Chapter One

"You are an angel, Miss Bennet, and the London season shines brighter with you here." Though the beaming gentleman in front of Jane probably intended for his words to flatter her, she found herself fighting a shudder. "Your beauty puts all the other girls to shame. Tell me you have another set available for me." Reaching out, he gripped her gloved forearm.

Removing her arm from his grip, Jane somehow kept her serene mask in place. "I am sorry, Mr. Forsham, but you will have to give one of the other young ladies some attention." Looking around the room, Jane spotted a sweet girl she had met earlier standing by the wall, a wistful look on her face. "Why not ask Miss Florence Meriweather to dance? She appears to be free for the next set."

With a laugh, Mr. Forsham appeared to study Miss Meriweather across the room. Then, looking back at Jane, he attempted to recapture her hand while loudly proclaiming, "You are too droll, Miss Bennet. Why would I offer to dance with a mouse such as her when I can bask in the glow of a diamond, even if I am not fortunate enough to dance with you a second time?"

Keeping out of his grasp, Jane anxiously wondered how Elizabeth or Mary might handle a similar situation. She was confident that Elizabeth would use her sharp tongue as a defense. However, a remark that would indubitably sail right over his head would not free her from her supercilious partner. Mary would start quoting scripture or Fordyce. Jane's middle sister had long ago learned that most people became uncomfortable when she started spouting scripture. It had worked especially well on their father, Mr. Bennet, whose cruelty had forced them all to develop their own sort of defense mechanisms.

Jane had developed a mask of serenity. Her father"s power to hurt her diminished when she learned not to flinch, causing him to abandon his efforts after only a few stinging remarks. Jane tried to see the best in people and could often do so, but the superficiality that she was encountering in London ballrooms hurt her too tender heart. Just because she could pretend she was unaffected did not mean she was not hurt, and what hurt Jane the most was people who were intentionally cruel to others.

Seeing the look on Florence"s face decided it for Jane. The poor girl had clearly heard his slight, and that simply would not do. Offering a sweet smile with intentions of disarming the gentleman—if he could even be referred to as such—Jane responded to Mr. Forsham's earlier comment. "Mr. Forsham, if you are so interested in spending time in my company, perhaps we could converse until my next dance partner arrives? Shall we discuss the war on the continent? Or would you rather speak of the state of the poor and whether you feel it has had any influence in the Luddite movement?" Raising her brows in question, Jane waited for his response, knowing full well she had discomposed him.

Mr. Forsham's eyes bulged out for a moment before he clamped his mouth shut with a tilt of his head. After hesitating briefly, he composed himself and chided, "Oh Miss Bennet, you do not have to worry your lovely little head about such matters. You are not like that mouse, Miss Meriweather. While she may need to cultivate accomplishments and learn things, you do not. You are a diamond. Your beauty is enough to draw me in. All you need to do is grace my arm, grace any man's arm, and they will be satisfied. I will be satisfied." Finally capturing her hand, he patted it as one would a confused child and then said, "You are like the sun, Miss Bennet. You do not need to worry about filling your head; you only need to shine."

Tugging her hand from his grip as delicately as possible, Jane used her sweetest voice to say, "Oh, but Mr. Forsham, have you not heard the story of Icarus? There is danger in drawing too close to the sun. Do not forget the sun will burn you if you are not careful. It may be wise to use better discretion." Dipping into a sharp curtsey, Jane bid him goodbye and stalked elegantly across the room. Those who did not truly know her would be blissfully unaware of how upset she actually was. Jane's serene beauty and tranquil demeanor had become renowned during her London season, but she had to admit to herself that her well of calm was running dry. It was becoming harder and harder for her to remain composed when presented with so many uncaring fools.

Not worry her lovely little head indeed. Jane was not stupid. She knew her looks were what people first noticed about her, but she was more than a pretty face. Making her way to Miss Meriweather, she tried to cheer up the younger girl, but quickly realized that she was not receptive to Jane's overtures of friendship. That was the second lesson she had learned in London—not all the women she met wanted to become friends with the season"s brightest diamond.

She had recently overheard a conversation of two debutantes saying that having Jane Bennet stand next to you was to cast a shadow on your own beauty. No one wanted to be compared with an incomparable beauty, not that anyone would blame the superficial and empty-headed gentlemen who wanted an equally empty-headed beauty on their arm. Resigned, Jane complimented the girl's dress and moved along to find her party.

