Chapter 22

I look at the remains of Florencio’s pizzas on the table in front of us. They were as delicious as their aroma promised, and we demolished the lot. We did what Florencio told us to do—we sat and ate. We even managed to talk. Just small talk, though. No one wanted to disturb the essential task of devouring the pizzas. But it was good that we didn’t lapse into an uncomfortable silence.

We discussed toppings, and I received various reactions from incredulity to disgust at the English predilection for putting pineapple on pizza.

But now the plates have been cleared away, and Constantin is making coffee, I know I have to say something. I need to try to make sense of it all, but I’m not sure that I can, let alone put it into words.

Constantin places a coffee in front of me and slides back into his seat. Florencio brings his and sits too. I look at them both. Constantin is sullen and withdrawn, and Florencio seems fragile, which is not a look I’ve seen on him before. It’s all my fault, but I have no idea what to say except that I need to make it right again.

I’m confused by what’s happening to me, while exhilarated and terrified at the same time.

I take a deep breath and decide to just tell the truth.

“I’m going to start with an apology. I created a mess, and I don’t know what to do. The last week has been incredible for me, being here with both of you, and Estrella has been like nothing I’ve experienced before. It’s made me question a lot of what I thought I knew and where my life has been heading.

“It feels like I’m in a different world; it looks the same but is also so incredibly different. Here, the colours are brighter, the senses are sharper, and there are so many things I want to experience. Florencio, you opened the door for me and invited me through it. When I’m with you, I feel exhilarated. I’m alive, and I want to explore how that makes me feel. Constantin, you make me feel so safe that exploration won’t be like jumping off a cliff and free-falling.

“When I woke up this morning, I’d never kissed a guy. And now, I’ve kissed two. I never meant to hurt anyone, so Flo, I’m so incredibly sorry. I honestly thought you were just flirting with me.”

“I was flirting with you,” he says with a quiver in his voice that breaks something inside me. “I’ve wanted you since I first saw you. It has taken epic self-control to be patient. I didn’t want to rush you because I wanted it to be special. I was flirting to see if you would ever be interested in me.” His eyes are glistening on the edge of tears.

Shit, this was much worse than I thought.

“It worked, Flo, it really did.” I reach for his hand, relieved when he doesn’t snatch it away .

“Then why Constantin?” he says, his eyes flicking over to where Constantin just watches.

“He asked.”

Hurt flashes in Florencio’s eyes. I’m being clumsy with my words. “What, so it would have been that easy all along?” His voice is dull, without his normal beautiful tones.

“No, it wouldn’t. If anyone had asked me even a week ago, I would have thought the notion ridiculous. But you’ve both changed my outlook and expanded my universe. I’m like a butterfly emerging from a chrysalis, and I’m curious about the world you’re showing me. For too long, I’ve lived a small life, always saying no. I want to say yes, to see where that takes me. Constantin asked, and I said yes.”

“So what happens now?”

I take another deep breath. This is the part that has been on my mind throughout dinner and I could easily break this whole situation.

“I still have much I want to experience and a lot to learn, and I’d like you both to teach me.”

Florencio frowns. “So you’re experimenting, and then what? One day, you get to choose one of us? No thank you!” This time he does pull his hand away, and I curse inwardly.

“No, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m trying to tell you I don’t want to choose.”

I pause. I’m out of words.

Constantin leans closer to Florencio.

“Two weeks ago, a guy walked into my bar. He was funny, so damn pretty, and sexy as hell. Then he struck up a conversation with a guy I’d just met the previous day, one that was beautiful and smart and intense.”

Florencio raises his head slightly, and a spark of something indecipherable crosses his face. “Go on.”

“Well, before long, I couldn’t get these guys out of my head. Not one of them, both of them together. They plagued my thoughts.”

“I knew it! I knew you’d been watching us,” Florencio says with a note of triumph in his voice.

“Yeah, I’m not proud of some of those thoughts.” Constantin gives a half smile. “But what happened today was spontaneous. It was an opportunity I took because the moment was right.” He reaches a hand out to the back of Florencio’s neck, his thumb caressing his cheek. “Given the opportunity, I’d kiss the pretty guy too.”

“But of course,” Florencio says, drawing a huff of a laugh from Constantin, as if it’s natural that everyone would want to kiss him. Then he takes a deep breath. “I need to think about this.”

Constantin moves back out of his space, and I get up to make more coffee. No one speaks for a while, and I try not to look at him so he doesn’t think I’m staring, but when I take a peek, his face is edged with anxiety.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

He sighs loudly. “All I can think about is that if I leave the room, you two will kiss again.” He swings his gaze between us.

Oh, I wasn’t expecting that.

“We won’t,” I say, but it’s Constantin that gets up.

“I have some paperwork to do for the insurance, so I’m going to leave you two to talk.” He doesn’t wait for a response before going out the door.

Florencio stands. “I want to be alone for a while,” he says and leaves too.

Left alone, the silence is deafening, and the walls seem to crowd around me. Needing some air, I walk through the house and out onto the terrace. This morning, I felt free and full of possibilities, a life to live anew. Now I just feel like I’ve created a tangled mess.