Chapter 32

At eight o'clock sharp, the alley lights shut off. For one moment, there was nothing but pitch darkness and yelps, but something whirred, and colorful swirling lights danced across the lanes and walls.

"Cosmic, baby!" Max shouted. He punched both hands in the air and abandoned his chicken wings. A psychedelic pop song blasted through the speakers, and he grabbed Melody by the waist, pulling her onto the hardwood floor. She giggled as they dipped and spun each other, but it wasn't just the two of them for long. Kohen joined, bobbing his head and shuffling onto their makeshift dance floor. They whooped and cheered, crowding around him.

Hudson nodded toward them in seriousness. "Let's see it, Alice."

I grinned, watching them. "I can't remember the last time I danced."

He smirked, looking past me at Melody making a beeline toward us. "Well, let's hope you start remembering, because you're not gonna have a choice."

Before I had time to react, she tugged on my hand and yanked me upright. For some reason, I grasped at Hudson. I wasn't sure if I intended to drag him with me or anchor myself to him, but either way, his eyes widened before he burst into surprised laughter, wrenching his hand from mine. "Absolutely not."

Melody pulled me to the floor, then twirled me under her arm. At first I tried to protest, but it was futile, and we spun around each other, laughing and shrieking. When she let go of me, Max's fingers caught mine, and he pulled me farther into their circle. I used to dance with Margo and Casey at parties, bending forward and trying my absolute hardest to look effortless, but as we jumped and twisted in a sloppy circle in the bowling alley, the entire world could have been watching and none of us would have cared.

Hunter sat in the same chair, and when I looked back at him between my twirls, red-faced and sweating from the heat and laughter, he was leaning forward, watching me.

I made my way over to him, and when I reached for his hand, his eyes widened. "Please don't," he breathed, but I'd adopted Melody's inability to take no for an answer and pulled on him anyway.

I expected him to resist, but his eyes were locked on mine, and he was much lighter than I expected. He trailed behind me, his hand rigid but still gripping mine. When we made it to the floor, he stared at me in wide-eyed panic. He didn't move as everyone else cheered around him.

"Looking good, Hunter! Love the moves!" Hudson shouted.

Hunter scowled. "Will somebody go get him?"

Not needing to be told twice, Max and Melody headed over to harass Hudson. Turned out, he was much more resistant than Hunter. Not one to be deterred, Melody took it upon herself to initiate a lap dance, and that's when Hudson relented, swearing profusely as he stalked to the dance floor without anyone needing to drag him at all.

He filled the space next to Hunter, standing just as still. I twirled around in front of Hunter, and when I turned back to him, his eyes were wide with desperation. "I really don't know how."

I flung my arms around his neck. "You don't have to do much of anything." And he didn't. He didn't do anything at all as I twisted in front of him.

We formed a circle, and when I was shoved in the middle, I did my usual routine without a thought. It was the same one I used to do with Margo, all hips and shoulders, and Melody dived in with me, following my lead. Our tight-knit circle cheered, and I grinned. My hair stuck to my neck, and my laughter was easy.

"Well, damn," someone said, but we were yanked out and replaced by Hunter. I almost joined just to save him, but Kohen shoved Hudson in, and they stared at each other with matching bewildered expressions, neither of them able to figure out how they'd gotten there.

"You have to do something!" Max yelled.

Hudson rolled his eyes. He shrugged at Hunter before starting a slow and painful lawnmower routine. Hunter copied him, his movements jerky and adorable, and when he glanced up at me, he mouthed, "I hate you."

I stuck my tongue out at him, and he grinned back before they switched into the shopping cart. When everyone had had enough, they called them out and Max jumped in. His moonwalk was terrible, but like usual, he managed to captivate the crowd. I grabbed Hunter's hand and pushed onto my tiptoes to press my lips to his ear. "You're cute when you're embarrassed."

He wrapped one arm around me, pulling me close as he planted a kiss to my temple. His lips lingered against my skin as he laughed. "Just you wait, Alice."

* * *

We clearedout around nine thirty, swapping hugs and shouted goodbyes across the parking lot. Everyone piled into Hudson's jeep, and he offered to squeeze us in, but Hunter waved a hand, insisting we'd be fine on his bike. When their car pulled away, Hunter and I were alone again, and the only sound between us was our shallow breaths and the distant echo of falling pins.

He moved closer to me, then brushed one hand against my cheek. It was slow and purposeful, and I grabbed a fistful of his sweatshirt in response. The action was so desperate that my cheeks burned, but he smiled. I wanted to be as close to him as possible, close enough that our veins intertwined and our blood twisted and pooled to the same places, our hearts pumping in the same rhythm. His lips were inches away, and then they were on mine. His fingers slid to my neck, drifting across my skin, and I held on as tight as I could, afraid if I let go, I might faint to the ground.

