3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

" K nock, knock!" Verity called, breezing into my room before I had a chance to reply. If it were anyone else, I'd have probably been annoyed, but Verity—although she was older than me—reminded me so much of my little sister that it was impossible to be mad at her. If anything, I felt a little sad whenever I saw her, thinking of the young adult Latika must be now. Though I doubted she'd held onto the carefree tendencies she'd had as a kid, the way Verity seemed to have managed to do well into adulthood.

My mother would have quickly seen to that once I was gone.

"I'm having a crisis. I've run out of lotion, and I'm not leaving this house with ashy knees." Verity gestured at her bare legs in the short pink tutu she was wearing like the severity of the issue was self-evident. "I guess I could change, but I'm emotionally attached to this outfit already."

"I've got lotion."

I climbed off the bed, shaking my head slightly in bemusement as I grabbed a bottle of lotion and handed it to her. I'd briefly contemplated putting more effort into choosing my outfits since Tallulah and Verity were both so interested in fashion, but I'd quickly realized I wouldn't know the first place to start anyway.

Jeans never let me down. Jeans required no thought. Jeans didn't care that my knees were ashy.

Besides, I'd never had any money for clothes back in the human realm—I'd just grabbed whatever was cheap and didn't draw any attention to myself. The clothing budget here seemed to be unlimited—we were encouraged to tell Astrid what we wanted and she just magically made it appear. Even with no cost constraints, I wouldn't know what to ask for other than jeans, shorts, t-shirts, and sweaters.

Some faint hints of glitter in Verity's tutu caught the light as she moved, and I eyed it warily. No. I wouldn't have the first clue what to do with something like that.

"Thank all the stars for you," Verity sighed dramatically, immediately setting to work on her legs. "Astrid said she'd pick up some more for me on her next supply run, but she doesn't seem to think it's an emergency. Like… how? Why? I'm obviously going to befriend her still, but we don't understand each other at all."

"We're all very different personalities," I said diplomatically, sitting on the edge of the bed. I'd been up and dressed for hours, waiting for the others so we could head over to the dining hall together for breakfast. Verity usually overslept, so it was a surprise to have her joining us at all.

I was pretty confident Astrid wouldn't join us, and I'd end up bringing her back her favorite selection of sodium-heavy snacks—mostly cured meat—so that she'd at least eat something .

I didn't know anything about making friends, but I was trying. Astrid required the most cautious approach. Thus far, food offerings seemed to be the safest choice.

"What kind of level is our friendship at?" Verity asked, finishing up one modelesque leg and switching to the other. No wonder half the shadow realm was in love with her already. "Because I had sex with a Shade last night, and I really want to talk about it."

I choked on my saliva, coughing awkwardly.

"Too much?" she asked, wincing. "Sorry. I'm not good at reading the room on these things, you know? Like, why aren't we besties already? What are the steps that need to be taken here? Would it help if we swapped childhood trauma stories?"

Sometimes, I wondered if Verity's social skills were just as stunted as mine, and it just manifested in a different way.

"It's fine," I said hurriedly. "We don't need to, er, do that. I just didn't expect you bring that topic up. We can talk about it."

"Oh, good. Okay. So does that mean we are besties? You can answer that later. Did you know Shade dicks have this, like… balloon thing at the base?"

Maybe I wasn't ready to talk about this.

"A balloon?" I repeated, my mind immediately going to balloon-animal-style tubes. Maybe that's what she meant? That what they had was more… grow than show .

Ophelia had offered us all an in-depth anatomy lesson. Astrid had vanished before she'd even suggested it, and I'd opted out, not knowing how well I'd cope with that conversation.

I was regretting it now, as it sounded like there was a lot to learn.

"It seems to be an optional feature. Like they can wedge it in there and supposedly it feels good, but I passed on that, and the knot—that's what it's called, don't overthink it—stayed on the outside. It was still a great experience. Ten out of ten." Verity paused, her palm still covered in lotion, tilting her head to the side. "Maybe nine out of ten because he was super quiet, and I like my dudes vocal in bed. Actually, possibly eight. Eight out of ten is still pretty good, though."

"A very respectable score," I agreed faintly.

