16. Noah

16

NOAH

Walking back to the cafeteria with Lexi and our trays of food felt different this time. I was even more aware of my surroundings than usual, hyper-aware of her. While I hated that Ashlyn and Luke had interrupted us, I knew it was probably a good thing, too. Kissing Lexi once under the bleachers for practice was one thing. Kissing a second time—when it was clear she didn't need any practice at all since her trumpet-playing skills really must have translated into kissing skills—now that was crossing the line.

But that didn't keep me from thinking about the kiss. It had been amazing. Better than amazing. Usually, when I kissed a girl, all I wanted to do was slip my tongue down her throat and satisfy some sort of hormonal hunger that was out of control. I never cared about the feelings of the girl I was with. It had always been about me, and what I wanted to feel. But it was different with Lexi. Maybe it was because she'd never been kissed before, or maybe it was because I knew her dad would kill me if he found out. But I wasn't so sure it was either of those things. Maybe, just maybe it was different with Lexi because I was starting to like her as more than just my fake girlfriend.

This was so bad. So messed up. I shouldn't want to kiss Easton's little sister—the girl I'd always thought was too nerdy to check out when she walked by. But spending so much time with her these past few days was making me notice things I'd never taken a second glance at before. Like how Lexi's eyes were more than just the typical hazel. She had lots of green flecks in them, and that had caught me off guard. And I loved that because her glasses were so thick, it made her eyes even more magnified and easier to get lost in.

It was so weird that I liked that about her.

The smattering of freckles across her nose were kind of adorable. I’d probably never used that word before in my life, but Lexi Stevens was freaking adorable and it was making me lose my mind.

"You want to hang out again after school?" I asked Lexi as I walked her to her next class after lunch. She was hugging her books to her chest, and I was worried that kiss might have weirded her out too much to hold my hand at school anymore .

She looked up. "Got more laundry to do?"

I shrugged. "No. I was thinking of actually just hanging out."

"Because Easton has work and you have nothing better to do?" she asked.

Man, I really had ignored her pretty badly over the past few years, hadn't I? If I wanted her to see me differently than she always had, I needed to step up my game. Maybe I should suggest a movie? I did have that Pride and Prejudice test coming up, and while I had understood some of the book, I could definitely use a refresher.

"Would you mind watching Pride and Prejudice with me?"

She gave me a wary glance. "You know I don't like movies like that, right?"

Was she trying to turn me down? Was I annoying her with how much time I was spending with her?

"Um, okay... Yeah, I'll, uh, find somewhere else to watch it. That's okay."

Wow, I had definitely interpreted everything wrong between us. Here I'd thought that maybe she enjoyed spending time with me, but clearly, she saw the time spent together as more like a job.

I looked around for a reason to just leave this conversation right now, since walking her to class was probably not the gentlemanly gesture I thought it was.

I bit my lip. "Well, I'll just go?— "

"Hey, Noah." She touched my arm and I froze.

"What?" I held my breath because I had literally no idea what she was going to say next.

"I wasn't trying to turn you down. I just don’t want you to get offended if I fall asleep during the boring parts. I used to do that all the time with Juliette and her chick flicks."

I narrowed my eyes. "So you don't absolutely hate the idea of spending more time with me?"

The smile she gave me calmed my nerves enough to let me take a small breath. "Of course not."

She removed her hand from my arm, and I was able to convince my feet to walk down the hall again.

"Okay, so I'll come find you after school?" I asked when we stopped in front of her classroom.

She nodded. "Yeah."

I watched her walk in, and even though a movie with Lexi should seem like a small thing, I kind of felt like I'd just won something.

Jake Haley, one of my football buddies, stopped me in the hall after English.

"I couldn't help but overhear you talking to Easton's sister in the hall. But is it true that you're watching Pride and Prejudice after school? "

"Yeah." Hopefully, he hadn't noticed the way she'd almost rejected me too. That wouldn't be good for my plan to make everyone think we were dating.

"Mind if I join you? I could use a refresher, but my mom is weird and thinks that's cheating."

"It's only cheating if you don't read the book."

"I've read most of it." He bounced his backpack higher on his shoulder. "Are you the English test police or something?"

"Of course not." I was the one who was watching the movie as a refresher, wasn't I?

"So can I come?"

"I'll have to ask Lexi first. I'll text you when I find out."

