2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

A FEW WEEKS LATER

"I'm going to get myself one, you know."

I glanced at Andrus, positioned on the other side of the archway to where I was standing, at the entry to the royal wing of the palace. We were usually stationed here together, and I assumed it was penance for some terrible thing I'd done in another lifetime because I couldn't imagine much worse company.

"One what?" I asked, suspecting I already knew the answer.

"A Hunter, of course." He scoffed as though it was ludicrous that I'd even had to ask. "There's a few here now. I'm going to get one for myself."

" Ex -Hunter," I corrected, since that was the term they seemed to be going by nowadays. Privately, I hoped they'd come up with something that distanced them a little more from their Hunter counterparts in the human realm. "You'll have to clarify what you mean by get one . They aren't objects to be collected."

Andrus's shadows flickered in irritation. "Obviously. I will court one. There are plenty to choose from. I'll take my pick."

Hardly. The queen's sister, Astrid, had brought a few through to the shadow realm with her, but some had already left, unable to transition comfortably to life here.

Only four single ex-Hunters remained: Astrid, Tallulah, Verity, and Meera. And of those four, only three of them were considered mate material. They had the pick of the shadow realm available to them—I imagined at least one of them would choose the king's brother, Prince Damen. He was widely considered the most desirable, eligible male in the realm now that King Allerick was taken. Perhaps the chatty one—Verity? They both had cheerful dispositions.

Captain Soren was also a strong prospect. Perhaps Tallulah—confident and social, but not as excitable as Verity—would choose him as a mate.

That only left Meera, with the entire realm at her disposal and seemingly no interest in anyone if her scent was anything to go by. I glanced at Andrus warily. She would have a low opinion of herself indeed if she chose him over every other option in the realm. Andrus was only capable of loving himself, and he did so most assiduously.

"Did you have someone in mind as the object of your affections?" I asked dryly.

"Not Astrid," he replied immediately, recoiling in disgust. "I can't imagine anyone would want her."

"I can't imagine she wants any of us," I pointed out. Astrid had put herself at great risk with her own kind to be here, but she'd done it for her sister. That she had to live among the Shades now was probably the worst part of all of this for her.

I could appreciate that, while still finding her personally repellant. As my parents always pointed out, nothing could undo what was done.

"True. That leaves Verity, Meera, and Tallulah," Andrus mused. "I have no interest in Meera. I've never seen anyone so glum in all my life, of any species."

"It must have been a tremendous adjustment for her to come here. It's unsurprising that she is experiencing some sadness over leaving her previous life behind."

From the moment they'd arrived, Meera had been the former Hunter who I'd paid the most attention to. Perhaps because I recognized something of myself in her. Upon joining the Guard, we'd spent weeks in training and had no contact with the outside world. Even though I'd desperately wanted to join the Guard and leave my life in Sunlis behind, actually doing it had been somewhat bittersweet.

Or perhaps I'd misread the situation entirely, and I was seeing what I wanted to see, based on my own experiences.

Andrus snorted. "You are always so quick to jump to someone's defense, Verner. What for? Have you even spoken to this female before? How do you know she's worthy of your compassion?"

"It wouldn't be compassion if it had to be earned."

Andrus fell silent for a long moment, but I suspected it was because he hadn't understood my words rather than because he was mulling them over.

"Did I see your parents at breakfast this morning?" he asked eventually because Andrus wasn't good at silence.

"You did. They arrived last night to stay for a week. Remind the court of their presence, and so forth."

Andrus made a disgruntled sound of agreement, and on that front, we could relate I supposed. His mother often did the same, taking over the family apartments that we usually had to ourselves.

The difference was that Andrus relished the day when the title would become his, and he was free to lord his presence over everyone. I shared no such desire. I didn't want a life of endlessly spinning in circles, accomplishing nothing of value while constantly being praised for my supposed achievements. I wanted to genuinely make a difference.

The two of us drew up, standing at full attention at the sound of the royal couple's approach. Once upon a time, these halls had been mostly silent—save for occasional smatterings of conversation between the king and the captain or Prince Damen's laugh. Queen Ophelia had brought this entire wing of the palace to life with her presence.

"…I think they're adapting well. Or as well as can be," the queen said to her husband, walking with her arm tucked into his. "And hopefully, the lifestyle advantages here—or at least the lack of financial pressure—will help make up for the lack of conveniences."

"Some seem to like it here more than others," King Allerick said gruffly.

