Chapter Twelve

Gemma

Sophie popped a pretzel in her mouth and then passed the bag to Coco who was sitting on the bed next to her. I walked out of the bathroom wearing a pink bikini with white polka dots on it. "Now that's the one," Sophie said, her mouth curling into a wicked smile. "You look hot."

I couldn't believe I was looking to my sister and her best friend to tell me whether or not I was wearing the right thing for my surfing lesson. I knew it wasn't exactly the point of my last conversation with Lance, but I decided it was a good first step in the right direction.

The truth was, I had become more closed off since I last saw Lance and I missed the way I used to be with him. Being with him reminded me of that. Maybe there was a way I could be less of a party pooper while not shirking my responsibilities. I didn't have to choose, did I? I could have it both ways. Said no one ever.

I looked down and started pulling at the triangle top. "It doesn't have enough material."

"What exactly is this for?" Coco asked. "Why do you care about surfing and what you wear?"

Soph pulled her feet up under her. "Yeah, actually, I'm curious, too. I thought we were going to lounge by the pool today. Why are you going rogue on my bach party?"

The guilt nagged at me. This wasn't me. I shouldn't have been abandoning my sister, she was right, but I also made an impulsive decision to take a lesson with Lance and I really wanted to see it through. They had to know. So I pushed Coco over a bit to make room for myself and plopped down on the bed.

I took my sister's hands in my own. "Soph," I started, "I really want to do this. Please tell me it's okay. I need to do this," I pleaded, thinking to myself just how important it was suddenly for me to do this. It was like I needed to do this for myself, if for no other reason than to prove to myself that I could be like the girl I once was again.

Laughing, my sister pulled her hands back from mine. "Stop, of course, it's fine. I like seeing you have fun. It's okay. This trip is my party, technically, but I don't mind. Look at Daphne, sneaking out to make out with a hunky stranger. She doesn't care one iota, so why should you?"

"True." These girls just played by a whole other set of rules than I did.

Soph resumed her speech, "But I do want to know what's going on and you have to tell me." She raised an eyebrow and waited.

Coco leaned around and put her chin on my shoulder, clearly getting very comfortable around me lately. "Yeah, dish."

I looked over at Coco, then back to my sister and swallowed hard. How could I put it? "I had a somewhat of a fling with a guy when I was here last time. He's the surf instructor."

Bouncing up and down, Soph squealed. "Oh, my, why didn't you tell me!"

"You little hussy," Coco said, standing up and winking at me as though not to show Sophie that she knew before her about my fling. "I didn't think you had it in you, Gemma. Good for you." Then she shot a finger in the air. "Wait, this is the same twelve you ran into, right?"

I visibly cringed when my sister looked at us confused. So much for keeping the fact that she knew first between us. "Yeah. He was single then and still is now. We just ran into each other," I explained.

"What?" my sister demanded, still bouncing, her excitement evident. "Never mind, not the point. I'm so proud of you. Coco's right, good for you!"

Coco pointed an accusatory finger at me. "That's why you want to take this lesson. That explains it."

I inhaled deeply. "I just thought it might be fun," I defended, "but I don't know, maybe I'm losing it. This is all so wild."

"What's his name?"

"Yeah, tell us about him," Coco inserted.

"Lance. He has a son. Tell me this isn't totally random and reckless."

"That's the point," Coco said, chuckling. "Life's too short to live like a monk. Besides, he's the one with the kid, not you, so he knows what he's doing. You have to trust that."

"But we're not doing anything now. I don't know why I'm even doing this."

Sophie raised an eyebrow and came to stand directly in front of me so we were face to face. "You're doing this because you deserve it and because for whatever reason this guy means something to you, otherwise we wouldn't be standing here watching you obsess over bathing suits. Gemma, this means something and I insist you do it. You cannot back out now. It'd be like criminal and I'm the bride-to-be, I call the shots, remember." When she finished, she turned around and sat back down on the bed picking up her bag of pretzels again and crunching down on one.

Coco nodded. "She's right. You worry too much."

"I'm not as young as I used to be," I mumbled, scanning myself in the bikini. "I don't know," I decided, shaking my head. "Maybe this is a bad idea. It's been three years." I was really starting to doubt whether or not I could be trusted to make any decisions where Lance Easton was concerned.

