Chapter 4

It was deeply unfair that Evrin's hands could feel this good, that his tongue could feel this good, that his body felt like it was meant to wrap around mine, but he wasn't mine and I couldn't keep him.

I mean, this was better than nothing, but with each kneading grasp of his hands on my ass, I was acutely aware that I was on the fast track to get my heart broken.

The sex might be worth it, though.

I sat back, carefully unzipping my dress and pulling it over my head with as much grace as I could manage.

"I want you all the way naked this time," Evrin growled, gently lifting me off him so I could undress. How good could Shades see in the dark? I felt like he wasn't getting my best angles lying prone on the ground while I yanked my panties off.

But the way Evrin grabbed me and pulled me back onto him like he was missing me already made me forget all about it.

I was dripping slick and immediately sought the friction I was craving, grinding my clit down on his hard length. Free from the tight confines of my bra, my breasts swung forward, and with a growl that rumbled all the way down to my toes, Evrin grabbed them, leaning up to toy with my nipples using his rough tongue.

This angle would be tricky if he had horns, I thought absently. Depending on the shape of them, there was a good chance he'd be impaling me in the throat right now.

I had no idea why Evrin didn't have horns, and I felt bad that I'd inadvertently drawn attention to something he was clearly self-conscious about, but his lack of them didn't bother me at all.

I gasped at the dual sensation of pricking claws and scraping teeth on my delicate flesh, coating Evrin in another gush of slick.

"Sit your cunt on my face, Tallulah."

I nearly fainted.

"I'll crush you—"

He didn't even let me finish making my excuses. He simply grabbed me by my hips and hauled me up his body until my knees straddled his head.

Another no-horns perk.

In the end, I didn't really need to lower myself enough to worry about crushing him, because Evrin's tongue was so long that he had no problem getting exactly where he needed to go.

I cupped my breasts, my hair tickling the middle of my spine as I tipped my head back, shamelessly grinding on Evrin's tongue like I owned it. The darkness helped, but mostly, it was just Evrin. There was just something about him that made me feel ridiculously at ease with myself.

The rough, insistent pressure of his tongue combined with the angle had me reaching my peak in an embarrassingly short amount of time. While I'd mostly gotten over my self-consciousness about the position we were in, it flared back to life in full force as I drenched Evrin's chin in slick, and I immediately climbed off him, shifting down his body on my knees.

"Are you okay—"

"I want you to do that several more times. But right now, I need to be inside you."

Sounded like a plan to me.

I threw my leg over his hips, not relishing the idea of being on top when my thighs were already jelly, but also not wanting to lie down on the hard, cold ground.

Fortunately, Evrin seemed more than willing to do the work as I slid down on his cock, lifting me easily, his claws digging into my hips. I braced myself with my palms on his chest, my own nails doing their valiant best to gouge his thick skin as I clung on for dear life, a vicious orgasm doing its best to drag me under despite my best efforts to hold it at bay a little longer.

I didn't want this to end. I wanted this to go on forever.

Unfortunately, there was absolutely no holding back the moment I heard Evrin's low, masculine moan. The sound of his pleasure seemed to travel directly through my ears and down my body, shoving me abruptly over the edge.

For a brief moment, the pitch black in-between seemed to glow. Even my skin felt supercharged—everything was too sensitive and just right all at once. Evrin's knot swelled as he came, and I sobbed slightly at the welcome stretch.

I felt so full, so connected to him in every way.

Evrin pulled me forward so I was draped over his body, and the movement set off another chain of orgasms. There was no post-sex awkwardness. There was no room for anything but the kind of pleasure that made us forget who and where we were.

"You're so addictive," I mumbled into his chest, immediately mortified at the slip.

"So are you," Evrin replied, claws tickling my back.

"Are you okay?" I asked when he shuddered beneath me, his jaw tightening for a moment before he relaxed again.