His wife grimaced, nodding in agreement. Were they worried that more would leave? That was a bleak thought. Travel to the human realm to feed was currently forbidden, which meant we were reliant on the energy stores here to feed. To survive . Those stores were currently being fuelled by ex-Hunter lust, and it was a tall ask for the queen to keep the entire realm fed on her own, though her and the king seemed to be doing their valiant best, given how much time they spent in their room.

I should make more of an effort , I thought suddenly. I'd mostly kept to myself, observing out of curiosity from a distance. After all, there were many far more desirable males than me for the ex-Hunters to choose from. I would only be making a nuisance of myself by adding to the crowd of Shades that constantly hovered around them.

Perhaps that approach was wrong, though. They would need friends if they were going to grow accustomed to life here, and there was no reason why I couldn't be a friend to them and help them with that, if they were open to it.

Andrus and I silently greeted the royal couple as they passed us, and my resolve grew steadier in my mind. I would reach out. I would make more of an effort. I would show the ex-Hunters who lived here that not every Shade was interested in them purely for the purpose of generating power for the stores. We may have needed it to survive, but we could hardly expect them to feel any desire if they weren't comfortable first.

The king and queen were envisioning a whole different kind of future for the realm, and I intended to be part of it.

After years of working at the palace as a guard, it always felt strange to sit at one of the long tables in the dining hall and shred meat with the courtiers who lived at the palace as though I was one of them, even if I technically was. I vastly preferred to simply visit the palace kitchens and help myself to whatever food was left over—Calix seemed to tolerate my company better than he tolerated most.

It was fortunate that my parents, for the most part, preferred to stay at Sunlis, limiting how often I had to endure this.

"Lots of change," Father murmured, surveying the dining hall with a critical eye, his plate of food sitting untouched in front of him. The seasoning was never to his liking here. Perhaps, if I had a death wish one day, I'd pass that on to Calix.

"Lots of change," Mother agreed stiffly. Her gaze was fixed on a section of one table near the front of the hall, where three ex- Hunters sat, surrounded by an adoring crowd of male Shades, all pressing in closer, shamelessly trying to get their attention. Why did they never give them more space? No one would want to be boxed in that way—human or Shade.

Between the three new arrivals, the vibrant ex-Hunter queen sitting on the dais and her brooding sister skulking around one of the side doors, I supposed the dining hall did look a little different from the last time my parents had visited.

"It's nice, no?" I said mildly, impaling a piece of meat from the central platter on my knife and dropping it onto my plate. "The dining hall feels livelier than it has in years. Perhaps in all the time I've been here."

"That will fade," Father countered. "The novelty of them will wear off. And then what happens? Adjustments must be made. Unknowns must be accounted for. It will not be a good thing in the long run, Verner. Mark my words."

Mother hummed in agreement, and I held back my sigh of irritation. As far as parents went—especially considering the social class we belonged to—I supposed I couldn't complain. Levana had it much worse, I'd recognized that even when we were children growing up nearby to each other. But their unwillingness to see even the faintest hint of change as a possibility for something better was exhausting. Whatever direction the winds blew, my parents kept their gaze trained firmly backward.

"Hunters bring nothing but death and destruction wherever they go," Father continued. "I'm sure I don't need to remind you of that."

"Yes, well. Times have changed," I replied uncomfortably. In all honesty, there was nothing I could say in response to that. I wasn't about to argue in the Hunters' favor—there was no defending what they'd done to my kind for generations. To my family. It was indefensible.

I suspected that we had plenty to answer for from generations ago, when the Hunters were the Hunted, and the Shades were at their most powerful. The balance had shifted in their favor for centuries, and now we were looking to find some kind of equilibrium.

I hoped in time that my parents would embrace the king's vision, but my expectations were low. Like many Shades, their hatred ran deep.

"You've served the Guard faithfully, Verner," Mother murmured, still staring unabashedly at the table of ex-Hunters and their admirers. "Perhaps it's time to come home? I'm sure the captain wouldn't begrudge it, considering how long and loyally you've served. You were never meant to serve at all—you're a firstborn. Your place is at home."

Firstborn . I wanted to contradict that, but now wasn't the time. Not while we were surrounded by courtiers. That Father didn't say anything made me think this conversation had been planned out in advance of dinner.

"Certainly, I plan on coming home at some point," I replied, deflecting. It wasn't a particularly appealing idea, but I couldn't put it off forever. I was the heir, and Sunlis was an archaic estate, governed by archaic rules.

