22. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

M y head spun as we entered Harlow's closet again, and I shadow walked Meera back into the darkness. The in-between materialized blessedly fast around us, and I gripped her shoulders tightly as a wave of dizziness came over me. I'd never spent so long in that form, and suddenly my own limbs felt odd and heavy.

"You need to feed," Meera gasped, spinning to face me, her dainty hands gripping my forearms.

Did I? That seemed unreasonable. It hadn't been that long since I'd last fed from her—I usually went far longer than that without needing to visit the energy stores.

"Verner, you're stumbling. Sit down." I let Meera pull me down to the ground, though she suddenly seemed stronger than she usually did. Or perhaps I was weaker. If we returned to the human realm for any further quests, I was going to ask that we made more frequent trips home. "You need to feed," she repeated more firmly. "I'm going to take care of you."

"You don't have to," I mumbled. "Someone might find us."

They had to have realized we were missing and started properly looking by now. Weak as I was, I might have to kill someone if they saw Meera in a state of undress.

"I'll tell them to go away then. You are more important, Verner."

Meera climbed onto my lap, her arms around my neck helping keep me upright. My hands flexed at her sides, desperate to hold on to her, but not wanting to overstep. When my Meera wanted me to touch her, she would tell me.

"Touch me, Verner," she whispered. My palms immediately landed lightly on the sides of her thighs, wanting the closeness with her more than anything. How far could I go? What exactly did she mean? To my surprise, Meera briefly released her hold on my neck, gripping my wrists and shyly pulling my hands back to cup her ass. My cock throbbed almost painfully.

I'd never been so grateful for my dick before. I'd missed it the past couple of days.

"Someone might come looking for us," I reminded Meera again, worried about the possibility of her being seen in a compromising position. I didn't want to share my Meera. And I suspected she'd hate to be seen that way by anyone too.

"I'll keep my clothes on."

I grunted in acknowledgment of the very sensible compromise, hating that I wouldn't get to see her spread out naked for me again. Not this time, at least.

In the future, most certainly. Meera seemed to be under the impression that she wasn't going to be my mate someday, that she wasn't going to be my wife and the mother of my children. The idea of that person being anyone else was patently absurd.

Meera thought she was too difficult to love, but nothing could be further from the truth. Getting past her defenses had been difficult. Loving her was easy.

She undid the fastenings on our trousers, sliding one hand into her panties, the scent of her desire already perfuming the air around us. After a beat of hesitation, she wrapped the other hand around my aching cock, giving the base of it a squeeze.

Almost immediately, I began feeling better. Feeding from Meera was as addictive as talking to her. As caring about her. As loving her.

"Is it working?" she whispered, staring into my eyes as she circled her clit with her finger. Her grip on my cock was tight and proprietary—she wasn't necessarily doing it to give me pleasure. She was holding my cock because she owned it and we both knew it.

In all ways, Meera's confidence was growing and it was beautiful to witness. Usually, she struggled to maintain eye contact for more than a few seconds, and now she was staring into my soul. She was handling me like she had every right to, because I was hers to handle.

"It's working, my love."

Her cheeks flamed red as she scraped her lower lip with her teeth. I wanted to taste it for myself. I wanted to try our kiss again, now that I knew it was a gesture of intimacy. Whether or not I would be any good at it was still to be determined, but I wanted to try everything when it came to her.

"I missed your eyes so much," Meera whispered. "And your smile. And your voice."

"The next time we go into the human realm, you'll be able to hear it," I promised, making her blush all over again. I didn't understand the ins and outs of what had occurred between Meera and the human woman, but I'd gathered enough to know that it wasn't over. That Meera might need to go back someday, and that she was involved in something far bigger than herself. But we weren't going back there unless I could communicate with her, because that had been terrifying.

"If you keep talking sweet to me, I'm going to come," Meera whispered. I couldn't tell if it was a warning or a promise.

"I want you to come, my love."

"And what about what I want?" Meera asked breathily. I groaned, thrusting into her hand. The moments where she fully embraced how sexy and powerful she really was were lethal to my self-control.

"You can have anything you want," I promised her.

"I want to come. Better tell me something nice." She was already moving her hand faster, rocking her hips gently with each movement as my claws dug into her trousers, desperate to get to the skin beneath.

I'm in love with you.

As much as I wanted to say that, I managed to hold myself back. Those words probably wouldn't have the impact I wanted. Not yet.

"You are my everything, Meera. You're my light. You're my peace. You're my home. I'm going to be all those things for you too, when you're ready to let me, and not a single moment earlier."

It had been the exact reassurance she needed, and I prided myself on getting it right this time. She came with a soft cry, and the ebbs of power that had been flowing my way turned to a wave before slowing again. No wonder the mated Shades were always having to siphon off their extra energy if this was how much Meera's desire had filled me up with us barely touching one another.

She released me and pulled her hand out of her pants, bashfully wiping her arousal on the leg of her trousers before doing them up and making herself presentable.

"Do I smell like a horny ex-Hunter?" she asked with a shy laugh.

I hummed in agreement, still holding her ass. "You do, yes. It's quite enchanting."