When we broke apart, he was breathing hard, his gaze darting between my eyes and my mouth. I remembered my first kiss at the roller rink, how I'd tossed and turned in Margo's bed afterward, unable to help my dorky smile. I hadn't thought I'd ever feel that again, but I felt the same wondrous excitement. The same thrill in the deepest part of my stomach, as if kissing Hunter might just be the single best thing that ever happened to me.

His nose was touching mine, and he smiled against me. "I can't stop."

I swallowed and I knew he could feel it, his hand cradling my neck. "Me neither."

He pressed his lips to mine without hesitation, and the kiss grew quicker and more frantic. I wrapped my arms around his neck, twisting my fingers through his hair. He pressed closer to me, and I let him, never once considering the fact that he was a boy and if he didn't want to stop, I wasn't strong enough to make him.

I pulled apart when fresh air became a necessity. "My mom will probably be wondering where I am."

He blinked to steady himself. He nodded, his forehead still pressed against mine as he squeezed his eyes shut, gathering the courage to break apart for good. And then we did. He bent to unlock his bike, but it took him several tries and a few curse words before the lock sprung free.

* * *

Hunter parkedhis bike alongside my mom's car, and we both slid off, silent as we faced each other in my driveway. I couldn't think of much else besides his lips against mine, and I could tell his thoughts reflected my own.

I felt too awkward to keep standing there, and for whatever reason, my brain settled on curtsying as an appropriate alternative. "Thank you for a wonderful evening," I said, straightening from the curtsy.

He gave me an old-fashioned bow, grinning. "The pleasure has been all mine."

I smiled back at him, and when our gazes collided, his eyes flickered to my lips. I gave him a limp wave. "Okay, bye then."

I knew if he started kissing me again, we might not stop, and I certainly didn't intend to be witnessed by Chris, who was undoubtedly peeking out the front living room window.

So, instead of launching myself at him, I took a deep breath and turned away, heading for the front door. Except I didn't get far because his fingers caught mine. I turned back, prepared with a laugh, but he didn't move closer to kiss me. In fact, it didn't even look as though he wanted to. I faltered, dizzy from the whiplash of his facial expressions. He had been playful a moment ago, but his face was suddenly lined with seriousness, his gaze avoiding mine as he concentrated on where my fingers met his.

"Hunter?"

He took a deep breath. "Before you go ... listen ..." He lifted his head to meet my uncertain gaze, the area between his eyebrows creased. "I really like you, Alice. Like, I really, really like you."

I blinked at him, my heartbeat thumping faster than it had outside the alley. "I like you too."

His smile was slight, but he didn't release my hand, and my heartbeat grew faster because he wasn't just standing there. He was searching for words. Words that were harder to say than confessing feelings. He concentrated on something in the distance, and when he returned his gaze to me, his eyes were filled with torment. "I need to ask you something."

I stilled.

He scrubbed the side of his face with one hand. "I'm sorry, I know I have no right to ask."

I waited.

He nodded to himself, taking another breath as he refocused on me. "I know Scott has always been infatuated with you, but lately ... well ... at dinner ..." He closed his eyes for a moment as he inhaled through his nose. When he opened them, I almost wished he hadn't. "He's ... oddly possessive."

My muscles were frozen with fear. Like maybe if I stayed still enough, he'd forget I was there. My heart thudded against my chest. I thought it might crack my rib cage. In fact, I hoped it might.

"I know you've had other boyfriends, and I'll never be mad at you for things that happened before we started hanging out, and I know it's none of my business." He was rambling now, his eyes a mixture of anguish and self-deprecation. "But ... the way he looks at you ... and the way you guys interact with each other. I don't know ... it's the way you look at an ex-girlfriend or the hatred you have for an ex who you can't believe you ever dated. It's like you guys have a history far beyond knowing each other at parties or whatever. And I know Melody said that thing, and I never believed her, but is there any truth to it? Did you guys ever have ... ? A thing? Or did you ..." He trailed off, his face turning bright red.

Maybe I was offended. Maybe I was even mad at Hunter, because if he had looked away that one day in gym class like everyone else, we would never be standing here. He would still be seated in the corner of the cafeteria, and I'd still be seated in the middle.

"I promise it won't change anything, and I could never be mad at you for it. I just ... I feel like I need to know."

Okay, I was mad. But not at Hunter. Because it wasn't Hunter's fault he asked these questions—questions he deserved answers to. It was my fault. I had known we would end up standing here, and instead of being decent for once, I had kissed him anyway. I had known what I was doing. Just like I had known what I was doing when Scott's fingers skimmed my waist. I remembered grinning up at him and then my lips on his as if I'd been starving.

I cut my wrists because I wanted to feel something, but I felt this. I felt it like the final, deep cut. I felt it like throwing myself off a building, and it hurt, but it wasn't the hurt I expected. I had thought the worst part would be my body slamming into pavement, but it wasn't. It was all the things that caused me to contemplate jumping in the first place. It was everything I was and everything I did.

Battery acid dripped down the back of my throat, and I swallowed it, staring up at him.

"No, never."