Chapter 41

CHAPTER 41

LOGAN

J ude and I sat in my office, doing our quarterly review of my current investments with him. Every single time we did, it was a massive rush. My returns were staggering and they were just getting better.

"We'll move this—" Jude cut himself off and sighed. "Why aren't you listening to me?"

"What? I was listening. I just…" I finally tore my gaze away from the folder in front of me and pursed my lips. "Fine. I wasn't listening, but only for the last minute or so. Just give me a few, bro. I mean, have you seen these? Do you have any idea how much money that is? Fuck. My head is spinning."

My friend chuckled and leaned back in his chair, a wide grin on his face as he nodded. "I have seen it, actually. Wouldn't have been very good at my job if I hadn't, but you're right. It's a ton of fucking money."

"I know. How did we get here, man? We both came from nothing." My head really was spinning. It was like this every quarter, but this one had been so much better than the last that I really couldn't believe it. "You're a wizard, Jude. That's really all I can say. You're a fucking wizard. "

He laughed. "Thanks, but you're the one who makes the calls."

I narrowed my eyes and the grin dropped from my face when I heard the hint of caution in his tone. "Is there a problem I should be aware of?"

"No, no problem, but I do think we need to find something else for you to put some money in so it doesn't depreciate. Maybe another rig? I don't know, but it won't keep going like this. It can't. You need to diversify."

"Another rig, huh?" I drew in a breath before I shrugged. "Let me think about it. I'm not very sure about that right now."

Jude's eyebrows twitched up as he looked me over, suddenly leaning forward again. "You're not sure? Why not? You practically begged me to sell you the first one and it's been extremely lucrative, so what am I missing here? Not chasing the big bucks or showing any enthusiasm really isn't normal for you."

"You're not missing anything. It's just that I've already got Slate tied up on the other rig and it's not like I know anyone else I can hire on as a consultant for a different rig, so I need to think about it. Like I said."

He shook his head. "Nope. That's not it. I can tell. There's more. Plus, not every owner hires external consultants to manage their rig. It's not required by the industry or even advisable on most rigs, so it doesn't matter that you don't know anyone else. We'll just find you a rig to buy that has everything already in place."

"Yours already had everything in place," I reasoned. "I still hired Slate because I don't know anything about the oil industry and it seemed wise to put someone onboard I trusted. That hasn't changed."

"Technically, it has changed. You've learned a lot. Slate will only ever be a phone call away if you need help."

I frowned. "Why are you pushing this on me?"

"I'm not." He put his hands up, his expression morphing into a mask of worry. "This isn't about the rig. It's about you. Something is going on with you, and as a friend, that concerns me deeply. As your money guy, I'm wondering why you're being so stubborn about not going after a rock-solid investment. "

My heart lurched in my chest when I thought about Mira again. For this last hour or so since he'd arrived, I'd managed to shut her out, but this conversation was bringing it all back and I fucking hated it.

"Look, just give me time to think it over, okay?" I said almost pleadingly, which only made the worry in Jude's eyes even more intense. "I'll think about it and then I'll get back to you when I'm ready."

He gave his head a firm shake. "Think about diversifying your investments. That's fine. There are plenty of other options. I just thought you'd prefer another rig, but under the circumstances, maybe we should shelve that idea completely. In the meantime, tell me what's going on with you. You're not acting like yourself at all."

In another show of just how right he was, I caved. Past Me would've blown past his concerns. Now Me broke open like a raw egg hitting the floor.

"Mira ended things." Shit, I hate saying it out loud. "Before you ask, I didn't do anything. She just came to the realization that we were going to hurt her brother, which she knew all along, but it seemed to hit home for her the last time we were on the rig."

I didn't give him a chance to get a word in edgewise. "They had some conversation about me and Slate told her that I wasn't the kind of guy she wanted to get hung up on. He said he made it clear to her that I didn't do relationships and didn't want one. Which she's also always known, but something about hearing it from him when she did tripped her up."

I banged my head back against the cushioning built into my chair. "She said it stopped her in her tracks because it made her realize how much it would hurt him if he found out what we'd been doing. Then she told me to keep it professional from now on."

My torso barreled forward again. I didn't know why I couldn't sit still, but I kept moving back and forth, my knees bouncing and my hands flying around all over the damn place. "And here's the thing. After she called it off, I kind of thought she might change her mind. I figured I'd give her some time and then she'd be back, but it's been two weeks and I haven't heard a peep. "

My mind raced from one thing to another. "She's probably back on the rig by now, and I can't stop thinking about her. Things can get pretty hairy on that thing really fucking fast. They get out of hand in no time and it's dangerous."

There were other things about her I couldn't stop thinking about either, like the last time we'd been intimate and how I now wished I'd dragged it out more. Made it last. If I'd known it was going to be the last time, I'd never have let her go. I'd have kept her in that office forever if I could.

I didn't say any of that out loud, though. Although I hadn't shied away from sharing details about sex before, it now just felt too personal. Besides, there was sex and then there was all the danger she was in on a daily basis.

Despite knowing she'd been at it for a long time and that she was damn good at her job, I was still worried about her. "What if something goes wrong on the rig? What if she needs me out there?"

Throughout my monologue, Jude hadn't said a word. He'd just listened patiently and nodded every so often but now he was hiding a smile.

My eyebrows snapped together. "What?"

"It's nothing. I'm sorry. Continue."

"No, just tell me. What is it? What's so funny?"

With his head lowering slightly to one side and his lips hardening like he was still trying to suppress a smile, he finally blew out a deep breath through his nostrils. "It's just that if she does need help out there, I don't think you'd be the best guy to call, man. You're a rookie on any rig and she's a pro. If anything does go wrong, she can handle it, but if you miss her so much, maybe you should just tell her when she gets back."

I grumbled under my breath, my head shaking in response to his suggestion. "I don't chase women like that. They chase me, or I pursue them for a bit, get what I want, and move on."

Eyes on mine, he arched a knowing eyebrow and chuckled. "I used to be the same way, but let me be the first to tell you that things change, Logan. You being like that might be a thing of the past. "

I scoffed. "It's not in the past. It's just the way I am and I have no interest in changing anytime soon."

"I get that," he said, but he still had that knowing gleam in his eyes. "There was a time when I had no interest in changing either, but shit happens."

"Sure it does. Just not to me. Not like that." I didn't know what had been going on with me recently, but I did know that I wasn't about to go crying on her shoulder about how much I'd missed her.

Jude sighed, pushing one hand through his hair as his head shook. "It's not really a choice, bro. Love changes everything. Both Flynn and I tried to deny it. Tried to fight it. All we got for our efforts was a bunch of misery until we finally pulled our heads out of our asses."

I snorted. "Pound sand. You're way off base, man. I'm not in love with her. That's not what this is."

Even as I said it though, in the back of my mind, I wondered if that was what was wrong with me. Maybe I was in love with her. It seemed unlikely, but it was also the only explanation that made even a lick of sense.

I was in over my head with her. That much I knew for sure. And now that it was all over, I was starting to realize it'd been about a lot more than fun to me. It'd been the closest I'd ever gotten to a real relationship and now that it was gone?

Fuck. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to live in the after . Not without feeling like this all the damn time, but I was going to have to learn how to do it. Come what may, I had to get over Mira.

Jude might've gotten the girl in the end, but that kind of happy ending hadn't been written for me. The only thing left to do was to figure out how to get the hell over it.