"You say that now. What about when we have to walk out of here and bump into somebody?"

My fingers flexed slightly. Some Shades seem to like to parade their mates around smelling like sex—the king being one of them. Perhaps I was more possessive than I realized, because I wanted to hoard Meera's desire entirely to myself.

"Mm, I didn't think you'd like that," Meera observed, apparently reading the nuances of my body language. She leaned forward, resting her head on my shoulder and snuggling into my front. It was such an intimate, trusting gesture from such a distrusting woman that I almost wept in gratitude for it. "I'm glad. I'm only like this with you. It's not something I want to… to share with the world."

"You don't have to," I murmured, banding my arms around her back and holding her close.

We both knew that we were putting off the inevitable, lingering in this peaceful moment for as long as we could before we walked out of here and everything changed. Even if our absence had somehow gone unnoticed—impossible for me, since I'd missed one of my shifts—the consequences of Meera's actions would soon make themselves known.

Eventually, there was a shout in the distance. Meera held on to me a little tighter as the sound of footsteps grew louder, seemingly a whole crowd coming to greet us. I didn't even look up. I wanted to stay in this moment for as long as I could.

Hands—human and Shade—pulled her off me, dragging us apart. The voices around us so loud that I didn't have a hope of making out Meera's quiet one, though I could have sworn I heard objection in her tone.

"What were you thinking?" Andrus hissed, his claws digging into my upper arm as he dragged me away. "They'll have your head for this. Did you learn nothing from the idiot duke?"

"He didn't do anything!" Meera shouted as Astrid held her back, surprising all of us with the vehemence in her voice. "Where are you taking him?!"

"Where the fuck have you been ?" I heard Astrid snap, though her hold on Meera was the embrace of a distressed friend rather than a jailer. It was the only thing that kept my temper in check. "You both just vanished—obviously we need some answers."

Captain Soren moved in front of Meera, blocking my view of her. He softened his voice far more than usual when he spoke to her, though it didn't seem to help. "We'd just like to talk to you both to understand exactly what is going on. To make sure you're safe, and nothing happened against your will—"

"Of course it didn't," Meera snapped. "What are you saying? What are you accusing him of? Verner is the very best Shade in this whole realm—he's honorable, and kind, and wonderful."

I smiled to myself in spite of the dire circumstances, though it didn't last long as Meera was led away. They held me behind, putting some space between the two of us, and I forced my limbs to stay relaxed and my shadows to be still. Showing any sign of frustration or anger now would only make the situation worse.

"It's amazing you didn't die while you were there," Andrus muttered, drawing my attention back to him. "How long were you there? How did you manage to avoid the light?"

"Meera," I replied simply.

Andrus made a sound of disapproval. "I hope you took her as your mate first, or you were playing a fucking dangerous game putting your life in her hands like that."

While many things about our trip to the human realm had felt dangerous, that part hadn't. I'd trusted Meera entirely to keep me safe, even under challenging circumstances—like that horrible vehicle.

Andrus leaned in close, sniffing me without any regard for my personal space. "You smell a bit like her. Not the way the other mated pairs smell, though. Always drenched in each other's—"

"Am I going to the Pit?" I interrupted, not needing to hear the end of that sentence.

Andrus made a sound of disagreement. "You're going to the palace for questioning first."

"And Meera?"

"Astrid's instructions were to take her to the healers wing first."

As much as I didn't want to be separated from Meera, I wasn't going to argue with that. She'd barely had a moment to take care of herself over the past few days, and Astrid was assertive enough to ensure that Meera got what she needed.

I exhaled heavily, wondering what my own fate would be. I'd always done everything by the book. I followed the rules. I didn't complain. If I was known for one thing, it was my dependability. That reputation I'd built up over the years had now been thoroughly destroyed.

I didn't regret throwing it away, because Meera was worth it, but it was a slightly unsettling feeling. I was never going to be treated the same way. Life as I'd known it was over.

Worst-case scenario, I may even be facing life in the Pit, or worse. I didn't want to dwell on that, though. I wasn't even sure the idea had occurred to Meera, and I hoped no one put it in her head.

If I were to be optimistic about it, I could say that perhaps this was the push I needed. The uncertainty with my family situation and my future had been weighing heavily on me for a long time now, and this was an opportunity to address it. To start fresh.

"I'm surprised I'm not receiving the same treatment that the Duke got," I admitted as Andrus led me out of the in-between and through the palace. The stares were excruciating. Every staff member seemed to have found a way to be on the stairs or in the corridors to get a good look at me.

"He's the king's kin, but there was no trust between them," Andrus replied dismissively. "You've loyally guarded the royal wing for years. Of course, you destroyed all that goodwill in one fell swoop, but I imagine it's why you're being brought in for questioning rather than thrown into a cell."

"That's generous of him," I murmured, my mind already back with Meera. Would she fight Astrid on receiving care? The others didn't know Meera, not really. Perhaps they would now that she wasn't holding anything back, that she was letting them see the real her, but I worried that the true nature of her stubborn streak would catch them off guard.

