Chapter Thirteen

I"m more tired than I should be this morning. All because I"ve spent the weekend sleeping in the same bed as my husband. It"s fucking with everything right now. I can"t sleep, am not super interested in food, and all I want to do is lay on the couch with him at the other end, while we watch stupid movies. My shit isn"t even unpacked yet.

I"m standing outside of Little Tikes, helping parents as they get their kids out of their vehicles and greeting my students. A familiar extended cab Ford pulls up. I walk toward the back passenger seat, step up on the running board, and wave at Ashlynn. She is the happiest girl in the morning. She waves back, dimples in her cheeks, gold studs in her ears, and a bottle in her mouth. "Her hair looks better this morning." I give Nolan a playful glare.

He shakes his head. "Still looking for a nanny, Daisy. Sure you don"t wanna tell your new husband to fuck off and come work for me?"

It had been tempting before I was married. Nolan is the most eligible bachelor in town, even though Jasper arguably was number two because of the Hamilton wealth. Ashlynn got those dimples from her daddy, and it"s never easy to say no to the man who"s standing behind me, heat rolling off his body. But I"m not prepared to work as a personal nanny, and something tells me Nolan won"t be easy to deal with when it comes to his daughter. "No, thanks. I kind of like him, and I still get to see Ashlynn, so win/win."

He rolls his eyes. "Whatever. Let me get her out. Can you grab her bag?"

"Yep." I open the passenger side and reach in, getting the bag he brings with her daily. There are days when I want to tell him he overpacks more than any other parent here at the school, but then I realize he probably wouldn"t take it as the teasing joke I mean for it to be. None of us really know how Ashlynn came to be with him. He just showed up with her one day when she was a tiny baby and introduced her as his daughter. "Hey, girlie." I reach out and poke at her stomach, making her laugh. "Wanna come with me so your dad doesn"t have to go in? He"ll never get back out."

Nolan sighs. "I love the fact that y"all take such good care of her here. I don"t have to worry while I"m at work, but those office ladies never want to let me go once I come in."

It"s true. They"re always flirting and offering him a night out if he needs it. Only it"s not a night where they watch Ashlynn. It"s a night where they take him out, and they want to be the one on his arm. "Let me save you, I"ll take care of it. Is her snack in here?" I dig into the bag.

"Yup. That healthy fruit roll-up shit that she loves."

He really is a good dad. I wish all the kids we have here had a parent like him. He listens when we have concerns, makes sure his daughter is taken care of, and never forgets to come pick her up at the end of the day. "You"re doing really well, Nolan. I know it"s hard. I understand that sometimes you just want to throw your hands up in the air and be done, but you"re doing a great job."

"Thanks, Daisy, that means a lot. It"s hard. I feel like I"m fucking up more than anything." He rocks back on his feet, holding the little girl in his arms. His hand is bigger than her head, as he holds her to his chest. "Ash, Daddy's gotta go to work, but I"ll be here to pick you up at five. Okay?"

He tells her this every day, without fail. Part of me wonders why he feels like he needs to do it. Is it because of how she came into his life? Was she left on his doorstep? "C"mon, Ash. I"ll take good care of you while Dad"s at work." I move my fingers for her to come over to me. When she does with no fuss, I turn around and walk us into the building, while waving bye to Nolan. I"ve learned if we don"t make a big deal out of it, then the kids won"t make a big deal. "Let"s get you set up for the day."

When I"m done, she"s toddled over to her friends and they are playing, which gives me a few minutes to head to the small cafeteria we have. I wasn"t able to get breakfast before I left, and my stomach is growling like I haven"t eaten in weeks. I rush through to the back and start digging around to see what I can find. When all I can seem to scrounge is a NutriGrain bar and a banana, I take it with me to one of the kid-size tables and have a seat.

"Are you hiding out in here because the day is already too much for you?" Annabelle teases as she pulls out the chair opposite mine. "Saw you bringing Ashlynn in."

I roll my eyes, chuckling slightly. "You"re the only one around here who doesn"t like Nolan."

"It"s not that I don"t like him. It"s that he"s too cocky for me" she argues, taking a drink from the bottle of water she brought in with her.

"Tell me you think he"s hot without telling me you think he"s hot."

"You"re one to talk. You"re hot for your husband, but you refuse to admit it."

I think about what she"s said as I eat my banana. "It"s not that I refuse to admit it. I think anyone who really knows me, knows I never got over him. There"s a lot of baggage between us, a lot of things we could"ve done differently, hell we should"ve done differently. The only person who doesn"t freely know how I feel about him is him, and that"s because he doesn"t want to hear it. I"m not going to put myself into a situation where I could be hurt before I"m sure of how he"ll react. He and I have been there, done that. I can"t put myself out there again without knowing if he"ll reciprocate, or if he"ll just close himself off."

She"s quiet for a few minutes, rolling around the bottle of0 water from one palm to the other. "I can understand that. Can I tell you a secret?"

"Of course. You know plenty of mine."

Annabelle leans in closer. "I"ve thought about applying to be Nolan"s nanny. Not because I give a shit about him, but because Ashlynn"s so cute and I worry about her. How is she going to grow up without a feminine influence? I wonder about that all the time. Nolan is all man, and she"s such a sensitive kid."

Anna"s not in our group of friends, she doesn"t see the man I do. While Nolan isn"t the most favorite among all of us, and there"s more of a love/hate relationship between him and the guys, we are all there for one another when needed. "Trust me. He takes care of her. The man you see at drop off and pick up is not the same man who"s a father to his daughter. When he showed up and told all of us he was a dad, I was worried, too. I"ve known him since middle school, but he"s turned out to be one of the best parents I"ve ever seen. You know we"ve seen the gamut here."

She nods, but her face is saying she doesn"t believe me. "I wish I could see what you all do, because he is fine as fuck, but I just can"t imagine that he"d be worth it."

"If this tells you anything… I was thinking about taking him up on his offer before Jasper asked me to marry him, and it may not have just been because I love Ashlynn."

Annabelle"s eyes are clear up to her hairline. "Daisy, that"s gossip gossip. Not just a little something you say in passing. Are you serious?"

I nod, taking a bite of the bar. "I"d waited for Jasper for years, wondering if he was going to ever get his head out of his ass. I shouldn"t have waited. If we"re talking about what I would tell other women, it would be not to wait," I reiterate. "We should all think better of ourselves than the people who hurt us," I hurry to explain. "But there"s always been something about him, even when there shouldn"t have been. I don"t know if it"s the fact I"ve always wanted to save him, or that he got so deep under my skin there"s no chance he"ll crawl out?" I shrug. "But I"d told myself that I wouldn"t wait anymore. I was ready to move on, and whatever that meant I was going to embrace it with every ounce of myself. That"s when he appeared, standing right in front of me when I was walking out of Get Baked."

Anna shakes her head. "Funny how life works, huh?"

More like fuckin" stupid how life works. "Yeah, she has a big ole sense of humor, doesn"t she?"

"You could say that." Her eyes flash up to the clock over my head, and she sighs. "We need to report to the classroom. Thanks for the talk."

"You, too, it was nice to load off my dirty little secret to someone."

"That was definitely a secret. Remind me next time I want to be surprised about something to come see you. You have the good shit."

We get up and walk toward our kids, my mind buzzing with everything that"s happened, and hoping like hell I haven"t made the worst decision of my life.