"Anyway, I feel like I've ripped the bandaid off, and now Shade sex is on the table for me, which is nice." She shrugged one should before resuming the lotion application.

Shade sex.

I'd been avoiding thinking about it, in all honesty. Even in the human realm, sex had been a complicated subject.

Complicated, as in I'd only done it once with another person involved, but I wanted it. But I didn't trust anyone enough to let them touch me, and I couldn't build trust without getting to know someone, and I never did that either.

Briefly, a vision of Verner—the Shade I'd met last night after dinner—flashed through my mind, but I quickly shook it away. He was the one Shade who hadn't tried to get in my pants, and I'd really enjoyed how easy his company was last night. I wasn't about to ruin what could be my first real Shade friendship with a ham-fisted attempt at seduction.

I grimaced slightly at the thought. What would that even look like?

Hey Verner. I like the way your horns curve inwards and nearly touch at the top. And your eyes are such a pretty golden color. Your shoulders are really broad. How tall are you, anyway? 6'8? 6'9?

I nearly threw up in my mouth at the thought. I'd never spent any time considering it, but I suspected I might have no game. Occasionally, drunk dudes had tried to pick me up at the bar, but I'd always been pretty efficient about rejecting them. It had probably cost me a fortune in lost tips over the years.

Verity clicked the lid closed on the lotion bottle, handing it back to me with the kind of smile that really should have been accompanied by a choir of angels and some stray beams of sunshine. "Ready for breakfast?"

"Sure."

We headed downstairs together, Verity playfully tugging down her tutu while I solemnly pulled down my oversized t-shirt so that the entire top half of my thighs beneath my already-baggy jeans were concealed.

Tallulah was walking ahead of us, already making small talk with a Shade who had been undoubtedly hovering as close to Elverston House as he was allowed to get without provoking the ire of the Guard. Not that we ever saw them, but I knew they were nearby, watching.

Verner was the first guard I'd spoken to, and he'd been surprisingly kind. Or perhaps he was just a regular level of kind, and my view of authority figures was more cynical than it needed to be? They'd never given me any cause for alarm in this realm.

"Have you seen Astrid this morning?" I asked Verity, looking around. Theoretically, she lived here too, though she seemed to vanish into thin air if you didn't keep eyes on her at all times.

Verity shrugged, unbothered. "Of course not. She's like a cat. She pops up when she's hungry and occasionally, if she wants human interaction. If you try to engage with her outside of those bounds, she may or may not hiss at you."

"That analogy ended up being a lot more apt than I thought it would," I admitted, making a note to grab some of the cholesterol she was so fond of at breakfast. Astrid was independent—there was no denying that—but I suspected there was more loneliness there than she'd ever allow anyone to see.

"How did Astrid contact you when she was shadow realm recruiting?" Verity asked curiously. "Did you use social media?"

"Absolutely not," I replied, slightly horrified at the thought.

"Didn't think so," Verity said sagely. "Astrid slid into my DMs. And Tallulah's. How'd she get hold of you?"

"She called me." In the eight years since I'd left the Hunters—since I'd been kicked out —I'd never changed my phone number. I supposed I'd naively hoped that my sister might reach out to me one day, and I wanted to make sure she had a way of getting in contact. It seemed rather foolish in hindsight. I'd wiped the device and thrown the phone away before I'd come here, wanting a clean slate.

"Is that something people still do?" Verity asked, sounding so genuinely surprised that I almost laughed. "I can't remember the last time I used my phone to call someone. I'm surprised you picked up."

"So am I," I admitted. "Even now, I'm not really sure why I did."

It had been the weirdest conversation of my life, but Astrid had struck gold by calling me on that particular day. I'd been so on edge from my encounter with Adela Cooke that the idea of escaping the human realm had been immediately appealing. In fact, I'd already stuffed a few extra things into my go-bag and was contemplating taking the next bus to literally anywhere when my phone had rung.

I still felt guilty about it all, though. Like I'd let Adela down.

If nothing else, I could have just given her the documents I still had. It wouldn't have been easy to get my hands on them—they were still at my mother's house. But if I could have found a way, if I hadn't been so terrified… Well, maybe it would have made a difference.

It was too late now, of course. My roommates or my co-workers at the bar had probably filed some kind of missing person report by now since I'd vanished with no explanation. There was no going back.

