Chapter 40

CHAPTER 40

MIRA

W hen I woke up, I was surprised by how down I was still feeling after calling things off with Logan. I couldn't even bring myself to get out of bed right away. I just lay there with my drapes still drawn and my comforter still pulled over me, but my eyes were now wide open.

For the longest time, I stayed right where I was, staring at my stark white ceiling and the specks of dust stuck to my fan, and thought about him. I thought about the first time I'd seen him at Jude and Mickey's wedding. I thought about that constant sparkle in his eyes and how just having it trained on me had always made me feel tingly all over. I thought about his jokes and how playful he could be, but also about how he'd supported me so many times when I'd needed him to and how easy it was to talk to him about serious stuff too.

I would've been able to keep thinking about him all day too, if I'd been left alone to do it. Thankfully, Anya saved me from myself when she called.

As I sat up to get it, my body protested. I felt strangely stiff for someone who hadn't even worked out yesterday, but every inch of me was somehow aching anyway. Nothing more so than my heart, but I wasn't interested in dwelling on that too much right now .

"Hello?" I said when I picked up and checked the time on the clock on my nightstand. "Why are you awake so early?"

"It's not early," my friend said, laughing. "It's after ten, Mira. What's up with you? Why do you sound like a truck ran over you last night?"

"It's a long story."

"Hangover?"

The sympathy in her voice brought tears to my eyes as I shook my head. If she knew the truth, she definitely wouldn't be sympathetic. She'd be telling me off for being stupid and then insisting that I go find him. "No, it's not that. What's up?"

"Oh, right. I'm on my way to the farmer's market and I was wondering if you wanted to join me?"

My nose scrunched up. "I don't know about going for a stroll through a farmer's market right now, babe. How about we meet for a drink later?"

She was quiet for a beat. "Nope. You don't sound like yourself at all, which means you need said stroll in the farmer's market. Sunshine and fresh air will be good for your soul. I'll meet you there in an hour, okay? In front of the flower truck at the entrance. See you soon."

Without waiting for my response, she hung up and I groaned. Anya loved that kind of thing, but I already had the itch to be back near the water despite how scary things had gotten last time. A farmer's market sounded like hell to me right then, but sunshine and fresh air were about the closest I was going to get to a rig today, so I sucked it up and got out of bed, hurrying through a quick shower before I got dressed.

I met up with her just a little more than an hour later, and as soon as she saw me, her eyes clouded with worry and her brow puckered. "What on earth happened?"

"Nothing. I'm, uh, I'm just still waking up," I lied as I opened my arms for a hug. "How are you?"

"I'm good, but I'm not the one who looks like hell," she said as she wrapped her arms around my shoulders and squeezed me tight. "Is this about what happened on the rig last time? "

"There is no this ," I said. "I only told you what happened out there because you asked if there was any action. Andrew is fine, remember? It's not like we lost someone, so it's definitely not about that."

She eyed me suspiciously as she let go and took a few steps back. "Are you sure? We can talk about it some more if you'd like. You said it was a pretty crazy storm. It's okay to be afraid to go back after something like that. After a lot of the stuff you've seen, actually. Maybe you should consider going to see a professional? You really don't look so hot."

I glanced down at the jeans, sneakers, and T-shirt combo I was wearing. "What's wrong with my outfit?"

She rolled her eyes and giggled at me. "It's not your outfit I'm worried about, babe. You're pale as hell and your eyes are bloodshot and puffy. Something has obviously upset you. It's not healthy to keep it bottled up. Trauma has a way of coming back to bite you in the ass if you don't deal with it."

"I'm not traumatized. God. Why does everyone think that?"

Anya frowned as we started strolling down the streets lined with fresh fruits, vegetables, meats, cheese, nuts, flowers, and all sorts of other local produce. I inhaled deeply, appreciating the fragrant scent of the air here even if it wasn't the salty tang I was longing for.

"Everyone?" she finally asked when I didn't offer any more information. "Who else thinks that you're traumatized?"

"Logan," I said, surprised by how painful it was to say his name. It was chucking my own heart into a pan and giving it a quick sear.

I must've winced or something because Anya suddenly stopped walking and rounded on me. "Uh oh. So that's what it's all about. Logan. Did something happen with him?"

I sucked in a sharp breath when she said his name. Okay, so it's not just saying it that hurts. It's hearing it too. Shit.

"How did you know?"

She arched an eyebrow at me. "Are you kidding? Did you hear yourself when you said his name? It sounded like you were about to pass out."

"I, uh, no. I guess I didn't hear it. "

"Well, that's probably because you were too busy feeling the pain to hear it too." Worry clouded her eyes as she looked right into mine. "What did he do? Because if he hurt you, I'm going to snip off half of each of his balls and?—"

A surprised bark of laughter tore out of me. "Half of each of his balls? What? Why? Also, how?"

She shrugged. "It'd probably take some effort, but for you, I'd try. It just seems like a more inventive punishment than just ripping off his balls, you know? So, what did he do?"

"He didn't hurt me," I confessed, finally allowing my misery to come through in my voice. There was nothing I could do to hide my pale skin or bloodshot eyes, but I'd been trying to at least sound like I was in better shape than I really was. "I hurt myself, if that's makes any sense."

Her head dropped to one side as she thought it over, sympathy softening her features as she nodded. "You called it off with him, didn't you?"

