Chapter 15

MAY 27 – SATURDAY 1:25 AM

R en

Of all the people in the world that I could want to contact or talk to about everything I'd learned, I never expected it to be Nash. I sat up between Myles and Blake, both of them sleeping, their deep breaths comforting, but my mind wouldn't rest. I was convinced that the guys wouldn't have randomly decided to search my house without Nash telling them to, and the more I thought about it, the more it pissed me off.

I'm going to regret this.

R: You awake?

I nibbled my lip and contemplated removing the message when it said read, and I cursed myself as I held my breath for what he would say.

NASHOLE: Well hello, Princess. What are you doing up? Thinking of me in the middle of the night seems to be your thing.

I could picture that smug look on his face and hear it through the tone of the simple message.

R: Funny, I'm pretty sure it was you texting me last time.

NASHOLE: Yeah, but you responded.

If I could, I would've reached through the phone and choked him.

R: Why did you tell them to search my house?

NASHOLE: Huh?

R: Don't play dumb with me. I know you told them to search my house for you.

NASHOLE: I'm assuming you're talking about Theo, Blake, and Myles?

R: Who else would I be talking about? I know it was you. They don't do anything without your approval.

NASHOLE: I'm sensing that you're pissed.

R: You think?

NASHOLE: I didn't tell them to search your house, Princess. But I'm not going to deny that I'm happy they did, and I'm looking forward to hearing all about it when you all get back. Because whatever they found about you. They will tell me.

R: Like you don't already know.

NASHOLE: Sigh…no, I don't, but obviously, you don't like what they found, or you wouldn't be texting me at 1:30 in the morning. As entertaining as bitching me out is for you, I'm sure that it wasn't high on your priority list, so why don't you ask me what you really want to know.

I laid my head against the wall and closed my eyes.

NASHOLE: Come on, Princess. Tell me what's wrong.

R: I want to go back in time. I want to ask questions that I can't ask of the people I want to, and I want to wake up from all the insanity. Most of all, I want to remember what it was like to have happiness without all the other stuff picking at me like a vulture with a dead carcass.

NASHOLE: Don't we all. The problem is, Princess, that happiness is nothing more than an illusion.

R: That is very pessimistic of you.

NASHOLE: No, it's reality. Princess, happiness is like water. No matter what, it disappears. It's drunk, evaporates, and seeps through the cracks, but there is always something that will make it disappear. The world is constantly moving forward, whether we like it or not. Trying to be happy all the time is a pipedream and unrealistic.

R: So, what? You live angry and unhappy all the time?

NASHOLE: No, I strive for peace, Princess. Peace of mind, peace in my soul, peace in my home. Now, that is obtainable.

Nash, the bully and flirt, was one thing. Even him being the protective type I could see, but the introspective one…I didn't know what to do with that.

NASHOLE: Would it make you feel any better if I asked you to send me naked photos again? I have a few positions I'd really love to have. They would definitely keep me busy and help me sleep.

I shook my head, but I smiled nonetheless.

R: To go along with the sleeping pic you have already? I still can't believe you did that. If Vicky found out she would lose her mind forever. I might as well move to another country.

NASHOLE: Fuck, don't mention her.

R: Realizing the error of dating her?

NASHOLE: Let's just say I got a very visual reminder of what she really wants.

I didn't want to know what that meant. Anything with Vicky and a visual was nothing I wanted to know about, and yet, my curiosity was piqued.

R: Hmm, I may regret this, but do you want to talk about it?

There was a very long pause, and I didn't know if I should send a gif or something.

NASHOLE: She's fucking my father. I walked in on them in his office.

I smacked a hand over my mouth and wanted to gag. Jesus, and I thought I had just found out a family bombshell. I couldn't even imagine. I closed my eyes and shook my head to rid the disgusting image from my mind.

R: OMG! I don't even know what to say to that.

NASHOLE: Neither did I.

R: So is that why you're awake?

NASHOLE: It's only 12:30 here, and I don't sleep much anyway, remember?

R: Why is that?"

NASHOLE: You're worse than Lip with the why questions.

I rolled my eyes.

R: I'm genuinely curious.

NASHOLE: You know what curiosity did to the cat, don't you? I just don't sleep or not much. Bad things happen when I go to sleep.

That was ominous.

R: Are you scared that Lawrence will do something when you're asleep?

