Chapter 33

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

“Please, Max, I need you,” Freya whispered in my ear. We were in our spot at the old water tower. Her ass on the hood of my car just like the last time, I had her, but this time she was a woman. My woman. She leaned back on the shiny black hood, spread her silky legs, and my mouth watered at the sight of her glistening pink pussy. Fuck, when was the last time I had my head between her legs? Licking, sucking, and making her scream my name was my favorite thing to do. I yearned for her moans and savored her taste. I needed more of her.

“Max, baby, I love you.”

I closed my eyes, trying to hide the pain those words brought. How many nights did I yearn to hear those words come out of her mouth?

Son of a bitch .

I woke with my dick hard, breathing as if I had just run a marathon.

“Honey, is everything okay?” Abigail’s manicured hand rested above my racing heart. She rarely stayed over; her family was conservative and wouldn’t let her move in with me until we weremarried. She thought it would be more exciting moving in together once we became husband and wife. That was fine with me. I liked my space. I loved that she didn’t hover. She didn’t whine. She was just there.

I was fucking angry at myself for losing control. I was mad at Abigail for sleeping over today. Most of all, I was furious at Freya for running away from me. I looked down at Abbi’s hand on my bare chest. I knew I could blow off steam with her, but her scent wasn’t what I wanted to smell, and her slim body lacked the curves I was searching for. Sliding inside Abigail wouldn’t be home like it was when I was with Freya.

“I’m fine. Come on, let’s go back to sleep,” I lied, but she didn’t question me.

As soon as the sun rose, I got out of bed, grabbed my running gear, and left. I needed to clear my head. There was an answer, but I wasn’t getting it. My wedding was in three weeks. As soon as my feet hit the pavement, I ran. For years I avoided thinking about Freya and me. Today those memories were haunting me.Freya and me holding hands the night she agreed to be my girl. Us on our first official date, a picnic by the park.

But those weren’t the only memories that haunted me.

The first time I met Abigail, the way she soothed my pain. On our first date, I took Abigail to eat at Moore’s—something different; Freya free. Abbi looked me in the eyes and told me, “This isn’t my usual style, Maximilian, but for you, I can stay.” I remember winking at her.

I was worth staying for.

Then that night when it was time to leave, and I ran my hand up her leg under the table, only to have it smacked away. Instead of being put off by her behavior since I had gotten used to having what I wanted, I walked her home and kissed her goodnight.

“I may have wanted you for a long time, Maximilian, but that doesn’t mean I will put out for you on the first, second, or third date.” She then came up to me,pulled me down by the tie around my neck, and kissed my mouth possessively. It was the first time in years that anything excited me. So, I took her on more dates. On the fourth date, she let me finger her to oblivion. On the sixth date, I had my head between her legs, and she screamed my name. On the seventh date, she sucked me off in my office, and on the eighth date, she invited me to stay the night.

Abigail Newton made me forget.

What started as a challenge and my new coping mechanism turned into something more. I grew to care for Abigail. I even grew to love her. We were sitting together at my parents’ house, her laughing at something my mother said, and at that moment, I was content. I could picture a life with Abigail, and the thought didn’t scare me. I was ready to embrace my new life.

So, I did .

I bought a ring and proposed to Abigail in the backyard of her childhood home with both of our families in attendance. Everything was fine until Freya walked back into town looking as beautiful as the day she left. I had been living with the pain of her absence for a long time. I didn’t realize I had become desensitized to it until I saw her standing at Hayward’s Auto Shop. I loved Abigail, but what I felt for Freya surpassed everything else.

Loving Abigail was like the flames of a bonfire, beautiful and it kept you warm, but when it was over, you scrapped it off and moved on. Freya was like an inferno burning me alongside her. I loved Abigail, but it paled in comparison to what I had always felt for Freya. My run exhausted me. I pushed myself past my limits because the burn in my lungs was better than feeling myself rip in half. Even though I was tired as shit, instead of heading home, I went to Emma’s.

After last night, things changed. I knew what I wanted.

Emma wasn’t around, only Quincy. “Is Freya coming in?” I asked, barely catching my breath. The kid looked me up and down before he replied, “Nah, she left for San Francisco.” I turned around before he could finish telling me more. Freya had left, leaving me to pick up the mess she left behind once again.

No matter how many times I pulled on my tie, I still felt like it was choking me. The rehearsal dinner was going off without a hitch. My father and Prescott were busy talking up our guests, campaigning for Prescott’s upcoming election.

No opportunity wasted.

Annabeth, Abbi’s mom, was bouncing from table to table thanking everyone personally for coming and celebrating our wedding. I smiled through every congratulation, waiting for someone to call me out on my bullshit. I kept loosening my tie, only to have Abigail fix it the next second.

“Is everything okay, honey?” Abigail hugged me from behind. I turned, and she looked at me, her eyes bright and glowing, a smile on her pretty face, and I felt ashamed.