As the only living child to the current earl, my future position was secure, even if my father wished to replace me. Unlike more progressive houses, the succession rules at Sunlis were clear and inflexible. The only way out of it was if I chose to give it up.

"I see what you're doing, Verner," Mother said lightly. "You are avoiding giving me a proper response. And I do not approve of it."

"Neither of us approve," Father put in.

I'd forgotten how it was like hearing an echo when the two of them were together. Though I supposed there was something charming about how united they were. I liked to think I would be as devoted to my partner someday, should I be fortunate enough to find one who merely wanted me for myself, and not the wealth I was set to inherit.

"Osric is doing well," Mother said, unprompted.

"Is he?" I had very little interest in hearing about the cousin who'd made himself at home in what had once been my wing of the palace, but I knew my parents would have plenty to say on the matter. While my parents had never explicitly said so, they had undoubtedly allowed it in the hope that it would put pressure on me to come back and stake a claim over my territory, or some other such nonsense.

"He is. He's taken over the renovation of the east wing of the estate—you remember it was always leaking. Very good of him to take on a project of that magnitude, and purely out of kindness, as he stands to gain nothing from it," Father added.

"Perhaps he'll get lucky and I'll give up my position. Then he'll gain the whole estate out of it," I pointed out.

Mother gasped. "Don't say such things, Verner. The very idea of him taking your position has never even come up. Only you would think it—and why is that? Because you never plan on coming home? Because you'd throw everything away—the future the gods have blessed you with—to bow and scrape and take orders? Is that your plan?"

"No, Mother," I sighed, regretting saying anything.

I didn't want to spend my days fretting about leaking roofs and the astronomical cost of keeping such an enormous household running. I didn't want to merely pop into court for the purpose of reminding everyone of my illustrious existence. I didn't want the social isolation that came with an elevated position.

Frankly, I couldn't imagine why anyone would want those things. But I would be letting my entire family down if I gave up my position, and doing untold damage to my reputation in the process. What would my future in the Guard even look like if I disinherited myself? The captain likely wouldn't care, but the other guards would.

And if I wasn't an earl, and I wasn't welcome in the Guard… then what? I had no other skills to offer.

"Your vagueness is very tiresome to me, Verner. Why can you not simply do what is expected of you? We ask so very little…" Father muttered, though the rest of what he said floated in one ear and out the other as my gaze drifted back to the trio of ex-Hunters, only occasionally visible through the sea of Shades crowding around them. I presumed they were content enough with it, or their scent would be broadcasting to their admirers that the attention was unwelcome.

But then again, would the others respect that as promptly as they should? Maybe I should go over and check their general scents for myself—

"Verner," Captain Soren said, pausing at our table. "Godwin, Nezetta." He tipped his head respectfully to my parents, and they returned the gesture somewhat stiffly. They would always respect someone in his position, but they had a general mistrust for anyone who resided at court.

"How are you, Captain?" Mother asked.

There went my plan to check on the ex-Hunters and make sure they were comfortable and not in need of assistance. Why had the captain not assigned a guard purely for their benefit at dinner? His mistrust of Astrid—who was a genuine threat—may have blinded him to the others, who seemed less than harmless.

"Well, thank you. Are you enjoying your time at court?"

My parents seemed even more uncomfortable than usual, and I realized they were probably thinking about the scandal with the captain's sister and judging him accordingly. It soothed my ire with him somewhat. The captain should in no way be held responsible for his sister's choices.

"Much has changed from our last visit," Father said disapprovingly.

"How are the ex-Hunters doing tonight?" I asked, hoping both to alleviate my concern and detract from my father's embarrassing response.

Captain Soren blinked at me. "Fine, I suppose."

"It's very crowded over there," I pointed out.

He glanced behind him dismissively. "I just walked past their table, and there were no indications of distress. The one sitting in the middle—I forget their names—is extremely content."

"Verity," I replied, nodding once and ignoring my parents' disapproving stares. That did seem to line up with what I'd learned about the newest residents of the realm so far.

After dinner, Mother and Father immediately made for the apartment while I made my excuses and headed outside instead. Usually, I had the family apartment at court to myself, and their presence there was faintly suffocating. It would have been better if I could stay out until I was ready to sleep, especially if they were going to start suggesting I move home with a heavier hand than they usually did.

The night air was crisp and cool, and I took a moment standing at the top of the steps to appreciate it. Sunlis was sticky and hot year-round, and I'd always found it somewhat unbearable. It was one of the many reasons why I was delaying my return to my family seat. In nearly every way, my life here was an improvement on what it had been in the past.

