Chapter 31

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

Eighteen years old

My hand was shaking as I grabbed a pen and tore a piece of paper from one of my notebooks. It was time—time for me to rip my heart out, then try to stop the bleeding so I could get on with my life. A life without my boy. A life without Maximilian Dunnett.

Dear Max,

God, that sounded pathetic. A tear fell down my face, ruining the nearly blank page. The paper had tear droplets all over. I threw it away and started another.

The last few years with you were amazing. You are everything a girl could ask for, but I think we have been lying to ourselves. There’s so much difference between the both of us. We were good together but not great. I’m tired of feeling inferior every time we go out. I’m tired of wondering if things will eventually get better. We come from very different families, and we want different things from our lives. You have plans, you know who you are, and I can’t be the girl who tries to fit into all that.

God, this was killing me. If I had it my way, I would say how he was my hero. Max came into my life when I needed someone new to believe in me. He made the empty ache in my heart full again. When your heart was full of love, there was no need for sticks and stones. I knew nothing would touch me because Max wouldn’t let it. He was my shield, but shields didn’t last forever. More tears fell as I wrote, and I had to lean back and wipe them off before they marred the words on the page.

Max had to believe I didn’t love him anymore.

Every moment I spend in this town feels like I’m drowning. I’m suffocating here, Max. I will never be the girl at town events, hosting parties, and attending fundraisers. While you were busy running around town, helping with the elections, I met someone. He isn’t from around here. He makes me laugh; he understands me and reminds me that all I ever wanted was to be free.

I can’t do it anymore. I take a break from writing, trying to get my breathing under control. I never knew how hard it was to push through when you had a broken heart. I knew now. The pain was secondary to the memories, the laughter, and the love. Pain took a back seat to regret. It taunted me, reminding me I was throwing away the best thing in my life. The pain I could handle; it was his pain that destroyed what I had left of my heart. Maximilian would hate me, but at least he would have everything that was rightfully his.

If this is how my mother felt, then maybe I judged her too harshly. I could see how easy it would be to grab a bottle and forget for a second, but the moment the alcohol left my body, the pain would come back. I preferredto endure it and learn to live with the ache because the ache would remind me that, at one point, I had it all.

If only for a moment.

I’m leaving town, Max. I hope that one day you find it in your heart to forgive me and think of the time we shared with fond memories. I know you will do great things.

Take care,

Freya

“Please… d-don’t h-hate me,” I cried in my empty room.

I left my grandpa a note, but I had a feeling he knew why I had to go. He wasn’t stupid. He saw the change in me after Max dropped me off from his family’s party. I took every single penny I had saved from working at Franny’s—money I had saved hoping to help Max pay for an apartment near his college. Mr. Dunnett wasn’t only taking Max from me but my whole family. I had nothing .

I waited until it was dark enough that no one would notice me when I went to the bus station. I never got to tell Rusty goodbye, and just like Max, he would hate me. I couldn’t look into my best friend’s eyes and tell him I had to go. He would think there was another way, but there wasn’t. I would not complicate Max’s life any more than I already had.