16. Isaac

16

ISAAC

I scrolled through my texts with Jamie, reading the messages we’d exchanged today as I sat in the staff room at work.

Jamie : my review is today

Jamie : after lunch. I just got the email

Isaac : are you freaking out?

Jamie : not really

Jamie : I’m sure that’ll change once I’m walking in there but I’m okay right now

Jamie : I’m so done with having this hanging over my head. It’s like being edged by corporate only instead of an O I might get fired

Isaac : want me to send you a dick pic for good luck?

Jamie : not sure how that’ll help save my job but I’m not about to say no

The next text was an old dick pic I’d edited by drawing arms and a face on it. My art skills weren’t great, but the pic made it look like my cock was giving him a double thumbs up and a big beaming smile. I’d also added a little speech bubble with You got this and Dickie says good luck in it.

Jamie : omfg I just snorted my coffee and choked so hard Delilah came running into the break room because everyone thought I was dying

Isaac : but are you in a better mood?

Jamie : now that I can breathe? Yes

Isaac : you’re welcome

Jamie : I’m so getting you back for that

Isaac : you mean I’m going to have to see pics of your dick? Oh no whatever will I do

Isaac : my break is over and I have to get back on the floor. Keep me posted

Jamie : will do

Five minutes later Jamie sent his own dick pic, and it was just as ridiculous as mine. He’d added arms and a face like me, only his looked like his dick had its hands on its…well, where its hips would be, and was glaring at the camera.

I tapped on the photo to enlarge it. The effect was hilarious, and looking at a picture of Jamie’s dick wasn’t exactly a hardship, even if it was animated to look like it was judging me.

Tapping on the back button, I went back to our texts.

Jamie : Delilah just had her meeting and she didn’t get canned

Jamie : I’m really hoping that’s a sign that I won’t either

Jamie : gotta get back to work. Just wanted to tell you the news

Isaac : I’m on lunch

Jamie : still on break?

Isaac : I’ve got about thirty minutes before I have go back on the floor

Isaac : how are you doing?

Jamie : freaking out ngl

Jamie : so far they’ve fired three people and all of them have seniority over me. only one is a teller but that makes it worse because it means they probably have more of us on the chopping block

Isaac : you said Delilah already had hers and she’s safe? You got hired at the same time, that has to be a good sign

Jamie : I thought so too but she has way more experience and it puts her higher on the seniority list. Who knows what that means for me

Isaac : how long until your meeting?

Jamie : about ten minutes

Isaac : let me know what they say as soon as you can. I’ll keep my phone at my station when my break is over and jesse said he’ll cover for me if you need to call and vent or yell or whatever

Jamie : I don’t want to get you in trouble for dodging work

Isaac : you won’t

Isaac : I told nate and dev about all this crap last week and nate said it’s fine if I need to take an extra break or whatever if you need me

Jamie : your bosses are so chill

Jamie : mine are firing people because they suck at their jobs and yours are willing to give you extra time off to help me through a possible meltdown

Isaac : that’s the difference between working for a corporation vs a small business

Jamie : remind me to only apply to small businesses if they fire my ass

Jamie : okay I really have to go or I’ll be late

Isaac : good luck

We’d stopped texting about fifteen minutes ago and I was driving myself crazy with worry. How long would his meeting last? Was a long one a good or bad sign?

Exiting out of my texts, I put my phone on the table in front of me just as Zander came into the room.

“Hey,” I greeted.

“Hey,” he said, heading over to his locker.

“Are you starting early today?” I asked. Zander worked the evening shift. It was unusual to see him here so early.

“No.” He opened his locker and dug around inside. “I have to talk to Nate about something. And I forgot some paperwork I need.” He pulled out a bundle of papers and waved them at me. “Got them.”

“Nate’s in the office.”

Zander looked at me closely, his gaze dropping to where my foot was tapping a chaotic pattern on the floor.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Fine.” I stopped tapping my foot. I hadn’t even realized I’d been doing it until he brought it to my attention.

Instead of heading into the shop, Zander sat next to me.

“Are you sure?” he asked, his dark eyes intense as he scrutinized me. “I’ve known you long enough to know when something is wrong.”