NASHOLE: How about we change the topic? What do you say about those nudes? We can have a lot more fun than talking about my psychotic father or his new fuck toy.

R: What is it with you and nudes? I'm pretty sure you can look up naked girls on your phone without me sending you pictures. In fact, there are whole websites dedicated to doing just that.

NASHOLE: True, but they aren't of you.

How did he always manage to make me blush? I mean, they all did, but I could hear him whispering in my ear like he was in the room. It was disturbing. Whatever mind fuckery he wanted to engrain in me, he'd succeeded, but I was never telling him that.

R: You really want the pictures that bad?

NASHOLE: What do you think?

R: Do you want me to take my top off? Maybe run my hands over my chest for you?

NASHOLE: Uh, hell yes.

R: I'm wearing silk panties, a pair you got me.

NASHOLE: Really?

I snickered as I looked down at my boxer shorts with Minions on them.

R: Oh, yes. God, I'm so hot. Maybe I'll sleep naked tonight.

NASHOLE: I definitely need a photo of you sleeping naked.

R: Okay.

NASHOLE: :0

He wanted nudes. I'd give him nudes. Holding the phone over Blake, I took a photo of him lying with his arms over his head from the top of his boxer shorts up. Then I rolled toward Myles. Placing the blankets so that it looked like Myles had his head buried in my naked chest, I took another photo and made sure not to show anything of substance, not even my face, before sending them. I smirked when they showed read .

NASHOLE: What the fuck is this? Why would I want to see this?

I didn't bother to answer.

NASHOLE: Princess? You better not be laying there naked, getting me all excited, and then ghost my ass?

Now, this was fun.

NASHOLE: I won't let you sleep. I'll keep texting you all night.

NASHOLE: Princess. Keep it up, and I'm going to print off the picture of you, come on your face, and put it under your fucking pillow one night when you get back to school.

R: Yuck! What the hell is wrong with you?

NASHOLE: Don't you dare fucking ghost me. I will make you pay for it.

R: Blah, blah, blah. More threats from the big bad Nash. I'm not sure why I text you at all.

NASHOLE: You're feeling pretty brave in another country. Just remember you do need to come back.

R: I think you have bigger things to worry about than tanning my ass. Like avoiding seeing your father and your ex again.

NASHOLE: I never should've told you that. It may be true, but paying you back will be the most entertaining thing I worry about. As far as texting me, you do it because, deep down, you want to ride me, and you just don't want to admit it.

R: …

I started to respond when Myles jerked in his sleep, making me jump, but it was the whimpering sound he made that had me turning and locking the phone. I knew Nash would be pissed I didn't respond, but as Myles cried out for me, he became my priority. I leaned over Blake to lay my phone down and then turned back to Myles. His brow was pulled down tight, beads of sweat forming. He kept saying no as his head rocked back and forth.

My stomach was in knots as I watched him battle his dream. It had to be of his father. He began to thrash, and I didn't know if I should grab him or not, but I took the chance of getting hit and wrapped my arms around him.

"Hey, Myles. I'm right here. It's okay."

"Snowflake, no…no!" He jolted awake, and I held him tight.

"I'm okay, you're okay, I promise," I said, and my heart broke as he wrapped his arms around me and held me without saying anything, but I could feel him crying. "Hey, it's okay."

"Naw, Snowflake. It's not, and it never will be until the day I put my da in the ground." He smoothed back my hair, his eyes searching my face, but for what I had no clue. "I should be the one comfortin' you, not the other way around."

"Trust me, I think we have had enough trauma between us all to comfort one another."

"Aye, maybe yer right. But we just dumped a bomb on ya, and look at ya, just as beautiful and calm as ever."

I didn't feel calm, beautiful, or put together. But I didn't say that. This stupid world was hard enough. The last thing I wanted was for the guys to look at me like I was going to fall apart. Nash's words kept swimming around in my mind. All this time, maybe I'd been searching for the wrong thing. It made me wonder, though, if peace in this life was even possible.

MAY 27 – SATURDAY 8:33 AM

Myles

Reaching out, I wrapped my arm around a warm body and immediately knew it wasn't Snowflake. Opening my eyes, I stared at Blake's sleeping face and removed my arm from his waist before getting up. A hazard, I'd learned, from having him in the bed if Ren got up earlier. At least I hadn't attempted anything embarrassing.