“Yeah, everything’s okay.”

She leaned up and kissed my lips, and it took everything in me to not move back and flinch. Her touch had brought me comfort; now it made me ill. The guilt was probably kicking in.

“I’ll be back. I’m going to make sure everyone is having a good time,” I lied.

She beamed. “Honey, I can’t wait to start our lives tomorrow. It’s everything I could ever imagine. You know, we can finally start building our house. I’m sure your tenants will understand.”

Somehow, I managed to nod. I didn’t even think about the fact that Abigail would move in to my apartment. That was always our plan. I wouldn’t have been able to deal with Freya’s arrival if Abigail and I lived together. What was I going to do about Eugene? I wasn’t kicking him out. I always kept my word, and when I bought the land of his, I promised him Freya would always have her home. I’d been young and desperate back then, making promises I shouldn’t have madein the first place.

I said hello to a few people and smiled as I made my way past them, wishing I could leave this fucking town as Freya did. When I couldn’t pretend anymore, I went outside.

“You don’t look like a man who’s marrying the woman of his dreams tomorrow.” My little sister’s voice startled me. I’d seen little of Juliet since she got married straight after college. She looked thinner than before, her face sharper, and there was something in her eyes I didn’t like.

I answered immediately. “It’s nothing.”

“Oh please, Max, you’re my brother. Don’t try tobullshit me.” She came and stood next to me.

“Unlike Prescott, I don’t like parties.”

“I know, but I know that’s not it... How long has she been back for?”

I turned to look at my sister, confused as hell.

“What are you talking about?”

Juliet rolled her eyes at me. “Don’t play stupid, Max, Freya. I saw her at the gas station this morning.”

“She’s back?” I asked, full of hope. But she was gone, she went with him . Abigail had told me all about it after my jog. Freya left with him after she slept with me , giving me an answer to a question I didn’t get a chance to ask.

“Max, what’s going on?” My sister took a hesitant step toward me.

“She left. I thought she wasn’t coming back anymore.” I ran my hand through my hair. I needed to leave, to see her.

Fuck .

“It doesn’t matter; she’s left me before. Freya will always leave.”

“So, what? You’re just going to marry Abigail as a consolation?” my sister asked haughtily.

“I thought she was your friend?” I snapped back.

“We grew apart.” Juliet shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal. Where the fuck had I been that I didn’t notice my sister wasn’t friends with my fiancée? She wasn’t even part of the wedding party.

“Are you happy, Max?”

“What’s going on, Juliet? What’s with all the questions?” I loved my little sister, but she’d never been one to be up in all our business. Juliet looked up at the dark sky. There was something clouding her eyes.

“Marriage isn’t easy, but if you’re not in it since the beginning, it will be hell. Your vows become empty, and your marriage license a prison.”

“Is everything okay?”

She took a deep breath and looked at me with a sad smile on her beautiful face. She brought one of her hands to my cheek. “There’s something I need to tell you, something I should have told you a long time ago.”

“Juliet.” I tried to pull my little sister into a hug. Every instinct in my body was telling me I needed to protect her, but she shook her head.

“I thought I was doing the right thing… I thought Mom knew because Dad always does the right thing for our family.” Juliet’s voice was shaky. My blood ran cold .

“What did you do?” My hands trembled. I feared what she would say.

“You remember the last time you brought Freya to our house?”

I could never forget that day. It was the last time she was still mine .

My Freya before things changed between us. Before she left me.

“What about it?” My rough voice made Juliet flinch.

“That day I overheard Dad talking to Freya... He threatened her. He told her if she didn’t leave, he would make sure her grandfather lost everything. He told her she was ruining your life, that she would never be good enough for you. Dad offered her money—”

“Stop,” I seethed.

My fucking father.

My fucking sister.

“Freya didn’t take a dime, Max.”

There were tears in Juliet’s eyes, but I didn’t give a shit. Juliet knew how much it hurt me when Freya left. She knew that I lost my shit and was drowning without her. Juliet saw the money our parents threw around after my drunken accident. Worst of all, Juliet knew how devastated I was because I thought Freya cheated on me.

“Does Prescott know?”

Juliet shook her head. My father was there for me after Freya left. He told me he was sorry and that he liked Freya. He could see we were right for each other. When my father found out I was paying Tim to look for her, he hired a P.I. to look up Freya for me, and when I got the news she was fine without me, I stopped my search for her. My father lied. I was drowning in alcohol, and I couldn’t see the truth was right in front of me.

This changed everything.

Freya never left me.

She left to protect her family.

She left to protect me.

And I did not protect her.

“I’m so sorry, Max.I thought I was doing the right thing.”

“Yeah.” I laughed bitterly. “And this whole time I thought the woman I loved left me!” I roared, not caring if the people inside heard me. Freya’s words rang in my mind. Yes, I left you, Max, but you let me go. I felt like such an idiot for believing the lie. Dammit, she was mine, and I was hers. All the time wasted because of a stupid lie.

