20. Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen

A ll Izzy wanted to do was touch Todd. It was difficult to keep his hands off. He had felt the same way about Ulises. His response to the feeling had been to fuck him one more time and then dump him.

The shame washed over him as it always did. And the instinct to run as far away from Ulises and Todd as possible was still there. He wouldn't give in to it again. All he had to do was picture the hurt on Ulises' face.

He hadn't hurt Todd yet and he didn't intend to. He didn't know what it would look like on Todd's face, but he still did his best to picture it. He needed the image in his mind. It was the only thing that kept him from running.

Alongside the images of Ulises and Todd rolling around in his brain was the memory of his sister's last few moments alive. How her chest had moved, heavy and deep, as if every breath was painful. But it was the pause between that got to him. It took hours for her to take her last breath. They grew longer as time wore on. Eventually, her chest stopped moving.

Izzy had never been one to believe in souls. He hadn't ever wondered what happened to a person after they passed away before his sister died. But Izzy would always remember the moment when he'd felt alone in the room. It had been a few seconds after Maya had taken her last breath. It was as if her soul had been sucked out of her body along with all the air.

Her expression had been one of peace, as if dying on the hospital bed had been what she’d needed. But Izzy was angry. At her for dying. At the gods for snatching her from the earth, as if they were plucking a flower. At the unfairness. And at how alone he’d been.

He'd wanted to break something. More than one thing. But he hadn't. He'd sat in the chair next to her bed staring at her chest, willing it to move again. And when it never did, the numbness had made a home inside him.

Until Ulises. Something about him had opened a floodgate and the pain flowed through. His hands shook has he held Todd from behind. He hoped Todd didn't feel it. He didn't want to have to explain how he was losing it all over again over someone who had died more years ago than Todd had been alive.

Why couldn't Ulises leave Izzy’s numbness in place? He liked not feeling anything at all.

Todd didn't need to be distracted. He was trying to knead bread and not being very successful at it.

"How about I make you something to eat. And you sit right over there." Todd pointed to a stool on the other side of the island.

Izzy shook his head and tightened his hold. Part of his problem was his instinct to protect his mate. He'd failed with Maya, and he might with Ulises too, but maybe if he hung on tight enough, he'd be able to save Todd and Ulises.

The only problem was the logic was flawed. He knew by holding onto Todd it wouldn't save Ulises. Or Todd for that matter. But if he kept them both close then it would be a lot easier.

Todd stopped kneading. He couldn't get enough leverage. "Okay, we're going to have a conversation about what's appropriate while I'm at work."

Izzy growled. "You're not the Daddy in this situation, boy."

But Todd was right. The clinginess wasn't fair to him. "But we should talk about it still."

Izzy let Todd go. And leaned against the counter, keeping his distance.. He didn't want to face Todd, so he stayed behind him. "Just keep kneading, sweetheart."

"I'm not a cat." Todd snorted.

"No. You're a pretty boy who needs an explanation." When Todd started to turn, Izzy growled. "Stay like you are."

Todd shivered. It was visible even from behind. "Okay."

Izzy couldn't help but focus on his ass. It was right there. He wore an apron with the string around his waist and secured in the front. But all it did was make his ass stand out. It didn't help that he wore some sort of pants that shouldn't have hugged his ass but did because his globes had a perfect roundness.

"Am I scaring you?" Izzy had to ask. He didn't know Todd well enough yet. Maybe Todd was scared of Izzy's commanding tone, especially since his eyes were his dragon’s and his fangs had dropped. How many shifters had Todd encountered? As a human, probably not many. He might be scared of Izzy. Not knowing his partial shift meant Todd's closeness made him protective and horny all at once.

Todd shook his head. "N-no. Not scared."

"How do you feel then?"

"Not scared," Todd repeated.

Izzy grinned. "I asked how you felt. Not how you didn't feel."

Todd sighed. "I like it when you get all commanding."

"Would you like to call me Daddy?" Izzy wanted it more than he'd ever wanted anything in his whole life. Despite his abandonment issues being front and center, his need for Todd, and for Ulises, hadn't changed.

Todd shivered again. "I think so."

"Then you can whenever you want but you don't have to." Izzy wanted to kiss Todd on his nape but refrained. Todd was right about having a conversation. But it wouldn't be about Todd needing space to work, although Izzy intended to give him that.

"What does it mean if I do?"