I stopped myself from repeating that I was fine.

I wasn’t fine, and I was tired of pretending I was.

Zander and I weren’t as close as I was with Asa or Jesse, but that was mostly due to not working a lot of shifts together. And because of Zander’s quiet, introverted nature.

He was a great guy and a good friend. And he was right. We’d known each other for over three years, and I respected not just him but also his opinions, even if he didn’t give them often.

“I’m just stressed about some stuff.”

“What kind of stuff?” he asked.

“Jamie’s going through some crap at his work. Like, I’m literally waiting for him to text or call and tell me if he still has a job because he’s in a meeting right now with his bosses, finding out if he’s getting laid off or not.”

“What?” Zander’s eyes rounded.

I quickly outlined what was going on, filling him in on some of the details.

“That’s a tough situation to be in,” he said when I was done. “How’s he handling it?”

“He’s trying to be chill about it and pretend like it’s not a big deal, but it is. I mean, how can it not be? It’s not like jobs are falling from the sky out there.”

“It’s hard watching someone you care about struggle, especially when there isn’t anything you can do to help.”

I nodded. “Yeah. It sucks.”

“And it’s even harder watching your partner go through something like this,” he added, his tone carefully casual.

“Huh?” I swung my gaze to him. “What?”

Zander leaned back in his chair. “We can keep talking about this like you and Jamie are just friends if you want, but I think we both know you’re not.”

“How did you figure it out? Did Asa tell you?”

I couldn’t see Asa going back on his word, but he was the only other person who knew.

“I didn’t need anyone to tell me. I have eyes.” He shot me a little smirk.

I winced. “First Asa, then you. And I’m pretty sure Nate figured it out too. We really weren’t as good at hiding it as we thought, huh?

“Not at all. And in the spirit of full disclosure, I’m pretty sure Jesse knows too. He hasn’t said anything, but he’s almost as observant as Asa is.”

I groaned. “Yeah, he probably has too. What about Luka? You spend more time with him than any of us. Does he know?”

Zander shrugged, something I couldn’t read flashing in his eyes. “I haven’t talked to him about any of this.”

“I didn’t mean to imply you had. I know you’re not like that,” I said quickly. “So everyone knows, because there’s no way Devon doesn’t if Nate does. And Luka’s not a dumbass. He might be new, but he probably figured it out too.”

“Probably.”

“Awesome.” I sighed again and spun my phone on the table absently. “Good thing I’m not a spy because we’d all be fucked.”

“You don’t have to talk about any of this if you don’t want to, but I think you might need to.”

I nodded slowly. He wasn’t wrong. I wasn’t good at talking to people about personal stuff, but I was going crazy trying to sort out the mess of feelings and thoughts in my head. Talking it out might help. It sure as hell couldn’t hurt.

“Have you ever hooked up with a friend?” I asked, not sure how to start the conversation. “Like a best friend?”

He nodded. “I have.”

“Did you stay friends after you stopped?”

“Yes, but my situation is a bit different.”

“How so?”

“Well, we’ve been divorced for seven years, but she’s still my best friend.”

My jaw dropped. I knew Zander was divorced but hadn’t expected that answer. Zander had married his best friend, and they were still best friends even though they were divorced?

“We got married for all the wrong reasons,” he continued. “It’s complicated, but we’re both much happier now. I’m close friends with her husband too, so it all worked out in the end.”

“So there’s hope that Jamie and I can go back to what we were before all this?”

“If you both want it, yes. But is that really what you want?” he asked knowingly.

“I have no idea.” I slumped in my chair. “And it’s so complicated with us.”

“It usually is when you mix friendship and sex.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” I grumbled.

“What’s complicated in your case?”

“He’s a guy, my best friend, and my roommate.” I snort-laughed. “And I’m pretty sure I’m head over heels in love with him. So that’s a bit of a complication.”

“Are you worried he doesn’t feel the same?”

I nodded.

“Are you afraid you’ll lose him if you tell him any of this?”

“Petrified.”

“You said him being a guy is an issue. Why’s that?”