Soph practically jumped off the bed, coming over to me and grabbing my shoulders in my obvious time of need, leading me back into the bathroom. "Look," she instructed as we both looked in the mirror at me. "You're beautiful."

"There's something I haven't told you," I confessed, biting my lip and turning to her. "He's younger than me." Maybe now she'd see why I was so worried.

She didn't look fazed.

"A decade younger than me," I further confessed.

Her mouth fell open, but then she closed it shut.

"I knew this was a bad idea," I insisted, trying to undo the top and get undressed. "Get out. I'm getting undressed. I'm not going."

Sophie shook her head, adamant about this. "You're going."

Coco strolled in, a finger to her lips. "You're wrong, you know."

I tilted my head, confused. "About what?"

"Age doesn't matter to most men," she said, shrugging. "And he clearly liked you three years ago when you were still a decade apart. If he didn't, he wouldn't have slept with you."

"That was different. I'm even older now and he's still in his twenties!" Didn't anyone understand?

Sophie placed a hand under her chin and backed up, sizing me up. "Fine, then don't go." She was going the tough love route. "You're probably right. He's not going to want to date a woman who isn't confident and he's certainly not going to want to date a grandma."

"Hey," I cut her off, pointing a finger in her direction, "point taken."

"So you'll go?" she asked, her face practically beaming with excitement.

I couldn't believe I was actually going to do this. That I was going to voluntarily see Lance again and take a surf lesson, no less. Man, I always seemed to lose my mind where Lance was concerned, no question there. And yet, aside from my momentary freak out, I still really wanted to do it. "I'm going," I exclaimed.

"Wait!" Coco said, putting a finger up before turning to leave. When she came back, she was holding a stick of lip gloss. "Watermelon. It's shimmery, so it lures them in, and tastes good, so they can't help but suck on your lips longer."

"That's mine," Sophie told me, giggling, "but you can use it."

I took it and swiped it over my lips. "I feel silly wearing watermelon lip gloss. Plus, I'm not looking for him to kiss me or anything. I'm supposed to be getting in the water."

"Sure you're not." Sophie blew bubbles. "Sis, how stupid do you think we are? You're totally hoping he'll kiss you."

I looked back at myself in the mirror and exhaled. It was now or never, I supposed. If I didn't get up the courage to do this now, I may never. And it was just Lance. I mean, I'd been intimate with the man before, this should be nothing. I was just being silly. Yeah, everything was going to be just fine.

I'd keep things casual and act less awkward.

He'd be his usual charming self.

Oh, I was in big trouble.

Sophie practically pushed me out the door. "You're going to be late!"

I looked back as she kept pushing me, shoving a cover-up at me. Coco passed her my sunglasses, which she then passed to me. "Go!" she cried. "And get dressed in the elevator!"

I held on to the doorframe before leaving, my stuff clutched to my chest. "Are you sure I look all right?"

She swatted my butt and giggled. "You look hot," she said, grinding her teeth and acting like a total caveman to further the point. "We'll be here waiting for a full report when you're done."

I rolled my eyes. "Ironic that I'm the older one when you're so pushy." And with that, Sophie closed the door in my face.

Now I could only look forward. To the elevator where I was going down to the lobby and eventually walking over to the beach. Where Lance would be there waiting for me with a surfboard and that smile that soaked my panties and made me reconsider every single life choice I had ever made.

I'd never been this way with another man before. I didn't need a man, didn't ever care one way or another. Never had. But Lance? He was different. He was my weakness. I couldn't say no to him and I didn't want to. Ever.

The last time I said no to him, I left this place and never looked back. Three years flew by and I tried my best to not give him a second thought, but sometimes when I was sitting in bed alone or swimming in my pool, I thought back to the memories we shared. I always wondered what my life would look like right now if I hadn't walked out of the hotel room that day. If I hadn't left him the way I did.

We both knew it wasn't going to last, that it was only meant to be what it was—a fling. That didn't make things any easier, though. Quite the opposite, I wanted more. Feelings were involved as much as I lied to him and myself and said they weren't.

But he had Mason.

