Chapter 8

Claire arrived at Evelyn's back door with the usual grocery delivery the following Tuesday, and when Evelyn Coleman asked her if she'd like to join her for a drink, who was she to say no?

It had been raining on and off all day, and it was too cold to even think about sitting outside, so they brought their glasses of wine into the living room, and if Claire had to guess, she'd say this was Evelyn's third or fourth glass.

"I can't believe I had to light a fire in June," Evelyn said with a smile as she added another log.

"Well, it's not entirely unheard of." Claire took a seat on the couch while Evelyn stoked the fire. "Although, I imagine, coming from California weather, this is taking some getting used to."

"It's the inconsistency that's the problem." Evelyn's smile made Claire forget what she was going to say.

She was playing a dangerous game coming here every Tuesday evening, sharing a glass of wine with someone she'd been attracted to for years, albeit from a distance. Now though? When she had Evelyn Coleman sitting right beside her with just inches between them? Claire didn't know how she was going to keep her feelings in check, because of all the bad ideas she'd ever had when it came to falling for unavailable older women, this one was easily the most hopeless.

Evelyn Coleman was a world-famous actress, undoubtedly straight, and so far out of Claire's league that it was laughable. Her crush had to remain just that. A harmless crush that she somehow had to keep Evelyn from seeing, because the last thing Claire wanted to do was make her feel uncomfortable.

"Yesterday, I was wearing shorts," Evelyn said, taking her away from her thoughts. "And this evening I can't get warm."

Claire's heart pounded as she met Evelyn's eyes caramel brown eyes. She swallowed, forgetting how to speak.

"But," Evelyn said with what sounded like a happy sigh, "What I can get used to is starving the paparazzi. A month without any new photos of me to analyze."

Claire took a sip of wine. "Tabloid nonsense?"

"Always. I've had two page spreads trying to figure out what's happened to me," Evelyn said.

"How do you mean?"

"Every other week, they're suggesting I have some secret disease or drug problem or you name it."

"But you look great." Claire wasn't afraid to say it, and she couldn't imagine Evelyn reading into it. It was simply a fact. She always looked great.

"Hm," Evelyn said. "I look like the forty-seven years of age that I am except that no one knows what that looks like in Hollywood. I've never had plastic surgery or even botox, so when they compare a photo of me accepting an Oscar at thirty-five to me on the way to the airport at forty-seven with no stylist or makeup artist in sight, it creates quite the contrast."

"Please tell me you don't pay attention to any of that." Claire searched Evelyn's eyes, and she had a feeling that even if she said that she didn't, deep down, it did affect her. "You have to know that you're beautiful."

"Even like this?" Evelyn asked with a smirk, her hand gesturing towards her body. "In sweatpants and an old hoody? With no makeup?"

"Especially then," Claire said softly, before she could stop herself, and she had to hope that Evelyn hadn't noticed the longing in her voice.

Evelyn glanced up in surprise, meeting Claire's gaze. For a moment neither spoke, the crackling fireplace the only sound. "I feel like I'm at a disadvantage here," Evelyn said. "You know where I'm from, what movies I've done, who I've dated. I don't know anything about you."

"What makes you think that I know anything about you?"

"You're telling me that you haven't looked me up since I arrived? Or maybe before then?"

Claire's lips tugged into a smile as she spoke. "Okay. Maybe I have." Even though Claire had seen just about everything Evelyn Coleman had been in, she'd spent a few minutes on her Wikipedia page the other night. No matter how pointless it was, she couldn't stop herself from feeling a little bit jealous of the long list of men that she'd dated at some point in the last twenty-five years.

"See?" Evelyn said as she took a drink. "Now, tell me something about you."

"Like what?"

Evelyn pressed her lips together as she thought. "Let's say the roles were reversed, and I googled you. What would I find? Any scandalous headlines?"

Claire laughed as she exhaled. "I don't live the most exciting life. But I grew up just a few minutes from here, and I knew from a very young age that I loved horses. I have two brothers." She honestly couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Married?"

"No." Claire took another drink, Evelyn's question making her think about her exes. "Oh, well, maybe there would be a scandalous headline actually."

"Oh?"

Claire crossed one leg over the other. "I think my girlfriend in college was probably my only attempt at a normal relationship, but then she moved to Australia. After that? I ended up dating a married woman. I'm not exactly proud of it, but yeah… That's what you'd find if you looked me up."

Evelyn visibly swallowed. "So, you're bi?"

"No. Well, I think I assumed that I was for maybe a month, but then I realized… No. Just women. So, I came out when I was seventeen. This is a typical rural area, so I was afraid, honestly, but I wasn't the first. I've been lucky that it was a non-event really."

"A married woman, huh?" Evelyn asked before she sipped her wine.

"When we met, I had no idea. She was from New York, and she'd be here every few weeks for business. Sometimes, I went with her when she had to go to London or Paris. It was never really going to work, but then when I found out about her husband… That was it."

Evelyn nodded. "I'm sorry to hear that. That you didn't know."

Claire shrugged. "It was a distraction really. I was devastated when my girlfriend from college left, and I met Olivia just when I was starting to think about putting myself out there again."

"Was she older than you?"

Claire nodded. "She was fourteen years older than me." She took another drink.

Evelyn shook her head as a slow smile came to her lips. "Now, who's full of surprises."

Claire rolled her eyes. "Like I said, I'm not proud of what happened."

"But if you didn't know?"

"I didn't ask about her life in New York. I was afraid to. If she had a girlfriend, I didn't want to know about it. Turns out it was worse than that."

Evelyn reached across the space between them, covering Claire's hand with her own and giving it a gentle squeeze. "Don't be so hard on yourself."

Claire forgot to breathe. For five minutes, she forgot who she was sitting across from, but now that Evelyn Coleman's warm hand was resting on top of hers, Claire couldn't focus on anything else.

"Everyone has done something that they regret," Evelyn said before she slid her hand away and took another drink. "If you're lucky, it's just one thing."

Claire wanted to ask Evelyn what she'd regretted doing, but she knew she had no right to ask. Yes, they were getting closer with these Tuesday evening chats, but she wasn't going to push it. If Evelyn wanted to tell her anything personal, it wouldn't be because Claire had asked.

"You're young," Evelyn said, taking her away from her thoughts. "By the time I was twenty-five, I'd already racked up plenty of regrets. You think that it couldn't possibly be worse, but then you get older. And if those decisions don't haunt you, there'll be new ones that you wish you could undo."

She was speaking so cryptically that Claire didn't think it was general life advice, and yet, she couldn't ask Evelyn what she was talking about. If she overstepped, this would be the last evening they spent together sharing a bottle of wine.

"But I guess," Evelyn continued, "You just have to hope that there's a greater meaning to it all."

"Fate?"

"I don't know." Evelyn inhaled a deep breath. "Something." She finished what was left in her wine glass. "Otherwise, what's the point of it all?"

Claire took her last sip of wine. She wasn't worried about Evelyn so much as she wanted to stay and let her keep talking if that's what she wanted, but Claire was too afraid to do anything other than stand up, and say that it was getting late. That she should go.

"Have a good night," Claire said as she acted on impulse and gave Evelyn's shoulder the lightest caress, just a gentle, reassuring squeeze on her way out.

"Goodnight," Evelyn said, looking up at her, and Claire couldn't read those mesmerizing eyes.

But that was probably because Evelyn was always in control of what her face was portraying. Claire doubted that Evelyn ever let anyone see what was really going on beneath the surface.