I cracked my neck and grabbed clothes before heading into the bathroom to get ready for the day. Stripping down, I couldn't help but stare at the word carved into my stomach. More of what happened that night was slowly coming back to me, and all of it was messing with my head. The nightmares should've gone away by now. They always did when I took a beating, but instead, they'd morphed to include Ren.

Turning on the water, I stepped into the warm spray and let it beat down on my back as I tried to wipe away the recurring dream of Ren being strung up beside me. I could hardly recognize her as Da cut her with his knife, and all I could do was scream and beg for him to stop as I pulled on the thick leather bindings.

When I woke up, and she was holding me, I was so fucking relieved. She shouldn't have to see me crying like that. If I didn't love her so much, I would leave until my head was right, but there was a weakness in me when it came to her. Not being near her was like my heart was coming apart at the seams.

Sucking in a deep breath, I forced the rest of the dream from my mind, but I knew they wouldn't stop until he was dead. If he didn't use Ren to hurt me, he would go for Lip, and I couldn't let that happen. Luckily, Lip was staying with my granny on my ma's side of the family for the summer. For a couple of months, I didn't have to worry about him, but the older he got, the more chance there was that Da would hurt him. He'd do it to hurt me if nothing else. Sadistic fuck. My hands curled on the tile into fists. Naw, he needed to die. I had to do it soon.

By the time I'd emerged from the shower, Blake had disappeared, but Ren was in the bedroom, sitting on the bed, looking as adorable as a little pixie. Her long hair was around her shoulders in waves, a small smile gracing her lips. She was leaning back on her hands as she stared at me, and I melted on the spot.

"Every time I see ya, I fall in love with ya all over again," I said, smiling wide as she stood and then jumped on the bed so she was taller than me.

"Funny, I was going to say the same thing to you," she said, and just like that, all the fear I'd been hanging onto that one of these days she was going to wake up and realize that she was far too good for me evaporated. Stepping in close to her, she wrapped her arms and legs around me.

"I really do love this necklace on ya." I lifted the silver snowflake with the diamond crown.

"Me too," she said, and she kissed me until my head was light, and I didn't remember what we were even talking about.

"Yer ma's ring looks beautiful with it."

"Thanks. I love it, too. Now I can carry a piece of her around all the time."

"Hang on," I said, jumping into the air. She squealed and gripped me harder as I landed on my hands and knees. Ren flopped off me, laughing, and I couldn't resist dropping down so that I could feel the warmth of her body as I kissed her.

"I have something for you." She cupped my cheeks, a light shining from her silvery eyes.

"Ya mean more than this? Cause this is more than enough for me."

Kissing me again, she smiled and then gave me a little shove so she could get up. Damn, I didn't want to let her go, but I obliged. She darted across the room, her bare feet not making a sound as she moved.

When she turned around, she was clutching something to her chest.

"What's going on, Snowflake? Yer actin' pretty suspicious," I teased.

"I'm really hoping you won't be upset about this, but Fiona told me that today was your mum's birthday." My eyes went wide. Of all the things she could've said to shock me, this one did the most.

"Aye," I whispered, watching her as she came closer.

"I made you this," she said and held out the picture frame.

Taking the gift from her hands, I turned it over and sucked in a sharp breath, and held it as my eyes roamed over the collage of images of me or me and Lip with Ma. I remembered every photo and when they'd been taken. I ran my fingers over my ma's face as tears filled my eyes, making it hard to see.

"Shite," I said and wiped the wetness away. "Ya got to me, Snowflake. This is amazing. I don't have any photos of her and didn't know anyone other than my grandparents did. We agreed when I left Ireland that I wouldn't take any photos."

"I don't understand why?"

I shook my head. "My da wouldn't allow any pictures of her in the house and burned all the ones we had. I don't think Lip even knows what she looked like."

"Oh my god, why is he such an asshole? I hate your father so much."

Smirking, I couldn't tear my eyes away from the pictures of Ma's smiling face. "I don't know why, and I'm sure my ma wouldn't have married him if she hadn't been forced. They were an arranged marriage."

Ren laid her head on my shoulder. "We can keep this with my stuff so it doesn't get destroyed. Do you want to tell me what happened to her?"

"Ya don't want to hear that story."

"Yeah, I do."

I glanced at Ren and sucked in a deep breath. "Ya may not say that when I'm done, and ya may not like me as much. Last chance?"

Ren sat up straight and nodded for me to tell her. I didn't want to think about that night, but I forced myself to go back in time.