Unfortunately, I didn't have the luxury of staying.

The breeze picked up, and a faint hint of something unpleasant in the air had me moving down the stairs and along the wide path that separated the circular palace from the extensive front garden.

My shadows flared in irritation as I found a clearly uncomfortable Meera on the path, giving a tight-lipped smile to Wymond. He had kept a respectful distance between them, but he'd still positioned himself between her and the direction of Elverston House in a way that I found unacceptable.

"Wymond," I said loudly, closing the gap between us and clapping him hard enough on the shoulder that he stumbled slightly. "I imagine our newest residents of the realm are tired after so much conversation at dinner each night, and eager to return to Elverston House for some rest."

Wymond straightened, clearly annoyed. "She did not say."

I gave Meera what I hoped was an apologetic smile that we were speaking about her as though she wasn't there. "Were you intending to head back to Elverston House now, Meera?"

She blinked at me in surprise. Had she not expected me to know her name? I was sure most of the realm knew it by now. I almost said as much, but held the words back at the last moment. Meera seemed skittish enough as it was—I doubted reminding her of how famous she was would help at this moment.

"I was, yes." Wymond opened his mouth to speak, but Meera was faster. "Perhaps you'd walk me back?" she asked, looking up at me.

My shadows flickered slightly, pleased that she'd singled me out as a safe choice, and I hoped she didn't recognize what the slight movement meant. It was even more flattering coming from Meera, of all the ex-Hunters. She seemed as though she'd be reticent to consider anyone a safe choice.

"Of course. Have a pleasant evening, Wymond," I added dismissively. I knew him well enough, and while I assumed he was a harmless nuisance at most, I reminded myself that it wasn't my assessment to make. I'd ended friendships with males in the past who had been perfectly adequate friends to me but had strange attitudes to their romantic relationships that I couldn't abide.

Another thing to be on heightened awareness of around the ex-Hunters , I thought, noting how small and delicate Meera was. No claws, no fangs, no horns… How were they meant to protect themselves? Was the human realm really so safe for them that they had no need for natural weapons?

"Thank you," Meera said quietly as we made our way down the path, leaving Wymond behind us.

"There's no need to thank me—I can't imagine how tiresome it must be to constantly have Shades vying for your attention. Would you like me to walk you the whole way or just until we're out of sight of Wymond?"

Her lips twitched slightly, and I noticed for the first time how soft and full her mouth was. Of course, it hadn't escaped my notice that Meera was beautiful—her skin glowed somehow, her long hair looked impossibly soft, and her dark eyes drew everyone in, though she rarely gave anyone a chance to truly look into them.

To live at the palace was to be well acquainted with the scent of a flirtatious ex-Hunter at this point, and Meera had never carried that scent.

Not for anyone.

For my own sanity, I would do my best not to notice how beautiful she was. But I could wonder what her laugh sounded like and how her joy smelled, couldn't I?

Those were friendly thoughts.

"Would you mind walking me the whole way? You don't have to," Meera added hurriedly, as though I was even remotely capable of saying no to her—she looked so lost out here on her own. "I usually make the trip with someone else, but they were busy talking to people—I mean, Shades— and I didn't want to bother them."

"I would be most happy to accompany you. My parents are visiting. I was just going for a walk anyway to give us both some space," I said wryly.

"Understandable." Another one of those faint lip twitches. "I'm sorry, I don't remember your name…?"

"Ah, that was poorly done of me, wasn't it? We haven't met before. My name is Verner. I'm a member of the Guard here at the palace."

Her cheeks flushed slightly. It was a most intriguing sight, though I quickly looked away, not wanting to make her uncomfortable by staring.

"Sorry. I've met so many Shades since I've been here. I'm struggling to keep them all straight in my head."

"I assure you, you have nothing to apologize for. I saw how crowded your table was at dinner tonight. It must be overwhelming to meet so many new faces at once."

"It is," she replied instantly before looking contrite. "Though I'm not complaining, of course. I'm very grateful to be here."

"You can be grateful to be here and find the attention overwhelming."

"That's probably the most accurate description of how I'm feeling," Meera said, nodding to herself. "Have you met the other Hunters— ex -Hunters—yet?"

"Only the queen. My usual post is outside the royal wing of the palace."

"Oh."

There was a wealth of complexity in that single word, but I wasn't sure where to begin with it. Perhaps she thought I should be making more of an effort to get to know the others?

