn’t in any hurry to get off the trike when we stopped, either.

The speed and acceleration were another wow factor. It takes off like a rocket if you’re not gentle with the gas and feels as though it could go on forever. I can already see the attraction of motorcycles in general, but I’m still not convinced that two wheels will ever be my thing riding or as a passenger. Good luck on that score, Jig, my handsome biker.

Time to get my ass to Bitty’s and see what culinary delights I’m whipping up today. Taking BigDog, I walk to Bitty’s and as I approach her kitchen door, I hear raised voices. I can’t tell what’s being said but can guess that it’s to do with today’s menu.

Entering the kitchen, I find Bitty and Amelia nose to nose across the table with Sybil sitting with her arms crossed, enjoying the spectacle of those two going at it.

“She’s doing dessert today and it’s going to be apple pie,” Amelia is almost frothing at the mouth as she shouts at Bitty.

“She needs to be able to cook the staples before she learns desserts. Get those right and everything else will be much easier for her.” Bitty’s reply does have a degree of sensibility about it.

“She can boil potatoes and eggs. She can grill or fry meat. Basics ticked off. The way to a man’s heart is through dessert. She’s making apple pie today, end of story.”

“When she boils an egg, you can play squash with it for a week. Her potatoes are boiled so long they don’t need smashing, they go to mush on their own. I love the girl dearly, but I wouldn’t swap with Sybil’s job for a million bucks.”

“Okay ladies, that’s enough. I appreciate the offers from all of you, but I’m not going to cause arguments like this. I can follow a recipe or I can find a video to use as a reference. Let’s just have a coffee break today and catch up on any gossip, shall we?”

Sybil heads for the coffee machine while I open the cookie tin and load up a plate with some of Bitty’s cookies. Amelia throws herself into her seat and glares at Bitty with a see what you’ve done now look… Honestly, they are worse than kids when they get started.

Sybil passes each of us a cup of coffee and takes a seat herself. Putting a plate of brownies on the table at the same time, she states, “I haven’t really got any gossip except I walked in on Jo and Knuckles in the utility room the other day.”

“I’m surprised they were doing laundry, I’ve never known that before,” Bitty says, dipping a cookie in her coffee.

“That’s not what we called doing laundry in my day. She was gagging so much she had tears streaming down her face and he was holding her head so she couldn’t move, even if she’d wanted to.”

Bitty lets out a curse as her cookie falls into her coffee. “Goddamn it, Sybil. You walked in on them doing that?”

“Well, it’s not like I wanted to, you know. I was taking some of the twins’ dirty clothes for washing and there they were. Him in a tuxedo, her in a maid’s outfit, ass hanging out of a tiny skirt, stockings and garter belt. I was out of there in a flash, I can tell you. By the time Mia got there, they’d made good their escape. She was not happy about it.”

“You got a lot of detail to say you were out of there in a flash, Sybil,” I say as I look her in the eye. She blushes furiously.

“Well, it was far better than pay-per-view , except you couldn’t pause or rewind it.” Sybil laughs and, as if it were possible, blushes even more.

After listening to them all tell tales as to how often Jo and Knuckles get caught, nearly caught, or have been heard doing the dirty deed, I take BigDog and head home. It’s time I went to start my trike license application.

Taking BigDog along for the ride, I arrive at the licensing office and decide to take him with me, rather than leave him in the Jeep. It’s a five-minute walk from where I can park, but it’s a nice day so we can enjoy a stroll.

Walking along the sidewalk, I’m at a brisk pace just to keep up with his normal walk. His strides are darn near twice the length of mine so he should keep me in good shape. Seeing people dart out of his way, and some even cross the street, makes me smile. If only they knew what his nature was like, I think to myself.

As we turn the last corner before the licensing office, someone steps in front of me and grabs for BigDog’s leash. Feeling myself pushed aside, I hear an awful scream. Looking around to see where it’s coming from, I recognize the man in front of me. It’s BigDog’s prior owner. Looking down at BigDog, I see why the guy is screaming, sweating and looking extremely pale.