"Men swarm around your daughter like bees to honey. They seem to be unable to resist her magnetic presence," Lady Derby murmured to her companion as they watched the young blonde speak with a gentleman across the room. Cousin to Mrs. Gardiner, the countess had long been friendly with the Bennet ladies.

Fanny Bennet watched her daughter with a motherly eye. From this distance, she could not see Jane's expression, but she could read her posture. Shaking her head, Fanny bit back a sigh. She did not think Jane was enjoying the ball at all. Turning to Lady Derby, she said, "Sadly, they often seem more like flies." Careful to keep her face clear of concern, Mrs. Bennet's annoyance was only shown in her comment, "They hover annoyingly, and at times, bite."

Lady Derby turned back to Fanny and consoled, "Yes, you more than most understand that, and I can see why you worry about Jane. However, you know she is a strong girl and can hold her own. Some people may see her beauty and placid facade as weakness, but those that wish to take advantage will learn to regret it."

Laughing softly, Fanny said, "Sometimes I wonder how Lizzie would have handled a London season as a debutante. She certainly would not tolerate some of what I know Jane does for the sake of peace. Her need to see people treated well would have set her against the tabbies and the rakes in a trice."

Lady Derby was forced to hide her chuckle behind her fan. "I so love your Lizzie. I truly hope some of her vigor rubs off on my girls."

"I must thank you for encouraging her to take up archery. It has proven very helpful to Lizzie and the others." Fanny sometimes feared what would have happened if Lizzie hadn't taken to the sport. Not only did it seem to help Lizzie with her control and patience, but it had also already helped Kitty to build her own courage and self-confidence. That was even putting aside the time Kitty had to use her newfound skill for protection.

"It is no bother. My girls were too young to teach, and Lizzie was such a ball of energy at fourteen that I had to give her something to do. Now I have partners to practice and compete with." Lady Derby smiled as she spoke, but rather than watch the other people around the room, her attention remained on Mrs. Bennet.

Eventually Fanny realized where Lady Derby's attention lay, and quirking an eyebrow, asked, "Why do you look at me so? I know there is nothing wrong with my appearance."

"No, there is nothing wrong with your appearance. That is not what I was considering." Lady Derby's eyes narrowed slightly as she seemed to ponder something. "You know, I do not think anyone present would believe that you are thirty-nine. You could very well pass for a much younger woman. In fact, you are much prettier than half the debutantes of the season."

Fanny tilted her head, wondering what her friend was about. "While I will thank you for your compliment, I am wondering why you say such things."

"Have you considered remarrying?" Lady Derby fastened her eyes on Fanny, her face clear of artifice.

Shocked, Fanny reared back from Lady Derby, then, stepping closer, she hissed, "I am still married to a very unpleasant man. Why would you speak of me marrying another one?" Shaking her head slightly, Fanny looked back at the dancing people. Why would Lady Derby say such a thing? She really had no desire to trap herself again, even if she was still desirable.

"You know that Mr. Bennet will not live forever. In fact, with what I know of his dissolute lifestyle, I doubt he will live much longer. You could still have a chance at a loving marriage in the near future." Lady Derby's comment came as soft as a whisper but left Fanny feeling as though she had been struck by lightning.

She had tried to ignore any news she heard about her estranged husband, but she did know that after she and her girls had fled, he had gone bankrupt and was forced to find employment. Reports of him had become scarce since he arrived in London, but she knew her brother stayed up to date on his whereabouts and situation. Just thinking of the man, even safe in a ballroom free from his reach, sent shivers down her spine.

Glancing at Lady Derby, Fanny saw her concern. She knew that her friend's marriage had been a love match, and all evidence suggested that they still loved each other deeply, even after over a decade of marriage. Meanwhile, Fanny had fallen out of her infatuation with her husband Thomas after two days of wedded bliss. "I know you only want to see me as happy in marriage as you are, but please do not try to get me to dream of something that, at least for now, cannot be. If I become a widow, I promise to think about what you have said. Until then, however, let us discuss more pleasant things."

Nodding in agreement, Lady Derby smiled and said, "All right, my dear. I hear you went to the opera last week. What did you think of the new stage set? I hear it is quite beautiful."

Finding her mother and Lady Derby talking happily in a little alcove, Jane quietly joined them. Her next dance partner had yet to claim her for their set, so she had a moment to relax without worry. Without interrupting their conversation, Jane studied the two women. Of similar ages, they were both beautiful, though Jane found that her mother's blue eyes seemed to have a more serious look about them.