I shot him a look. “Because I thought I was straight until I suddenly started popping wood around him. And Jamie was straight too. Probably still is.”

“Most bisexual people think they’re straight before they realize they aren’t.”

“That works when you’re a teenager, but we’re both adults. How could we have gone this long without realizing that dudes do it for us?”

“Because sexuality is a spectrum, especially bisexuality. Not many people fall in that middle area where they’re equally attracted to both. Most people fall closer to the extreme sides and lean more toward one gender over the other. It’s possible you’re both bi, but your attraction to other men is limited, so you didn’t realize it until you found someone who triggered it.”

“Maybe, but we’ve been friends for years. Wouldn’t we have felt something sooner if that were the case?”

“Not necessarily. Attraction is a strange thing. If you were both running on the assumption that you’re straight, then you could have either missed the signs that you felt something for each other or you really didn’t notice until something caused those feelings to come to the surface. It makes sense you wouldn’t think of him as a sexual or romantic partner if you’d never felt something overt for a man before.”

“That’s true. But what if we aren’t bi? I’ve tried to figure out if other guys do it for me, but there’s nothing. What if we really are straight, but we’re so close we’re mistaking platonic feelings for attraction? What if we get bored with this, or it stops feeling good when it’s not new and exciting anymore?”

“Is it okay if I ask you something personal?”

“Yeah, go for it.”

“Do you enjoy being with him?”

“Yes.”

“I mean physically. Do you enjoy it? Do you get off?”

I nodded, my neck heating uncomfortably under my shirt.

“I’m not saying it’s impossible for two straight men to enjoy sex with each other, but how plausible do you think that is in your situation?”

“What do you mean?”

“Before Jamie, did the idea of being intimate with a man turn you on?”

I shook my head. “It didn’t turn me off, but it wasn’t appealing in the slightest.”

“Has the excitement faded at all since this started? Are you enjoying it less the longer it goes on?”

“The exact opposite, actually.” I huffed out a confused laugh.

“Do you think it’s the same with him?”

“Yeah. I do.”

“So, maybe it doesn’t matter if you’re straight or bi if you have someone who makes you happy. Labels are only important if you want to be labeled. It’s no one’s business what your sexuality is, and you don’t owe anyone an answer if they ask.”

I bit my lip, digesting what he’d just said. “That’s a good point. I just don’t want to lose him if he doesn’t want more.”

“You and Jamie have one of those friendships that people spend their whole lives looking for. You complement each other, you take care of each other, and you love each other. Whether it’s platonic or romantic, that love is there, right?”

“Yeah, no question.”

“When you picture your future, do you see him by your side?”

“Yes,” I said without hesitating.

“And is he there as your friend or your partner?”

“Partner,” I said quietly.

He let me sit with that for a few beats.

“Telling someone how you feel is terrifying, especially when you have so much to lose. But you and Jamie have a solid base of trust and respect that most people in your situation don’t. I don’t know him nearly as well as I know you, but Jamie’s a good man, and I don’t believe he’d walk away from your friendship because things got awkward or tough. He’d work through it with you because you’re just as important to him as he is to you.”

“I was not prepared to be bitch slapped with all of this right now,” I said, my head spinning with all the truths he’d just dropped on me. “And I’m pretty sure that’s the most words I’ve ever heard you say at once.”

“I’m sorry if I overstepped?—”

“No, not at all. I didn’t mean it like that,” I assured him. “I needed to hear it, all of it. It helped, I swear. It’s just a lot to process all at once.”

He smiled. “I probably could have found a less in-your-face way of saying it. I’m just glad it helped and didn’t make things worse.”

“It did,” I repeated. “You’re probably the only person I know who actually understands what I’m going through. I’m glad everything worked out for you and your ex.”

“Me too. Staying together wasn’t an option for us, but like I said, our situation was different. We weren’t compatible as romantic partners; we were just so young when we got married that we didn’t realize it until years later.”

I wanted to ask more about his marriage and past, but Zander was incredibly private, and the fact that he’d shared so much with me to help me work through my own crap was a huge show of trust.

