Chapter 14

MAY 26 – FRIDAY 8:59 PM

R en

I couldn't believe that the boys I trusted most did what I asked them specifically not to do and then worked together to try and hide it from me. Every minute that ticked by when Myles and Theo were upstairs, rummaging around in my mum's room, cut deep.

"Are you sure you don't want something to eat," Ivy asked, laying a hand on my arm, and I shook my head.

"My stomach is too tied up in knots."

"I promise we didn't do this to hurt you," Blake said. I could hear the desperation for me to believe him in his voice, but why they did it wasn't the problem. He was leaning against the counter, his eyes fixed on my face, and I could feel him willing me to look at him, but that only created a storm in my chest. Taking a sip of the coffee Ivy brought back with her, I tried to relax but sat up straight as I heard Myles and Theo coming down the stairs.

They walked in, and I could immediately feel the excited and nervous energy flowing off them, and it annoyed the shit out of me.

"I'm guessing you found something, and you're here to gloat about it," I grumbled.

"Naw, Snowflake, ya have it backward. That's why we didn't want to say anythin' before we went snoopin'. We take no pleasure in hurtin' ya," Myles said as he sat down beside me. "I'm sorry we didn't ask first, but we didn't want to bring this speculation to ya until we had evidence. There was no need to upset you like that."

"But lying to me is okay?"

"Yes, if it's to protect you," Theo said, his voice flat. "Look, I'll take the hit. I talked them into it, but with good reason. Who you are is a huge mystery, and I knew you wanted answers. I also knew this place held special memories for you. There was no need to destroy that, and if what we found helped protect you better, then so be it." He stood beside his brother, and as identical as they were, right now, I could easily tell them apart. Blake had an apologetic air to him, while Theo stared at me with a cool, calculating expression as if daring me to dispute him.

"I understand that. But how am I supposed to trust you all when you don't trust me enough to keep me in the loop?"

"The inner circle of trust must remain small, but sometimes it's better not knowing. What we did to Axel, you're better off not knowing. How we make our money, you're better off not knowing. What we do for Lawrence is also on a need-to-know basis. It's not a trust issue, and neither was tonight. There is just some shit you're better off not knowing, it's that simple. The same goes for all of us. I don't tell Blake everything, and Nash holds things that he knows could get us killed back to protect us."

I stood in frustration and tossed my coffee in the microwave, thankful for the whirring to help break up my thoughts.

"So many damn secrets. I don't agree with your thought process, but let's pretend I do for a moment. Did you find anything?"

The question was out there now, and I gripped my cup as I waited for Theo or Myles to answer. They looked at one another, and I knew they had. My body shook. Theo was right about one thing. I didn't want this one place to be turned into another pile of lies. Wayward was already a living and breathing lie, wrapped in the glittery cover of a high-end school.

"We did." Theo looked pointedly at Ivy, and she shrank back in her chair.

"I didn't do anything," she said, her eyes scared.

"I know that, but knowing this is explosive, and even though you've proven yourself to be a good friend up to this point, this is not something I'm going to say lightly, so here is your opportunity to not be in the know. If you're taken and tortured for any reason, then Ren's life is also in your hands. Are you willing to make that sacrifice?"

"Jesus, what kind of information is this? I feel like I've been dumped in the middle of Game of Thrones or something," I said.

"Right now, I wish we had a dragon," Theo responded, his eyes never leaving Ivy as she chewed her bottom lip.

"Shit. I'm not that brave. You know that, Ren. I love you, but I don't want to know things that can put you at risk. Theo is right. Sometimes, it's better not to know." She stood and hugged me. "I'll head to my room. If you need me, call me."

I couldn't help staring as she left. Was I so different from other people that I wanted to know? That I would choose to die with the information in my heart?

"Are ya ready, Snowflake? We can wait a few days to tell ya so that this doesn't upset our summer vacation." Myles came to me, and as angry as I wanted to remain at him, I just couldn't. He cupped my face, and a lone tear trickled down my cheek. "I will never hold anythin' back from ya. We planned on tellin' ya this, but not until we knew for sure. We love ya too much to see ya in any more pain."

He set my coffee aside and pulled me into a hug, and I closed my eyes and held onto him. "I believe you, but I hate the secrecy between us. Please keep me in the loop, even if it will hurt me. I'd rather know."

Myles took a deep breath. "Alright, we swear to you that we will tell ya everything."

"I don't agree with this," Theo said, and as Myles stepped back, I glared at him.

"But is it really your call to make? Don't I get a say in what I know about myself?" He grumbled something under his breath.

"Fine, but only when it comes to things about you. The rest needs to go through Nash, and you're on a need-to-know basis," he said, and his eyes told me that his decision was final. If there was a rank in the room, he just trumped any decision that Blake or Myles made. I hadn't seen it in action before, but I clearly saw it now.

"Fine, I'll agree to that for now," I said, and his brow ticked ever so slightly.

"Then you may want to sit down for a moment."

I looked at Myles. "Ya really do."

Well, shit. I slowly walked over to the table and sat down, my eyes going to Myles and Theo and then Blake, who looked as anxious about their findings as I was.

Theo pulled the picture from my aunt's house out of his pocket and laid it down in front of me.

"That is your mother. The man I'm still unsure about, but it was taken in Moscow. That building in the background is a parliament building, and I'd say it was summer, by the leaves on the trees."

"Okay…."

"The name on the back is not a misspelling. I searched that name, specifically looking for anyone that was in a position of power with that name from Russia, and this came up."

Theo placed his phone down, and I slowly picked up the photograph that was at a fancy event. Everyone was dressed as if they were going to a gala in a fairytale. My eyes searched the faces until I found my mum. She looked to be my age in the picture. He slid the image up to display the name Yuliana Mikhailov .