"I am," he assured me, stroking my spine again. "The power I get from feeding on you is… overwhelming. I'll need to go and siphon directly."

"Is it hurting you?" I asked, alarmed. "Ophelia didn't mention that side effect."

Evrin snorted. "I wouldn't say hurting, but I don't have room to hold this level of power within me. The king has a far deeper well to fill than I do. You don't need to worry about it, Tallulah. Once I siphon, I'll feel fine. And the realm's stores will be much healthier for it."

"Glad to be of service," I laughed. And I genuinely meant it, though, my motives for getting Evrin naked weren't exactly altruistic.

I suspected we were both lingering—probably for different reasons—but Evrin was clearly getting increasingly uncomfortable as the need to siphon weighed down on him, and he was due to start his shift soon.

"We really need to get you back before your friends send out a search party," he muttered, helping me to my feet. Although my clothes were obviously a foreign concept to him—especially my industrial-sized minimizer bra—he carefully pulled everything right side out and shook them flat before passing them to me to put on.

My underwear was ruined the instant I put it on, soaked through with slick and cum. I was going to have to go and wash the moment I was back in Elverston House.

"It's so nice in here," I said, stepping into my dress and pulling it up my body. "Like a little bubble away from… well, everything. Not that I necessarily need that," I added hastily, not wanting to come across like I was complaining. "I'm very grateful to have a home here in the shadow realm at all."

"A home seems like the least we can provide, considering what you're giving in return," Evrin scoffed. "And Elverston House is hardly luxurious accommodations—at least what I've seen of it from the outside. May I carry you?"

The question gave me whiplash.

"Can you?" I asked dubiously.

I couldn't see his face, but I could sense that the question offended him. Evrin made a show of sweeping me off my feet, scooping me into his arms bridal style like it was nothing.

I barely muffled my shriek of surprise, throwing my arms around his neck and holding on tightly. Though, as he began walking us through the darkness, it didn't seem like he was having any difficulty carrying me.

My scent was probably announcing loudly and proudly how much I was enjoying this.

"You're really strong."

"Yes," Evrin agreed. I was pretty sure there was a teeny hint of smugness in there, though he was being very gentlemanly about it.

He put me down gingerly as we approached the portal in front of the palace, his hands lingering before he pulled them away. I didn't quite experience the sting of rejection that I had when he hadn't appeared at dinner, but there was a little sliver of something unpleasant.

"I'll walk ahead," Evrin said. "That'll clear the way for you to follow."

"Why?" I asked, slightly alarmed. "Are you going to threaten them or something?"

Evrin let out a startled laugh. "No, nothing so extreme. Shades tend to avoid me, that's all."

It seemed too rude to ask why, so I kept my mouth shut, but I was definitely a little baffled by it. Evrin seemed friendly enough, albeit a little introverted. He was certainly a lot more even-keeled than many of the Shades I'd encountered here at court.

"So, um. Until next time, I guess?" I said with my brightest, most charming laugh.

"Whenever you want me," Evrin agreed simply, before disappearing out through the portal.

I waited a few seconds—just enough time to work myself up into a state—before following, finding the pathway completely empty, just as Evrin had predicted. It didn't quite feel like the walk of shame as I made my way back to Elverston House because I wasn't ashamed. I was maybe a smidge resentful, though.

What was wrong with me that it would be so terrible to be seen walking around with me? I wasn't some great beauty or anything, but plenty of Shades at court were interested in me. I wasn't a complete bridge troll.

I wanted Evrin. I wanted the chemistry we had, and the sense of peace I experienced around him, and the unfiltered conversations we had.

But I wanted him to want me just as much, and given how easily he'd agreed to a nonexclusive, sex-only arrangement…

I was definitely going to get my heart broken, and I wasn't strong enough to stop it.

Shit, shit, shit.

Austin was here.

