57. Viviana

The second Mikhail touches the door to leave, my insides twist. It's a searing pain that drops me to my knees.

"Viviana?" Anatoly is there, grabbing my arm and trying to pick me up. But the pain is so intense I can't get my feet under me. All I can do is fold myself forward and press my head between my knees.

Dante is missing.

My son is gone.

I know it's true, but I can't make sense of it. I can't wrap my head around a world where the little boy I've devoted every minute of my life to for over six years isn't healthy and whole and well and here.

"It's going to be okay, Viv." Anatoly pats my back. It's the same way I used to soothe Dante when he was sick. Long, slow circles between his tiny shoulder blades. "Mikhail is going to take care of everything."

But I'm the one who takes care of Dante. It's always been me.

When he was a baby, I handled every middle-of-the-night nursing session because there was no one else. He had me and I had him and that was enough. I worked to buy the mountain of diapers he needed. I bought him clothes and, when he outgrew them in two months, I bought him more. I held heating pads to ear infections and I sang away the nightmares.

Anything Dante has ever needed, I've been there.

Now, when he needs his mama more than he's ever needed me, I'm not there.

"He's gone." My voice is broken. It comes out in a strangled whisper. "He's gone."

"You have to get up, Viv." Anatoly scoops me up and places me on the barstool. "Mikhail is taking care of it. Everything is going to be?—"

His voice cuts off so suddenly that I look up. Somewhere behind the haze of panic and grief, I register that Anatoly looks sick.

His face is still pale from the news about Dante, but now, Anatoly is staring down at the floor.

At a smear of blood on the white tile.

I run the last few minutes back and can't understand where it came from. Was Mikhail bleeding? Did I hurt myself when I fell?

I turn back to Anatoly and he's looking down at his arm now. At a red spot on his forearm. The same arm he just curled underneath me to lift me off the floor.

"Are you hurt?" It comes out in a hoarse whisper.

Anatoly jumps. Like he was so deep in his head he forgot I was here. He shakes his head slowly. "It's not mine, Viv."

"Then whose?—?"

No.

Even as I stand up, I don't believe it. I can't. Life has been a bitch to me more times than I can count, but she's not a monster. Surely, I've had enough slices of shit pie for a lifetime. I don't need a double helping on the worst day of my life.

But I grab the back of my shorts and they're wet. My fingers come away bloody. The stool I was sitting on is smeared with blood. It's bright red. Fresh.

"No," I whisper like that might make all of this disappear. "This isn't happening."

My eyes flicker back and forth over all the evidence, taking it in but not absorbing it. Meanwhile, Anatoly grabs his keys and loops his arm through mine.

We're halfway to the garage door before I dig my heels in. "We can't leave."

"You're bleeding, Viv." He explains it slowly, sounding out every syllable.

"Dante is missing," I respond just as slowly. "We have to stay here."

"You need to go to a hospital. You could be—Fuck, I don't know! But you're pregnant and I know this isn't good."

"Not good"is an understatement. This is cruel and unusual punishment. My son is missing and now, I can't even keep the child in my own womb safe? I'm a failure.

Guilt threatens to bring me to my knees again, but I don't have time for that. It isn't helpful now.

Anatoly pulls me towards the door. "We have to go."

"We can't leave. Mikhail told us to stay here!"

He did, didn't he? I don't remember what he said. Everything after "Dante is missing" is a blur.

"If he knew you were bleeding, he'd tell me to get you to a hospital," he argues. "There is no way I'm letting anything happen to you or your baby on my watch. We need to go."

I pull back, sliding my wrist out of his grip. "What if Dante calls?"

As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I know it's ridiculous. Dante doesn't have a phone. He wouldn't even know my number if he had one.

"What if he comes back?" I try again, but… no. I blow out a shuddering breath. "He doesn't know the address. He can't—He's too little to find his way back."

He's alone and helpless and he needs me and I'm not there.

Anatoly grabs my shoulders, dipping down so he's looking in my eyes. "Dante doesn't need to be able to find his way back, because Mikhail is looking for him. Mikhail is going to find him."