Her mother was still remarkably attractive for all that she had two daughters over twenty. It helped that she was seventeen when she had Jane. It was easy to see that Jane had inherited her looks from her mother—both women blonde and blue-eyed. Some people might say that it was a gift to have inherited her looks, but Jane knew her mother's beauty had not done her any favors.

Jane was unsure that her own beauty would benefit her any more than her mother's had. Her mother's appearance had won her the attention of the heir to Longbourn, who turned out was not worthy of the title gentleman. Then Fanny had been stuck at Longbourn for over two decades, dealing with his cruelty and negligence before Lizzie and Mr. Darcy had found a way to force his hand.

The Bennet ladies had finally escaped his dominion, but Jane wondered if anyone but her sister Elizabeth was truly liberated. Though they all fought his influence with every step they took, they were all still haunted by their past.

Mrs. Bennet's cobalt eyes scanned Jane before she said, "You look as if you have had enough this evening. Would you like to go home, sweetheart?"

Shaking her head, Jane sighed and said, "No, I do not want to be rude. I still have several more sets claimed, though I started turning gentlemen down before my card was full."

Snapping her fan shut, Lady Derby contradicted her. "Don't be silly. I shall say that your mother has been affected by a megrim and you, being the dutiful daughter that you are, accompanied her home to care for her. They will only laud you for your sweet disposition even more. You are the season's diamond, after all."

Rubbing at the center of her forehead where an ache was forming, Jane groaned. "Don't remind me."

Coming to her side, Lady Derby gave her hand a squeeze. "You poor dear, these fools cannot see your true worth, and they are idiots for it."

Looking at the older woman, Jane smiled in gratitude. Few people knew that Lady Derby was her Aunt Gardiner's cousin. Both women were compassionate and intelligent in equal measures, and there was much about them that Jane wanted to emulate. She was not as close to Lady Derby as Elizabeth or Kitty were, but she had been sponsoring her for her bow before the queen and throughout all the ensuing activities.

Jane hugged Lady Derby, saying quietly, "You are a dear. I do not think I could keep my equanimity if my next partner was at all like my last one."

Narrowing her eyes at the comment, Lady Derby asked, "Ungentlemanly or idiotic? I can do much about the first, but little about the second."

Fighting to keep her face calm, Jane replied, "No, not ungentlemanly, merely idiotic, but I shall not worry my pretty little head about it, for I have escaped him. Thank you for helping me to escape the evening."

"It is what I am here for, my dear." Turning to Jane's mother, she said, "It was lovely to chat with you again, Fanny. We really should get together for tea soon."

"Of course. I will send you a note tomorrow." Kissing her friend's cheek, Fanny linked arms with Jane before walking towards the exit.

Once in the carriage, Jane relaxed into the squabs. Watching listlessly out the window into the darkness. She would be glad to get back to the Gardiners" home, where she could change into something more comfortable and try to fall asleep.

"You look done in, my dear. Are you keeping too busy a schedule?" Her mother's voice came to her through the darkness of the rocking carriage.

"Perhaps, Mama. I have been busier before, but so many of these gatherings are superficial and without meaning and it saps me of all my joy." Smoothing her hands down the texture of her dress in a soothing fashion, Jane sighed. "I just want to go home."

"We should be at my brother's soon," her mother responded gently.

Jane wished she could be soothed by the reassurance in her mother's voice. It was simply no longer possible. Not after a month of being hounded and treated to the superficiality of the ton. It seemed as if every day had twisted her into tighter knots. If she did not put an end to it soon, she felt as if she would snap like a too taut bowstring. "No, Mama. As much as I love Aunt and Uncle Gardiner, I do not wish to be here in London anymore. I miss my still room. I miss working in the garden, and I miss helping people who need it."

Jane heard a sharp intake of breath come from the other side of the carriage before her mother said, "Oh Janie, I know. As hard as it was at Longbourn, there are things about it that I miss too, but you know we cannot go back." Jane could hear the anxiety in her mother"s voice at the mere mention of Longbourn and hated herself for the pain she had brought her.

As carefully as she could in a dark, rocking carriage, Jane moved to sit next to her mother to soothe her as best she could. Looping her arm through her mother's, she snuggled into Fanny's side. "I do not mean Longbourn, Mama. I do not mean that garden or still room. What I meant is that I yearn for the satisfaction of accomplishing those tasks. This way of life is not the way I wish to live." Happy to feel the tension leave her mother, Jane added, "I do not want to bother Lizzie and her new husband, but we have been away from Pemberley for a month. Do you think that they would mind if we returned early?"