And I had my work, my clients.

Then there was Soph and my parents. I didn't want to leave my family.

Not that anything had really changed.

Things weren't simple back then and they weren't simple now.

Even if we did get together again, it would only be for a short period. Until I had to leave again. That was all it would ever be—stolen moments in time. It was a fantasy.

Oh, but it was the best kind.

And yet I didn't know if that was fair to either one of us.

As I walked onto the beach, I looked around and immediately spotted him. He was wearing yellow board shorts that only looked better on him because of his tanned skin. His dirty blond hair was wet like he'd already been in the water and all I wanted to do was run my hands through it. To observe him watching me run my hands through it.

I pushed those thoughts aside. This was just a surf lesson. Yes, I knew Lance and sure he was the one who convinced me to take one, but it was an experience, that was all. This could never be anything more than what it was. I had to remember that. For both of us. It was for the best, really. Anything else would have just muddled the waters that were already pretty murky.

Lance eyed me up and down before looking into my eyes. His had a mischievous look in them and I knew I had to immediately shut it down.

"You better have brought your patience," I warned, knowing I'd be a slow study.

He smiled, clearly understanding where I was trying to steer this conversation—away from our physical attraction toward one another. "Naturally," he said, holding up his hand. Then he smirked. "Now if I were to look away and sigh heavily or roll my eyes, that doesn't count, right?"

I gasped and swatted his arm. "You're bad."

He laughed. "I promise to be very patient with you. You'll have my full, undivided attention."

Why did that almost sound threatening?

"All right." He clapped his hands together. "First thing's first. You have awful balance, so you're going to have to work on standing on the board first."

"On land?" I asked, raising a brow. "That seems a little silly."

He shook his head. "It's actually pretty normal."

"How do you know I haven't gotten better at balancing?"

He cocked a brow. "Have you?"

I remembered back to last week when I was exercising and nearly toppled over attempting one of the moves. I frowned, thinking about how it seemed so easy to the instructor and everyone else in the room. But, for me, I couldn't stay upright.

I crossed my arms and narrowed my eyes. "You tell me," I said, bringing one of my legs up in the air and balancing on one foot. I began squinting my eyes, not because my sunglasses weren't doing their job, but because it was taking all my concentration to balance like this.

"Gemma," I heard Lance call out. "You don't have to do this." I heard the worry in his voice that I might fall when he said, "You've proven me wrong, Gem, so you can stop."

I stopped squinting and lost my balance, my world suddenly in a tailspin at the mere mention of the other nickname Lance came up with for me once upon a time. He was the only one who'd ever called me Gem and beautiful before, and I rather liked both, but only on his lips. I toppled over and immediately felt Lance's warm, strong arms embracing me, making sure I didn't fall flat on my face.

"I once told you before, you can trust me."

"You kept that promise," I whispered, looking up into his eyes. Frankly, Lance had kept all of his promises. He promised that when the time came he would let me go and not make things more difficult, and he didn't. He was the perfect gentleman and said all the right things to make me feel I wasn't making the worst decision of my life.

I leaned in as he searched my eyes and rubbed my lips together. "Lance, I—" I was cut off by a wave hitting the shore and almost knocking me down.

Lance cleared his throat and walked away to put some distance between us. He stood on the other side of the board in front of me now. "We should start before you drown," he returned to teasing me, a grin on that handsome face of his.

I feigned amusement. "I'm ready."

"We're experiencing high tides today, which is the best for a beginner, like yourself."

I watched him grab some black thing off to the side and tilted my head. "What's that? I thought I was learning to balance first."

"You will," he said. He bent down and I felt his fingers brush my ankle. "But you should get comfortable with this being on you, too."

"What are you doing?"

He looked up at me and chuckled. "I have to fasten the leash, to make sure that you're attached to the board at all times."

"Great," I mumbled. "So if I go down, it'll hit me in the head, making me drown even faster."

He finished fastening the leash on me and then got up, brushing off his hands from the sand that he had on them. "Not exactly." He gave me a reassuring smile. "Come on, nothing's going to happen and I'll be right here the whole time."

I darted him a dirty look. "That's what parents say to their children five seconds before they take their hands off the bicycle and they fall off, scrape a knee, and then don't ever want to get back on one again."