Jake clapped me on the shoulder. "Thanks, man."

Then he disappeared down the hall.

I rounded the corner to the sophomore hall a minute later. Lexi smiled tentatively when she noticed me.

"Hi," I said breathily when I reached her. She looked so vibrant right then. Had something changed since lunch? Or was she just happy to be done with school for the day?

"Hey," she said.

Her books were in her backpack this time, so her hands were free. Free for me to just take in my own.

"Ready to go?" I asked, chickening out from touching her.

"Sure. "

I turned back the way I'd come from, and we started walking toward the school's exit. I asked her, "Is it okay if Jake Haley comes over to watch the movie with us?"

"Jake Haley? Why?"

"I guess he heard us talking about it."

She bit her lip. "Sure. Yeah, he can come."

It didn't sound like she liked the idea.

"I can tell him no if you want. It's really no big deal."

She shook her head. "No that's fine. I mean, we have plenty of room downstairs."

"Great." I hurried and shot Jake a text, telling him to come around three-thirty. That should hopefully give us enough time to scrounge up a copy of the movie from somewhere.

"You know you're going to owe me big time for watching this movie with you, right?" Lexi asked as she took the DVD out of the case. We'd been fortunate enough to find a copy of Pride and Prejudice at the library, so I didn't have to borrow from Ashlyn, the only other person who I knew for sure would have one of them on hand.

"It can't be that bad." I shrugged. "I mean, I read the book and didn't hate it too much, and I'm a guy. "

"Yeah, but two hours and nine minutes without even a single action scene is a really long time."

"You don't have to watch it if you don't want to." I didn't want this to be some sort of chore for her.

"No," she hurried to say. "I'm going to watch it..." She looked around uncomfortably. "I mean, what would Jake think if I didn't watch it with you?"

"He'd probably wonder if something was up between us."

"Exactly."

"So what do I owe you, then?" I asked, feeling guilty about having her watch a movie she clearly hated.

She slid the disc into the movie player then looked at me over her shoulder. "Information."

Information? Really? That was a weird request.

"What do you want to know?" I wasn't going to give her my social security number if that's what she was hoping for.

She stood up and walked toward me. "Why did your stepdad kick you out of your house?"

Oh, that kind of information.

I ran a hand through my hair, and then dropped myself onto the sectional.

"It's stupid."

That was kind of the truth. The whole situation with Paul and my mom was stupid because she should have left him a long time ago .

Lexi sat on the cushion next to me, tucking one leg under her. "Just tell me. Ever since I found you in your car I've been going through all sorts of reasons in my mind for why you got kicked out. You're not in some kind of legal trouble, are you?"

"Legal trouble?" I laughed. She really did think I was some delinquent, didn't she?

She looked at her hands in her lap. "I-I overheard you talking to Ashlyn a couple of months ago about someone not pressing charges. And I just thought that with your reputation..."

"My reputation?" I blinked my eyes shut as my temper flared. "I’m so sick and tired of people thinking I'm a bad guy."

Lexi touched my arm briefly. "Hey, you don't need to get mad. I'm sorry if I offended you. I'm really just trying to figure this out with the few facts that I do have."

I sucked in a breath, trying to calm down my boiling blood. She just wanted to know why I was sleeping in my car. And she deserved to know after everything she'd done for me.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." She trained her gaze down. "I'm just worried about you, Noah."

I wanted to tip her chin up so she would look me in the eyes, but I settled for sitting up straighter.

"I'm sorry I got mad. My dad is always talking about me being into trouble, since every time he sees me it looks like I've been in a fight." A fight with Paul. "I'm just tired of being the bad, messed-up kid, I guess. And I'm trying to be better."

She nodded and slowly met my gaze. "I know. I've noticed how much you've mellowed out since last year, even more so the last couple of months."

"You have?" She had watched me that closely?

She seemed to grow uncomfortable and adjusted her glasses. "I notice a lot of things about you, Noah."

She did? My throat grew thick, and I suddenly found myself wanting to tell her more. "M-my stepdad is the real reason I got kicked out. I got in his way when I thought he was about to hurt my mom, and he punched me."

She gasped. "He punched you?"

I nodded. "And it wasn't the first time, either."

Fear and shock filled her eyes. "You can't go back there, Noah."