Would they be kind to her? I was on unsteady ground as it was. I certainly didn't have enough grace to argue with the captain's mate at this point in time.

I expected Andrus to lead me to the throne room for a formal interrogation, but instead, he took me to a private sitting room in the royal wing of the palace. One I'd only ever guarded from the outside rather than seen the inside of.

It was small but opulent, with heavy velvet drapes covering the walls that gave the space an intimate feel. This was definitely not somewhere that I was meant to be.

"Verner," the king said gravely, gesturing for me to take a seat opposite in one of the stiff-backed chairs. The captain had beaten us up here, and he stood off to the side while King Allerick and Prince Damen sat side by side on a sofa.

Andrus stationed himself at my back as I took my seat, and I couldn't tell if he was guarding me or supporting me. I was beginning to think Andrus was less of an asshole to males than he was to females. It didn't make him less of an asshole in general, but I supposed I understood him a little better now.

"Welcome back," the king said dryly. Damen flashed me his customary grin, but it didn't seem as carefree as it usually did. Recent events appeared to have aged him.

"Thank you, Your Majesty."

Captain Soren shot me an impatient glare, and I sat up a little straighter under the force of his disapproval. I'd always admired the captain's leadership, and an ache was building behind my eyes at the heaviness of letting him down.

"Talk to me," King Allerick sighed, slumping in his seat, his forehead resting on his palm. The guilt I felt at disappointing him—at disappointing anyone—was crushing, but I'd made my choices and now I had to stand by them.

"Meera had something she wished to do in the human realm."

Allerick raised his head to give me a disbelieving look. "You cannot possibly believe that explanation will be sufficient."

"He doesn't," Prince Damen volunteered. "He's clearly protecting Meera. Verner, are you going to tell us anything of value until Meera has given her side of the story?"

"Probably not," I admitted.

The prince laughed, though King Allerick and Captain Soren looked somewhat less amused. "Well, at least you're honest about it."

"We didn't even realize you were gone at first," the captain muttered unhappily. "The ex-Hunters in Elverston House were more than happy to lie to cover up for Meera, and you weren't scheduled for any shifts anyway."

"I hope it hasn't damaged the relationship between the palace and the new residents of Elverston House," I said sincerely. "That's the last thing Meera wants. They feel extremely loyal to her—they understand one another. She knows she put them in a difficult position."

"You're very eager to defend her," the king noted. "Though she isn't your mate."

"No, she's not," I agreed quietly. Whatever they heard in my tone, the three of them decided not to pursue that line of conversation, and I was grateful for it. That was a conversation I needed to have with Meera first.

"I don't know what to do with you, Verner," King Allerick began. "Technically, you didn't do anything wrong. Or rather, we don't know what you did wrong yet since you haven't told us. But Astrid was watching the Hunters carefully and didn't pick up on any signs of interference in the delicate negotiation process, which seemed to be something she was worried about."

I stared back blankly, unable to think of anything to say to that without incriminating myself or Meera. How long would Meera's contact take to act on the information she'd been given? Everything took so long in the human realm. Even just getting from one place to another was an arduous ordeal.

"We don't have any real cause to hold you in the Pit," the king added, the frustration in his voice clear. "Meera has been extremely clear that she never felt coerced in any way. As a high-ranking member of the Guard, you did have clearance to go into the human realm, though it was only meant to be for information-gathering purposes and with appropriate permission. Still, that's not enough to arrest you on."

The king gestured for Captain Soren to take over.

"You did abandon your post, though. You know there was never going to be any coming back from that, Verner."

"What are you saying?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"You have been released from your position in the Guard," the captain replied heavily.

I nodded, my throat tight. Yes, I should have expected that, though I'd done a good job at not thinking about it.

"In addition, we met with your father, who was very disappointed to hear about your recent actions," the king added. "In order to encourage you to be a more responsible citizen of the realm, he has stepped aside. Congratulations, you are now the new Earl of Sunlis."

My stomach dropped to the floor. That position would take me away from the palace on a near-permanent basis—Sunlis was not an estate that ran itself. I didn't even want the position, and I was meant to have years before I had to think about it.

"But—"

"It's not the Pit," Andrus cut in, giving me a pointed look.

I fell silent, swallowing thickly. No, it wasn't . As far as punishments went, being banished to a grand estate that I had the running of wasn't exactly something I could complain about, though it was a banishment all the same.

"What about Meera?"

The captain gave me a long-suffering look. "You know we're not going to answer that question, Verner. Don't mistake the fact that you're not under arrest for leniency—the ground beneath you is very unsteady at this moment."

I dug my claws into the arms of the chair for a moment before slowly releasing them with a long exhale. There was no world in which I never saw Meera again. It wasn't possible.

After the dust had settled, after the shadows had cleared, all would be well. We would find our way back to one another. I would trust in that.

"Your parents are expecting you," the king added. "You have much to learn about your new role. I assured them you would make your way to Sunlis as soon as you arrived, provided that you were in good health and free of the Pit. As you fit both conditions, you may go there directly. Soren will escort you."

I straightened up as best I could, trying to maintain the last few shreds of my tattered dignity. "Yes, Your Majesty."