"Now, this name may not mean a lot to you, but it does to us," Theo said. "The Mikhailovs are the family in control of the lion's share of all mafia holdings in and out of Russia for the Bratva." My mouth opened. No, there was no way.

"Now, we all have a doppelganger in the world, and this woman could've been a close look-a-like, which is why I didn't want to say anything to you, but then I found this upstairs in your mother's closet." He laid down the second picture. It was a formal photo of my mum with a woman and a man that I'd never met before. As I stared at the photo in his hand, my body began to tremble. "This is your grandmother and grandfather, and this picture is from your mom's eighteenth birthday."

"This can't be," I said, the shaking in my body getting worse as cold dread settled into my bones. I pointed to his hand. "The men who killed my mother. I saw one of their hands. He had that same polar bear tattoo," I said, the room closing in on me.

"That's because it's the Mikhailov crest. All the men in the family over the age of eighteen who remain in the business, which almost all do, get the family mark."

I covered my mouth and shook my head as tears formed in my eyes. "I don't understand…wouldn't that mean…."

Myles gripped my shoulder. "Aye, Snowflake. Your ma pissed off her family for some reason, and they wanted her dead. They either want you dead or alive, but I'm sure that is why yer ma locked ya in the safe room. She knew they would kill her, but she wanted to save you from the same fate. One that she was hiding from."

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god."

Covering my face, I put my head between my knees and tried to breathe past the splintering pain and panic in my chest. My family wanted me dead. Family, I didn't even know, and it was because of my mum.

I sucked in a gasp and shot up straight. "Oh no. My dad. Do you think they got him? Do you think that's why he's been so strange with me and why he dropped me off and told the school not to let me leave?"

"Breathe, Ren, you need to breathe before you pass out," Blake said. I nodded and focused on his face as he breathed in and then blew out.

"I'm okay, I promise." I looked at Theo. "Please tell me. What do you think?"

"I think that it's a good possibility that the illegal involvement with Lawrence is not a coincidence. I think Lawrence found out who your mom was and there for you were all along." Theo took off his glasses and crossed his arms as he stared into my eyes. "I think Lawrence targeted your dad, and your mom may or may not have known who he is if she's been out of the loop in hiding. Who knows? But the fear she lived with was very real. If you're up for it, I'd like to show you something?"

Was I ready for this? Yes, yes, I was. No matter what, I had to know the whole story now. I needed to understand why my mum left her family. Why they killed her, and why they were hunting me.

"Yeah, I'm up for it."

Following Theo, Myles walked with his arm around my waist while Blake held my hand as we made our way up the stairs. It shouldn't feel like I was walking the plank, but it did. Stepping into my mum's room, I stopped and took a moment to remember. Not only the bad but the good. From the smiles we had over reading our novels as if the two of us were a book club to sitting by the window as she rested and watched the leaves in the trees. I'd spent almost as many hours in here as I had my room, and yet now it seemed I'd never known anything at all.

"Are you ready," Theo asked from where he stood by the long bookcase. I nodded. Reaching up, he pushed on something that I couldn't see, and there was a whirring sound before part of the bookcase slid out.

"Oh. My. God." My hands went to my mouth as I stared at the rack that held more guns than I'd ever seen before in my life. Handguns and ones with long barrels that I couldn't name. Ones that looked like they belonged in war and not in a home. "What the hell is this?"

I stepped closer, trying to take it all in. Theo held up a large black duffel bag and unzipped it. I gasped when he held it open for me to see what was inside.

"This is called a go bag. There is a million dollars in cash, mixed between four different currencies." He dug around inside and pulled out a handful of passports. "Fake passports for you, your mom, and your dad. There are Canadian, American, European, and even Russian." He flicked one of them open. "This is your Russian passport, and it says that your name is Lilya Ren Ivankov."

He held it out for me. I tentatively took it from his outstretched hand, taking a deep breath as I looked down at the name. This had to be an alternate reality. Stuff like this only happened in the movies and spy shows.

"Is this real? Is this my real name?" I never thought I'd be saying that.

Theo shrugged. "Without a birth certificate, I can't say. Could be another alias, but…." He sighed and pulled out another photo from his back pocket.

"How many more photos do you have back there?"

He smirked. "Last one, I promise." He held it out and pointed to a tall, handsome, yet very serious man holding my mum's hand. I couldn't tell if my mum was happy or not. She was smiling, but their faces were small, so I couldn't see if it reached her eyes. "That is Christov Ivankov, and that picture is from the announcement of their engagement."

My eyes flew up to meet Theo's. "What? I need to sit down."

Turning, Myles grabbed me and helped me to the edge of the bed. "But…that…if he is…then…my dad. Who is my dad?"

"I'm sorry, Ren. I don't know. That is part of the puzzle I don't have an answer to. Nothing here in any of the boxes or secret compartments has any more information. But if it is true, then Christov is your father, and it looks like your mother left him and married Neil. Making him your stepfather, not your biological dad. But…." He held up his hands. "This is all speculation. We need your birth certificate, and unless you have it, it's not in this house. I have searched everywhere, including air ducts, the back of toilets, and every nook and cranny. Nothing."

I covered my eyes as I tried to process this information, and I suddenly understood why Theo said that sometimes it was better not to know.

"So, tell me this. Why would the police think my mother died of natural causes?" All three guys looked at one another, and it annoyed me when they did that. "Tell me."

"Snowflake, enough money can buy anything, including fake coroner reports," Myles said, and then wrapped me up in his arms as my bottom lip trembled.