Chapter 24

CHAPTER 24

Ayen

I had no idea how long I stayed curled up on the floor for.

Minutes?

Hours?

It was hard to tell. I'd eventually exhausted myself to the point of lying down on the dusty and worn hardwood floor, with my cheek pressed against it. My body had shut down the second I closed my eyes, wanting to forget any of this ever happened.

A loud call was what brought me back, the sound of Barlow roll calling everyone.

I contemplated staying there curled up in a ball and getting written up for it.

How bad would my punishment be compared to the deep betrayal I felt?

In the grand scheme of things, everything else simply paled in comparison.

Eventually, though, I forced myself up and wandered outside to the line-up, barely functioning.

"Gonzalez, why the fuck're you still in your pjs?" Stinner said.

My gaze drifted up to where he loomed over me, his shadow temporarily blocking out the sun burning my eyes. No words came out of my mouth—not even a single thought. My mind was blank, my body running on simply muscle memory alone.

"Get the fuck back inside and get dressed. Jesus Christ," he spat.

Turning back around, I headed into my cabin again without any kind of arguing. Getting myself together was a blur, as was the rest of our head count and heading into the mess hall for breakfast before we got started for the day.

That sticker was branded into my skin—Jackson's handsome face grainy and barely decipherable on the horrible laser scanner that had been used to print up a visitor pass for him.

The worst part was that if I'd never found it, he never would've told me.

How long would he have gone carrying on the ignorance?

For the rest of our weeks together?

After that, too?

I'd told him— begged him— not to go find Alex. But he'd done so, anyway.

To what, prove to himself that it ‘wasn't that bad'?

That I wasn't the type of person who was capable of such a violent act?

Whatever he'd told himself in order to convince himself that he was fine with seeing Alex like that was a complete lie. No one could handle something like that; no matter how prepared you were going into it.

A bright and charismatic man being reduced down to someone who pissed and shit in a diaper all day wasn't the kind of thing you simply witnessed and got over while convincing yourself that he deserved it.

The reality was that, eventually, Jackson was going to come to his senses and see just what kind of monster I was to leave someone in that state, regardless on whether or not it was accidental. Soon, he'd see the real reason I was meant to be behind bars and our little fantasy together would come crashing down.

I was sick to my stomach when he'd asked the first time for Alex's info, knowing that by walking down that road I was essentially letting what we had slip right through my fingers. That's why I'd begged him to let it go, to just forget it.

But of course, Jackson being Jackson could never do that. He had to see the disgusting mess for himself and try to prove that he wasn't like everyone else who saw me for the murderer I was.

"All right, everyone!" Mac's voice snapped me back into reality. "Partner up!"

Blinking a few times to clear my head, I realized that I'd somehow transported myself from the mess hall to a designated training area where there were work stations set out for us to gather around.

Across the way, I caught eyes with Jackson who was watching me with a pinched expression on his face. Roxy stood at his side, wagging her tail while she pranced in place from where Jackson was holding onto her work vest.

Immediately turning away from them, I gathered around the closest workstation where another inmate, James Barker, was already standing.

He glanced over at me when I stood next to him, his arms crossing over his chest.

"You're my partner for this," I forced myself to say.

He gave me a weird look before shrugging. "Whatever."