My cousin had stumbled into the shadow realm—drunk and a little stupid—and I'd made such a poor impression in front of the royal Shades when I was explaining about his career and our family relationship. Plus, I'd probably offended Austin, who didn't deserve it, even if he was a bit rash and impulsive sometimes.

"Are you okay?" Meera asked, gently touching my arm. I startled back before pasting a bright smile on my face.

"Of course." I forced out a laugh. "It's just so on-brand for Austin to show up here like this. I can't believe I was surprised. I should have seen it coming."

Meera nodded, seeing more than I wanted her to see. "Why don't you go for a walk? That always clears your head."

If my face went crimson at the reminder of the almost daily "walks" I'd been going on, Meera politely didn't call me out on it. Instead, I just nodded and scampered away to the garden, knowing that if I just found a little corner in the garden to be anxious in, Evrin would find his way to me. He always did. I suspected he kept a closer eye on me than I realized he did, but just always far enough away that no one would see us together.

When we were together, that was fine. I wasn't thinking about anything except Evrin when it was just the two of us.

It was on my own that my head started to get all loud and questiony. Like maybe I didn't entirely love being a dirty little secret. Maybe it would be nice to be able to walk into dinner with Evrin, hand-in-hand, the way the king and queen did. Or even just to walk next to each other, lovingly eye fucking the whole time, the way Soren and Astrid did.

But those things weren't on the cards for me and it would be stupid to dwell on them.

I huddled underneath something that vaguely resembled a small willow tree that did nothing to give me the sense of dark confinement I wanted, but it was as good as it was going to get in the palace gardens, which were always well maintained for security purposes.

"Hey." I exhaled in relief as Evrin poked his head through the hanging branches, giving me a bemused look. His hair flopped forward, hiding what I now knew to be stumps where his horns should have been. He was clearly self-conscious about it, and while it seemed a little crazy in hindsight that I hadn't noticed his lack of horns before I'd touched his head, I still struggled to be mindful of that fact.

He looked so attractive, just as he was. Who cared if he didn't have horns?

"This can't be working for you," Evrin said, his voice filled with a soft affection that made my heart melt as he gestured at the far too-open space I was attempting to disassociate in.

"Not even a little."

"Come on, then. I'll meet you down by the entry room by the barracks."

I all but squealed at the prospect of my Evrin fix, giving him a small head start before meandering down there myself.

The moment I had the door shut behind me, Evrin was on me. I squeal-laughed as he hoisted me into the air, pressing my back against the dark wall of the entry room and dipping his nose to my neck to inhale deeply.

Maybe this will be the moment he loses control and bites me, I thought hopefully, somewhat aware of how deranged the idea was, but not dismissing it from my mind.

"I missed you," he murmured, securing me a little tighter in his grip before pulling me off the wall and strolling into the in-between. I wrapped my legs as tightly around his waist as I could get them, slick already pooling in my panties just from the fact that he was holding me.

Not to mention the words. I missed you. That had to mean something, right? He wouldn't have said that to just anyone.

"I missed you too," I replied, my voice muffled as I hid my face in his neck, hoping the desperation in my voice wasn't as all-consuming as it was in my head. "I hoped you would come and find me."

It was a vulnerable admission—one I'd never made out loud, even though this was the way we always operated—but I pushed myself to make it. I wanted to be vulnerable with him. I wanted to show him that I was emotionally invested in him, and hopefully, he'd feel safe being emotionally invested in me in return.

"You don't mind that I seek you out?" Evrin asked.

"No, never."

I could have sworn he exhaled a little.

Evrin walked us farther into the darkness while I toyed with the hair at the back of his head, careful not to stray anywhere near the stumps of his horns.

He didn't give me a second to adjust once he found the spot he was looking for. The moment we arrived, he was lowering me onto my back, pushing both my dress and my knees up around my shoulders.

Lordy.

The next time I sought Evrin out, I was going to stretch my hamstrings first.