"Yep."

She sighed, reaching out to squeeze my forearm. "I'm so sorry, babe. That sucks. For Slate?"

I nodded. "More or less. There were a few other reasons too, but yeah. Mostly for Slate. He doesn't deserve to have me sneaking around with his friend behind his back, especially when it doesn't even mean anything to said friend."

"How do you know?" she asked. "You're looking pretty bummed. Maybe he is, too?"

"Nah. Not Logan. It'd hurt Slate a lot more to find out than it hurts Logan that we're not going to be doing it anymore. Trust me."

Doubt shone bright from her eyes, but she didn't argue with me. "If I knew him better, I might've been able to defend him, but I don't. All I'm going to say about it is that he sure seemed into you at the pool party."

"Yeah, well, he'd have lost interest soon anyway. He's not the dating type, and even if he was, I'm not." I stopped next to a stall that sold fresh bread and bought a loaf of sourdough. "What's new with you?"

Anya wagged a finger at me. "Not so fast, honey. If you're serious about all this, you'd better do something about your face before you see your brother again. Otherwise, he's going to figure it out anyway and your heroic breaking of your own heart for his benefit would've been for nothing."

My eyes rolled. "I didn't break my own heart. There were no heroics involved, and also, Slate won't be an issue. I won't be seeing him anytime soon."

"What?" She frowned. "How? You guys work together."

"Yeah, but I'm not going to be spending so much time on the rig anymore," I said softly, feeling each of those words deep in the center of my being as I said them. It was my first time saying anything of the sort out loud, and while it was true, it sure as hell wasn't a great feeling.

Anya gaped at me as we resumed our walking. "You're not going back?"

"No, I am, but I'm taking a few weeks off."

She stopped abruptly. "You? Really?"

I closed my eyes, breathed past the discomfort of it all, and nodded. "Yep. Slate suggested that I should branch out a bit on my own. He thinks I'm ready, so I'm pulling back from Logan's rig for now. I'll reach out to other companies and see what I can do to gain a few of my own projects."

Utter shock shone bright from her eyes as she stood there, just blinking for the longest time before she finally found her voice. "Wow. I…" She suddenly let out an excited squeal and tossed her arms around my shoulders. "I'm so proud of you! And so impressed. You're a real shark, huh? Wow. Just wow . Congratulations."

For some silly reason, tears filled my eyes as I hugged her back. God, I haven't cried this much since I was a freaking baby.

I couldn't seem to stop it from happening, though. Squeezing Anya tight, I wrestled with my emotions and finally allowed myself to simply bask in her excitement for me. "Thank you. I never really thought I'd get this, but it's pretty cool, huh?"

She smacked my shoulder after she released me. "It's more than just pretty cool, babe. It's awesome. You're a woman who's about to start making her own way in a completely male-dominated industry."

"I'm hardly the first."

She scoffed. "Doesn't matter. I didn't say you were a pioneer. I just said it was awesome that you're going to be doing it."

"Fair enough," I said easily, doing my best to work through all the mixed emotions I had about everything that was going on at the moment. "To bring the conversation full circle before we leave it behind completely, I also won't have to worry about Slate when I do go back out to the rig because Logan won't be spending so much time there anymore either. He'll be taking care of his operations here on land. There's no need for the owner to spend so much time out there normally, and now that he's had his tours and all, he'll probably go back to visiting once every few years."

While Anya chewed that over, I spotted jalapeno jelly on the table we'd stopped next to. Drifting toward it, I reached out to pick up the jar. Now that I'd told her I was going to be here for a while, I wondered if maybe the farmer's markets could become my thing even if it hadn't been before.

It seemed I was about to enter a time of growth and?—

"Gorgeous and she likes spicy food," a deep, male voice said from my side. "Where have you been all life, beautiful?"

Revulsion shot through me when I realized he was talking to me. My spine snapped straight and my hand dropped back to my side instead of continuing for the jelly. I glanced at the man who had spoken, immediately realizing that he was good looking and that the smile on his face was easygoing and friendly, but still.

Logan .

"I, uh. Thank you, but no thank you." I hurried away immediately, making a quick getaway and wondering if I'd be able to find other vendors around here who sold jalapeno jelly. I really wanted to give it a try, but not at the risk of being hit on .

Anya gave me an exasperated look. "What the hell, girl? He was hot and he was hitting on you. Maybe you should go back and give him your number. A date or two might be just the thing you need to take your mind off you-know-who."

"Logan isn't Voldemort. You can say his name," I said, pushing past the pain. I had to get over it at some point and now was as good a time as any to start trying. "As for dating, I'm just really not interested. It wouldn't be fair to lead him on when I fully intend on using my time in the city to get back to basics and to do the things I enjoy."

"Like sex?"

I laughed. "No, like swimming and taking some dance workout classes. No men. No pity parties."

"No fun." Anya pouted, hurrying to catch up to me when I started striding away. She looped her arm around mine and squeezed it as she nodded. "Fine. No men and no pity parties, but how about a celebration? You're going out on your own, babe. That's huge. How about happy hour tonight? You interested?"

I paused for a moment before I nodded. Happy hour—as with farmer's markets—had also never really been my thing, but it was time for me to get new things. New things that had nothing to do with Logan. As long as I could manage that, then maybe eventually, hopefully not too long from now, I'd finally manage to forget about him.