Chapter Twenty-One

"I"ve missed this," I moan as I lick at the frosting on the cinnamon roll.

Gabby laughs. "I"ve missed seeing you. I know you"re busy, though."

She"s sitting with me at a table in Get Baked. The weather is shit today, which is why I decided to come see her. I knew she wouldn"t be too busy. It"s overcast with a slight drizzle coming down, colder than it should be for this time of the year. "I am, but I need to start making time for friends again. Jasper only needs to take up a certain portion of my time, not all of it."

"Are you telling me that, or telling yourself?" She raises her eyebrows and purses her lips before taking a sip of her coffee.

"Mostly myself, halfway you."

"How"s it going with Mr. Tall, Dark, and Broody?"

I snicker, because that"s the perfect way to describe him. "It"s going. We"re still kind of tiptoeing around each other. Sooner or later, one of us will have to give in."

Gabby purses her lips. "And it will be so good when one of you does."

While I do agree, I"m also scared that it might break one of us, too. "I"m worried about when it happens. More than likely it"s going to break me."

"What do you mean?" She takes a bite of her cinnamon roll.

"You"ve heard the story of us dating in college, right?" Gabby is older than we are by about ten years, so she may have heard things on the periphery, but she didn"t live it with the rest of us.

"I"ve heard that you told him to step on a Lego and to hit his head so he wouldn"t remember you?" She snickers. "Did you really say that?"

"In not so many words, and it might"ve been meaner than you made it sound." I shrug, trying to act like it doesn"t matter. "But to be fair, he"d just broken my heart. I had admitted to him that I loved him, and he cheated on me, or pretended he cheated on me. I never really got a straight story."

"Why would he do that?" she questions, taking a sip of her coffee.

"Because he had a rough childhood and he didn't…still doesn"t know how to love anyone, including himself. I tried to teach him, and tried to be open with what he needed, because I knew he"d never be truthful with me about what he felt. I thought I could handle it. Thought I could be strong enough when he tried to push me away, but I was wrong." My phone makes a noise where I have it face-down on the table. Reaching over, I grab it and turn it over. There"s a text from Jasper.

J: Where are you?

D: I"m at Get Baked having coffee and breakfast with Gabby. Are you okay?

J: Yeah, whatever you do, don"t leave. I"ll be right there in a minute.

"Well, that"s interesting," I mumble, confused, and unsure of why he asked.

"Everything okay?"

"Jasper just told me to stay where I am and he"d be here in a minute. He was working out with the guys and typically he"s with them for another hour or so. Needless to say, I"m slightly concerned." Knowing that his grandfather is pissed at us over the dinner he invited us to has me a little worried.

"Hopefully he would"ve told you over the text if something is really wrong."

My stomach swims with apprehension as I wait to see him pull up outside of Get Baked. "You would think so, but he"s not the most articulate man when it would be good to explain what"s going on in his mind." I sigh heavily. "I wish I had the time to explain to you how beautifully complicated this man is."

"Aren"t they all?" She twists her hair with her finger. "Especially when I"m fucking around on dating apps."

"Yeah." I laugh, giving her a smirk. "What"s happening with you and Barrett?"

"I wish I fuckin" knew."

I don"t get to ask her anything else. That"s when Jasper rolls up outside of Get Baked in his big, manly truck. God, I love that truck. He leaves it running as he hops out in all his shirtless and gray sweat-pant wearing goodness. I can"t even hear what Gabby might be saying, my heartbeat is thumping in my ears as he jogs in. Our eyes connect, an invisible string pulling me up from my seat, feet moving closer to him. The breath leaves my chest as I see the passion in those dark eyes of his. His jaw ticks, the couple-day-old stubble making it more pronounced.

"Are you okay?" I croak, my throat dry as a desert. My hands are shaking as I wait for him to make a move.

"No." He shakes his head. "I"m not. I"ve missed you every fucking day since I made you leave, and I"ve thought over and over again about what it would be like to be with you one more time. Only I don"t want one more time. I want what we promised each other."

I blink quickly, not sure I"m hearing what he"s saying. "You"re saying you want the rest of our lives?" I need to hear him say it.

"I do, God help me, I do. I don"t know how we"re going to make it work. I"m going to push you away, I"ll make you question both of our sanity, and you"ll probably hate me when this is over. But there are things I can promise you, too." He cups my jaw in his hand, using his thumb to pull my lips apart. "I"ll fuck you like no one else ever has, I"ll piss you off, and I won"t cheat. You"ve had my attention and heart for a good portion of my life. Younger me didn"t know how to deal with the depth of my feelings. Older me still doesn"t know how to deal with the depth of my feelings, but I promise to try."

"All I"ve ever ask is that you be honest with me." I swallow roughly.

"That"s hard for me, because I"ve never been asked what my honest thoughts are. I"ve always been told to be the person my grandfather wanted me to be. I know who I am, deep inside." He reaches out, grabbing my hand, bringing it to his chest, above his heart, which is currently trying to beat out of his chest.

"But I will struggle showing you who that is. I"ve never wanted to show anyone else. You"re the first, and Lord willing, you"ll be the last."

Tears cloud my eyes, and my throat tightens as I really hear what he"s telling me. It"s all of the things I"ve wanted to hear for years.

"I"m not promising to not hurt you..." He trails off. "I"m realistic enough to know I"ll fuck up. Maybe tomorrow or next week, but I will always be faithful to you."

"I know you will be." I caress his jawline. "What brought this on?" I have to know, because I never expected this to be him. Never thought I would get him to admit he needs me.

Reaching down, he grabs my hand and pulls me out to the passenger side of his truck. "C"mon, we need to go home, and then I"ll tell you everything."

He"s never called where we live home, at least not when he"s talked to me. "Home?"

"Yeah." His brown eyes meet mine, serious as I"ve ever seen them. "Home. I"ve been searching for it for most of my life, and I realized tonight when I talked to Boone that the only place I"ve ever felt like that was with you. I"m terrified." He breathes through his nose. "But I want that feeling, and I want it with you."

This is what I"ve dreamed of for so long. Sure he hasn"t said he loves me, but he"s said I"m his home. I"m speechless as we drive toward the duplex, trying to process everything he"s said to me. Neither of us says another word to the other as we drive, but when we pull into the driveway, he put the truck in park, shuts it off, and turns to me.

"Jasper..."

"I promise, this is your decision, but I want to feel close to you again. Will you allow that?"

I know what he means by wanting to feel close to me. He"s sick of denying this attraction we have, and frankly, so am I. I nod, before reaching for him. With a groan, he drags me across the center console and at that moment, I know that it"s time to give up not reacting to him. It"s time to give in and take everything I"ve ever wanted.

Once he has me over the console and straddling his hips, he digs his hand into my hair, palming the back of my head. He pulls me closer to him, until our lips are almost touching. "What is it, Daisy Mae? You gonna allow it? I need to hear it."

Even if I wanted to, I couldn't tell him no. He owns me: heart, body, and soul. "Yes," I whisper, licking my suddenly dry lips. "Take what you want, what you need. I guarantee I want and need it, too."