My chest hitches with a sob. "I should be out there, too. He's my baby, Nat."

Anatoly's eyes go glassy and he pulls me close, squeezing hard. I can tell he needs a hug as much as I do. But when he lets me go, his eyes are clear and his jaw is set. "Mikhail is going to find Dante and he'll make sure whoever did this pays with their life. In the meantime, I'm taking you to the hospital whether you want to go or not."

I don't want to go. At all.

But like almost everything else in my life at the moment, I don't have a choice.

"You're perfect! Nothing is wrong."

I want to slap the emergency room doctor in the face. I know it's not his fault. How would he know that nothing is perfect and absolutely everything is wrong? For some crazy reason, the world hasn't stopped because my son is missing. To everyone else, this is any normal day.

I slide my hands under my thighs to control myself. "I'm not losing the pregnancy?"

"Bleeding can be normal for the first twelve weeks," he explains with a smile. "But you did the right thing by coming to get checked over. You're a very responsible mother."

It's like the man is reading from a list of all the worst things he could possibly say to me at this moment. If I was a responsible mother, my son would be at home in his bed instead of God only knows where.

Sensing how close to the edge I am, Anatoly lays a hand on my shoulder. "She's free to go, then?"

The doctor probably thinks Anatoly is my husband. Or the father of my baby, at least. I don't even care. If it means I don't have to talk and try to pretend my world isn't crumbling around me, then he can think whatever the hell he wants.

"Yes, but she needs to rest," the doctor tells him. "Take it easy for the next couple days. Call her doctor if she has any more spotting."

"Call her doctor or bring her here?" Anatoly asks, a tinge of panic in his voice. "Should I have called her doctor the first time?"

The emergency room doctor is saying something about how it's good to stay in contact with my physician since Dr. Rossi will be more familiar with my case, but I stop listening when I hear a muffled vibration. Like a bloodhound on the scent, I leap at Anatoly's pocket and wrench his phone out of his pants.

"Fucking hell, Viv." He squirms and tries to pry me off of him, but I see Mikhail's name on the screen and I don't care about anything else.

I answer it. "Mikhail?"

There's a beat of hesitation. "Where's Anatoly?"

I push past the annoyance that Mikhail called Anatoly, not me. That he doesn"t want to talk to me now.

"Have you found Dante?" I haven't moved in the last half hour, but I'm breathless. "Where is he?"

"Is Anatoly with you?" Mikhail bites out.

Who cares about Nat? I want to know about Dante!

Anatoly reaches for the phone, but I twist away from him. "He's here. Where is Dante?"

"There are no phones in the exam rooms," the doctor says. "If you could turn that?—"

I round on him, top lip curled. "Fuck off!"

The doctor recoils and looks offended, but he should just be grateful I didn't slap him. Anatoly ushers him towards the door. "You really should fuck off. She can get scary."

As soon as the doctor is gone, I put the phone on speaker. "Where is Dante?"

At the same time, Mikhail repeats, "Is Anatoly there?"

Anatoly takes the phone, holding it between us. "I'm here."

"Why the fuck are you at a hospital right now?" Mikhail snarls.

"How do you know about—" Anatoly's voice fades into a groan. "Fucking Raoul and his trackers. Tell him to stop tailing me!"

"Then stop taking my wife out of the mansion without my consent."

I'm torn between being offended Mikhail thinks I need his permission and the way he says, "my wife." A lot has happened in the last few days, but those words still send a warm flutter through my chest.

"I was bleeding."

The confession hangs in the air for a second before Mikhail exhales. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." The reality of how bad this doctor's visit could have gone hits me all at once. I swipe the tears off of my cheeks, hoping Mikhail can't tell I'm crying through the phone. "Everything is fine. The baby is okay."

Mikhail sighs. "Thank God."

"But where is Dante? What do you know?"

I don't actually expect anything. It's only been a couple hours. How much could Mikhail have done in this short amount of time? Anatoly and I only managed to make it to the hospital and go to an appointment. There's no way Mikhail was able to find a kidnapped child.

"I know where he is."

