22. Baker

CHAPTER 22

BAKER

I almost called in today.

I wanted to, but I knew if I stayed home, I would go crazy. So here I am at the station being an asshole to anyone that tries to talk to me.

I’ve tried to convince myself that it’s fine and Cassie will come to her senses, but it’s been over twenty-four hours and not a peep. I did talk to my dad just to check on her, and he told me she went to bed last night with a migraine but was better this morning when she left for school.

There’s a knock on my door, and I call out, almost angry that I’m being interrupted from my thoughts of Cassie, “What?”

Shit, I know I need to check my attitude, but right now everyone’s going to have to put up with ‘asshole Baker.’

My sergeant opens the door and levels me with a look. JB has been my mentor since I started the force. He was my only contact to the outside world when I was undercover. He’s a brilliant man, and I’ve learned a lot from him. He definitely doesn’t deserve my attitude.

“I’m about to go across town and check something out. Can you walk me out?”

I sigh and put my hands on the top of my desk and push myself up. This isn’t the first time he’s asked me to walk him out. Sometimes it’s to invite me to dinner with him and his wife, and sometimes it’s when he wants to talk to me about something private.

I follow him outside, and the whole walk to his car, he doesn’t say a word.

When we stop next to the squad car, he crosses his arms over his chest. “All right, spill it.”

Confused, I ask him, “You wanted to talk to me.”

He nods knowingly. “Yeah, to figure out what’s going on with you. You’ve been preoccupied, and you know you can’t do that with this job.”

I know he’s right, but I still try to defend myself. “This is Whiskey Run, JB.”

He raises a hand and points at me, “Yeah, bad things happen everywhere.”

Fuck, I know he’s right. From my years on the force, I know that bad things can happen at any time, anywhere. I have no excuse to act the way I’m acting now. I can save my bad mood for home. Here, on the job, I need to be alert. For my own safety and the safety of my brothers in blue.

“I know. And you’re right. I’ll get my shit together.”

He tilts his head and looks at me with doubt. JB and I know each other well, and I know he’s not going to stop until I talk to him and tell him what’s going on with me. “I told you about Cassie.”

He nods, encouraging me to go on. I know that Cassie and I weren’t going to tell anyone about us, but JB guessed there was something going on the night that Colby ran away. He said he saw sparks flying between us, and I believe him. “Well, she said she wanted us to ‘pause’ last night.” I run my hand through my hair. “Hell, I don’t even know what ‘pause’ means.”

He’s quiet, waiting for me to continue. “She’s afraid it will mess with our family. She thinks I’m just going to dump her in a few weeks and we should just end it now.”

“Damn, you’re so crazy for her it’s almost sickening, Baker. I’ve never seen you like this.”

I shrug because it’s the truth. I am crazy for her, and even now when she told me she wanted to ‘pause,’ I knew I wasn’t going to let her end it. I’m hoping she’ll think about it and come to her senses.

I can see the thoughts whirling in his head. “So she’s scared. That’s what it all comes down to. She’s having all these feelings, and she’s afraid you don’t feel the same. That’s what it sounds like to me.” He pauses and gestures to me. “Did you tell her how you feel about her?”

“She knows.” But as soon as I say it, I question if I’m right or not. There’s a really big chance that she doesn’t have a clue how I feel about her. She may not realize how fuckin’ special it is when we come together. I’m her first, and maybe she thinks all this is just normal. Well, I’ve got news—none of this is normal. Every interaction I’ve had with her is special and unique. I shake my head. Damn, she doesn’t know.

JB chuckles. “You don’t even have to say it. I can tell by the look on your face that you haven’t told her. What the hell, Baker?”

I put my hands on my hips and shake my head. He’s right, and I hate to tell him that because I’ll never live it down, but he won’t leave until I tell him. “You’re right. Fuck, I hate to say it but you’re right. She doesn’t know, and I didn’t tell her.”

JB crosses his arms over his chest. “Twenty-five years of marriage and I’ve learned a few things. Hang with me and I’ll teach you.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re right. I said it. Don’t rub it in.”

He laughs out loud and slaps me on the shoulder. “You want something bad enough, you gotta work for it, Baker. You know that.”

I nod as he starts to walk around to the driver’s side. “Where you off to anyway?”

“Remember Mrs. Morrison?”

I nod my head. She’s a single mom of three. Her ex-con husband is in jail for possession of a gun and a schedule one narcotic. “Yeah, I remember her.”

He leans his arms on the top of his squad car. “Well, Mr. Morrison got out of jail today. I’m not sure how it happened, but I wanted to go make sure she knew since she turned him in. Knowing Tony, I’m sure he hasn’t forgiven her. We need to up patrol around her neighborhood for a bit.”

I put my hand on my holster. “I can go and check on her.”

He shakes his head. “No, I told her I’d come personally if I heard anything.”

I step back from the car. “See you, Sarge.”

“See you,” he says as he gets in.

I grab my phone and am about to call Cassie, but I know that telling her how I feel about her is not something I should do on the phone. No, I need to do it in person. After my shift, I’ll go by Dad’s house and climb up the tree again. I just hope she lets me in.