My heart squeezed in my chest. "I don't want to." I flexed my jaw. "But I have to watch out for my mom and my sister. My mom thinks Paul will calm down, but I'm not so sure. He goes through phases."

"Why doesn't your mom leave him?"

I leaned my head back against the high headrest, letting my eyes fall closed for a moment before meeting her worried gaze. "She tried, once."

Lexi waited for me to say more, so I continued, "Last fall, he was on one. My mom got beat up pretty bad. I was just coming in from a party when it was going on. They were in the kitchen, dishes were smashed all over the floor. And then when I tried to stop him, he went nuts. My mom and Brielle were able to get out of the house, and then I followed them. We went to the women's shelter, but I wasn't allowed to stay since I'm too old and other women see me as a threat because I'm a guy."

"Is that why you said this wasn't your first time sleeping in your car?" she asked, probably putting all the puzzle pieces together.

I nodded. And just because I didn't want her to find out from someone else, I said, "Your family was out of town that weekend, so I went to Ashlyn's house that first night. But then, yeah, I stayed in my car for the next few days."

She rubbed her arm and raised her eyebrows as if trying to get up some courage to say something about that. Was she going to kick me out for being in the habit of sneaking into girls’ rooms?

I was about to tell her that I'd only done it out of desperation when she finally spoke up and said, "So I'm not the first girl whose room you've snuck into?"

Was I a terrible person because I liked the hint of jealousy in her voice?

"Ashlyn even let me sleep in her bed." Yeah, I couldn't help myself with that one .

Lexi gasped and scooted back, like my words had burned her. "I thought you said you didn't do that with her..."

She was jealous. And maybe I'd pushed a little too hard with my last comment.

"Ashlyn slept in her chair that night. I literally fell asleep as she was bandaging me up."

"Don't tell me she gave you ice, too? I thought that was our thing ." She smiled, and I was happy she wasn't too put off by me spending one night at my ex-girlfriend's house.

"I tend to need ice a lot in my life." I shrugged. "Hazard of being Noah Taylor, I guess."

"So why did your mom go back if he treats her that badly? Why doesn't she press charges?" Then realization dawned on her face. "That's what you meant by 'not pressing charges' when I overheard you, huh?"

"Yeah." I looked at her solemnly. "I don't get it. He treats her terribly, but she's scared to leave him." I drew in a shaky breath. "I'm worried that one of these days, I'll come home and find she stayed one fight too long." I turned my head to the side, trying to ward off the tears that pricked behind my eyes. I would not lose it in front of Lexi. I would not be a wimp.

But I couldn't help but be scared for my mom. She was a good mom: loving, caring, smart, and fun. She was just brainwashed into thinking she needed Paul for some reason. And I blamed that on my dad. If my dad hadn't betrayed her— If he hadn't left us for a younger woman, my mom wouldn't have gotten it in her head that she was lucky to have any man at all. She would know that she was worth so much more than what the men in her life had been giving her.

My lip trembled, and I wiped at the tear threatening to leak out my eye. My voice wobbled when I spoke, "I just wish she knew what she was worth."

Lexi's eyes filled with compassion, and before I knew what was happening, she moved closer to me and tentatively touched my shoulder. "I'm so sorry you have to deal with this Noah. It isn't fair."

She looked at her hand and seemed to get embarrassed for touching me, so she removed it. I felt cold when she did that. Like she was rejecting me.

Awkwardness permeated the room as we had a hard time meeting each other's gazes. What was going on between us? We'd been fine holding hands this morning as we walked into school. Why could we only touch when other people were around? Had that practice kiss really scared her off from me?

She tucked some hair behind her ears. "I want to tell you to go home and watch out for your mom and sister, but I also don't want you to be in danger."

"I know what you mean. But I'm going back this weekend. I can't overstay your much-too-generous hospitality for long. I don't want to risk your dad taking away your college tuition if he finds out that you're letting me sleep in your closet."

"Does Easton know about any of this with your mom?" she asked.

I shook my head. "No. I, um, like to keep some things just in the family."

She nodded and gave me a small smile. "I appreciate you telling me. I know it wasn't easy."

"That's the understatement of the year." I blew out a low breath. "Just try to forget the whole part where I teared up. I kind of have a reputation for being a tough guy."

She laughed lightly. "That secret is safe with me, too."