Chapter 18

JUNE 4 – SUNDAY 4:58 AM

T heo

Hanging up with Liam, I walked into the deserted gas station and found Ren. She was no longer standing beside the bike, staring straight ahead, but was pacing from the far wall to the desk in the open office area. She was mumbling to herself, but I couldn't make out what it was. I hadn't wanted to leave her in here alone, but the call had to happen, and I didn't want to do it in front of Ren.

"Hey, Ren." Walking up to her, I stood in her way, but she started around me like I was a pylon. Grabbing her arms, I forced her to stop and look at me. "Ren?"

"She's gone, and it's all my fault. Just like my mum being murdered is my fault. They're after me, and I've gotten them both killed. No wonder my dad won't speak to me. I wouldn't want to speak to me. They're going to find me, aren't they? They're going to find me and kill me. I can't hide forever. I don't even know who I'm fighting."

She was rambling one quick sentence after the other. I couldn't blame her. I'd seen death and craziness since the day I could walk, but I hadn't lost anyone close to me. I'd never had to watch someone I loved be stolen before my eyes. I'd never been in the middle of a shoot-out until this morning, but we'd been trained for it.

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. What if Blake, Myles, and Ivy aren't okay? What if they were caught? What if they're dead? Even if they're not, I can't drag you all into this. I need to end things. I need to run. Where would I go?" She looked at my arm and covered her mouth. "You're bleeding. Oh my god, you got shot."

I'd already looked at it. It was bleeding, but just a scrape. I needed to stop the mental spiral Ren was caught in before she passed out, or worse, had a break. We didn't have time for it, and I wouldn't have a clue how to handle it if it got that far. Grabbing her face, I did the only thing I could think of and kissed her. There was no sweet, tentative inspection of her lips or wondering if she would accept me kissing her. I pushed her back against the wall and let the adrenaline still racing through my body take control.

She put her hands on my chest like she might push me away, but I didn't stop. Instead, I yanked the zipper on the front of her Kevlar jacket and slid my hands up her warm body. Teasing her while invading her personal space and her mind. Forcing her to think about something more than the chaos she'd just been through.

Unclipping her bra, I groaned and pressed my leg between hers as my hands roamed all over her soft skin. She gasped as my thumbs ran over her nipples, making me hard instantly. It wasn't difficult. I'd been thinking about her and what it would be like to have her and Liam at the same time. I blamed it on the fact that she'd been walking around half naked in front of me for days.

Gripping her ass, I picked her up and pressed her against the wall once more. Everything was moving like I was racing through the streets. She wiggled out of the jacket, and it fell to the floor. Yanking up her shirt, I nipped at her sensitive skin before sucking her nipple into my mouth.

Dropping Ren to her feet, it was a mad flurry getting her pants undone. She gasped and then moaned as my fingers slipped into the open fly and rubbed at her clit. It didn't take much to get the thin material moved aside, and her eyes fluttered closed as my finger pushed into her pussy. She was already wet, and I groaned in her ear. I worked quickly, making her pant and jerk in my hold.

"I want to fuck you so bad," I said, nipping at her ear. "You want me to, don't you? Your body is begging for me." Ren's hands gripped my shoulders, and I knew she was getting close. I stopped moving my finger, and she whimpered and tried to buck against me. It was fucking hot, but I pulled my hand back just enough so that she couldn't get any friction.

"Theo, please," she begged.

"Say it. Say you want me to fuck you, Ren, or I take my finger out of your pants right now." I stared into her eyes, my lips just touching hers. "Say it," I growled and kissed her, my tongue battling for control with hers. I twirled my finger, and she whimpered. Breaking the kiss, she nodded her head.

"Yes," she moaned.

That would do. Picking her up, I walked over to the desk, and with a wide sweep of my arm, I sent everything clattering to the floor before sitting her on the edge.

"Get your boots off," I ordered, expecting her to do as I said. Walking to the front of the gas station, I went to the condom section and grabbed a box, not giving a fuck what kind they were, and marched back just as Ren kicked off her second boot. "Good fucking girl," I growled.