"Aren't you glad, though?" Verity asked, beaming. "What an adventure. If I was at home, I'd be weeping over my credit card bill, before online shopping to make myself feel better, and then weeping a little more. This is so much better."

I gave her what I hoped was a convincing look of agreement, nodding my head. "Of course."

I mean, I certainly couldn't argue with the financial perks. It was like being on a permanent vacation compared to life in the human realm, where I'd been building up my doula business, as well as doing casual bar work to try and claw my way out of a debt I'd never be able to pay off, and was still living with roommates.

But I hadn't come here.

I'd escaped here.

Walking into the dining hall in the palace always gave me flashbacks to the high school lunch cafeteria, and I hoped Verity didn't notice me holding on a little tighter to her arm. Even though I'd gone to school with other local Hunters, I'd never sat with them at lunch. I'd sat by myself in my thrifted clothes and worn-out shoes, and did my absolute best to be invisible.

Even at the mostly human public schools, the Hunters had always been the popular kids. The Council was very generous to the families they deemed worthy, and those kids had always arrived each morning in their late-model cars and expensive outfits, and acted like they didn't know I existed, even though we'd often be forced into group activities together at evening training.

Sitting with Verity and Tallulah felt a bit like being invited to the cool kids' table for the first time in my life—though Verity's family background was more like mine, so maybe she was just better at faking it. Or maybe even the posh asshole Hunters had accepted her, because she was beautiful and charming and hilarious company.

Tallulah had definitely been one of the cool kids—she was from the Thibaut family. Even though Verity was the flirtatious one, it was Tallulah that greeted every Shade who came over to our table and made small talk with them, and somehow made all the introductions even though we'd been here the same amount of time and should have theoretically known all the same Shades.

"Ooh look, Astrid's here," Verity said, not bothering to keep her voice down.

Astrid flashed her a slightly impatient look from the side exit she'd stationed herself at, probably resenting the fact that Verity had drawn attention to her. If Verity and Tallulah were the popular girls, then Astrid was the cool alt girl who'd smoked in the parking lot, had an ironic smiley face tattoo behind her ear, and drove a muscle car.

What did that make the Shade guys who were already crowding around our table, angling themselves to show off their horns at the best angle? Jocks?

I hastily took a sip of my tea before I snorted out loud and drew attention to myself.

Verner wasn't a jock, I thought idly. He was more like the older, artsy, aloof guys I'd always crushed on in my teenage years. Quiet and kind of mysterious, and seemingly above the petty drama of their peers. Not that I had a crush on him, because I didn't do that kind of thing anymore, but that's just who he reminded me of.

"You look very lovely this morning, Meera," a Shade said, sitting down next to me and angling his body toward me rather than the table full of food. "I trust your night was restful?"

I stared blankly for a moment, translating his formal words into something my pleb brain could process. "Um, yes. I slept well, thanks. You?"

Had we met before? I had to assume so, since he wasn't introducing himself. It really would make my life a lot easier if they wore nametags, but I guess it'd be hard to pin anything to the shadows they wore as clothing.

"Unfortunately, I worked the night shift last night. I'm just stopping by to get some breakfast—and say hello to you, of course—before I head down to the barracks to sleep."

If Shades winked, he would have definitely winked.

"Well, that's very kind," I said awkwardly, busying myself with my tea and the small serving of stewed fruit that had been put specifically at our table.

The mysterious Shade nodded to himself. "My kindness is much noted upon here at court."

I didn't really know what to say to that, so I focused on sipping my tea and making up a small plate of assorted items to take over to Astrid before I left.

"There's been talk of a ball soon."

I startled, realizing the Shade was still speaking. "A ball?"

"Yes. One in the old style, where we ask another to cloak us in shadows for the evening. It's very romantic—a true sign of trust and affection to let someone drape you in their shadows."

Don't freak out, I told myself firmly. If you freak out, you'll start stinking like a skunk.

"Perhaps you would be open to wearing my shadows to—"

Whoever he was didn't even get the question out before he was wrinkling his nose, rearing back so quickly that he knocked the Shade next to him half off the bench.

Verity leaned around me, a mischievous grin on her face. "Sorry, buddy. I think that might be a no."