"Are you close with the queen?" I asked, wondering if that was where the wariness in her voice had come from.

Meera blinked up at me in surprise. "I'm not really close with anyone. No, wait. Pretend I didn't say that—that sounded bad. I'm one of the quieter ones in the group," she corrected hastily.

I suspected both things were true, but the first sounded more honest than she'd intended.

"I, too, am generally considered one of the quieter ones in any given situation," I replied, hoping that finding some common ground would put her at ease. "I suspect this has given others the impression that I'm wiser than I am."

Meera almost laughed. I couldn't see it, but I felt as though I could sense it in the air. Or perhaps it was the sudden sweet tinge in her scent.

"I'm not sure I have that reputation. But they've definitely made some assumptions about me that aren't entirely true," she added, seeming more baffled than annoyed by that fact.

"Did you all know each other in the human realm?"

The scale of their world was difficult to grasp, though I knew it was far larger than the shadow realm.

Meera shook her head. "I knew of Astrid and Tallulah. Astrid's reputation preceded her, and Tallulah's family is well-known. It's possible we met at events as kids, but I don't remember that."

The invisible border between Elverston House and the greater palace complex approached, and I wracked my mind for something to say that would make this interaction an even somewhat lingering memory in Meera's mind.

The discomfort in her scent had lessened, but it hadn't been replaced by the sweetness of a joyful ex-Hunter.

It was important to me that Meera leave here feeling more comfortable than she started.

"How are you finding the shadow realm so far?" I asked lamely. "Overwhelming attention aside."

"It's nice." She sounded as apologetic about her answer as I had about the question. "I guess I'm still finding my footing, you know? It's a lot of change."

"It is," I agreed. "I found it a somewhat difficult transition to come from my home to the palace when I joined the Guard. I can't imagine how much more you've had to adapt to moving to an entirely different realm."

"This was really nice, thank you," Meera said, surprising me as we came to a halt. She looked up at me through thick, dark lashes and it made something in my chest feel odd.

"What was?"

"This walk. The conversation. It's nice to talk to someone that, you know, doesn't want anything from me." My shadows curled in closer to my body, ashamed that she'd thought so highly of me when I'd absolutely found myself inappropriately admiring her beauty. Of course, I hadn't expected anything from her, but wanting was a different matter. If she'd asked me… Well, I'd definitely wanted .

"I don't suppose…" Meera trailed off, her face flushing again.

"You don't suppose what?" I prompted. Perhaps she would give me an opportunity to redeem myself—if only in my own mind.

"It's probably silly. I just thought… I don't know. Maybe we could do this again sometime? I really do want to get to know more Shades. To build a proper life here. It's just… I guess there are so many expectations, you know? Even meeting female Shades is difficult. I think they avoid us because they're trying not to intrude, but I really would like to make friends. I'm not very good at it."

Friends.

"You and I could be friends," I replied instantly, meaning it. Meera was beautiful. I'd be lying to myself if I tried to convince myself that I wasn't attracted to her. But I would put that attraction aside because it seemed like she really needed a friend. I could be that for her. I could help her adjust to life here. Hadn't I been considering the idea earlier today while I was on duty? I'd wanted to make more of an effort to get to know the ex-Hunters, to help them feel comfortable here. To not be another male pestering them for their attention, but to help them acclimate to a new realm and a new life.

Meera was entrusting me with that, and I was grateful for it.

"And I could introduce you to more Shades when you're ready for that," I added, suspecting that she, in fact, wasn't quite ready for that just yet.

"That would be amazing, thank you. In the human realm… Well, let's just say it was difficult to make friends. To trust people. And it's not like I'm totally over that, but being here and staying with the others… I guess I realized how much I want to be happy here."

I wasn't sure who she was trying to convince with those words, but I was determined to help her, regardless, because I wanted her to be happy too.

"Perhaps I could come by here tomorrow at midday?" I suggested tentatively. "I prefer to have lunch outside. We could sit and talk for a while if you like?"

Meera perked up instantly, the faintest hint of something bright and happy in her scent. "Would you? I'm not sure I'm ready to venture out on my own yet."

"Of course. I'll be here. And if you change your mind and don't come out, that's okay too—I'll take the hint, and I won't feel any kind of bitterness about it. I can't imagine the challenges you've faced since moving here."

Meera's expression gave nothing away, but the hint of sadness in her scent couldn't lie. "They're nothing compared to the challenges I faced before moving here. Until tomorrow, Verner."