Wrapping my hand in her hair, I kissed her like there was no tomorrow. Everything we had just been through was proof that anything could happen in this fucked up world at any time. The primal sensation running rampant in her was feeding me, and I devoured every ounce of the carnal energy.

"Lift your ass," I ordered, breaking the kiss. Arms shaking, Ren pushed up off the desk, and I grabbed her pants and pulled them and her underwear off in a single tug. She looked delectable, like an exotic piece of forbidden fruit. I had no idea what would happen between us after this, but this wasn't about logic or worrying about tomorrow.

I locked eyes with her. "Touch yourself," I said, unzipping my jacket, and she licked her lips and slid her hand up her body. She tweaked her nipple, and I almost growled at her. "Be a good girl, Ren, and rub that pussy. I want to watch you." I dropped it on the floor, my eyes never leaving her body or her hand that had started rubbing little circles on her clit. I peeled off my hoodie and added it to the pile of clothes. The heat in her eyes pushed my unrestrained desire higher.

My cock throbbed inside my pants, and I took in every little flinch and flare of her eyes as I pulled my cock out and stroked it.

"That's fucking sexy," I said as her finger disappeared into her pussy.

Tearing open the box, I grabbed a package and dropped the rest onto my pile of clothes. As soon as it was on, I stepped between her legs, not bothering to spend the time to take my pants off. I hadn't thought that I'd lose control with her, but here we were. Gripping her ankles, I spread her legs wider before rubbing myself up and down her wet pussy. Ren shuddered as I pressed my cock against her clit and then pressed the tip of my cock inside her.

She arched her back and tensed a little. Pulling out, I repeated the process, and on the third attempt, she wiggled instead of tensing.

"Yes," Ren moaned as I pushed a little deeper, and when she didn't object, I ripped the remaining band-aid off and thrust in until I was balls deep, holding still so she could adjust. I needed to take a moment myself.

"Ah," she yelled and arched off the desk, but I held her in place.

"Breathe, Ren," I said, my voice strained. "Fuck, you're tight," I groaned, trying to calm myself as her walls squeezed and then relaxed around my cock. I sucked in a long, steadying breath and rubbed at her clit as she writhed against me. "Yeah, that's it, fuck my cock. It's yours to use," I said and bit the inside of my cheek to keep from moving as she started to thrust.

"Do you like it?"

"Yes," she moaned.

"Do you want me to move?"

"Yes." She tried to rock her hips, but my firm grip on her legs kept her from being able to do much.

"Then tell me. Tell me how you want me to fuck you until you scream," I commanded, my body tense.

"Please move," she said, and I smirked. It wasn't what I meant, but I'd let her off with it this one time.

Pulling out, I thrust in and groaned as she moaned. Fuck that was good. I let go and pumped into her, loving every second of the adrenaline-filled sex that was pushing me toward a massive orgasm.

"Oh god," Ren cried out, and I quickly rubbed at her clit. "Oh god…Theo…yes, please…don't stop."

Sliding my hands under her ass, I pulled her closer to the edge and lifted her to get that sweet angle. She yelled my name, her hands gripping the desk, her tits bouncing with each hard thrust. I could feel her coming around my cock, and my strokes became erratic as I pumped into her as fast as I could.

"Fuck," I roared as the orgasm hit and stole my next breath away. I pumped a couple more times before freezing in place as I came, my fingers pressing into the softness of her ass.

Breathing hard, I lowered Ren down and gripped the sides of the desk, my legs shaking and heart pounding out of control. Pulling back as soon as I could, I removed the condom and dropped it in the garbage before grabbing my hoodie, pulling it on, and helping Ren into hers.

We didn't speak as I turned the desk into a makeshift bed. Laying down, she didn't say anything but curled up with me. Holding her close, I kissed her temple.

"Well, that happened. Any regrets," I asked and held my breath for the tears. Instead, she held my arm tighter and pressed her body into mine.

"No. Not one. At least not about what we just did."

Relief washed over me. It shouldn't have meant as much as it did, but I didn't want Ren to feel shame for what we just shared.