"I know we were trying to give the newlyweds some time to themselves, but I cannot imagine your sister being anything but thrilled to see you." Patting her daughter's knee, she continued, "If you are sure that this is what you want, we can begin making arrangements tomorrow."

"Yes, Mama, I am more than sure." Jane felt stress bleed out of her at the mere thought of being able to flee London. She began thinking of what must be done in order to leave, as well as what she might do once they arrived at Pemberley.

She continued, "Despite Aunt Gardiner"s assurances that she is fine with the four of us staying with her for the season, I know it has but a strain on the household to accommodate us. I am sure we can find ways to be helpful at Pemberley."

"I fear you might be correct." Repositioning herself, Fanny said, "Maybe Mr. Darcy would consider allowing us to take up residence in the dower house."

Jane laughed softly into the cool air of the night. "You know, he told you he wanted you to call him son, and if not, then William would do. He also did not want to hear of us trying to hide away in one of the cottages or the dower house. I was there when he pointed out that there are more than enough rooms in the family wing to house us all with more to spare."

"Your sister has certainly landed herself a generous man. I do believe he is one of the good ones, Jane," said Fanny.

"Yes, he is." Jane thought of what a wonderful match Elizabeth and Darcy had made. Sometimes in the middle of the night, when Jane could not sleep, she would think about all that had occurred to bring them together and how much they had to overcome. Their love had been the tipping point that enabled the Bennet ladies to leave Longbourn.

Thinking of Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy caused Jane's mind to wander to Mr. Bingley. It had been easier at the beginning of her season when he had also been in London, and she could depend on at least one gentleman at the events she attended. When he had left London to see his sister and new little nephew back in Netherfield, it had become more difficult for her.

Biting back an uneasy sigh so as to not worry her mother, Jane contemplated her relationship with Mr. Bingley. They had met at an assembly back in Meryton and Jane had quickly found him just what a man should be. He was handsome, and while Elizabeth had always leaned towards tall, dark, and handsome, Jane's inclination had often taken another path. In fact, Mr. Bingley's fair coloring, with striking blue eyes and wavy copper locks, suited her quite well.

Because Jane was always ready to look beneath the surface, she saw more than just his superficial appearance. He was amiable, and though he had obvious holes in his knowledge of what it was to be a landholder, he was inclined to learn to fill those gaps. When called for, he had proven himself capable in a crisis and was willing to stand up for what was right. Of least concern was his financial standing. Though Jane was aware of how crucial it was to be able to support a wife and children, Jane did not require the fine dresses and jewels that other women might find vital.

Mr. Bingley seemed to have all the qualities she wanted in a man, yet she hesitated. Jane was well aware of the fact that her mother had thought herself in love when she had married her father. Not only had it proven to be a hollow infatuation, but she had suffered for decades for her lack of insight. Jane was terrified of making such a mistake.

Jane had been grappling with her emotions, fully aware of the gravity of the decision she faced regarding marriage. As much as she wanted to marry a man she loved, she did not want emotion to lead her down an unsavory path. It was not until Mr. Bingley had left to see his sister and he had been less present in her life that she realized how much her feelings were already engaged. She missed him, his laugh, and the way he always had an encouraging smile ready, no matter the situation.

Mr. Bingley had kindly let her know that though he had feelings for her, he wanted her to have a season and not feel obligated to reciprocate. He knew she had been confined by her situation back at Longbourn and had never had the chance to even consider marriage before she met him. Her father"s cruel desire to keep his family trapped in misery had stifled her thoughts of marriage. Adjusting to a world of new possibilities was proving more difficult than she had hoped. Mr. Bingley knew this and wanted to give her the chance to choose the man she wanted to be with, even if that was not him. He had encouraged her to widen her circle, have a season, and even explore who she was away from Longbourn and her father.

Jane was conflicted. She felt as though she could love Mr. Bingley, if only for his unselfish desire to help her see more of the world. Still, she worried if he saw the real Jane. More than once, she had heard him comment on how beautiful she was. Mr. Bingley was also rather fond of the word angel. Both statements had left her unsettled, though Jane had never said as much to Mr. Bingley. She knew that he was trying to compliment her, and she would never be so churlish as to complain, though it left her wondering, did he see more than her superficial beauty?

She was more than just her blonde hair and deep blue eyes. If he saw her true worth, then he might make the perfect husband. The question was, did he see everything that was her when he looked at her, or was he only seeing what was on the outside? She supposed she needed to find a way to puzzle it out.

If he was actually seeing the real Jane, shouldn't she let herself go enough to truly fall in love? Was it something she was even capable of?