"Need to taste you," Evrin muttered roughly, his claws scraping over my hips as he shoved my panties to my knees, leaving my legs slightly bound. Historically—pre-Evrin—I'd considered myself pretty vanilla. Missionary with the lights off. Maybe on my hands and knees if the room was dark enough.

Now, I was wondering what it would be like to be bound up a little tighter. To have my legs pinned open, or my wrists tied above my head, or what the panties constricting my legs would feel like shoved in my mouth.

Perhaps it was because Evrin made me feel so safe. With him, I wouldn't mind trying things that I'd have found too risky and uncontrolled with someone else.

"Hold your knees," he ordered in a rough voice that sent my slick running. "Keep them out of the way so I can work."

Yes, sir, I said in my head, blinking up into the darkness.

My eyes rolled back in my head the second that long, slightly rough tongue made contact with my clit, the sounds of my slick adding to the general air of depravity. Evrin groaned, claws digging into the backs of my thighs.

"Your taste… you are exquisite," Evrin rasped brokenly before resuming his feast. I found myself reaching for his head automatically before remembering and pulling back at the last second, resuming my hold on the back of my knees.

Evrin ate pussy like it was his job. It almost set off my irrational-jealousy alarm, because how did he get this good? No one had ever eaten me like I was dessert before.

Maybe this was why I'd gotten so absurdly attached to him so quickly. The sex was life-changing.

The first orgasm was like sinking into a hot bath after a long day, but the second was almost vicious—tearing me apart and putting me back together all at once.

"Please," I sobbed, not caring how desperate I looked because it was precisely as desperate as I felt. "I need you inside me."

"One more on my tongue," Evrin demanded before sucking slightly on my clit, the wicked points of his teeth pressing against my most sensitive flesh without breaking it.

I was entirely lost to pleasure. I let out a somewhat undignified shriek before clapping a hand over my mouth, my legs kicking out as much as they could with my panties still around my knees and Evrin's hands pinning them in place. Maybe it was because I was so overstimulated already, but for a brief moment, I was worried I'd come so hard I was going to cry.

"That's it, that's it. You're okay, I've got you."

I clung to Evrin as he pulled me up and onto his lap, his cock thick and heavy between my thighs, though he made no move to do anything about it.

I did, though.

It wasn't just that I was horny. I fucking needed him. I needed to be connected to him. I needed to feel him inside me. It was the most visceral, intense craving I'd ever had in my life.

Mine. Evrin was mine. I felt that in my very bones.

I reached between us, barely able to lift myself on my jelly-like legs, and wrapped my hand around his cock, giving it a gentle squeeze.

The sounds he made were so gratifying. Evrin wasn't shy about letting me know if something felt good.

Gravity did the work for me as I sank down on his cock, my eyes rolling all the way back into the recesses of my brain at the sudden stretch. I wrapped one arm around his neck to keep myself steady, but couldn't quite drag the other one away from my clit, despite how overstimulated my nerves had been just a few seconds ago.

"You're so fucking sexy, Tallulah," Evrin growled, his eyes casting a faint dark blue glow over my steadily moving hand. "I could watch you play with your cunt all day."

That can be arranged, I almost said, before reining in my clingy thoughts at the last minute.

I lifted myself up on my knees, hoping my glutes played ball so I could ride Evrin the way he deserved after the best oral of my life, but I didn't even have to try. He immediately took over, claws digging into the flesh of my ass as he bounced me on his lap, setting a far-faster pace than I'd have ever managed in this position.

My already limited vision in the in-between went hazy around the edges as pleasure barreled into me from all sides. Evrin's body was warm and solid against mine, his arms around me giving me that confined feeling I always sought out. I was surrounded by him, filled by him, and dangerously at risk of falling in love with him.

And it was that terrifying thought that tipped me over the edge. Evrin groaned as I clenched around him, the base of his knot swelling instantly, dragging us closer together and keeping us that way.

If only I could keep him forever.