“Why didn’t she say anything?” I almost crumbled to the floor.

“Because Dad told her she wasn’t good enough for you. That you would throw it all away for her. You loved her so much, you would have, and she knew that.”

Fuck, she loved me. She loved me so much she believed I would be better without her.

“Get. Out,” I barked at my sister.

“I’m so s-sorry, Max. I thought I was doing the right thing. You were ready to leave everything for her. You’re my brother, and the last thing I wanted was to see you struggle,” my sister pleaded .

“Get the fuck out, Juliet.” I seethed. My sister was silently crying, but she still didn’t leave.

“I couldn’t let you get married if your heart wasn’t in it. I’m so, so sorry, Max.” When she finally turned around and left, she was a mess. I didn’t follow her.

Beneath the dark sky, I knew what I had to do. Honestly, I knew it from the moment I stared into Freya’s eyes, but I was scared to get hurt again.

I grabbed the door, knowing everything was about to change.

There must’ve been something in my face that gave me away. As soon as Abigail’s eyes landed on me, I watched the smile slip off her face. We were supposed to get married tomorrow, and I couldn’t go through with it. The thought of waiting at the end of the aisle made my knees weak and my stomach churn.

“Not here, Max,” Abigail warned, looking around the room at all of our guests, at all the people who came today to celebrate us. I didn’t allow myself to do the same; it was for the best. I didn’t need a reminder of how far I’d let things come. How bad I had fucked up. I gave Abigail a small nod and left to the bridal suite, the only place we could have privacy.

Abigail’s dress was already there hanging from a hook. White satin cascaded to the floor, and I waited for it to hit me. To feel like I was making a mistake, but it didn’t come. I felt more relieved than anything. When it came down to it, I could live my life and see Abigail marry someone else. I would want that for her; I wanted her to be happy, to have everything, and I knew that would never be me. I would only love her with a part of my heart.

On the other hand, the thought of seeing Freya walk down the aisle to another man was something I couldn’t withstand. No one in this life would love her more than I did.

I sat on the couch, my head bowed, and didn’t look until Abigail walked into the room. She closed the door slowly with shaky hands. Her face had paled; she looked at the dress before she spoke. “Please don’t say it, Max. Please. ” She closed her eyes, as if that would stop me from blurting out words that would hurt her.

“I love you Abigail and this… it isn’t easy for me either.”

“But you don’t love me in the way you love her. You love her more.”

I felt it in my chest the devastation in her voice—pure heartbreak, and that made it so much worse. This would be my cross to bear. Abigail wiped the tears from her face and walked up to her dress, running her fingers lovingly across it. A dress she would never get to wear because of me.

“I waited too long… I fell for you in high school, but I knew there was still so much for us to experience, so I kept my feelings a secret. I thought I’d let you sow your wild oats, let us both live a little. What washigh school to a life together? I mean, our families have hinted at us ending up together since I could remember.” She laughed bitterly.

“Then she happened, and I could see it. We all could see that she was special to you. You loved her how I imagined one day you would love me . Then you found me stranded, and I thought you were my knight in shining armor and maybe there was hope for me yet. Maybe we were meant to be.” Abigail bunched the material of the dress in her hands and ripped it off the hanger, letting it fall to the floor. “If you knew you didn’t love me, then why did you let it go so far, Max? W-why?”

She was sobbing, and I knew the last thing she’d want was for me to console her. “Do you have any idea how humiliating this will be for me? She walks into town, and you throw me aside… for her . Why, Max, why now? Why the fuck did you wait till the last second!”

“She took all of me. All the pieces that made me happy, she took with her. You got what she left behind.” I took a deep breath when I saw Abigail flinch. I didn’t want to hurt her, but I already had. “I don’t want to hurt you, Abbi, but if I married you, we wouldn’t be happy, not when we both know there’s someone else with us. I wouldn’t be able to promise you my whole heart. You deserve a man who loves you and only you, a man who will give you everything.” I stopped before saying the next part, but Abigail had a right to know. “You deserve a man who can be faithful to you.”

A maniac laugh left her lips, and more tears fell down her face. She grabbed a vase of flowers and threw it against the mirror, shattering both the vase and the glass.

“Get out!” she screamed. It tore me to leave her there alone in the room, but I couldn’t be what she wanted me to be. I walked to the door, watching her succumb to the floor, trying to rip the dress apart with her bare hands. The image of her would haunt me for the rest of my life, but one day she’d see I wasn’t the one for her.

I walked out of the room in a daze. Making my way to the reception, I went straight to the microphone. Once people noticed me, all eyes came on me. “I’m sorry,” I said, and murmurs flew across the whole room. “I think it’s best if everyone went home.” They needed no other explanation. I made my way to the door and breathed fresh air for the first time in years. Lightning lit the sky, and the thunder helped block the chaos I left behind me.