"So you're okay?"

"Not really." She rolled over to face me, and I wrapped my leg and arm around her to keep her warm. Her bottom lip trembled. "I'm gonna cry," she said. "It's not about what we did, but please don't judge me." She buried her head in the front of my sweatshirt as the sobs took over. I had no idea why she'd think I'd judge her for crying. "I know you wanted me to stay away from Blake," she sucked in a ragged breath. "I should have. I should've stayed away from all of you. I'm going to get you killed. I'm like a ticking bomb."

"Shh." Her body shook in my arms, and whatever it was that had been poking at me broke wide open. Like a damn rushing to the sea, I was done for. It was join or drown at this point. "Hey, as we just proved, we are used to this world and a lot more resilient than you're giving us credit for. We were always going to live a life of bullets and fear, Ren. We aren't innocent bystanders, and if it's not your family, it will be another. That's the hardest part to understand about being born into this life. You're never at ease, you're never safe, and every time you go to sleep, wake up, and make it through the next day is a blessing."

Ren pulled back enough that I could see her red-rimmed eyes that held so many emotions. Trying to pin what she was feeling was like trying to throw a dart at a spinning board.

"But you said…."

"I said that because I was scared for my brother. But not because of you, because of his using. I'd never felt so helpless in my life as I did that night. I'm not sure you've noticed, but I don't like not knowing something or being out of control, at least not about stuff like that."

Ren smiled and wiped her eyes. "I hadn't noticed, actually." I loved how she still managed to tease me back.

"I'm sorry for what I said. I shouldn't have interfered." She looked away but snuggled closer. Fuck, I felt all protective over her now, this wasn't good. Stepping back when we got home was going to be an issue unless I could get this under control. "We should get some sleep, and then we'll talk about what happened and make a plan in a few hours."

"What if I don't want to talk about it? What if I just want to cry that…." She sucked in a ragged breath. "Ever since the night my mum died, it's felt like more bad shit was coming, like a faucet was turned on and is still running. I got my aunt killed."

"No, your aunt almost got you killed. Let's not get it twisted. No one knew where the fuck we were until she decided to call home. I don't mean to speak ill of the dead but don't turn this around. She knew the stakes, and she made a bad call, and you almost died. Remember that."

"I don't know if I can talk about this right away. I need to process," she said.

"Then I'll fuck you again instead," I said and smiled as her lip tugged up. "Try to rest. We have a long, hard ride in front of us."

"We should take care of your arm. They must have something here for you to clean it and wrap it. I know it's not deep, but I don't want you to get an infection."

"Will you go to sleep if I go find something," I asked, shocked that she was worrying about me after everything. The sentiment touched my heart.

"I promise to try."

"Fine." Getting up, I shoved my feet in my boots and wandered around until I found a small section of first aid items. There was a square bandage pack and gauze, as well as peroxide. That would work. Walking back to the office, I held up the stuff, and Ren got up and came to me. She took the bandages and set them aside before making me hold my arm out so she could pour the peroxide on the red line.

"This was close. Too close. I'm sorry."

"Did you shoot me?"

"No, but…."

"No buts. I'm fine. I'll live. It's only a flesh wound. Stop overthinking. We just got you to stop. Can we stay that way for a few hours?" The corner of her mouth turned up as she nodded.

"There, all done," she said, tucking the little tail from the wrap so it was secure.

"Great, now get back into bed." She lifted a brow but didn't sass me as she got on the desk and let me hold her.

"Theo?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. I know you didn't want to come with us, but I'm happy you did." What the hell did I say to that? "Also, I know it was you who came up with an escape plan if the house was attacked." She was right, I was. "I just wish…."

I snuggled as close as I could, pulling her tight against my body. "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry she's gone, Ren. Now go to sleep."

"You're so bossy."

"I know," I said. I kissed the top of Ren's head and closed my eyes. I could only imagine the look on Liam's face when I told him about this. One thing was for certain, he'd be pissed that he didn't get to join. That made me smirk.