He laughed and I could see the cleft on his chin became more apparent as his smile went from ear to ear. He was clearly finding this amusing. "Happen to you, did it?"

I scowled. I wasn't confirming or denying anything.

Still laughing, he let it go. "You're not wrong, you know," he finally agreed with me.

"Thank you," I said, "so even you agree this is a bad idea."

He shook his head and crossed his arms. "I didn't say that."

I searched his eyes and waited for him to explain. He didn't, but he had to. There was no way I could do this wondering. "What are you trying to say then?"

He uncrossed his arms and brought his hands to my shoulders. I practically shuttered at his gentle touch, gentle yet strong. His grip felt so good. I always felt more secure in his arms, with his hands on me, holding me tight. "Close your eyes."

"What?" Was he mad?

He looked into my eyes, my wide open eyes, and demanded again, "Close your eyes."

I exhaled and tried to remember how it felt to trust him three years ago, to let myself just feel. Knowing it might be scary, but definitely worth it, I finally closed my eyes.

"Thank you," he said, his voice low and his breath warm on my skin.

I became keenly aware of so many things, not just his breath, but his body. He was so close to me, I could feel it. My body was practically on alert at being in such close proximity to him.

I felt his hands travel down my arms until they reached my hands and took hold of them in his own. He was holding my hands, his thumbs brushing over the back of them. I didn't know if he had a clue what the whole sweet thing was doing to me. I felt silly, like some teenage girl. I was tempted to rake my bottom lip through my teeth and open my eyes to see for myself if he noticed the effect he was having on me.

Then he spoke, breaking the deafening silence that I filled with so many thoughts of desire. "Tune everything else out and listen to the sound of the water."

The sound of the water? What did that even mean? "I've heard waves crashing before. It's nothing new to me," I countered, trying to figure out what his endgame was.

He blew outwardly, clearly growing frustrated. "This isn't going to work if you're going to challenge me at every turn."

I sighed and decided to do as he asked. Things always proved to turn out better that way anyhow. "Fine, I'll listen," I conceded.

I tried my best to block out everything else, including my mind that was always racing, currently over thoughts of Lance. But it wasn't just now. My mind was always going, whether focusing on a new task I had to do or a deadline for work, the family, my sister. There was always something, but I gave it a good shot of blocking it all out to concentrate on the sound of the water.

And it worked—almost! The feelings that were rushing back for Lance were hard to block out. Those, and the nagging doubts I had about deciding to surf, something seemingly far too adventurous to me.

Listen to the sound of the water, I reminded myself of the objective.

Take a deep breath in.

And release it.

That was what all those videos on mindfulness I'd seen said to do.

Concentrating, I tuned everything out, even my own thoughts, and found the sound of the water.

I heard the waves moving around and the water crashing off the rocks. It was relaxing and I felt my self at peace. I felt all the stress and anxiety leave my body. My shoulders fell and I exhaled deeply. My arms relaxed, turning almost limp. I was calm—a feeling I hadn't felt in, well, let's just say a long time.

I was always going, always had somewhere to be, something to do. I never really took a deep breath and enjoyed the moment. I always envied people who could live in the moment. They didn't let the worries of the day drag them down, they just enjoyed every bit of beauty life had to offer. I wished I was more like that.

And I was, for a very short period of time in my life—when I was last with Lance.

"Do you feel that?" Lance asked, breaking the spell.

I nodded and grinned, my eyes still closed. "It's amazing."

"Now open your eyes."

I laughed. "I don't want to."

He laughed and patted my arms. "Come on, you're ready for the next step."

Decidedly following his instruction, I opened my eyes and focused back on his brown eyes. He was extremely handsome, always had been, and the way he was looking at me right now made me feel like I was incredibly special, like nothing else mattered but him and I, right here, right now.

He blinked and cleared his throat, pulling his gaze from me. "So it worked?"

I laughed nervously. "I thought I was ready for the next step. Let's do this. I want to do this, Lance," I confirmed.

He backed up and I immediately felt the loss of his hands on me. It was like they belonged on me and I was just beginning to realize that. "Let's do this," he repeated.