Chapter 6

SEVERAL WEEKS LATER

"Oh fuck," I groaned, pushing forward to lodge my knot into place in Tallulah's snug, perfect cunt.

"Evrin!" Tallulah's nails sunk into the backs of my arms, her heels digging into my lower back as she yanked me closer like she couldn't get enough of me. It was a heady feeling having her clinging on to me like I was the only thing anchoring her to this world. A dangerously addictive feeling.

"What are you doing to me?" I groaned, bracing myself on either side of Tallulah's head and doing my best not to collapse on top of her as she squeezed tight around my knot.

"Nothing you're not doing to me," she replied, her voice so breathless I half wondered if I'd imagined the words.

The power that flowed through me from Tallulah was intoxicating. We were doing this almost daily—whoever was monitoring the stores must be suspicious about where all the energy was coming from, but I suspected the comfort and privacy of the ex-Hunters was too paramount for them to look into the matter.

"Are you okay?" I asked once my mind had returned to some level of coherent. "Are you comfortable? I can roll us—"

"Don't move me," Tallulah slurred. "If you move, I'll come again, and I'm legitimately dehydrated at this point."

I cursed quietly in my mother tongue. "I brought water for you, but I can't reach my bag."

"There are definite disadvantages to our secret trysts happening in a dark empty void," Tallulah laughed. Was it a genuine laugh? I was never sure.

The thing was, Tallulah had a loud laugh. It was much remarked on at court—Shades obsessed over its bubbly charm. But she didn't laugh like that around me.

"Do you ever not work?" Tallulah asked. "Like, do you go home for the weekend sometimes? You've worked every day since I've met you."

With a frisson of discomfort, I realized how little Tallulah knew about my life. She'd never asked, and I'd never volunteered the information. "This is my home. I'm happy to fill my days with work. I don't need a separate residence outside of the barracks. I don't go back to visit my family home."

"Oh, no, I totally get it. Don't worry, you don't have to explain it to me."

Didn't I? Because beneath the all-encompassing smell of sex that surrounded us, there was a discordant note to Tallulah's scent. It wasn't quite the intense sourness associated with negative emotions, but it wasn't not that either.

Worried I was making it worse, I fell silent until my knot was soft enough to pull out. I rummaged through the bag I'd started bringing in here with us, handing Tallulah a stoppered bottle of water and a washcloth while she straightened out her clothes.

"Are you looking?" she asked, narrowing her eyes in my general direction as she wet the washcloth to clean herself up.

I laughed, unable to help myself, considering all that I"d just seen. She had the most adorably fierce expression. "I'll turn around."

"Thank you," she said primly as I scooped up the blanket off the ground and turned away, busying myself with folding it back into the bag.

I looked out into the expansive darkness as Tallulah put herself back together, wondering when the in-between had started to feel lonely rather than welcoming. Usually, the vast emptiness felt like possibility. But with Tallulah here… I supposed it reminded me of all the things I would never have. All the possibilities I would never be capable of fulfilling.

"Ready."

I turned, smiling at her automatically before remembering she couldn't see me. Mostly, I preferred it that way, so she wasn't constantly reminded of my missing horns, but there were moments when I wanted her to see the nuances of my expression in the hopes that it would give her some comfort.

"Let's get going, then."

"Have you got a busy day planned?" Tallulah asked, moving toward me using the glow of my eyes to guide her as I shouldered the bag and reached for her. While it'd be faster to scoop her up and carry her back to the entry room, I wasn't in a rush for us to part ways. Instead, I wrapped my fingers lightly above her elbow, guiding her back in the direction we needed to go.

"I'll start my patrol in an hour or so," I said, realizing I hadn't answered her question. "That's me for the next twelve hours."

"Twelve hours?" Tallulah asked. I glanced down, catching her shocked expression. "Somehow, I didn't realize they were quite that long. Do you take breaks?"

"I don't leave the in-between, but I'll occasionally take a few moments to myself."

"Is the captain… nice to you?" Tallulah asked, sounding suddenly ready to march out to war. It was interesting that she had that much fire when it came to defending others, and yet she was eager not to make trouble for anyone when it came to herself.

"The captain works very hard to stay on my good side," I assured her. "Not many Shades cope well working in the in-between for extended periods of time."

"It's got to be at least a little hard on you, though, right?"

"My ability to spend extended periods of time here without it driving me insane is my one and only distinguishing skill. If it weren't for this, I'd have been relegated to Pit guard long ago—that's a far less prestigious position than any of the palace guards. The accommodations are far less glamorous too," I added, hoping to lighten the mood. "What about you? What will you do today?"

"This probably sounds really lame in comparison to what you do, but I'm fixing up some of the soft furnishings in Elverston House. Repairing upholstery. Sewing new curtains. That kind of thing."

"Why would that sound lame? That requires far more skill than wandering around in the dark, which is what I'll be doing."

"I don't know about that. I've been sewing since I was a kid. My grandmother taught me. It just requires a little patience, that's all."

"I'm afraid I must disagree—it's more than just patience. Just because you have honed a skill to the point where it no longer feels difficult doesn't mean that it isn't difficult. You're just good at it."

This was one of the few times where I'd felt confident that I'd said the right thing. Tallulah looked up at me with the brightest smile I'd ever seen from her. It wasn't quite the smile she gave everyone else, and I had no idea what that meant, but I hoarded it greedily all the same.

Every smile she gave me could be the last. Every day, we grew closer to her finding a Shade that she liked that was worthy of her.

And when that day came, I would be happy for her. Because no one deserved that more than Tallulah.