He’d given me a lot to think about, but my mind kept circling back to what he’d said about me and Jamie working as romantic partners.

So far our relationship had been centered around sex and friendship. There were moments when hints of romance came through, like when we’d discovered cuddling and when he’d taken care of me after I talked to my dad. But other than that, we acted the same as we always did, only with orgasms.

“You look like you’re thinking really hard about something over there,” Zander’s voice was tinged with humor.

“Did I have my constipated thinking face on or my bewildered, smooth-brained one?” I asked. “Because you’re not wrong.”

“I have no idea what either of those would look like, so I’m going to go with a deep thought face.”

“I literally have no idea how to be romantic,” I confessed. “I’ve never been in a relationship, never dated anyone, and my parents hate each other and have never had a healthy relationship in their entire lives.”

Zander tilted his head curiously.

“My dad is a womanizer who’s finally settling down again at age sixty with a woman two years younger than me because he knocked her up. And my mom has a thing for married men and doesn’t care who she hurts or how many families she breaks up as long as she gets what she wants from her boyfriends.”

Zander’s jaw dropped like it had been unhinged.

“Like I said, I have zero frames of reference for how to be romantic outside of TV and movies. How am I supposed to show Jamie how I feel if I have no idea how to do it?”

“Romance means different things to different people. You know Jamie, you know what he likes and what sorts of things he enjoys. Try not to get hung up on what you think romance should look like, and just be yourself.”

“That’s usually the kind of advice that gets me in trouble.”

Zander laughed as my phone vibrated, the sound loud against the wooden surface of the table.

“I’ll let you check that.” Zander stood and gathered his papers from the table. “I should go find Nate.”

I grabbed my phone but didn’t check it. “Thanks, Zander. I mean it. I feel a lot better now, and I think I know what I need to do.”

He smiled and gave me a quick nod before heading into the shop.

Flipping my phone over, I opened my texts.

Jamie : holy shit I didn’t get fired

Isaac : really? That’s great!

Jamie : yeah, really great

Isaac : why do I feel like there’s a but coming?

Jamie : butt coming *snicker*

Isaac : I walked right into that one lol

Isaac : but are you okay fr?

Jamie : yeah. mostly. They didn’t fire me, but they cut my hours

Isaac : just yours or everyones?

Jamie : everyone. we’re doing 30 a week instead of 40 now

Isaac : does that affect your benefits?

Jamie : yup. Another way for them to save money

Jamie : they said it’s temporary but who knows with them

Isaac : I really hate your bosses

Isaac : Are they reducing the banks hours too?

Jamie : nope. And it doesn’t look like anyone on salary is getting their hours cut either, only wage workers like me

Isaac : so you’re going to be doing the same amount of work but with less time to do it, and less people?

Jamie : yup. Did I mention that upper management just got giant bonuses at the end of last quarter, but we’re the ones losing everything?

Isaac : I really really hate your bosses

Jamie : same but at least I still have a job. The pay cut sucks but it’s better than being unemployed again

Jamie : I gotta get back to work. I’m hiding in a corner and I don’t want to give them any reasons to change their minds and fire me anyway

Jamie : I’m so ready for today to be over

Isaac : me too

Isaac : I’ll see you at home. Text or call if you need to

Jamie : will do

Jamie : and if you happen to feel like sending me more pics, I’d be totally okay with that

Jamie : just saying

Isaac : I mean, the same goes for you. I welcome any and all pics of whatever you want to send, whenever you want to send them

Jamie : are you still on break?

Isaac : for another couple of minutes

Jamie : I dare you to take some pics and send them to me

Isaac : what kind of pics? Be specific or you’re getting puppetry of the penis and not thirst traps

Jamie : surprise me

Isaac : done

Isaac : now get back to work so you don’t get in trouble and make sure no one steals your phone or peeps over your shoulder for the rest of the day because I have been dared and I intend to deliver

Jamie : roger that

Tucking my phone away, I jumped up and hurried into the staff bathroom. It wasn’t the sexiest place to take pics, but if Jamie wanted some, I’d make it work.

And it would distract me from everything else I had to think about and give my brain a break.

Dick pics for the win.