"For now, it means you're going to learn to trust me."

"Learn to? That's it?"

"You don't know me yet. It'll take time." Izzy needed to wrap his head around being in a relationship. The slower they went the better. They needed to take baby steps.

"That's…good."

"We'll talk about what else it will mean after you learn to trust me."

"Got it. Okay. I can do that." Todd started kneading the bread again. "What about Ulises? Does he call you Daddy, too?"

Izzy raised his eyebrows. He knew what Todd was asking him. Did he want to have a relationship with Ulises too? And the answer to that was yes, as much as that scared the crap out of him. "He has called me Daddy before. I'd like for him to again but it's complicated."

"Because you fucked it up." Seryn came into the room. He grinned at Izzy. "And now Ulises is going on a date with someone new."

"That was me. We went on a date together." Todd kneaded the bread harder, as if Seryn upset him, although Izzy wasn't sure how.

"Okay, someone else who's new. I think the guy is a Daddy so it might actually work out." Seryn didn't sit on the stool, which told Izzy his intent was to piss off Izzy with the information. "They're meeting at the club tomorrow. Oh, and, DragonDaddy3, he's boycotting you until you put up pictures. If you two want to date Ulises too, you best figure it out. This will be the only time I help you."

Izzy growled but he didn't comment. A part of him thought it might be best if Ulises found a Daddy who wasn't scared shitless of losing him all the time.

It was Todd who stiffened and said, "We'll be at the club and by the end of the night Uises will know who wants him more."

Seryn chuckled and left the room. "Right."

"Challenge accepted." Todd went to town on the bread dough as if it pissed him off. And then he stopped and turned, meeting Izzy's gaze. "We had a connection, him and I. It was fire."

"How do you know?"

"Because we made out in the car at the drive-in theater. You know the one."

He'd never been there but he knew about it because it was one of a few remaining in the entire country. It was sort of famous for that reason. And it was a great spot for a date.

Izzy expected jealousy but none came, except for wishing he'd been able to watch. If he were any other dragon shifter with a mate, he would be jealous of anyone who touched him before they'd met, much like he'd been when he’d first met Evan. He still hated that little shit.

"And this make out session went well?" Izzy crossed his arms over his chest. If he didn't, he'd pull Todd into him and never let go. He might not have verbally agreed to give Todd space to do his job, but the agreement was still between them.

Todd gave him an incredulous look, tilting his head. Of the two, Izzy thought Ulises was the only one with sass. Boy, had he been wrong. Izzy wanted to grin but instead he raised his eyebrows and tried to keep the amusement out of his expression. "You want details. I can tell."

Izzy smirked. "I'll share if you will. One detail about being with Ulises each."

Todd leaned over the counter, gazing out of the room as if seeing if anyone was nearby. When he turned back to Izzy, he nodded. "He straddled my lap. It was tight because of the steering wheel so I could feel him against me." Todd pointed to his own cock. "We would have gone further but it got awkward after that."

"We'll unpack the reason for the awkwardness now." Izzy had a good idea why already, but he needed to hear it from Todd. And probably Ulises at some point.

Todd met Izzy's gaze through his lashes. "We…um…we realized we're both submissive."

"You needed a Daddy to take you all the way, huh?" Izzy was so turned-on just from having this conversation.

Todd nodded. "We need you. That's what Ulises said."

Izzy raised his eyebrows at that. "He did?"

"He didn't say your name. He just said a Daddy, but I think he thought about you when he said it."

"How could you tell?"

"Because he seemed sad after that." Todd frowned. "You made him sad even though you're in love with him."

Izzy growled and then regretted it because Todd stiffened. "It's not love."

Todd bit his lower lip as if he were trying not to contradict Izzy, but he still frowned.

"Shit." Izzy started out of the kitchen toward the living room. His stomach in knots.

"You owe me a Ulises story."

Izzy didn't turn to face Todd as he spoke. It was on the tip of his tongue to downplay his time with Ulises but thinking about it brought him back to the last time they'd fucked. It had been the closest to making love he'd ever experienced. "When I'm inside him it feels like…all the good things in the world are given to me. But I…don't deserve it."

It had felt like love. Damn it. And he hadn't deserved that either.

He heard someone gasp and assumed it was Todd but didn't turn.

"I'm not going far, boy. And not for long." And with that he headed outside toward the pool.