I grip the edge of the exam table to keep from dropping to my knees again. A sob that has been lodged in my throat for the last two hours breaks free. "You found him?"

"I know where he is," Mikhail repeats. "I don't have him yet. But I'm on my way."

"Where?" I blurt.

I can hear Mikhail's stern frown through the phone. "Viviana needs to go home and rest, Nat. You need to stay with her."

I guess that means he"s done talking to me again.

I snort. "I'm right here. You can talk to me."

They continue talking to each other, ignoring me entirely. "I'll stay with her, but tell me where you're going to be. In case shit goes sideways." The line goes quiet and Anatoly curses under his breath. "You need to fucking tell me, Mikhail. If something happens to you and Raoul, I want to know how to find you."

If something happens to you and Raoul.

It was stupid of me to think Dante was the only one in danger here. If someone was willing to risk Mikhail's wrath to kidnap Dante, they'll definitely fight to keep him. Mikhail and Raoul and everyone fighting alongside them are putting themselves at risk, too.

I could lose everyone in one night.

"Christos is holding him at an abandoned shopping mall." Mikhail's voice shakes and I know he's feeling the exact same thing I am.

There's a difference between knowing your son has been kidnapped and then finding out where he is, who has him. It's been a nightmare from the first second, but now, it feels devastatingly real.

I know where he is, and I need to be there.

"Get the address," I whisper to Anatoly. "Say you need it for backup."

Anatoly waves me off, but I elbow him in the side, mouthing for him to ask. Finally, he scowls at me, but says, "Send me the address."

I'm not sure if Mikhail can hear me whispering, but his response makes me think he can.

"I have backup lined up already. I don't need you there."

Anatoly rolls his eyes. "I'm useless to you, I get it. Consider me Plan Z. Backup for your backup."

"You're not useless, Nat. I need you to take Viviana home and stay with her. Tie her down if you have to."

"Hey!"

"I mean it," Mikhail interrupts. "I can't worry about anyone or anything else tonight. There's too much on my plate right now."

"Then don't worry about me! That'll free up some room on your plate," I snap.

"If I could turn it off, I would," Mikhail mutters quietly enough that I almost don't hear him. He clears his throat. "We're headed to the mall now. I'll send you the address and update you when there's something to know. For now, take her home."

I realize a second too late that the call is ending. "Be careful!" But the screen is already black.

"He'll be careful," Anatoly assures me. "Mikhail and Raoul know what they're doing."

"You aren't worried about them?"

I study Anatoly and he may not be worried, per se, but he's antsy to fight alongside his brothers. He's been the designated babysitter for weeks. He has a lot of pent-up energy and nowhere to put it.

"It could be a trap." I don't want to give voice to all of my darkest thoughts, but I have to. "They could be bombarded as soon as they get there. Dante might already be—" My throat closes.

I can't say it. I can"t even think it.

Dante is okay. Mikhail will save him.

Anatoly pockets his phone. "Of course I'm worried. But I trust them. You should, too."

"I trust them, but I—I can't go back to that mansion and sit and wait for them, Nat. I have to do something. Don't you want to be there to help? Aren't you tired of sitting around and doing nothing?"

His jaw works side to side and I realize too late what I said.

"I didn't mean?—"

"The only thing that will happen if we show up at that mall tonight is Mikhail will be pissed and distracted. He'll go in to find Dante, but his head will be outside with you."

"He can forget about me long enough to save our son!"

But I hear Mikhail's whispered confession in my ear. If I could turn it off, I would.

Anatoly ignores me. "I'm going to do the best thing I can do. I"m going to take you home and make sure he doesn't have to worry about where you are tonight."

I chew on my lower lip. "I'm sorry, Anatoly. You do a lot for him—for me. I didn't mean it."

He sighs and then wraps a heavy arm around my shoulders, shaking me gently. "I know. You get worked up and think with your lizard brain. Lucky for you, I'm here to keep a close eye on you."

I bump his hip and shove him away. "You're an asshole."

He smiles, but in the next second, it wilts. There's nothing to smile about tonight.

We go back to the house and do the only thing we can do: wait.