BigDog has stepped between me and the man and has a mouthful of his family jewels. Telling him what a good boy he is, my dog not the man, I take my phone from my purse and call Forest. Giving him a quick description of the incident, I hang up and wait for him to arrive.

Every time the guy screams, squeals or tries to speak, I tell him to shut up. When he doesn’t, I pat BigDog’s head, which makes him twitch and in turn, he tightens his grip on the nether regions in his jaws.

A crowd has gathered by the time Forest arrives and when he walks up, he just stands and shakes his head. Dispersing the crowd of onlookers, he leaves BigDog holding the jewels, as he knows the guy isn’t going anywhere. Pulling the man’s hands behind his back, he cuffs him and then asks me to detach BigDog from his prisoner.

“Not till he tells me what he was doing with my dog when he had him.” I look the guy right in the eye and he stupidly blurts out, “He’s my dog, bitch, you stole him from me.”

Jerking on BigDog’s leash has the desired effect as he clamps down harder on his prize. “Wrong answer, jerkoff.”

“I used him to scare people into paying debts owed to a loan shark. I got ten percent of everything I collected. He was doing my job for me just because of his size.”

“Maybe you can use that information, Forest. BigDog. Kill it…” I don’t know where that came from, but it sure sounded good. It must have sounded a lot worse from where the jerkoff was standing because his eyes rolled up and he fainted in the street. BigDog let him go as he fell and then rubbed his face with his paws as though getting rid of a nasty taste.

Once Forest had bundled his man into the cruiser and driven off, I finally made it to the licensing office, where we were the talk of the town. Finishing the paperwork in there didn’t take long, but chatting to everyone took quite a while.

Once we get home, I make fresh coffee and give BigDog one of his favorite treats from his treat tin. Checking on the time, I see it’s almost time for Jig to finish. Dropping him a message, I wait by the front door as I like to people watch while I wait for him.

Me: Got myself a new revolver today. Can’t wait to use it.

Jig: Okay. I’ll be done in five. C U soon.

Preparing another message, I stand outside the door and wait to see him walk out of the garage. As we’re only across the road, I should see him in plenty of time to press send. It’s only a couple of minutes and here he comes. Pressing send, I wait for the fun to start.

As I’m at the front door and he’s walking towards me smiling, a figure in a white dress runs from the back of the house, cackling like a witch and shouting, “You’ll never wear this for my son. It fits me better than it would ever fit your skinny ass .”

As she runs along the street, Jig stops and watches in fascination. Running from the house to the sidewalk, I scream back at her, “You’ve gone too far this time, you old witch. And he’s not your son! ” Pulling a revolver from my pocket, I take the classic two-handed stance and fire. Amelia stumbles and falls to the lawn outside Bitty’s house.

Jig is screaming NO and runs towards Amelia’s prone figure. Arriving at the same time, I blow imaginary smoke from the barrel of my weapon and say, “You weren’t so lucky, was you, punk?”

Jig rolls Amelia over and looks from the body on the ground to me and back again.

Looking up at Jig from her prone position on the lawn, Star says, “Gotcha, Jig” and begins to howl with laughter.

Jig looks at me in complete bewilderment, and frowns when he sees Amelia, Bitty and Sybil walking from Bitty’s front door. Collapsing on the grass, he looks around at all of us.

“You are SOOO NOT fucking funny. I thought you’d just murdered Amelia in broad daylight over a wedding dress. What is wrong with you people?”

Hearing howls from across the street, he sees the garage crew all standing there in fits of laughter.

“Seriously Jig. I couldn’t run that fast to make it look convincing, so I persuaded Star to play my part. Didn’t take much persuading once she knew what was happening, I must say.” Amelia is struggling to get her words out with laughing so hard.

“Your face was a picture. I wish I’d had a camera for that.” Star has tears streaming down her face.

“All these stunts with Amelia and me, and you’ve never cottoned on that they were all pranks? That was just too good to pass up on.”

“All of those were pranks? You had me believing that there was World War Three going on between you two and all the time it was just jokes?”

“You were the only one who didn’t see through them. Everyone at the clubhouse was in on the clothes cutting one.”

Grabbing me and throwing me over his shoulder, he marches back to the cabin. Oh boy, am I in for it tonight? Well, I hope!