"My brother Devin had tried to kill me years earlier. He was sent to Da's brother in the States to attend a boarding school."

"Your dad has a brother? Jesus, there are more of him?"

I shook my head. "Naw, he was a good man, but he died a couple years ago. That's another story." I sighed and closed my eyes.

I hated it when Devin came home. It was as if he saved up all his anger and meanness to torture me over the summer. Tonight had been exceptionally bad. Ma heard me screaming from the barn as he scraped the pitchfork down my back.

"Owen, we cannie let this continue. We have to turn him in to the police," Ma said and then cried out as Da smacked her across the face. I'd already been ordered to stay in my seat, but I jumped up and ran to her.

"Look at this, ya have made Myles weak," Da growled and grabbed me by the scruff of my sweater and dragged me away. He tossed me into the wooden chair, and I sucked in a sharp breath as the cuts from Devin stung. Da gripped my jaw, and I screamed as he squeezed so hard I thought he was going to break the bone.

"Let him go, Owen! Now," Ma yelled and pulled Da away by his arm.

"Don't touch me, woman," he said, yanking his arm away. Filip began to wail in this carrier. Ma looked at my baby brother and then me. "Shut him up!"

Ma rushed to Filip and picked him up, trying to console him.

"See ya make all the men in this house weak, but not Devin. He is the only one with any backbone," Da said.

"Does that include you," Ma said, her eyes angrier than I'd ever seen them. I'd never heard Ma talk back to Da before.

"What did ya just say to me?"

"Ya heard me. If anyone in this house has no backbone, it's you. Owen McCoy. Lettin' yer bastard son live here and torture yer other sons. Disgraceful. Yer legitimate sons should be the ones yer standin' up fir. Devin belongs in a cage. He has the devil in him, and ya know it. He almost killed Myles today. Ya say yer a man, but yer pathetic."

I covered my mouth as Ma spit on my Da's shirt. He growled and pulled a gun from the back of his pants. I yelled as he put it to Ma's head.

"Don't ya ever say that to me again, woman, or it will be the last thing ya say," he snarled, sounding like an animal.

"Ya can kill me all ya want, Owen, but the blood tests dinnie lie, and I made sure that they are in a safe spot. One ya cannie be gettin' to. So do it or no, but I'll not allow that monster to hurt me boys, anymore."

"Da stormed out. He was as mad as I'd ever seen him." I held onto Ren's hand like it was the only thing solid in this world holding me together, and maybe she was.

"What happened," she asked, snuggling closer to my side.

"She told me that if somethin' ever happened to her that I was to protect Lip and that I should run to the police station. She said that they would take care of things. I didn't know what that meant. It was also the last conversation I had with her." Looking down at the present Ren gave me, she couldn't have known how much this meant to me, and yet, she somehow knew that I needed this. "He pulled me from bed before the sun was up and had me go out to the barn with him. He said that she had an accident and fell, but I knew he killed her. He had her wrapped in a sheet and made me help dig her grave. She died standing up to him for me." I shook my head. "I'll never forgive myself. If I'd just not screamed…if…."

Ren grabbed me and hugged my head to her chest as she kissed the top of my head. Years of tears that I'd never allowed myself to shed over the loss tore free from my throat.

"Don't say that. Your mum knew what a monster your father was and was brave to stand up to him. She did what any mother would do and protected her children. Don't blame yourself. She'd never want that."

Closing my eyes, I gripped her as hard as I dared. Snowflake was the life preserver in my soul, and as long as I didn't let go, then I wouldn't sink.

I slowly sat up, my lips touching Ren's softly, and my salty tears mingled with the kiss.

"I went to the police like Ma told me to, and I don't know what she'd set up, but Da left for the U.S. the next day. Lip and I went to live with my grandparents until I left for the States. That's when Da insisted that Lip go to Golden Oak Prep while I was at Wayward. Ya know, it's funny, I never slept through the night until I arrived at school. I'd heard the legends of what happened to those who tried to attack students on property. I secretly wished that Devin or my da would try."

I wiped away the tears that were trickling down Ren's cheeks. "I love ya, Snowflake, more than words could ever say. Thank you for this. I love it."

She smiled and hugged me again. "I love you too, Myles, and I hope you like dark chocolate and strawberry cake because I made one of those as well."

I would not let my father turn another person I loved into a ghost to torment my soul. He was never touching a single hair on her head.